Disclaimer: - Do I have to tell you I don't own HP? Jeez, you're daft! Would I be here if I were J. K. Rowling? Well…maybe yes, because I love you guys so much.
I also do not own the song the Call, from the ending credits of the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Regina Spektor has the copyright to that, or I would have stolen it ages ago (along with Ben Barnes, the most handsome prince in my world).
A line from Angels and Demons just flew into my mind when I was writing the end, and to be on the safe side, it's owned by Dan Brown. Yep, I know. Shocking!
And, unfortunately, I'm not making any money from this.
Did I cover all the bases? Check.
Author's Note: - I was just reading cannon the other day, and the part where Harry finds Lily's letter and stares at it in DH made me ache. I wanted him to have a bit more of his mum with him, so I came up with this.
NO NEED TO SAY GOODBYE
BACKGROUND: - Harry inherited the Potter family vault on his seventeenth birthday, but got around to looking through it after Voldemort's death. A true treasure he finds there is a letter from his mother—addressed to her unborn child.
Dear baby,
I'm sorry for calling you a baby, I'm sure that's not what you would like to be called at seventeen. Dumbledore arrived last week, saying he fears for your life, and ours. You are due in July, and some prophecy about a child born in July puts us in grave danger. I cannot tell you the prophecy, due to matters of secrecy, but I trust Dumbledore to do that at the appropriate time.
I'm so scared, love. You are too precious to us. Too precious to have your death written out before you take your first independent breath. I have a feeling that we're going to die, and leave you alone in the world. I haven't told James yet that I feel we'll die this time. We've fought Voldemort thrice before, but I can't tell Prongs about my premonitions. We are the only family he has, little one. He is a nervous wreck since last Tuesday.
I did not start writing this letter so that I can tell you how scared we are. For all the difficult times ahead, I want you to know how both of us feel towards you.
It started out as a feeling
I still remember my heady moment of shock when I realized I was pregnant. I was—am?—barely a girl, and the feeling of immense happiness that blossomed inside me was an incredibly wonderful, and alien, feeling. It felt impossible at first, and then I just wanted to yell it out to the whole world. I was having a baby! It was, you'll understand one day, a unique sensation.
Which then grew into a hope
I began to hope. For a life, a family, a child. The things that had felt like an indistinct possibility in the future became suddenly sharper, more defined. I could feel my body in a way I was never able to feel before, and I was so hopeful for a new, happy cocoon my baby would be born in—a loving home.
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Standing there in the pristine bathroom in my worn out pajamas, I suddenly felt a needle burst my happy bubble. I remember how I thought about James, and wondered foolishly about his reaction. After all, which twenty-year-old wants to be burdened a kid?
I was so scared.
Which then turned into a quiet word
"I'm pregnant."
I still remember saying those words out loud for the first time. Your father gaped at me, his mouth hanging open. It scared me, this lack of…you know…the proper reaction. I had seen too many teenage pregnancy movies, and was dreading this.
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
The goofy grin that spread on his face after a few seconds was close to maniacal. He was so happy! I still remember, after seven months, how he had picked me up in his arms, and kissed me so lovingly my lips had tingled the entire night.
"We're having a baby?" he had asked, still holding me to him like I was a precious gift.
"That's what I said, you idiot," was my reply.
We laughed like loons the entire night, yelling the news out to everyone we knew, like it was an urgent battlecry.
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
After we die—if we die—please don't think we've abandoned you at all. We're right there with you, waiting silently, patiently, for you to call us. I'll be right there when you call. Just give me a holler when you need me, and you'll find me right there. I promise.
Just because every thing's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
We are shifting to a new-location I cannot tell you because of security reasons. I had just made the Manor my home, and now… All this change is shaking me up.
This horror, this gut-wrenching terror I feel is not new at all. I felt the same way when I saw Voldemort pointing his wand at your Daddy last year. I will always be grateful to Quidditch. It taught your father life-saving reflexes.
Of course I'll also be grateful to Padfoot, who fought by your father's side when I was dueling his bitch sadistic cousin Bella.
Nice relatives Sirius has, don't you think? If he ever introduces any of them to you, I'm gonna throw lightening at him from the heavens.
All you can do is try to know Pick a star on the dark horizon
Who your friends are as you head off to the war
And follow the light
All the advice I can give you, my child, is that chose your friends wisely, with heart as well as mind. During a war, they can be your best assets, and may know some life-altering answers to questions you don't know about.
Decide a set of morals that suit your conscience, and just follow the light of what your heart tells you to do. That is what I did when I found out I was in love with your Dad. That is, after I regained consciousness.
You'll come back You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say goodbye
When it's over
No need to say goodbye
Don't worry. Once all your earthly responsibilities are done, we can be together again. We'll have all eternity for reconciliation. If you're dead, it means both of us—and probably Padfoot and Moony too—are dead too. So don't worry, we'll have a rocking party in heaven that will make all the angels or whatever stand up and notice. Promise.
Now, we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
If you're old enough to operate this vault, I am pretty sure you're scared too. You must understand the feelings I explained in the beginning of the letter completely. I know the frustration when nobody else feels as you do. And nobody understands. But please…don't be so scared. Be strong. For us, your parents. Don't forget, love. Don't forget us.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
I hope we spend a lot of time with you after you're born, but even if we don't, remember us. Let your memories of your parents take you through the toughest patches of your life, my child. I'll always be there. So will Daddy. All you have to do is look.
You'll come back You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
Let angels guide you on your lofty quest.
We'll meet again, when you are done. You'll come back to us when the angels call you back to the abyss. I'll hold them onto that. Even the angels are not so cruel as to take a child from its mother forever.
So till we meet again,
With all my love,
Mamma.
P.S.: I want you to be a boy, just so you can have James' messy hair. It would look horrible on a girl. James says your gender doesn't matter, as long as you have my eyes.
Hope we're both right.
Author's Note: - Maybe I am just being a girl… but I just read it again to check for mistakes and it made me cry. Hope you liked this. I'm only eighteen and don't usually write such…maternal stuff, so please tell me if it was too awkward, horrible, nauseating or something like that. Raving reviews are welcome, as always, as are anonymous reviews.
Duh…did you notice how scattered Lily's thoughts were? And how she invariably tried to lighten the mood after writing something sad? And how she scratched out a profanity just because in her mind her child is too young? If you did, give me a review. If you didn't, read it all over give me a review ;)