Return to Life

Chapter 1

He had been dreaming of her a lot, lately. Sometimes she was a mere shadow, her features murky and blurred. He only knew her because the dream willed it so, and she passed before his fingertips like a wisp, close yet just out of reach. Sometimes she would even talk to him, her voice steadily like a murmuring brook, but as incomprehensible. He never remembered what she said.

Other times, however, she was clear and defined before him, her face as young and ageless as the last time he saw her. It was at these times that she seemed even more surreal than before. Her hair was down, long and streaming, silky and soft and accentuating her maidenhood. Instead of the Jedi Robes or combat uniforms she wore before, she was clad in a floating white gown, and her whole body would glow with an ethereal light. Always, in the background, a barren wasteland would stretch behind her, so that she seemed to be a young elfin spirit dancing in the midst of death and destruction—the one source of hope in a world of despair.

In these visions, she would not speak, nor even look at him. In the past she walked with the heavy, measured steps of a Jedi Knight who shouldered the burdens of millions. In the dream, however, her steps were light, and she danced to the music of the Force, her movements as elegant and graceful as any Twi'lek's, perhaps more so because they were filled with power and beauty. Still, there was a mourning to the movements, as if the Force were grieving through her for a loss that had many years to heal, but remained ever-present, scarred and worn. Her light steps were superficial, belying the heaviness within.

He would reach out to touch her, to pull her to him, but then he would wake, and she was gone, nothing but an illusion.

This was happening for several weeks now, which was strange because Atton had not dreamed of her for years. After yet another one of those nights, Atton sat up, rubbing his face, listening to the wildlife outside the window. Once he sat up on his bed, he could hear voices and footsteps up and down the corridors. The new Jedi younglings were already up, their young voices high and cheery in the morning.

" Come on! It's morning! You know that Master Shan's rules say that we have to get up by dawn!"

Bastila. Atton thought. It was not bad enough that her rules had to infect Coruscant—they had to stretch all the way to Dantooine.

" I couldn't sleep for hours last night…"

" You can make up for it by sleeping tonight. Come on! We have to go get breakfast before all the good stuff is taken!"

The new Jedi younglings were cute. Atton did not always think so, but the years warmed him toward them, those little things that were so full of curiosity and innocence. She had found them endearing at least, always patiently teaching them. Perhaps some part of her ached to be like them, so full of life, without enough understanding of the world to realize what it means to feel pain and loss.

Sometimes Atton would watch her and wait, hoping that she would confide in the agony she suffered in the past, but she never did. He should have known better. She never complained, ever, not about the Jedi Council or what they did to her, not about Krreia and her betrayal, and not about the unreasonable expectations of Carth Onasi when he asked her to go after Revan in the Unknown Regions. The others were content to see her as she appeared: the impenetrable goddess, ever strong, ever beautiful, ever wise. Yet Atton had seen her when she first felt the Force again, that bright light seeming to emit from her very form, and he watched it dim slowly over the years as her spirit aged even when her body remained youthful and beautiful. The Mandalorian Wars, followed by ten years of exile, followed by the Sith Triumverate, could not have passed without leaving its marks. He still reeled from occasional flashbacks to that Jedi who had saved his life back in his assassin days, and sometimes when he looked at the face of the woman who captured his heart, he could see the shadow of Malachor V and all its ghosts lingering in those clear orbs.

She was too good for him. Always was. When the time came, she departed without a word, and Atton did not chase after her. She had died a long time ago, after slaying Darth Traya, and perhaps even before, along with all her men on the doomed planet before her exile. Atton was not good enough to revive her, nor did he know how to convince her that this galaxy still needed her, that this universe still needed her. She was too weary to find a new purpose, and went to the Unknown Regions to seek the ultimate peace. Neither Jaq nor Atton could stop her from doing that, and so neither did.

Still, part of him wondered if things would have been different had he confessed, had he let her know for certain that there was someone whose existence depended on her, who would put her joy before his own, who would have given his very soul for her—regret was not the Jedi way, however, and Atton could see why that is. The Force moves the way it would and the past is the past. Those children running up and down the halls were the future, and as Jedi Master—

The door suddenly slid open. " Well! I see that someone hasn't been enforcing the rules around here!"

" Mira?" Atton blinked before he even fully recognized her. Over the years the redhead barely changed. Her hair looked even redder than he remembered, however, and was much longer, past her shoulders. " What are you doing here?"

" And thank you, for the warm welcome!" The redhead strolled in. " For your information…well, my hyperdrive was dying. I was on my way to Coruscant from Telos when it started sputtering. I pulled over to Dantooine before it could explode or something, and figured, my dear friend Atton Rand is here, wasn't he? Why, I ought to pay him a visit!"

" You could have commed." Atton stood, picking up his robes to change.

Mira silently gestured at the comm., which was blinking. Once she directed his attention to it, he could hear it beeping.

" I assumed you weren't in your room, or something. I called the Enclave and they allowed me to park. Imagine my surprise when I learned the esteemed Master Rand was not even awake yet. Though honestly, these things are deafening. How did you sleep through it?"

I was dreaming about Adel, Atton thought wryly, but did not voice it.

" I'm sorry. I haven't been sleeping well these days. It is good to see you." He even gave her a brief hug, something that startled her.

" Whoa, handsome, not that I'm not also glad to see you, but are you alright?" She then seemed to take a good look at him. " You really weren't sleeping well lately, were you? Someone needs a lot of stimulants right now."

Atton did not reply immediately, moving over to the comm. Mira had called three times, about one hour ago. She did not leave messages, though of course, she probably felt no need to.

" Well, give me a minute to change." He said to her, rubbing his face wearily. " I'll be with you in a minute."

There was a pause. Rather than breaking it with words, Mira silently stepped back out. Atton knew he was not being the most hospitable, but still disoriented from the dream, he was hardly in the shape to care. He splashed some water in his face and looked in the mirror.

" Good morning, Master."

" Good morning, younglings. Have you eaten yet?"

" No, we just got up."

" You should go get something to eat then."

" Are you going to stay this time?"

" Ah, we'll see what Master Rand has to say about that. Run along now."

" Yes, Master."

Atton leaned over the sink, water dripping from his face. He should shave. Signs of a beard appeared around his cheek and chin.

You could craft interesting designs on your face. Adel once joked to him. Men look completely different, depending on what kind of beard.

Too much work, Atton had replied. Cover up all this goodness? Please. The world needs more of this face, you know. Besides, this way I look young.

He rubbed his face again. He really had changed a lot over the years. The Atton Rand who journeyed with the Exile across the Outer Rim would never even consider leaving behind a beard.

Mira was waiting outside. He should not take too long.

" Ah, good," The ex-bounty hunter murmured when he palmed open the door, " Still look like you need stimulants though."

" Thanks," Atton returned dryly, stepping out into the hall. The enclave was filled with life now, children's voices ringing from every corner, and older padawans, few as they were, loudly lecturing for the little ones to behave.

" No lightsabers in the halls! Turn those off, now! No sparring in the halls!"

" You've turned this into quite the place, Atton," Mira grinned as the two of them walked down the richly furnished corridor, " Where did you find all these Force-Sensitives?"

" I have a knack for that."

" So I see. Why haven't you been sleeping well?"

Atton did not answer immediately. Mira turned to him. She looked gentler with longer hair, Atton noted. There was a motherly look about her now. She looked less vibrant, less dangerous, almost, but that was just appearances. At heart, Mira was still that compassionate yet lethal warrior, her skills honed by her rough childhood and early experiences on Nar Shaddaa. If nothing else, her tongue was as sharp as ever. Her wit did seem to temper lately, after Adel left for the Unknown Regions. In the past, she never hesitated to jab Atton with a remark that would startle him, but recently she was much more careful around him.

" Atton," She began, " We've been through a lot together, but I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it. Maybe Bao-Dur, or Visas…well, maybe just Bao-Dur. You have to talk to someone. You've been handling Dantooine on your own for the most part. If you want off this rock, I can contact Mical and the Council can send someone else."

Atton stared at her, fairly certain that he looked as lost as he felt. He wanted off Dantooine, but he wanted to look for Adel. It was stupid, not just because she specifically told all of the Lost Jedi to refrain from coming after her, but also because he had no idea where to begin looking for her. If he left Dantooine, he had no idea where he would want to go. Certainly not to Coruscant, where there seemed little remaining of the woman he knew, and he would have to submit to the ice princess Bastila or the doe-eyed Mical who had gotten much less doe-eyed over the years.

" I've been…dreaming about…her," Atton finally managed to confess. " Not visions. Dreams. I haven't dreamed about her in years—she stayed firmly out of my subconscious, I guess, but now she's invading every hour in the night. It's…unnerving."

" Maybe it's because you're letting go," Mira said softly, her eyes filled with sympathy. " Maybe you never dreamed of her before because you were always thinking about her, and now that you're thinking of her less and less, she's wandered into your subconscious instead."

Perhaps. Atton did think of Adel less and less. Not by choice, of course, but there was so much to do. So many younglings to teach, padawans to initiate, knights to assemble and organize. The Jedi Exile's last legacy is the resurrection of the Jedi Order by the Lost Jedi she had trained, and Atton had nothing else to care about. He dove into the reconstruction like a thirsting man after water. Already, Adel was becoming a ghost of the past.

" I don't know." Atton sighed. " I've never seen her in a white dress before. Or dance quite like that. It was like…she was dancing to the Force, rather than physical music."

" You lost me." There was that dry wit again. " You sure you didn't drink too much juma? She would make a good dancer though. And she would look good in white. You do realize that wedding dresses tend to be white on many planets, right?"

" She wasn't wearing a wedding dress. You can't dance in those anyway. They're so big. The most you can do is shift from one foot to the other. That wasn't what she was doing."

" Alright, well," Mira folded her arms, " It's your dream, and I won't dig for the details. Are these dreams recurring?"

Atton thought for a moment. " Not exactly. But—" He hesitated again, " There was just…such a profound sense of loss. I don't know. They're dreams. I don't think they were visions."

Mira looked at him. " You need to move on, Atton," She murmured softly, " The rest of us have. She left us without intending to come back, you know. The Unknown Regions was meant to be her resting place. It is just too dangerous there."

Atton nodded numbly. " I know. It's just hard. Jedi aren't allowed attachments, but Adel was one of a kind, you know?"

The ex-bounty hunter smiled. " Of course. It takes a one-of-a-kind type of person to convince me to work with an idiot like you."

" You're the one to talk." Atton snorted. " Sometimes, I swear, I wonder if Kreia didn't somehow merge with you after she died. You both took great delight in tormenting me. Force knows when all of the sudden you'd fall to the Dark Side. If you do, I'm getting Mical to go after you."

" In the hopes that I would kill him for you?"

" Doesn't hurt."

" You're awful, Atton. The Dark Side is no laughing matter, and Mical has been nothing but understanding all these years."

" He's only understanding because he knows I can kick his blonde butt if he angers me enough." Atton suddenly realized he was smiling again. Mira seemed to notice the same thing.

" I don't know. I hear he's brushing up on his combat skills on Coruscant at the training rooms. Might have to book a match to see if you're right."

" Tell him to come to Dantooine. If he dares."

Mira chuckled. " I'll do that!"

Feeling a little more like himself, Atton then asked, " So how long do you intend to torment me this time, Mira?"

" Getting tired of me already?"

" Don't you know? You wear the patience of the wisest of Jedi Masters."

" I do try. For your information, I can't leave earlier than when I get my hyperdrive up and running. Though if you're not capable of keeping the children in line, I'll just comm. Coruscant and tell them that I'm here to do your job for you."

" Merciless as always, Mira. I'll get one of the padawans to look for your lousy hyperdrive. In the meantime, I'm starving. Have you eaten yet?"

" And what would I eat, dear Master Rand? You might be considered handsome around here, but I'm telling you, looks don't fill an empty stomach, not to mention the folks on Dantooine should really see the rest of the galaxy in order to modify their standards."

" Ouch. Harsh. In that case, let's go get some breakfast. I'll meet you in the cafeteria after I get a padawan to run your errand."

Mira chuckled as she skipped backwards away from him. " Will do!"

Just as Atton turned around, however, he felt a pulse in the Force, and the sense of impending change. Mira had also stopped; she had sensed the same thing.

" We're getting an important visitor." Atton observed.

" That we are. Who and where is this visitor coming from, though?"

Atton was taking out his commlink. " Not sure, but I get the feeling he or she will be arriving on the Khoonda Plains." He dialed the frequency for the administrator. " This is Jedi Master Atton Rand from the Jedi Enclave. I am contacting you in regards to a visitor we will be receiving shortly. Please prepare for an arrival of a spacecraft on the Khoonda Plains."

" Acknowledged, Jedi Master Rand."

" Looks like breakfast will have to wait." Mira muttered.

" You can still go eat if you want."

" No, I'm coming with you. I felt the Force shift as well, and…" She hesitated, " I don't feel good about it."