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A Laven Fanfic

A/N: YES I HAVE FOUR FANFICS OUT NOW! AND THREE OF THEM ARE SERIES FICS SO I'M OFFICIALLY SH**FU**ED (censored even though you totally know what I'm saying)!

HAaaahaa ok so I maaay be having a movie parody-ish type thingy phase but hey, I'm just being creative ok?

It's not robot porn, Rosalyn (and everyone else). Don't even think that.

I don't own -Man. I hate saying that. It makes me sad.

Rated M for: language, violence, homosexuality, and *ahem* inappropriate themes (which is fancy schmancy talk for SEX).

BTW: I'm sorry if I got Lavi's hammer's name wrong… I keep forgetting what it is…

YEAR 2577

LAVI. AGE 23. ORIGIN UNKNOWN. FAMILY UNKOWN. HAIR: RED. EYES: GREEN. HEIGHT: 5'10". EX #1 AGENT IN THE CIA. WEAPON OF CHOICE: HIS MIND OR HIS ANTI-GRATVITY HAMMER (DUBBED 'ODZUCHI KODZUCHI).

He couldn't believe it. I'm here. Again. They dug me out of my secret hidey-hole and dragged me back. I thought I was retired and gonna live like a normal guy. I guess not. Well at least nothing has changed.

Three people rode down the elevator of the CIA headquarters. One of these three people was Lavi. The other two were his closest friends and his guards. Most people would've thought the lazy, laid-back redhead wouldn't need two of the CIA's top agents to guard him. Of course, the CIA's top agent for ten years straight before retirement ought not to have been underestimated. Lavi was, in fact, incredibly lethal and would definitely had been long gone if he had not been under watch by his two closest friends.

Lavi had been at the top of his game when he retired less than a year ago. He didn't have just one real and legalized name, but his given name had been Deak. His family had been killed in a fire when he was really young and was taken in by the old panda, who was on a mission at the time. When he was taken in, he was given a different name. 49. That's how many different identities Lavi had. He went by Lavi though because it was the coolest name by far (he'd stolen it from some old Japanese comic or something like that).

Because he had been adopted by the most successful agent at the time (not that the old panda was really a panda or anything like that), he learned everything he needed to know. Although the old panda (which was just Lavi's favorite nickname for his old master) was an old man, he was still extremely successful. He'd taught Lavi every fighting style known to man (plus a few that were not), how to lie, how to disguise, and even how to "die". It was all given to him in a few years of vigorous (and painful) training. Best of all, the old panda's methods of gathering intel were second to none, which had earned him the nickname 'Bookman' from his colleagues. Lavi, having exceeded Bookman in all but this' had been dubbed 'Bookman Junior' or just 'Junior' for short.

Lavi had loved his life of espionage and secrets. It was exciting and dangerous and really got the adrenaline pumping through his veins. However, Lavi had decided it was maybe too dangerous after his losing right eye in Sicily. He had turned in his resignation and said goodbye to all his fellow agents in exchange for the quiet life. Well at least until Yu and Lenalee had burst into his apartment at 4:37 a.m. and dragged him away at gun point. So now, he was here. In the sleek elevator traveling down to see Komui, his ex-boss and the head of the CIA.

"Lenaleeee," Lavi whined. "I'm tired. Couldn't you have waited until, like, 8 or something?"

Lenalee looked at me apologetically. "Sorry, Lavi. Brother's orders." She patted me on the shoulder.

LENALEE LEE. AGE 21. CHINESE. HAIR: BLACK (DYED DARK GREEN). EYES: PURPLE. HEIGHT: 5'5". SISTER OF KOMUI LEE. #2 AGENT IN THE CIA. WEAPON OF CHOICE: STEEL ANTI-GRAVITY BOOTS (DUBBED 'THE BLACK BOOTS').

"Aww but-!"

"Shut up, stupid rabbit. No 'buts'," growled Yu on my right, prodding me with his sword.

KANDA YU. AGE 26. JAPANESE. HAIR: BLACK. EYES: BLACK. HEIGHT: 5'9". NO RECORDED FAMILY. #1 AGENT IN THE CIA. WEAPON OF CHOICE: TRADITIONAL KATANA (DUBBED 'MUGEN')

"Why do you still call me that, Yu?" Lavi complained. "Just because I had to go undercover as a playboy bunny once doesn't mean-"

Kanda whacked Lavi on the head with the hilt of Mugen. "Don't call me Yu." He said scornfully, giving Lavi the death glare. Lavi whimpered and rubbed the swelling bump on his head. It's way too early for this…

*Ding* The elevator stopped and Kanda pulled Lavi out, not that Lavi had a choice or anything, being that they were all handcuffed together and whatnot. Kanda was on Lavi's right hand and Lenalee was on Lavi's left.

Komui's large office was as messy as ever. Books and papers were scattered everywhere and files were piled high on his mahogany desk. The shelves that lined the walls were out of alphabetical order again. The three assignment briefing chairs in front of the desk had fallen over. Lavi sighed forlornly as he found the dent he'd made in the wall once.

"Ah! You got him!" called a voice from behind the mountain of manila folders.

"Brother," Lenalee said sternly. "You really ought to clean up again soon."

A pair of hands appeared and parted the papers right down the middle, bringing Komui into view and making the floor even messier. "I know, I know, my precious Lenalee. But it's just so much worrrk!" he whined sadly, drawing out the last word.

Lavi rolled his eyes. Same old Komui. "So are you planning on telling me why you violated my private space, took me hostage, and brought me here at five in the morning or are we just gonna talk about Komui's cleanliness problems?" Lavi asked crabbily, not caring about Komui's anti-OCD issue.

"Stupid apprentice," growled a voice from the banister above him. "I never taught you how to be an asshole, now did I, stupid apprentice?"

Lavi looked up in time to see a foot headed straight towards him. Said foot then collided with his face, sending Lavi stumbling back into Lenalee, who caught him gracefully.

Lavi pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the blood flow and scowled. "Nice to see you too, Bookman," He muttered as he stood up straight.

"Well then! Now that we've had time for the fond reunions," Komui said, clapping his hands to get Lavi's attention ("yeah. Fond. Right." Lavi growled as he glared at Bookman). "I think it's about time we brief you on your next mission, Lavi." Komui smiled and motioned to us to take a seat.

After they had set the chairs upright, Lavi, Kanda, and Lenalee took their seats. It was all too familiar. Lavi always sat in the middle and joked that Yu was his right hand man and Lenalee was his left hand woman. They'd come down, receive their mission files, and go. However, back then, Lavi had been eager (and not to mention awake) to get his assignments.

Lavi sat in the big leather armchair half-asleep, unshaved (5'o-clock shadow at 5' o-clock a.m., baby), with his hair hanging down, in a loose green t-shirt and jeans (not even enough time to put on shoes), and being held hostage as his old boss tried to re-recruit him. Yeah, good morning to you, too.

"So," Lavi started groggily, resting his arm on the armrest and his chin on his hand. "You tracked me down and dragged me back here again. Why?" Bookman whacked Lavi on the head again, but Lavi didn't wince because of his training. He simply sat there, staring at Komui with an unfazed and half-asleep look,

Komui chuckled lightly. "You haven't changed at all, Lavi." He said (was that pride in his voice?) as he took a sip of coffee from the "World's Best Brother" mug Lenalee had made for him when she was 10. "You're familiar with androids I presume?"

Androids? Well, of course. They were everywhere now. Most people had the humanoid robots as helpers nowadays. Now' you could call Lavi old-fashioned, but he just didn't want one. Of course, they were interesting and all, but he'd rather try to keep himself from being too lazy. None of these androids were learning androids, though. They were all hand-programmed by the designers by order of the law. Without wanting to sound like a know-it-all, Lavi simply nodded.

"Excellent. Now, how much do you know of the CIA's AW-15 AI project?" Komui asked, watching Lavi intently.

Lavi furrowed his eyebrows and thought for a moment. The name rung a bell because Lavi was friends with a bunch of the science department geeks. "Not much," he admitted. "The CIA was trying to design a humanoid robot so realistic that one might even consider it human. Although it was metal bones and synthetic sinews, it ended up with human organs and the ability to think for itself."

Komui blinked. "Considering how secret that project was, that's actually quite a bit," he said thoughtfully.

"Was?" Lavi asked, raising an eyebrow. I have a feeling I know where this is going.

"Yes well…" Komui cleared his throat awkwardly. "The robot um… kind of escaped… and may have given itself a err… tune up on its way out…"

Lavi smacked his forehead. "How cliché," he thought to himself. "And how did it learn to give itself a tune up?" He asked, annoyed.

"I may have um... taught it," Komui said sheepishly, looking down at his papers and twiddling his thumbs.

"Of course you did." Lavi groaned. He honestly hadn't expected anyone else to have done it. Everyone who had been in the CIA at least 5 days knew that Komui was not only the head of the CIA, but also a bit of a made scientist as well. "So let me guess, you want me to go out, find said robot, shut it down without totally destroying it, and bringing it back for a reboot before it decides to lead some sort of weird robot rebellion right?"

Komui looked up, evidently shocked, and Lavi knew he had guessed correctly. "How did you know?" he asked.

"I watch all those old robot apocalypse movies. They're actually very interesting! It's kinda cliché though..." Lavi waved left hand dismissively, pulling Lenalee a bit. "Anyways, continue."

The other four people in the room stared at Lavi incredulously.

"What? I'm old fashioned!" Lavi said.

"Indeed." Komui cleared his throat, breaking the silence. He picked up a green file from his desk and passed it to Lavi. "Here is a copy of the AW-15's blueprints. We aren't sure EXACTLY how it has changed itself or of its location, but we do know we've lost some plasma sword and gun parts . Oh and we're pretty sure it's in the city."

"Well that's helpful," Lavi grumbled. "So what's in it for me then?"

Lenalee laughed. "It has always been about you in your would, hasn't it, Lavi."

"Indeed it has, Miss Lee," Lavi joked light-heartedly as he continued to stare down Komui.

"If you carry out this mission for us, Lavi, the CIA will leave you and anybody associated with you alone." Komui said, smiling.

"Permanently?" Lavi asked. The idea was extremely tempting.

"Yup." Komui said seriously.

Lavi tried to think of a downside to this. Other than death (which would still keep the CIA away from him), there really wasn't anything he couldn't handle. "Is there anything else you can tell me about the robot?" He inquired, which was his way of saying maybe.

Komui breathed a sigh of relief. "Well we figure it has probably changed it's exterior design. It was created male though. It had brown hair and blue eyes. It knows a few different fighting styles and is quite strong."

Oh please no. "So it's a super strong male robot that I have no specific description for and also probably has a built in light saber and plasma gun?"

"… Maybe?" Komui said hopefully.

Lavi groaned. "Why me? Why m-"

"Look, you stupid rabbit," Kanda interjected angrily. "This robot has already killed 3 people. His creator, Mana, and the other two scientists in charge of the project."

Mana? Mana Walker? Head of the AT research department (the 14th department in a long line of CIA science departments). "What seriously?" Lavi asked disbelievingly. "So this thing is lethal then?"

"The AW-15 didn't just kill the scientists, Lavi." Lenalee said nervously. When Lavi turned to look at her, she had tears in her eyes. "The AW-14 cut open their chests and… and…"

"The AW-15 ripped their hearts out." Komui finished for her grimly.

Took their… hearts? Ew.

"You are… were our best agent. We need to send you on this mission." Komui said, giving Lavi the most serious look he'd ever been given (which was assaying something because Komui's "Don't touch my sister" glare was extremely serious). "You're the only one who can."

Lavi took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing his temples (much to Lenalee and Kanda's annoyance). Catch a robot and shut it down. Then retire to a life of peace. Maybe get married and have a few kids. What could go wrong? After all it only had super strength and plasma weapons. Not that it mattered to Lavi; he had been taught not to feel fear. "I'm in," he said slowly.

Komui sighed a breath of relief. He hit a blue button on his desk which caused the shackles to release. "We trust you, Lavi. Do your best."

"You got it, chief." Lavi gave Komui a mock salute before turning on his heel to leave. I just hope my best is enough.

ALRIGHT! I FINISHED! :D

That took a long time to write and edit but I'm glad I've finished typing it all.

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