Title: She is Never to Know

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, Yea I wish. Just having fun

Timeline: Mid to end season six, no real spoilers. (I Think) Sarah Grissom not really talking, before the DUI incident, or at least I hope.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Nick and Greg.

Beta: No I do not know any CSI betas, any suggestions?

Author notes: I usually do these at the end. Warning this is my first CSI fic. I have only watched only parts of the series. We recently finished Season 9 here, so yea this could be dangerous. I saw some of the GSR episodes and have shipped them as long as I can remember. This is a first attempt, and it ran away with me so please have a sense of humour. (I'm not sure about when Hank and the "pin me" happened, or if they had happened around this time, or the plant for that matter) HELP I NEED A BETA! A CSI EXPERT… PLEASE.

Grissom walked down the passage. He had received feedback from all of his team members on their cases, all but nick and Sara that was. He was now in search of them, they had returned recently he had noticed Sara passing his office earlier. They were working an assault and rape case, Grissom had assigned Nick with Sara knowing that the younger man would look out for her. He would have given the case to Catharine but she was still working a high profile murder case.

'Hey Greg, you seen Nick or Sara?' Grissom asked, as he passed the layout room. Stopping for a moment to look inside.

'They were going over case notes in the break room last I saw.' Greg threw back, his attention focused on the work he was doing.

Grissom made his way down the hall to the break room. A quick glance showed no one. Then a shuffle from the floor drew his attention. Looking down he felt his heart drop, as a familiar stabbing sensation crossed his heat. His mind and body both shocked at the scene before him. For there on the floor, right where anyone could see them were Nick and Sara, engaged in some form of lovers play. Wanting to take a step back, hoping that this was a bad bream and that he would soon enough wake up, he found himself incapable of moving. Watching as Nick held Sara pinned to the floor, her hair fanned out, their bodies touching with his head burrowed in her neck. He heard Sara utter something, but his mind was still reeling from the shock of seeing them like that. That the words did not register. Grissom swallowed hard as Nick moved, before he registered that they were drawing apart.

'It's inconsistent,' Sara said, sitting up, 'there is no way that that was possible.'

Just then Sara noting Grissom, who had managed to school his demur before clearing his throat and asking, 'What are you doing?' his shock evident in this voice.

At the sound of his voice Nick turned to look at him. 'Oh hey Griss, Sara picked up some inconsistencies in the injuries, so we are trying to work something out.'

Sarah looked down avoiding his gaze thinking it would be better if he would just leave.

'What are you working on?' Grissom finally spoke up, once he was capable of controlling his voice. The disturbing image of Nick and Sara still engraved in his mind.

'The rape case you gave us. The injuries are inconsistent.' Nick answered, not having noticed Grissom's discomfort, then held out the file for Grissom to inspect.

Grissom took the file Nick offered, opened it and looked at the photos documenting the injuries before reading the notes aloud.

'Grazing to the side of the face, bruises on the shoulders and around the wrists, multiple strike wounds, burses on her knees and calves…' before looking at them again, 'Has the victim mentioned anything?'

'No, she is in shock and not talking to anyone.' Sara answered.

'The bruising around the vagina is in line with consensual sex, that was the first inconsistency Sara raised. Then the injuries didn't seem to make sense.' Nick added, Sara ducked her head casing Grissom to look down at the file again, flipping through the photos. The image of Sara and Nick precedent in his minds' eye.

'Aibha.' Grissom stated, breaking the awkward silence.

'What?' Sarah questioned.

'It was not face to face, the perpetrator was not overpowering her, he was punishing her.' Grissom continued.

'Hey?' Nick spoke up, feeling suddenly like he had missed something.

'It was rear entry, with her pinned to the floor.' This cased Nick and Sara to look at him before turning to look at each other. Sara shrugged her shoulders indicating she was game and could go with it. Knowing that the break in the case often came from understanding the perpetrators reasons, they often also helped to pinpoint possible subjects.

Sarah turned to lie on her stomach as Nick moved over her again.

Grissom still looking at the file continued his train of thought, 'He pinned her shoulders to the ground, whilst she was braced on her knees. His knees resting on he calves as he forced himself on her, pinning her wrists to the ground next to her shoulders, bracing his body close to hers. That way if she fought him she would just heighten his…' At that moment Grissom looked up from the file, straight at them. Once again noting Sara pinned to the ground by Nick, in the exact position he had just described.

'If he pushed her head down it would have enabled the grazes to form, it's consistent.' Sara spoke up, not noticing Grissom's once again shocked expression.

'Yea now we just need to get naked and have some fun.' Nick joked, figuring he was going to pull the mickey out of Grissom, it was well know that the man had feelings for Sara.

'Hey, I heard the words naked and fun being used together.' Greg said walking in behind Grissom, before noting Sara and Nick on the floor. His face just as shocked as Grissom's had been. 'Ah no, it's not fair…' Greg wined as he saw the two, "Sara you know I would always be willing to help, and yet you run to Nick. Who as far as I know has a girlfriend.' He finished. None noting Grissom's clenched fist, as he fought to control the urge to yank Nick of Sara. He had no right to be that close to Sara. Then he wanted to turn and pound the younger CSI standing beside him, for making his feelings, no his objectives so obvious. Instead he schooled his reactions and dropped the file on the table. 'Right I'll leave you two up to it.' Grissom suddenly spoke up, before turning and leaving.

Nick sat back allowing for Sara to rise, looking after Grissom, 'what's gotten into him?' Nick asked.

'Your asking me, I'm like the last person he speaks to.' Sarah threw back at him as she got to her feet.

'I think he's turned on.' Greg answered, looking at both Nick and Sarah.

'What!' The both exclaimed.

'Well rumour has it he's into that weird shit.' Greg continued.

'I wouldn't know.' Sarah said shaking her head, before turning to take the file he had dropped.

'Anyway that solves the injuries, now we just have to wait for the DNA results.' Nick said also getting up.

'Oh, you two were working on the case?' Greg sounded surprised as he turned for the coffee machine.

'Yes, what did you think we were doing?' Nick asked

'I don't know… riling the boss.' Greg answered nudging his head in the direction of Grissom's disappearance. 'Anyway I think it worked.'

'Oh Greggo,' Sara said patting him on his back, 'you know he doesn't get riled about things like this.'

'Sara if there is one thing I have learned, it is… That when it involves you in any way, he gets riled.' Greg answered turning back towards them with his coffee cup in hand.

Grissom headed straight for his office closing the door on entry, before leaning back against it. Taking a couple of deep breaths whilst trying to clear the images from his mind. His hands still clasped in fists as he tried to bring his emotions in check, running his hand over his face as he stepped away from the door. Before pacing his office. Having in the past thought of her possibly being intimate with someone had been hard enough, but to actually see a man over her, even her work partner whilst they were recreating a scene was unbearably arduous. The fact that she would allow a man that close to her, to allow for him to touch her, to be that intimate… His heart was finally starting to slow down, as the stab of pain he had felt on both occasions seemed to lessen.

This is why he knew it would never be a good idea. No, this is why he knew there could never be anything between them. He had a possessive streak. He wanted her to himself and only himself. Even now he was willing to rip someone off her, when he had no right to her.

Sitting down at his desk he dropped his head into his hands as he tried to regain his composure, the image of Nick over her flirting into his mind again, behind his now closed lids. Even when he had found out that she had been dating Hank, he had not experienced this level of shock, pain. But then he was never faced with the image of another man on top of her.

He recalled the time she had asked him if he wanted to sleep with her… To be allowed that close to her, as close as Nick had been just now. He may have taken it up wrongly at first. The images his mind had conjured up within seconds had kept him awake for weeks, as his body cursed his mind for denying himself the only thing he had wanted, no yearned for, for such a long time. She is never know, that every woman he meets is measured against her. Measured, and always found to be lacking. They do not have her smile, her passion, neither, her commitment or persistence. But he had in a way crushed that in her.

He knew he was not fair on them, and that it was not the work policies that kept him from her. It was he, himself. It was his tendencies, his behaviours that would spell the end of a relationship. He wanted her, all of her. In every way he could have her, but it would never work. How could he explain to her, make her see that she kept him going? No matter how tiered he was, he could face another shift another load of cases as long as he knew she would be there. Her smile could light up a room for him, but when directed at him, it could shave years off his life. It would give him the jolt, the push he needed when it seemed that things were falling apart. Knowing that she was here, is what kept him going, preventing him from burning out.

He had prized the look of adoration in her eyes. Had kept it close to his heart, but he would never allow her to act on it. How could he do that? If she acted on it she would find out the real person behind his mask. She would see the needy person who needed her love and approval more than anything else. His neediness would send her running. She would grow tiered of him. The young did not have the same principals as he did. He believed in a love forever. Only to share with those you truly care about.

She meant too much to him, he wouldn't be able to continue as a has-been in her life. She was not just a passing fancy - she could never be that.

He loved her truly, for all time. He wanted her and only her.

He would never be able to live with the conformation that she had been only attracted to him only as a mentor or boss. He was well aware of those type of attractions, had dealt with enough cases involving those over the years. He was an observer, he had seen it in those around him. He saw the heartache around him. Saw the broken spirited people moving on, or as in many cases - not. Had managed over the years to lock his feelings in a box, until he had met her.

She had intrigued him. It had been the first time he wanted to connect with someone, but he could never allow for her to know how strongly he felt. He could never give her that power. She was like a butterfly, beautiful, but to catch her would mean her death, as butterflies did not survive in captivity. Her distance lately had been getting to him. Ever since that case… the one that had nearly driven him insane. Had it been her, he would not have known what to do.

He was her supervisor. He should not be having these images, these ideas about her. They were inappropriate. She was the one he had been studying the karma sutra for. The higher art of lovemaking. At first he had studied it to understand a case better. Then he was drawn into the complexities, the exercises and the finer details of the karma sutra. Then he had started imagining things with her, and since then could not see himself with anyone else. He wanted to worship her in the most primeval of ways. He had spent hours thinking, imagining what it could be like, if he was willing to take the chance. He did not want too be with anyone else, he wanted to discover those secrets with her. He was happy with the thoughts and the images his mind conjured up. Sarah on his bed her hair fanned out as he brushed his hands over her body… Then the image of Sara lying under Nick interfered with his dream, he gasped in pain as he forced the image away.

She could never truly love someone like him. It had to be idle curiosity. He was not willing to take the risk. He was not willing to take the chance to get to know her, to get to know her in the most intimate ways that a man could know a woman. Only to have her realize that there was nothing else between them, that it had only been idle curiosity, an itch that had needed scratching…

She had said once, that when he managed to figure it out, it would be too late… He had figured it out, had had it figured out the day he asked her to stay. Knowing he could never allow for something to happen between them. If it went sour, she could leave. Taking with her his heart.

He was obsessed with her, he knew.

A knock sounded at his door causing him to draw his attentions from his thoughts

'Hey Griss, Sara and I are just stepping out, we are going to go over the crime scene again, Sara has a theory she wanted to check out.' Nick said looking round the door.

'Okay, let me know what you find.'

Nick left, closing the door behind him. Grissom made a vow that with the next rape case, he would assign Sara to him. If she allowed Nick contact like that, he would be more than willing to stand in, and at he same time feed his mind images of actually being on top of her.

Today had rocked him. He had never before seen her like that, even thought that a male could come that close to her. He now understood what it would mean to him, should she find someone to share her life with. Someone other than him would have access to her body. He felt his heart rate increase as his hands formed fists again at the idea of another man slipping home inside her, rocking within her depths. To have her cry his name in the throws of passion… he braced against the pain that surfaced, as he thought of the possibility that her body could swell, growing and giving life to a child… a child not his.

He had chosen not to touch her, although her scent alone could arouse him. Her entrance into a room could stir him without needing to look up. He had spent hours schooling his thoughts, his reactions to her. Giving her cryptic clues through cases and watching her solve them, if only to assure himself that she was still there, with him. Testing if she still felt something for him. He knew he was playing yoyo with her feelings, but at times he had needed conformation that she still cared, would still come to him if he needed her to. But backing off had always been hard. Their closeness could never be allowed.

There have been instances where she had initiated, instances that would have made it possible for them to be together. He however knew they were wrong, they could not engage whilst under stress. For one the catalyst was removed and they had finished, she would regret it, and that was one thing he would never be able to live with. He would never regret the opportunity to make love to her. However the chances that she may one day look back and regret it, is what kept him at bay. He had managed for years to live with the rejections and disappointment that life dealt him. He however would not be able to cope with them from her. If she were to reject him, he was sure he would die of embarrassment. No he could not take that, and that is the other reason why he could never allow her close to him.

This was why he would suffer like this for as long as he could. Rather that, than to see her move away from him. Her eyes may not show it anymore but he could pick it up in her body language. If he allowed for something to happen and it came to an end, chances were she would leave and take with her his heart with her, leaving him empty. He has loved her for such a long time now. He did not think he could cope if she were to walk away now, or ever for that matter.

Later just before the end of shift, both Nick and Sara returned to his office. Sara having drawn a conclusion wanted to run it by Grissom who was surprised when he saw the two of them enter his office.

'Hey Gris you have a moment?' Nick asked on entering.

'Yea sure.' Grissom said, looking up having noted both of them in his office.

'Sarah had a theory, and we found some evidence that could point us to a perpetrator. But some things are not making sense. The behaviour of the victim also puzzles her.'

Nick continued as Sarah sat down on one of the chairs.

'Earlier when we were in the break room… You mentioned that he was not overpowering her - he was punishing her. What made you think so?' Sara voiced her question.

Grissom schooled his response. The mention of the break room only conjured up the images of her and Nick, the two of them entwined.

'The position of Aibha is considered as the position of the mistress.' Grissom started looking from one to the other. 'The suspect was punishing her by forcing her onto the ground, meaning she had to brace against him to maintain the position… if she dropped she would tighten around him allowing for deeper penetration. However by remaining in the position, he was able to stimulate her g-spot. Especially since be was bent over her, to enable for the bite marks on her neck. Even though he was forcing it on her, he was providing her pleasure. The position allowed little restriction with regards to his movements.' Grissom finished.

'That explains the bruising being in line consensual sex, she may not have fought him.'

'Has the victim spoken to anyone?'

'No she has remained quiet.'

'She knows the suspect.' Grissom stated, 'It is possible that she may even have enjoyed the experience.'

'You don't think this is a rape case then.' Nick voiced.

'It can still be rape. If it started off as un-consented, if it was forceful. It was almost as if he was trying to push her into the Ekabanda.'

'Ekabanda?' Nick questioned.

'A highly sensual position, where only the rocking of bodies is required for stimulation.' Grissom started. 'The suspect knew the victim, was within her circle of friends or associates. Most possibly a lover scorned or a long-standing admirer that had grown tiered of the teasing.' Grissom noted the frown on Sara's forehead. She had once again picked up on his clue. 'It is considered as a position of comfort and impregnation... Did the perpetrator wear a condom?' Grissom finally asked.

'No.' Nick answered, still puzzled sensing an undertone in the conversation.

Grissom rubbed his chin, before removing his glasses his body having responded, he was becoming aroused. Talking of sex in Sara's presence has always done it.

'You would need to speak to the victim, she knows who the perpetrator is, and is possibly protecting him.' He finally stated.

Sarah dropped her head shaking it from side to side.

'Have the DNA results come through?' Grissom asked

'We were going to see Judy after finishing here.' Nick spoke up.

'The case sounds simple enough, but it would be up to the victim is she continued with the charges, speak to her and see what she wants to do.' Grissom finally finished putting his glasses back on.

With that nick left. Sara rose from her chair turning to leave but stopped at the doorway.

'Griss?'

'Yes.' He answered, looking up at her again.

'Were did all of that come from?'

'What?'

'The aibha, ekabandha?'

'I read, a lot.'

'I somehow did not see the karma sutra as your choice of reading material.' Sarah stated flatly.

'Why not Sara?' he asked softly, before continuing, 'we deal with crimes of passion almost all the time, it would be negligent to overlook something like that.'

'Yea, but...uh' Sara stuttered.

'The karma sutra is devoted to the art of lovemaking, you wanted to say.' Grissom answered for her. Seeing her nod her head, before continuing. 'But there are also parts in it that describe striking and the darker sides of sexual behaviour and passion.'

'It also says that a man shouldn't pursue and court more than one woman at a time, but few do that.' She threw back at him.

Grissom remained silent for a moment. Knowing he had walked straight into that, also letting her know she had hit her mark. Before speaking up 'And why Sara would a lady read a book that was written for men'

'Call it the idle curiosity of an enquiring mind, wondering just what advice men give one another.' She stated.

'And your opinion on the matter?' He asked, suddenly interested in her view.

'It encourages adultery and casual sex. So yes, men would like reading and referring to the book.' She stated, her dislike of the work evident.

Grissom remained quiet for a while 'I have found that for those seeking to improve their capabilities of providing pleasure to their partners, it is a source vast source of information. For a man truly wishing to worship a woman and to improve their experiences, it allows for him to understand her body and the pleasures he could bequeath her. I think that once a man has found the right woman, they could fully embrace and enjoy the experiences together.'

'Why are we even having this conversation?' Sarah finally asked becoming uncomfortable with the subject matter.

'Uh I'm not sure, why are we?' Grissom returned the question.

'I'm going to go and find Nick, see if he has handed in the samples we found.' Sarah said turning to leave.

Sarah left. A smile formed on Grissom's face, as he psychologically marked off another tick on the list of ways to engage a woman.

Give a beautifully scented flower,

Gifts,

Discussed topics that she finds intriguing and that I'm are a master of,

Touches and glances,

Discussion of intimate matters,

This has been a slow courting of the lady, in deed.

A/N 2. More? Let me know if you could stomach it.