That Secret Chord

A/N: This would be set sometime after season 1 I guess. Damon loves Elena (duh), and Elena is torn between her unbridled love for Damon, and the safety of her "love" for Stephen. This will focus a lot on Damon's point of view; his feelings; emotions; how it feels to watch the one you love with someone else, and how that hurts but you can't just look away because you love them. This might not be the best description of my story, but I don't want to give everything away.

A/N 2: I'm very frustrated over this...but this story is NOT meant to be individual chapters it's supposed to be all one story. However, I wrote the story in chunks and saved them separately and now my computer is being stupid and not allowing me to copy and paste it all together. So please read it all in one go, as if it was one story and not as individual chapters, or else the breaks seem weird. The whole story is up (albeit in separate chapters) and is complete. If at some point I'm able to fix this I will delete the story and re-post it

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters from the Vampire Diaries, or the amazing song Hallelujah (original by Leonard Cohen, but I'm using the Jeff Buckley version). Only my story is mine.

Hope you guys enjoy.

I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

It goes like this, the fourth the fifth

The minor fall, and the major lift

The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah

He stared into his bottomless glass of scotch, slowly swirling the amber liquid around the cup. A log in the fire cracked from the heat momentarily drawing his gaze before it fell back to the glass in his hand. He had not moved from his armchair beside the fire since walking through the door of the boardinghouse four hours previous. The tumbler of scotch in his hand was the beginning of his third bottle, the first two having not successfully put him on the floor- somewhere he was determined to end up. If only to bring about blissful unawareness for a few hours. If only to stop his painful thoughts for just a little while. Damon was unable to stop the single tear that ran down his cheek as the memory of what had put him in this position hit him with the suddeness of a tractor trailer.

Elena had finally admitted that yes, it was true, she did harbour some sort of romantic feelings for him, Damon Salvatore. And while yes, she had said she was uncertain what these feelings meant to her or what she wanted to do with them, the fact still remained that she had them. And while it was certainly a far cry from a declaration of love, Damon was willing to work with what he was given. It was with these thoughts in mind that Damon made his way towards the Gilbert residence.

Upon arrival he climbed the tree outside her bedroom window- his normal route for entrance to her house. He jumped off the branch and onto the roof next to her window and peered in before tapping on the glass to be let in.

His hand froze on its way to the pane however when he saw what was happening inside. Elena was on the bed...with Stephan. They were firmly attached at the lips, bodies entwined, and...and Damon couldn't look anymore. He spun away from the window, feeling as if his heart was being squeezed in a vice. And while breathing was unnecessary, he desperately attempted to suck in air passed the sudden lump in his throat.

Damon leapt off the edge of the roof and ran. The people in the bedroom suddenly stopped as the girl pushed the boy off her due to the face she had just seen in her window.

Damon wiped fiercly at the tears in his eyes. He refused to cry. He refused to show any emotion other than indifference towards this. Because why should he care? Why should he care if some girl, some human girl, had just been making out with his brother? Why should he care if this girl was kissing her boyfriend, his brother? Why should he care if the sight literally made him feel as if he was having his heart ripped out through his chest? He shouldn't, he told himself angrily. Fuck it. Fuck these stupid human emotions. Fuck him for being unable to shut them off. Fuck him for falling in love. Fuck him for allowing this human girl to hurt him. Fuck it all. Just...fuck it all.

"Damon?" His head shot up in abject shock at the sound of the quiet, uncertain voice. Her voice.

"How did you get in here?" He instantly schooled his facade into his normal look of cool indifference.

"I-I knocked. No one answered so I-"

"Just let yourself in? Did you not think that maybe no one answered because no one wanted you here?" He instantly regretted his harsh words as he saw her flinch and look away from him. He shouldn't care, he told himself. He shouldn't care that it hurt him to see her hurt. He shouldn't care that he hated to be the one to hurt her. Clenching his eyes shut, he took a deep breath before speaking again. "What do you want, Elena?"

She looked up at him, blinking in surprise at the change in his tone but knowing better to question it. "Is Stephan here?" She watched as the anger flashed through his eyes, quickly followed by hurt, before he forced his facade of cool indifference back up.

"No, he's not. So you should leave now." He stated before turning his gaze to the slowly dying flames in the fireplace.

"I'm not leaving. It's you I wanted to talk to, I just wanted to make sure we were alone." Elena responded, making her way over and sitting down on the foot stool in front of him, hindering his view of the flames. She waited for him to make eye contact with her, but he continued to stare blankly past her at the edges of the flames he could see around her. "Damon?" she asked. "Damon, I know you saw us." she waited for some sort of response, any form of acknowledgment from him.

After a few moments, he brought his gaze to rest on hers, and her heart clenched at the unbridled pain she saw in his pale blue eyes. "Why are you doing this to me, Elena?" She cringed at the heartbreak she could hear in his voice. Damon watched her for a moment before looking past her again. "I don't want to talk about it. Please...just leave me alone."

She stared at him in silence for a solid five minutes before finally whispering, "I can't." His gaze shot to hers as he returned her bold stare. The sudden violence of his voice and movement startled her as he shot up out of his chair and backed away from her, repeating the same thing over and over.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Elena watched him for a second, before rising and following him, every step away he took she took one forward encroaching on his space until he was backed against a wall with her in front of him.

"Damon-" she started.

"No! You can't do this to me."

"Damon, wh-"

"I won't let you hurt me!" He blanched when he realized he had let his private thoughts out, the copious amounts of alcohol he had drank hindering his monitoring of his speech. Elena studied his appearance, finally taking note of the slight glassy look in his eyes, and now that she was standing this close she could smell the alcohol on his breath. And this was because of her. She watched the wild, crazy look appear in his eyes, as they darted around the room clearly looking for an escape route. She reached out and slowly stroked his cheek causing his eyes to snap back to her.

"I'm sorry, Damon. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, Damon. Please believe me. I would never want to hurt you on purpose." Tears filled her eyes as she traced her fingers along his cheek.

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty in the moonlight over threw you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your thrown, and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah