Who's Your Daddy?

The staircase to Kami's castle seemed endless, and the walk back down every bit as difficult as the climb to the top had been. Instead of a deceptive swirling mist they all had injuries to worry about, bloody wounds that ached each time they took a step, jostling their bodies. There wasn't much conversation at first. They had been smiling down the first few steps, but the smiles soon turned to grunts and groans of discomfort.

Goku thought it'd be better if they talked about something, but what could he talk about? He couldn't think of anything, so instead he looked down at the others. It was good to see all three of them, Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo. The members of their little family were all together again. "Hey Gojyo, didja know that you're the rebellious teenager?"

"What?"

"Goku, perhaps you shouldn't-" Hakkai tried to interrupt, but Goku wasn't listening.

"In our family. Sanzo an' Hakkai are the parents, I'm the kid, an' you're the rebellious teenager."

"Who said that?"

"I've heard there's a meatbun stand in the next town." Hakkai's second attempt to distract Goku was better, but it also failed.

"Hakkai."

"So that's why you were trying to get the monkey to shut up," Gojyo said.

"Ahaha, it was a joke. After all, you do have the pheromones for it."

"...so you're sayin' that I'm the teenager because I'm the horniest?"

"And 'cause you're not responsible enough to be an adult," Goku added.

"Really?" Gojyo asked, sending a critical glance in Hakkai's direction.

Hakkai wished that Goku wasn't always so honest.

Since no one else said anything, Gojyo decided to continue. "Say whatever you want. No matter how you look at it, I should definitely be the daddy."

"You? How come?" Goku asked.

"'Cause I'm the one who gets all the ladies."

"That doesn't mean you get to be the dad! Sanzo should, 'cause he's the oldest!"

"So what? The daddy doesn't have to be the oldest! It's okay if the woman is older than her husband, right Hakkai?"

Considering his past relations with his older sister, Hakkai could hardly argue. "Well, there's nothing wrong with it."

"There, you see?" Gojyo insisted. "Anyway, I'm almost the same age as Hakkai, so I should be the daddy! Sanzo can be the cranky old grandfather or something!"

BANG! The bullet from Sanzo's gun grazed Gojyo's scalp as it zoomed through his hair.

"Say that again!"

"Shit! Um, fine... you can be the daddy."

"I'm not a part of this." Sanzo turned away to continue walking down the stairs.

"See? He doesn't wanna do it. That means I'm the daddy."

"But then what's Sanzo?" Goku asked.

A mischievous smirk played along the edges of Hakkai's mouth. "Gojyo, weren't you saying earlier how much Sanzo resembles a housewife?"

"Hell yeah. Daddy Gojyo and Momma Sanzo. That'd be hot."

The gun came right back out and Sanzo aimed it right at Gojyo's head. "Do you wanna die?"

"No thanks."

"Ah, so we're one of those dysfunctional families, then?" Hakkai said. Sanzo and Gojyo would make horrible parents. It was easier to picture Sanzo as a single father. If that were the case, then Hakkai supposed that they would all be Sanzo's children. Hakkai would be the oldest, of course. The good son who did everything that he was told and who the others were constantly being nagged to be more like.

"I already told you, I'm not involved!" Sanzo insisted, stomping down the stairs again.

"Suits me just fine," Gojyo said.

"But that's not fair!" Goku whined. He really had wanted all four of them to be a family.

Hakkai understood. "Gojyo, no matter how you look at it, isn't Sanzo Goku's father?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Sanzo ignored them and kept walking.

"Still think I should be the daddy," Gojyo grumbled.

"No, it should be Sanzo!" Goku insisted.

"But I'm taller and stronger than him!"

"So what? If Sanzo's not gonna be the father, then it should be me!"

"You?" Gojyo stared at Goku. "Why should it be you?"

"'Cause I'm the strongest!"

"You're also the shortest, mini monkey!"

"Get your foot off my head, stupid cockroach!"

"Why don't you both SHUT UP?" Sanzo yelled, whacking them both over the head with his paper fan.

"The true father returns to discipline his children," Hakkai said.

"That goes for you too, Hakkai."

"I'm a child too?"

"No, you need to shut up."

"Ah, I see. A good wife should always be silent while her husband is speaking."

"Hakkai..." Sanzo shot a death glare that was threatening enough to make both Gojyo and Goku cringe. Hakkai smiled.

Once the group had quieted down they started walking again. Sanzo led the way down the stairs, Goku followed after him, Hakkai proceeded at a moderate pace, and Gojyo lagged behind. That is, until he decided to get a little closer to Hakkai so they could talk.

"Okay, I get the reason that Sanzo's the monkey's parent. But if it's just you and me, then I'm definitely the daddy, right?"

"All right, all right."

"Daddy Gojyo."

"Yes, I know."

"...So why won't you call me that when we're in bed?"

"Hm, I wonder... why won't I?"

"Come on, say it for me."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"No thank you."

"Why, 'cause the others might hear it? They're not even listening."

"Still, I'd rather not."

"Then when're you gonna say it?"

"The moment I realize that I've become pregnant with your child, I will start to call you Daddy."

"Um, okay." There was a very confused look on Gojyo's face for a minute, then it turned to a teasing grin. "Is there something you're not tellin' me, Hakkai?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."