"Mommy, I'm tired." said a tiny voice from behind me.
"Let's give you a bath and get you dressed then," I said, taking his small hand. "Daddy will be here to pick you up in a while." He nodded. We did as I said, he took a bath, got dressed and put on his little backpack.
"I'm going to miss you, mommy." he said giving me a sad frown.
"At least you'll be with daddy," I offered, "And it'll only be for a couple of days." He didn't respond, instead he looked out the window.
When he was born his father had been there, his father had been there for all his birthdays, never missing any of the 3. His father had been there when he got his first haircut, when his first teeth were coming out. His father had been there through almost everything significant that has happened to our little angel. And yet his father wasn't here.
He left me, rather, I left him. I had convinced myself that he fell out of love. That is the reason he offered to me, and I tried to believe it. But I never really accepted it. Love knows no past tense. There is no 'loved' or 'was in love with'. Love is love; love doesn't end. He either truly loved me or he didn't at all, do you understand what I mean? It's starting to not make any sense but that is what I believe. You either love someone forever, you never can stop, or you just cared deeply for that person but love was never really there.
It turns out that he did a girl he found at a night club. He cheated on my with some bimbo! I couldn't forgive him, I did not allow myself to lose every bit of dignity I had left in me. So I left him. A few months after that, I found out I was carrying his baby. But by then divorced had already been filed and soon enough we were officially not-man and not-wife.
I wanted everything but for the baby to grow up without a father, so I told him. It was raining hard, and I stared at the cars passing by the street outside a cafe in muggle London. I had convinced him to meet me here, as to not attract unwanted attention from wizards and witches who knew of our nasty past. I didn't know how to say it, but I was able to tell him I was carrying his child.
"You're eating a lot lately, last time I remember you hardly ate." he said.
"I.. I'm eating for t-two now." I said, my voice breaking. I tried my best to push back the tears as soon as I felt the stinging behind my eyes. He said nothing at first, he just dropped his fork and almost choked on his food. Again I looked out the window and just stared. My mind was thinking of so many things like how I would survive working and tending to the child as soon as s/he is born. My trance was only broken when he put his hand over mine. I was shocked, but my face didn't show it.
"How far are you?" he asked.
"4 months. I'm starting to show. Thought I was just letting loose on the ice cream, huh." I said trying to make the mood lighter. What shocked me is his next statement,
"I want to be part of his life. I want to be there. I don't just want to offer child support, not just financial help. I don't just want to hold the title as his father, but I want to be there, to be his dad. " I nodded.
And so I had let him. I told him everything, let him see the baby every other weekend. I told him of my plans for his birthday party every year. He was there every step of the way, he saw our little baby grow up to be a young kid.
"Mommy, daddy's here!" he said, excitedly. I guess it was better this way, my angel seeing his father every so often. He didn't feel the burden of our separation as much, he got to see both his parents enough and for now that was okay. He has a mom, and not just a father, but a dad. I respected his father for choosing to be part of his life, even though it hurt a lot, a whole lot, when I saw him, knowing that we could have been a complete family, and all this chaos of schedules with our son wouldn't have to be. But it we have to deal with it. For our son, I often tell myself.
I opened the front door, and nodded civilly at his dad. I then turned my attention to our son, kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly. I pulled away and looked him straight in the eye.
"I'm going to miss you." he said again.
"I know baby." I said in reply. I looked up at his dad as he took that little hand in his.
"Take care, okay?" I said to both of them.
"Yes mommy!" he said happily, while his dad just nodded, a sad smile on his face. Just as they were walking away, ready to Apparate, our son let go of his dad's hand and hugged me.
"I love you mommy. Very much." he said small tears forming in his eyes.
"I love you too, my little Draco. I love you so much." I said.
"Daddy!" Drake said, and hugged me.
"Good morning, buddy," I said, giving him a big grin. "Did you have fun watching that movie?" I asked.
"Yes I did! I can't wait to do something with you again tonight!" he said again.
"I'm glad you're having fun."
"Of course, daddy. I miss mommy though." at this statement I frowned.
"I do too." I whispered almost inaudibly.
"I just wish we could do stuff together. With mommy. The three of us," again, I had no reply. He stared at me, and then continued talking.
"That would be fun. The three of us together." he said sadly. "Daddy I have a question."
"Go ahead, I answered." feeling anxious of his question, and as expected he asked,
"Why aren't you with mommy? I see kids outside and in the theatre and everywhere with their mommies and daddies together. Why can't we be like that?" Hermione and I have been fearing this question would be asked, always asking the other if the time had come. And unfortunately for me, the bomb was dropped on my hands.
"Of course we can be together!" I said, not knowing what to answer.
"Then why don't we go out together, just us three?" he asked again. Luckily for me, an owl was tapping against the window.
"Hold on," I said, thankful for the distraction. I opened the window and an owl delivered a small
piece of parchment with a short note.
Draco, please ready your wards for me. Expect that I be there in a few minutes prior this note. Drake left his inhaler at home and I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing he doesn't have it. See you in a bit.
There was no name signed under it, but I knew who it was. I prepared the wards to accept her and let her Apparate directly to the flat. Just as promised she was there within minutes.
"Mommy missed you so much in just a day, she couldn't wait to see you already." she said to our baby. Our baby. I owe it all to Drake that I actually still get to see this beautiful woman. With whom I've lost all chances with. I sighed deeply and watched the sight before me. Hermione was giving him his inhaler and hugged him tightly. Drake was pulling on her hand to sit and join us for dinner. I coughed to get Hermione's attention, thinking it was the time to let her know the bomb exploded just minutes before I got her owl.
"A certain bomb landed on my hands earlier, I'm thankful for the distraction. But I don't think we can put it off any longer, he won't stop prying." I whispered, my mouth so close to her ear.
As he whispered I couldn't help but shiver. His breath was hot against my ear, his lips almost touching it. I sighed, wanting to be intimate with him again. But more than that I just wanted to be with him.
"I told you we could do stuff together, the three of us." Draco said.
"Maybe I should leave my inhaler all the time then," little Drake said. At this we both laughed, a good hearty laugh. Wow, I never realised his laugh was like music to hear. That night we ate together, watched another movie and as we were tucking Drake in he pleaded I stayed the night.
"Please mommy! You can sleep with Daddy in his room, his bed is big enough for the two of you!" he said. I felt my cheeks going hot at what he said.
"Yes, Hermione, I think that is a splendid idea," Draco said winking at me. "You go to sleep and mommy and I can get ready for bed too." We both kissed him goodnight and closed the door.
"A splendid idea, is it?" I said raising an eyebrow at him.
"Don't you think so?" he said, his eyes full of hope, yet a big grin on his face. I was happy, ever since Drake was born he'd been more cheerful. I smiled at him.
"I'm not sleepy yet." I said.
"You're as random as I could remember." he said in reply.
"And you love me for it." I said, only realising what I had said once it was out of my mouth. Uh-oh.
"Indeed." he whispered, almost soft enough for me not to hear.
There was an awkward silence, no one knew what to say.
"So, how are you?" I asked her.
"Motherhood's been good for me. It's tiring but it's been a real blessing." she said. Goodness was she beautiful than ever.
"You're beautiful. Motherhood suits you." I blurted out. I saw her blush as she took a seat on the couch in the drawing room. I sat down beside her; however giving enough space as not to intrude.
"Uhm, thanks Draco." she said not looking at me. I smiled and took her hand.
"I mean it." I said. "And thank you, for letting me be part of Drake's life." She gave me a sad smile and her eyes were glistening as though she were about to cry.
"I'm happy you wanted to be part of it. You didn't have to." she said.
"Of course I had to. He's my son too. And I love him." I told her, looking her in the eye.
"I know. He talks about you all the time. He loves you too," she said, "a lot."
Before I knew what was happening I found myself saying something I never thought I would, at least not for her to hear,
"I love you."
"I love you." he said. At this I was very shocked, my cheeks were burning hot and I was fumbled with the seam of my shirt.
"Uhm, yeah. I..I'm sorry I don't know where that came from." he blurted out, his eyes seeking mine.
"It's.. It's fine." I lied, it was more than fine. Hell I've been hoping he still felt that way ever since we broke up. And yet it hurt me, because I had no idea where this conversation will lead to.
"Do you regret it?" I asked her.
"What?" she said in reply.
"Marrying me - do you regret it?"
"No," she said flatly, "do you?"
"Of course not." I said, pleadingly almost, as if convincing her.
"I do regret one thing," I added, "letting you go." I knew I had to let it out, it's now or never.
"Why did you do it?" she then asked, facing me, tears in her eyes.
"No excuse. I was drunk, inevitably stupid, and there's no excuse for my actions." I said sadly. Tears were now flowing freely from her eyes and it hurt me. It tore me to pieces.
"I married you because I loved you, I still love you. I let you go because I didn't deserve you. I am unworthy of you, or anyone else. What I did, it's unforgivable. I hurt you, I hurt myself, I ruined our relationship. And no matter how often I see our son, I will never be able to make his heart whole because I broke yours, I broke mine, and so even our family is apart." I explained.
We looked at each other for who knows how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days. It didn't matter, it was the longest, most agonising minutes I have ever had to go through.
"I'm sorry." I croaked, feeling wetness in my own eyes.
"I forgive you." she managed to say through her sobs. I didn't know what I was doing, but before I could stop myself I had already placed my hand on her cheek and wiped her tears away. I went closer to her and brought her in my arms.
"Let me fix things between us." I pleaded.
"But.. I just don't know.. If I could ever trust you again." she said back.
"Then let me start over. Let me court you again. Let me take you out on a second first date. Let me give you a second first kiss. Make me work like you did when we just started out. I would go through it all just to see if we can have what we used to. I'd do anything to get that back." I said, my vision blurred from tears.
"A second first date? You're starting to not make any sense, Malfoy." she said, bitterness aside and smiling sadly.
"I'm sorry." I said, taking her hands in mine.
"And yet I love you for it." she said. My eyes went back to hers, full of hope and love. My gaze went from her eyes to her lips. Oh those beautiful, luscious lips of hers. I leaned forward and captured them in mine.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." I said again and again. She silenced me with a kiss.
I don't know what brought me to forgive him so hastily. Maybe it was the sadness in his eyes. Maybe it was the sincerity in them. Maybe it was the spark of hope I sensed as he made his little speech. Maybe I just really loved him and deep down, I knew he loved me too. Maybe. He apologised over and over, and I shut him up with a kiss.
It was the most gentle, yet most loving kiss I have both given and received. As if every frustration, all the pain he had caused, all the hatred and bitterness was put aside and every fibre of my being was put into that one kiss. One sweet kiss that forgot everything in the past and started something new in our hearts.
"I love you, Hermione. You mean everything to me. I don't even know where to start, but I know I want nothing more than to make things right between us." I smiled at him, a happy smile even through my tears.
"I thought Malfoys didn't cry?" I teased, setting the mood lighter than its previous state.
"They don't." he said. I looked at him confused.
"Malfoys don't love either." he added. I stared at him, urging him to elaborate.
"Malfoys don't fall in love most especially with muggle borns. Malfoys don't express feelings, they have nothing to express. Malfoys hug and kiss only for formality, for show if you must."
"Malfoys don't apologise, they never make mistakes." he kept going. "But maybe I never really was a Malfoy. Or maybe I was, but I had something all the other Malfoys didn't. I had a Granger to teach me how to love. I had someone to open my eyes and my heart to something grater than money and power and fame. In fact those things aren't great at all, those things are cover ups, hoping that they would fill the void in the hearts of those who have no one to love them. I had- have you Hermione Granger to love, and I have you to give me love. And love defies practically everything else about Malfoys." he said. I said nothing in reply, but I was grinning widely and my heart skipped 20,000 beats in a minute. I kissed him, roughly this time. I felt the need as we kissed, the need for each other, the need for love we had experienced during our time apart. We wanted each other, but now was not the right time. We would have forever to have each other after this, I just know it.
I rested my head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart. We lay down on the couch that night and fell asleep in each other's arms.
Morning came and something was keeping me warm as I woke. I smiled as I remembered the events that took place last night. I opened my eyes and saw Drake watching me intently.
"Finally!" he whispered. "You can get up now daddy, she's awake." I stood up and looked at Draco, whose arms were still around my waist, and smiled. I looked at him questioningly.
"Good morning, Love." I said smiling greatly at Hermione. She smiled at me and greeted me a good morning. Indeed it was.
"Daddy you can get up now!" Drake said again. I chuckled. Hermione looked at me, that curious little face.
"He's been wanting to know what happened and I told him no, not until you woke up." I explained.
"He said if he moved you would wake up! He said you're grumpy when you get woken up." Drake said. I glared at him jokingly.
"Grumpy, huh, Draco?" she said, sending me a mock glare. I kept my hold on her waist tight and buried my head in her hair.
"I just didn't want to wake you. I know you love your sleep. Though I know you love me most." I mumbled. She smiled.
"Mommy loves me most, Daddy! Not you!" Drake protested, removing my arms from his mother and pulled her up.
"And I told you to sleep together in the room, not out here!" he added. Hermione and I just laughed.
Drake was taking a bath as Draco and I had breakfast.
"He's something, isn't he?" I said.
"He sure is. Charming like his father, of course." he said smirking his most famous smirk. That smirk that I happened to love.
"Girls will just love him." I said again, remembering how Draco was loved by everyone in school despite his attitude.
"Just how I'm in love with you?" he said, I blushed.
"Maybe."
"I love you, Hermione. I really do." we ate the rest of our breakfast in silence, comfortable silence.
"Hey Drake, how's about we do something together? Just the three of us." I said to him.
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Of course, Drake." Hermione said in reply. She took his hand and I held her against me, hands around her waist.
"I love you, Draco." she said looking at me with pools of love in her eyes.
"I love you more." Drake and I said in unison.