Hey guys! I'm finally posting my new story, featuring the most amazing couple in ER, Doug and Carol :) No twins...yet! I really hope you like it and please don't be shy...review! :)

Where We Are

Chapter One

With a heavy sigh, Carol Hathaway Tagilieri left the trauma room and the bloody mess behind. Her feet dragged with tiredness as she walked along the well known corridors of County General Hospital, her mind still on the teen who they had worked on for over an hour and had failed to save. She knew everyone else was thinking Just one less gang banger, but she had talked to him, heard his story and comforted him. He was just a messed up youngster, in the wrong place at the wrong time and definitely with the wrong crowd. Of course she had called psych when she had heard his story, when he first came in, a bullet in his arm. However, they had failed to turn up before Carol had found him. They had rushed him into the trauma room and worked relentlessly to repair the self inflicted damage, but after an hour, had given up hope they would ever get him back.

Again, Carol sighed as she arrived at admit and leaned on the counter top, elbows propped up, hands holding her face.

'Has John called yet Jerry?' she asked the desk clerk.

'Yeah, about twenty minutes ago to say he's working late and that you should go ahead without him' the tall, broad man replied, smiling sympathetically at the nurse.

'Thanks Jer' Carol said, keeping her eyes down and the frown from forming on her face. She turned and headed into the Doctors Lounge where her three year old son lay, fast asleep, on the couch. Chuny Marquez was sitting in the chair, sipping a coffee.

'Thanks for watching him, Chuny' Carol whispered, bending down to press a kiss into her son's brown, curly hair.

'No problem. What happened with the kid?' the other nurse asked.

'They cracked his chest but we didn't get him back' Carol replied, skimming over the events that had unfolded in the last hour.

Chuny sighed. 'Just another gang banger' she said, with a patronizing shake of her head.

Carol rolled her eyes. You're wrong she thought to herself but didn't speak the words aloud.

'Hey, Zach' she whispered to the sleeping child, 'Hey, buddy, time to go home'.

The three year old mumbled incoherently and turned away from his mother, reluctant to come out of his deep sleep.

'Looks like you'll have to carry him' Chuny said, smiling fondly at the child.

'Yeah, looks like it' Carol repeated, quietly. She sighed and picked up a heavy blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it tightly around the toddler before lifting him gently into her arms.

'See you in the morning' Carol whispered to her friend and left the lounge before she would have to take part in any more mindless chit chat. Zach's head drooped sleepily on her shoulder and his deep breaths in and out made her neck tingle. She reached up, fondly, and rubbed the child's back, just the way he liked and smiled when he sighed against her neck.

'Night, Carol' Mark called, then cringed when he saw the sleeping child on her shoulder.

'Sorry' he mouthed to his friend and Carol smiled. Mark was her oldest and best friend here at County and even though John hadn't liked it, Carol had insisted he become a godfather to Zach only hours after she had given birth.

'Night' she called back gently and then quickened her step so as to get out of the ER before someone else could call her back.

Carol walked as quickly as possible through the parking garage, desperately wanting to be out of the cold and to have Zach out of it too. She really didn't need him to pick up yet another cold, she had already missed over three weeks of work to look after him since the colder weather had set in, only two months ago. As soon as she had Zach strapped in on the back seat, Carol jumped into the car, turned over the ignition and then jammed the heaters up to full blast. She only spared a second to realised John would now have to take the El home as they had come in together that morning. She briefly considered waiting but then she spotted Zach in her rear view mirror and quickly banished the thought. It was late, he was tired and they both had early starts in the morning. So she threw the car into reverse and backed out of her parking spot, forcing herself not to think of how cold it would be on the El.

When Carol pulled up outside her house, Zach was still dosing on the back seat. She switched off the engine and wrapped her coat and scarf more securely around her as she prepared for the quick dash from the car to the house. She hated having to move Zach when he was sleeping so angelically but with the engine off, the cold Chicago air was creeping quickly into the car so with a deep breath, she threw open the door and had herself and Zach at the front door within seconds. As soon as the lock clicked open and the heat of the open fire already blazing in the sitting room hit her, Carol was glad she had such an over bearing, over protective mother. She rushed inside with Zach in her arms, quickly snapping the door shut behind her. She laid the still sleeping child on the couch before she shed herself of her large winter coat and headed for the kitchen.

Helen Hathaway was already there, the sweet smell of almost cooked Shepherd's Pie billowing from under the oven door. Carol inhaled deeply while running her still stiff hands through her hair.

'How was work?' Helen asked her exhausted daughter.

'Rough, as usual' Carol replied vaguely.

'I honestly don't know how you work in that place, Carol' Helen complained for what felt like the ten-thousandth time.

Carol sighed. 'I like it mom, no matter how rough the work is sometimes. Plus, it's handy that John works there too. And all my friends are there' she replied, sitting down at the kitchen table to remove her shoes.

'And where is John?' Helen asked, and Carol immediately regretted mentioning her husband's name.

'He's still in work. It was a busy day' Carol said, as she crossed to her bedroom door and grabbed her fluffy slippers. She wondered why she was defending him; she hated that he was never home too.

'He works too hard, that man. Zachary never sees him' Helen commented, as she removed the dinner from the oven and dished up.

'It's his job, mom' was all Carol said in reply, as she sat down at the table again. Helen carried two plates over and sat down with her.

'I'll leave his in the microwave. Make sure he eats it later' Helen told her daughter. Carol nodded as she dug into her meal; she was famished after such a long day.

Once the kitchen was clean again, John's dinner covered and in the microwave and Zach changed into his night clothes, Helen kissed her daughter and grandson goodbye and left to go home to her own house. Zach was now awake and his nap had brought on another round of his never ending energy. He jumped around the sitting room, dancing to cartoon theme tunes and shouting answers at those few that attempted to get kids thinking. Carol busied herself with the housework that needed doing and had started into a pile of ironing when she noticed it was way past Zach's bedtime. She set down the iron and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the battle she knew would ensue as soon as she mentioned "bed". She crossed the room and shut of the TV.

'Bedtime, buddy' she sang, trying to make it sound exciting. Zach's face dropped.

'NO!' he screamed and threw himself down on the floor, readying himself for full tantrum mode at the next mention of bedtime.

'Zach, don't start. It's late and you have day care in the morning' Carol said as gently as she could, kneeling down beside her son.

'But daddy isn't home yet' Zach whined.

'I know but he'll come up to say goodnight when he gets in' she said, attempting to placate the stubborn child.

'No he won't! He never does. I want to see daddy!' the three year shouted, beginning to cry. Her son's tears made Carol want to cry too. She hated that John did this to Zach. The child didn't know any better. His little friends at day care bragged about playing football with their dads' whereas Zach barely got to see his.

'Zachary, don't make mommy mad. Now, please, up to bed' Carol said, trying to be stern with him.

'No, I won't. I want to see daddy!' Zach shouted again, then jumped up from the floor and ran towards the door. Carol barely caught him before he ripped open the front door.

'Zach! That's very naughty. Santa Claus won't come unless you behave' Carol tried not to shout at the toddler.

'I just want to see daddy' Zach sobbed and allowed his mom to pick him up.

'I know, baby. You'll see him tomorrow, now let's go' Carol said, quietly and headed upstairs with him.

It took over a half an hour for Zach to calm down enough to get under his covers. Carol added an extra blanket, knowing how cold it would get later, kissed her son goodbye and returned downstairs. She turned the TV back on and switched station until some mindless sitcom came on. Then she returned to her ironing. She only wanted the TV on as background noise, to distract her from the thoughts she always had when she was alone. She sighed as her mind floated back in time, regardless. She had almost reached the bottom of the pile when a key in the door dragged her out of her memories and she looked over her shoulder to see her husband coming through the door.

'Hi' he said, warily. Carol set down the iron again and prepared herself for another battle, more stressful than trying to get a stubborn toddler to bed.

'Where have you been?' she asked.

John Tagilieri set down his briefcase by the door and walked as far as the couch. He dropped onto the cushions and without asking, picked up the remote and flipped channel over to ESPN. 'Work, where else' he answered, eventually.

'Zach cried for over a half hour tonight' Carol informed him.

John glanced over at her. 'What? You're going to make me feel bad for working?' he asked, meaning it to be rhetorical.

'When your son cries himself to sleep because he doesn't get to see his father, hell yeah I'll make you feel bad. No one makes you work all those extra hours, John' she snapped.

John sighed heavily and stood again. 'We're not having this discussion now' he said as he headed for the stairs.

'Well, I say we are' Carol shouted.

'We're not' he insisted as he began to climb the stairs.

'Your son misses you, John' Carol called after him.

'I don't hear you saying you miss me' he replied, stopping half way up the stairs.

'I do, in more ways than one' Carol muttered. John sighed and continued upstairs.

Carol went to the couch and sank into its comfort as tears stung at her eyes. She did miss John but she missed Tag more. He had been loving and caring and fun and there when he had been Tag. But as the years passed and he began spending more time away from his family, the familiar nickname faded away until Carol ended up calling him John all the time. That was how she differentiated. Tag was the man she fell in love with and married. John was the man that was never around, that she resented.

D&C

A soft wind whistled through the trees as Doug Ross sat out on the back porch of his home in Washington DC. It was evening, that time between light and dark, when everything was silent. Doug's favourite time of day. The wood of the porch was still wet from the down pour of rain the city had saw over the last week, but, for tonight at least, it was dry. Doug reached for his beer and took a long sip, staring into the trees, listening, thinking. He never knew why he had chosen DC. Maybe it was the hospitals and the opportunities, or maybe it was the milder weather, or quite possibly it was the first destination he had spotted when he had arrived at the airport, running from his pain, from his memories, from her. Washington was new, no bad memories of his awful childhood or of the one true love he had lost. Four years had passed but he still could not quite manage to dismiss his memories of her. Of course he had his job at the Childrens National Medical Centre which he loved. He had never loved a job as much as that one. Well there was one, but he tried not to think about that time of his life. Truth be told, his job was the only good thing in his life at that moment.

Doug took another sip of his beer as he spotted the flashing lights of a car's headlights creating shadows on the side of the house. He sighed heavily and got to his feet. Taking his beer with him, he ambled around the house to the driveway where a pristine white Mercedes had just parked. He smiled to himself as Vanessa Hamilton stepped out of the car. He spotted the smirk that flashed across Vanessa's perfect features as she took long sweeping steps towards him, hips swaying as she approached him in her five inch heels, her expensive off-white suit hugging her flawless curves. When she arrived at his side, no pleasantries were passed between them. Instead, one hand ran up his neck and into his hair and she pulled his face to hers, lips crushing down on his unresponsive mouth. She didn't seem to notice this and before she could, Doug returned the kiss, pulling the woman closer. She leaned her body against his, forcing him to back up to the wall of the house. His hands, now on auto-pilot, moved around her waist, ran up and down her thighs and then worked themselves up to her hair where they latched on and pulled her closer still. She smiled against his lips and pulled back.

'Hello' she said in that firm voice, fully of authority.

Of course her attire and her vehicle screamed success and they were perfectly right to do so as Vanessa owned one of the largest law firms in the state and was an extremely high profile lawyer herself. Doug chuckled.

'Hi' he replied with a playful smile on his face.

She considered him for a short few seconds before taking his hand and heading for the door.

'I've had a bad day and I need you to make it all better, doctor' she cooed, giving him a short wink. Doug followed her, if anything, just for the distraction.

There was only one thing that Doug disliked about Vanessa. He did like that she came back most nights. He liked that she worked long hours, like himself. He liked that she never demanding anything from him. He liked, of course, her perfect curves, beautiful face, blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. He liked her attitude and daredevil-ness. Above all, he liked that she didn't want any commitment, she already had that with her husband. And that one thing he didn't like – Vanessa just wasn't her. But she was a distraction – from his loneliness, from work, from memories. She was company on a cold night. Doug knew it wasn't love for he was quite sure he would never love again. Love was painful, too painful.

Doug watched, a few hours later, as Vanessa dressed at the edge of his bed. The clock on the nightstand showed 12.30am. She was heading home to her husband, on the pretence, of course, that she had a harrowing case coming up and had spent all these extra hours in the office.

'Same time tomorrow?' she asked, slipping into her pencil skirt and zipping it up. Doug ran a hand through his already tousled hair.

'I have to work the grave yard tomorrow night' he lied, but really, he just wanted a night to himself.

'Poor baby' Vanessa cooed, leaning across the bed to press a lingering kiss onto his lips. Doug smiled, for her sake rather than anything. She didn't need to know that he dreamt of another's lips on his.

'I'll text you' she whispered as she left the room, slinging her blazer jacket over one shoulder.

When he was alone, Doug sighed and brought his arms up behind his head. He closed his eyes and her face swam before his eyes. He took a deep breath and got out of bed. Arriving in the living room, he switched on the TV and turned over to ESPN. Sports. His second best distraction.

His mind continued to wander, even with the minor league baseball game playing in the background. He hated that he was the way he was. He didn't like to think that some other woman might someday replace her. But then again, another man had replaced him and she was happy. He was happy too – sort of. Doug chuckled into the dark room. He couldn't even lie convincingly to himself. So he stopped trying to, just for the moment, and let his mind wander where ever it pleased. What was she doing right now?

D&C

As the clock neared 11.30pm, Carol wiped away the last few stray tears and stood up from the couch. She slowly began to climb the stairs, expecting John to appear at the sound of her footsteps. He did not. At the top of the stairs, she paused, listening. When only silence met her, she crept across to Zach's room and peeked in. He was sound asleep, breathing heavily with one small, dimpled hand resting on his head. Carol smiled and backed out of the room. She noticed the spare room door was ajar and through the crack, she could make out the silhouette of John, lying silently on the bed, whether asleep or not, she didn't know. She bit her lip to stop the tears from spilling over again. Her husband, the man she had chosen to be with for the rest of her life, the man who had chose her, would rather sleep in the spare room than in their marital bed. Still holding back tears, Carol crept back down the stairs and into her own room. She lowered herself onto the bed, slowly, and sat in silence for several minutes before a sob wracked through her body and she succumbed to tears again.

AN: Well...What did you guys think? A lot different from my usual stuff, isn't it? I really hope you liked it and I would love, of course, to get some lovely reviews :)

To readers of Family Secrets: Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about it :) The next chapter should be up by the end of the week, so keep an eye out!

Also, I want to say a huge Good Luck to my little boy, Noah, who is starting in pre-school tomorrow :D (Still wondering who will cry more, me or him, lol)

Katelyn x