Deicide: The Atonement

By dominusalthus

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach [manga/anime] or any of its characters.

A/N: I'm so inspired with Bleach right now! After reading the recent chapters from the manga, I felt sad because Ichimaru Gin is somewhat in danger, and he's one of my favorites even though all the while he's been labeled as a villain. Anyhow, this is a one-shot dedicated to all the GinRan fans out there [like me]. Enjoy!

Summary: A glimpse on what happens on Ichimaru Gin's mind after being badly wounded by Aizen Sousuke. GinRan ONESHOT.

Warning: May have some spoilers, to those who aren't updated with the DEICIDE series from the manga.

DEICIDE: (latin- deicidus) an act of killing a god or a deity

SHINSO: Shikai form, translated into God('s) Spear

KAMISHINOYARI: Shinso's bankai form phase 1, translated into God-Killing Spear

Just a coincidence? Maybe not. ^_^

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Part I. Ichimaru Gin

Attachment? Of course I have no such thing. I told you when we first met.

I am a snake. My skin is cold; I have no heart.

I slither around seeking prey with my tongue,

And I swallow my favorites whole.

That is what I am.

I told you, didn't I?

I know, I am as bad mouthed as ever. I spoke slowly, making sure that Aizen Sousuke understood what I meant, after conveying a message that I have thought out strategically all through the years.

Yes, I am a hypocrite, call me whatever ya like. I admit most of the time, I lie, or if not, I am on a killing spree. I also had fun hanging out with the Espada and scaring shit out of Wonderweiss. However, to tell you the truth, this was the first time I spoke without lying after decades.

Half of my life was spent in playing my role as Aizen's faithful servant, continually betraying other people and terrorizing them. I even joined him in murdering Central 46 as a part of well thought-out schemes in taking over Soul Society as well as going to Hueco Mundo to form his own army. I must not say that I didn't like how things went on, since I had quite an entertainment when I was tormenting my favorites like Kuchiki Rukia, Hitsugaya Toushiro, and my always pale vice captain Kira Izuru. I was also ultimately amused when I saw the faces of my fellow shinigamis in a state of shock because of what we did, and I knew I made my mark even if it was on a negative note. Now my name would appear on Soul Society's list of greatest bullies.

Even though I'm not some sort of a saint, as they say, all people do have regrets. I don't mind getting called as a villain, a traitor, a murderer, or even fox-face (care of Kurosaki Ichigo). On the other hand, what I regret the most is getting the wrong impression from the person who's the cause of all this mess that I did. Although it's necessary to dislodge myself from that person, give me a break, I have eenie meenie sparks of feelings too.

Matsumoto Rangiku was never less than a friend to me, or more like it, the only person I got in my damn freaking life.

My, my. I am really brave aren't I? I attempted to kill a god with my own hands, but of course, my bankai wouldn't be named as such if I didn't have the drive to finish him. Kamishiniyari. The god-killing spear. It was all I needed to get to him and get a hole on Aizen-sama's chest, along with my long term excellent acting skills.

Alright, right. I was careless. After all those years, I wasn't keen enough to realize that there were two Hogyokus, and it was also plain carelessness that brought me into a situation that even catered another of Aizen's evolution. But just let it pass, will you? Nobody's perfect, righty?

Anyway, going on, I saw Soul Society's beloved transform, believe it or not, before my very eyes no matter how narrow-slit they were. I was taken by surprise—I didn't even notice when his zanpakuto sliced through the layers of my skin and totally cut off one of my limbs.

"Thank you, Gin. Thanks to you, I have transcended both shinigami and hollow."

I heard the bastard say as I fell on the ground without any dignity left. Dang, I exhausted myself all this time, and now I get this—I wanted to die in a more meaningful and flashy way. I was beginning to hate myself, but then, the pain I felt was more dominant and it was getting onto me as fast as Shinso can extend.

Then there was a loud crash nearby, but I cannot sense a bit of reiatsu.

Maybe I was dying, running out of blood, I thought.

But then, I could still feel Aizen's tremendous force smothering me, and a familiar shinigami most recognizable to me. She was coming for me, too stubborn to listen to me.

Poor me, poor liar... I didn't want to be seen like this, I didn't want her to be on my death bed.

"Gin!"

I heard Rangiku nearing me, she was only meters away. What a hard-headed fool. Did she really wish to die with me?

"Gin!" She called out to me again in despair, her face was now inches away, the warmth of her breath on my skin—her tears dripping down her cheeks. I wanted to close my eyes and never open them again since I am the biggest loser next to Tousen, but I realized I have to talk to her.

Even if this is all now pointless, my goals since childhood smashed to pieces, somehow I have to repent for all the things that I have done, even for the last time.

Isn't it obvious?

I'm going to become a shinigami and change things…

So that you don't have to cry anymore.

Those were the things I promised to her when we were young, now all pointless.

Oh, I am such a failure. What's worse, I could see her sadness towards my passing, a thing that I don't deserve. Even in dying, I still made her cry, and I myself was the one who broke my promises.

I failed. In the end… I couldn't give back what they took from you, Rangiku.

Gah… I really should have apologized.

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Part II. Matsumoto Rangiku

My fingertips went numb as soon as I felt what I feared the most. No, it can't be. I repeated it on my mind over and over again, convincing myself that it was not him although I was so sure that the reiatsu which is continually declining is from him.

Ichimaru Gin, you bastard. Why are you always doing this to me?

As I child, he was my friend, he was my defender. Always playing big, that fool.

No matter how I view it, Gin may have the most difficult mind to crack, like if you broke his skull, there'd be more skulls inside, and you'll never get to see what is on his mind.

Of course that wasn't meant on a literal sense.

I also had the greatest attachment to him, although most of the time he disappears on me, and goes on with his life without another word. He was all in all, the most special to me.

Maybe Gin used a love potion of some sort.

There were many men out there, and if I could only do it without receiving loud screams, I'd seduce my captain, but there's always this odd feeling that draws me back to him.

Who would want to be associated with a creepy, fox-faced traitor of Seretei?

But then again, when I think about him and his true goals, it gives me a head ache more than hang-overs give me.

As soon as I sensed him faltering, I didn't care if Aizen was there—he could kill me if he wants to—but I just couldn't miss this chance. Something told me that I must go no matter what, and it made my heart ache, like I was seeing someone for the last time. This was a feeling that I hated to accept, because even if he's far away, I cannot imagine him ceasing to exist… fading away. Somehow, I wanted him to live even if he was an enemy. I wanted him selfishly.

"Gin!" I gasped aloud as I saw him lying on a boulder of rock near the man who injured him. It almost broke my heart as I realized that one of his arms was severed, and I could only imagine the pain he is feeling right now.

I rushed to him just like the way I used to chase him when we were kids, every time he goes disappearing. Usually, he'd walk away and ignore my calls, never looking back, but this time, there he is left with no choice but to stay still to lengthen what was remaining from his life.

Oh no… My tears started unconsciously flowing from my eyes, unable to help the sadness taking over me. He parted his eyes to look at me, and the bastard still had this kind of smirk that I hated so much. This was the Ichimaru Gin I've known since then, always showing that he's strong, that he is cruel, that he has no emotions; nothing but coldness. Deep inside me, I knew that he wasn't, and what hurts me the most is that only now it occurred to me that he's doing all of this because of what happened to me in the past. It was just like yesterday for him, but to me, it faded, traceless in my memory.

Why did he have to play the bad guy

and became loathed by everyone just because of a person like me?

Why Gin, did you choose this way,

dedicating so much of your life for me when you could have walked a greater path?

Why do you always have to make this tears come out?

I felt his heavy breathing as he stared at me, his eyes showing their unfathomable depths.

No, I said to myself. I cannot allow this to happen, I cannot accept it.

No way, Gin. You've already ran away from me for too long.

This time… I won't allow you to go anywhere. You'd be staying, I swear.

If I could only ask for help…

If I could only exchange my life in order to save you.

If I could only redeem you and free you from this mess.

If I could only apologize for being a horrible burden for you all these years.

If I could only do all of this… only then I could forgive myself.

Forgive me, Gin…

Forgive me.

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Part III. Conclusion.

I was so glad that I still had the strength to keep my eyes open, being able to see Rangiku, and being able to witness the arrival of the person I least expected to see.

There he was, Kurosaki Ichigo, standing mightily among the ruins as his eyes darted towards us. Since the last time I faced him, he changed a lot, not only physically, but in all aspects possible. A genius, even smarter than me, I must say.

His eyes were now ruthless, firm, flaming like never before. His stance was like he would never kneel down to an enemy, his grasp on his zanpakuto was so sure, like he had no doubts in life anymore. Our eyes met for a moment, and in that instant, I was so sure…

He became one with his sword;

he freed himself from the limits, and his soul was as calm as the spring breeze but as sturdy as diamonds.

Oh, the irony of life.

He was the exact opposite of me, a troubled and messed-up soul.

No doubt about it.

Yeah… Those are strong eyes. Good.

In that case…

I can leave and entrust this to you…

Kurosaki Ichigo.

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A/N: Huhu. I wish he'd live. I wish that Unohana wold arrive from Hueco Mundo and heal him. Anyway, please leave a review! Thanks!