Chapter 1: Intimacy

"I know that you think I don't care about you or about how you feel, but I do!"

Bella stared at him blankly. She had made a decision to keep her emotions private ever since she was told she would have to marry him. Internally she screwed up her face and rolled her eyes but externally her face was a blank mask as it always was when he spoke to her.

She wondered where this conversation was coming from. She did think that he was insensitive, that he ignored her feelings. Did he sense that she felt that way? She'd always thought that she kept her feelings well hidden.

Edward continued, "I know that your feelings for him were…are different from your feelings or rather how you feel about me. I also know that there are um…things that you were willing to do for him, with him that you are not prepared to do with me... and I understand that. I just need you to know that because I still want to be with you in spite of that knowledge does not mean that I am insensitive or boorish. I do notice that you turn your head away and that you don't kiss me when we are um ...intimate. It's just that I love you so much, that I want to be close to you and show you how much I love you. I hope in time you will appreciate and share those feelings."

His speech was rushed, it was as though these thoughts had weighed upon him for some time now and he had to get the feelings off his chest.

Bella was stumped. How could she respond to his sudden outburst?

"You don't need to say anything Bella." Edwards said as he got up from the kitchen table and approached her where she stood at the kitchen sink.

Was he a mind reader now? As he approached she turned and busied herself at the sink. She could feel his pause. His footsteps stopped and he sighed. Then as though he had garnered up enough courage, he continued his approach. When he got to where she stood, he was cautious in his approach; he placed his hands on her hips and caressed her hip bones with his thumbs. Edward gently pulled her backward until she was pressed close to him and she could feel that he was hard. He pressed himself closer to her. His lips were close to her cheeks now and he moved to rub his face against hers.

"Bella" it was as much a moan as a plea. Bella knew where this was headed. He was aroused. His breath was hot on her neck. He began lifting her dress and pulling her backwards. Their progress was interrupted by the same chair upon which he had previously sat. Edward sat down and began unzipping his pants. Bella stood stony in front of where he sat and rolled her eyes. Despite all that he had just said it did not change her opinion of him. He took sex when he wanted it. He did not care about her arousal. It was good for him that he didn't, because if he did, he would never have sex with her. She could never be aroused by him not ever, not after their first experience together.

Edward pulled her into his lap and groaned as he felt her weight settle upon him. He pulled her dress up from the back as he rubbed his stiff member against her backside. When he was like this he did not bother to speak. She was glad as there was nothing she wanted to say to him, silence helped him concentrate on what he was doing and when he concentrated, as he always apparently did, it was soon over.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed his face into her back as he moaned. Edward lifted her with one arm just enough so that he could lower her underwear. He pulled her back into his lap and threw back his head as he felt her flesh make contact with his own. With his free hand he pressed his erection against her opening.

"I love you so much Bella" Edward exclaimed as he entered her. Bella kept her head forward and her mouth shut. What did he expect? A proclamation of love? He should know better! Edward placed his hands on her hips and rocked her on his erection. After a few minutes, he let go of her hips and groped her chest through the dress. It was obvious that he was enjoying himself. It always puzzled her how a man could be so oblivious to his partner's pleasure. Her husband it seemed had mastered this art. When he had sex he was in a world of his own. Bella was just the portal to that world. She understood this to be the truth despite what he had said.

Bella noticed that he had stopped rocking and was holding her tightly. It was over ...or so she thought until he lifted her off his lap, took her hand and began leading her toward the bedroom.

"Aren't you done?" She spoke without thinking since she was taken by surprise by this sudden move when she had presumed he was done.

Edward let go of her hand. It was obvious that he felt embarrassed. He looked down at the floor and asked "Do you want me to be done Bella?" When he spoke it was barely above a whisper.

"It's ..it's just that I thought you were done already. But if you want to go to the bedroom that's fine" She had not meant to make her feelings so plain.

"Do you want me to be done Bella?" He repeated quietly

Bella did not answer. She could not give him the answer she knew he wanted to hear. She may not have liked him but she wasn't heartless. She knew he loved her in his own way. Even though she said nothing her silence spoke volumes.

Edward zipped up his pants and headed for the front door. "I'll be in the garden" he said as walked out.

After he left, Bella looked out the front window and noticed that he had gone straight to the garden tool shed where he grabbed some tools and headed for the garden. Once he headed for the garden she knew that he would not be home for a while. She also knew that their conversation this evening would not be pleasant.