Chapter Two

Note: So I hadn't been planning on a second chapter but Mary Sue just had another really ridiculous idea to bother poor Eamon with. And I know not many people would normally feel sympathy for Eamon but on the other hand...look what he has to put up with. :P

There were times when Eamon wondered if saving Ferelden from Loghain's tyranny and ensuring that the Theirin lined continued were really worth it after all. Especially when the woman who was supposed to be the mother of Alistair's children just made an announcement like the one she just had. "I swear, I must be hearing things. Could you repeat that?"

Mary Sue nodded magnanimously. "Being eighty and all, it doesn't surprise me that your hearing has started to go."

Eamon coughed. "Actually, I'm forty-six."

Mary Sue's eyes widened. "Are you really? Wow, you haven't aged well. I recommend losing the beard because that adds at least a decade. I suppose being married to such a nagging harpy as Isolde can't help matters either."

Eamon drew back, affronted. "Excuse me, that's my wife you're talking about."

Mary Sue blinked. "I know. I just said that. I should try to be more understanding, though. They say that the mind is the first thing to go and if your hearing is gone, too…"

Eamon closed his eyes. He'd almost forgotten how difficult this girl could be. Upon finding out in the middle of the Landsmeet that she could not, in fact, use the specialness of her Cousland bloodline to steal the throne out from under Anora and hi-er, Alistair's noses then she had reluctantly declared herself Alistair's bride. As changing their minds would look indecisive and they weren't sure if just Alistair would be accepted since the Landsmeet had approved of Alistair and Mary Sue ruling together, there had really been no choice but to honor that arrangement. This was already going to take long enough without addressing every insult she delivered seemingly by accident and so Eamon decided to let her slur against Isolde go unchallenged. Fergus was a fine young man but Eamon really had to wonder sometimes where Bryce and Eleanor had gone wrong with their daughter. "Can you just repeat what you said?"

"I said 'Weisshaupt has recently informed me that it is, in fact, highly unlikely for a Warden to be able to have a child and two Wardens have a better chance of living through successfully killing the Archdemon than to have a child together'," Mary Sue repeated obligingly. "But since I've already done the latter then I'm sure that it will all work out."

"I'm pretty sure they were just using that as an example of something impossible and not saying that if you can live through killing the Archdemon – and I'm a little curious as to why you wouldn't be able to – then you'll be able to have a miracle baby," Eamon pointed out.

"But if I can do one impossible thing then why not two?" Mary Sue shot back.

"Because there is a difference between being able to kill whatever is standing in your way and being able to conceive a child," Eamon said frankly. "I don't know what happened with the Archdemon but unless a heightened fertility or outright pregnancy was involved then that's just not going to help you have a baby."

Mary Sue bit her lip. "So would this hypothetical pregnancy have to be mine or-"

"Yes, it would need to be yours," Eamon said firmly. "Mary Sue, you do realize that the whole reason that I wanted Alistair on the throne in the first place was so that he could carry on the Theirin bloodline? And that he cannot do that if his consort cannot have his children?"

"I thought the whole reason you wanted Alistair on the throne was so that you could rule through Alistair and you wanted him to be your puppet," Mary Sue said, looking confused.

Eamon stared at her. "Wherever did you get such a preposterous idea?"

"Teyrn Loghain kept shouting about it at the Landsmeet," Mary Sue replied promptly. "I figured that he knew you longer and must have had some reason to want you dead so he might be right about that."

"Can we please focus on the issue at hand?" Eamon entreated.

"You mean about the baby?" Mary Sue asked. "Don't worry so much about that. My lack of fertility is really just a minor inconvenience if you think about it."

"I have thought about it," Eamon argued. "And I've certainly put more thought into this than you have, not that that is likely to be saying much. If you do not have an heir then we risk civil war upon Alistair's death!"

"Even if I don't have a child – which I will – then we can always name Fergus' children heirs," Mary Sue assured him. "Either way the good people of Ferelden will be guaranteed to have one of their beloved Couslands on the throne. It would actually be even better that way, I think, as then the Cousland name would actually be the one on the throne."

"I would have thought that the Landsmeet's refusal to accept you alone would have given you a slightly more realistic point of view on that subject," Eamon murmured but Mary Sue seemed not to hear him.

"Like I was saying, I'll have a child some way. I know people, you see," Mary Sue confided. "Why, I know a clan of Dalish who know all sorts of things that might help, and I know the Ferelden Circle of Magi who probably have a whole bunch of knowledge stored somewhere they never bother looking, and I know the dwarves who…well, they can't do magic but they might still have some ideas because they never let their low fertility rate get them down. Plus, Shale and Wynne went off to the Tevinter to try and get Shale turned from a golem back into a dwarf. Surely if they can do that then they can help me get pregnant."

"But you don't know that they can do that," Eamon reminded her. "And even if they can that still seems to be very different then conception. Not to mention that if any of these people really knew how to cause Grey Wardens to be able to procreate together then it wouldn't be considered such an impossibility. And why would any of these groups waste their time on finding a way for such a thing to occur, anyway? It only affects a minority of people who are only truly relevant when a Blight is on and they don't have time to have children. Not to mention that I'm not entirely sure why Wardens can't have children together…?" he hinted.

"Sorry," Mary Sue said shaking her head, not looking particularly sorry at all. "I kind of promised Weisshaupt that I wouldn't talk about it. Really, though, magic does such wonderful things. Look at what the ashes did for you! How can you see how helpful magic can be and doubt that it will be able to aid me in having a child and that the means to do so will be quick and easy to find? Why, I bet if I went up to the Tower right now and said 'Irving, I need your help in letting two Grey Wardens have a child' then he'd go down to the library and find a book detailing just what ritual would need to be performed and I would get pregnant that very night!"

"But if it were really as easy as you say, then why does Weisshaupt think that that's impossible?" Eamon demanded.

"Clearly because Weisshaupt is full of quitters such as you," Mary Sue said sanctimoniously. "If they only applied themselves and asked for help, they would find that they could reproduce with each other as easily – no, easier! – than other people can. Honestly, I know Grey Wardens like secrecy but sooner or later they'll need to realize that they can't do everything themselves…"

"Right. Well…good luck having a royal heir," Eamon said before turning and walking from the room. He truly feared for the future if Ferelden were left in Mary Sue's hands. They might have almost been better off under Loghain (well, he probably wouldn't have been given how much Loghain seemed to despise him and want him dead). Cailan hadn't reacted very well to the idea of setting aside his bride at first and they weren't even in love. Not to mention that by the time his nephew had come around, he had set his sights on the Empress of Orlais of all people which would not have gone nearly so well for Ferelden as Cailan apparently thought for reasons that were obvious to anyone who had half a brain…which Cailan apparently did not, as much as that pained him to admit.

Still, Alistair had managed to rally several different armies and unite all of Ferelden under his banner – and he'd done it with Mary Sue no doubt getting in his way every five minutes which was, if possible, even more impressive. He just had to be smarter than Cailan was and so sooner or later he'd do what was best for Ferelden and get someone more fertile on the throne with him to bear his children.

Someone who, with any luck, was anywhere approaching sane.

Review please!