Epilogue: We Couldn't End Like That

Fox and DK stood inside a window that looked out at the backyard of the Mansion. They had to give Roy some credit. It had only been about an hour and a half after they had defeated the virus and sent the Sony and Microsoft characters home. Yet the green thumbed swordsman had managed to plant new grass all around the mansion. He was outside right now, working on his beloved courtyard.

Outside the window, Pit and the kids were playing fighter jet as Palutena watched, happy her captain was all right. "So," Fox noted to DK. "He finally finds out the truth of everything, and nothing happens. Pit doesn't lose it, he doesn't combust, and his innocence isn't corrupted and defiled."

"Not to mention Palutena didn't kill us," DK added.

"I was getting to that," Fox insisted. "I just didn't want to mention it first. She is a goddess; she could be listening for all we know."

DK nodded his agreement and shifted his weight. They watched the kids for a moment longer, and then turned away from the window, heading back towards the inside of the mansion. "Did you hear Master Hand is going to hire on Mark?" DK asked Fox.

"Yeah. How about we go get some ice cream before congratulating him? Chunky Monkey?"

"YES! BANANA FLAVOR!" DK cheered. They left the room and the view from the window.

However, because they were no longer looking out the window, they missed a few things. They missed Pit taking Palutena and dipping her backwards before meeting her firmly in a kiss, Palutena returning the kiss with vigor, and the two of them ascending back to Skyworld for some privacy.

The kids didn't miss it, though; they ran around screaming about cooties. Except for Popo. He was wondering which one he'd found more enticing at that moment.

X

Elsewhere in the mansion, debate was raging between Altair on the phone with his descendant Desmond. The assassins had decided that in order to better serve Lord Kirby, they had to be in close proximity to him. So while Altair stayed by Kirby's side, the others worked on freeing themselves from Ubisoft to join Nintendo.

There was mixed results to the news. On the one hand, they were glad to be adding the franchise to Nintendo, if under dubious terms. However, there was no way they would be able to stick Kirby back in therapy since the assassins would rescue their liege. Master Hand had found a solution though. He had noted how so many things in the mansion weren't worth Kirby's time. Altair promptly then began 'protecting Kirby' from eating 'unworthy' objects. It saved a lot on the Mansion's bill.

"I don't care what it takes, we must support Lord Kirby," Altair argued. "Just kill the Ubisoft CEO. He was nice, but Lord Kirby is above him."

"Fine," Desmond relented. "I just thought it would be easier to take him to worship Lord Kirby as well."

Altair hung up—he was starting to enjoy cell phones—and turned back to his liege. He turned in time to see Kirby's eyes rolling back as a flashback occurred. To Altair, he had come to know this as the State of Enlightenment. Altair began to bow as Kirby whipped out his rock.

However, instead, Kirby thrust the rock in Altair's face. "My Lord?" Altair asked, confused.

"Get rid of it," Kirby demanded. "It doesn't put out anymore." The puffball was surprising calm for being in a flashback, and for a second Altair wondered if Kirby knew what he was doing. He quickly corrected himself. Of course Lord Kirby knew what was happening. Altair bowed in reverence, and used his hidden blade to strike at the rock until it broke. Meanwhile, Kirby was eyeing the tree Roy was planting out front… it looked tasty…

X

There was a knock on Mario's office door, and Samus walked in. Mario gestured her over. "You're-a my friend Samus; no-a need," Mario assured. Samus sat down across from the plumber as he continued filling out forms for something. "What do you-a need? I thought-a Link was still-a passed out."

"You've known Link longer," Samus said. "Did you always know he could do that?"

"Yes," Mario admitted. "Granted, some of his-a powers were-a new, but I knew."

"But you've never said anything. He never said anything," Samus continued. "Why not tell me? I thought he trusted me. It's not like I was going to leave him because he had Mary Sue like power."

Mario nodded and put down his pen for a moment. "Link was afraid," Mario explained. "He knew that you always worked-a hard to-a beat him one-a day and be the second seat-a. But if he always-a used his full potential, he was afraid you might get-a upset and-a angry. That, and it would-a destroy the plot a lot. But-a mostly, he was worried you would-a not be-a handle being so-a far beneath him."

"Oh?" Samus asked, and Mario had a feeling Link was in for it when he woke up. "Can't handle it? I show him he's the one who can't handle it…" The angry bounty hunter stalked towards the door and paused. "Wait. He's only second seat. Does that mean you can beat him?"

"Heck-a no!" Mario protested. "Link would-a murder me! But he has never-a wanted first seat. He can do enough-a from second. Plus, he's-a terrible at-a paperwork. Whoopee! Done thirty seconds early!" Mario put aside the finished paperwork and rushed out the door. Samus had a bad feeling about where he was going. But right then, she had to go see Link about some business.

X

Mark found himself standing in a group of people. He supposed the correct term would be friends, but at the rate Marth was imbibing alcohol, it would soon become menace.

Lyn, Ike, Marth, Zelda, Isaac, and others were celebrating Mark's posting as the mansion security chief. Master Hand had figured anybody creepy and genius enough to do mathematical probabilities in their head could tell when security would be needed. Mark knew that was incorrect, but he had a degree in Criminal Justice, and the pay was hourly.

Marth put an arm around the tactician, and Mark ran probabilities to make sure Marth wasn't thinking about putting from the rough. "So Mark," Marth began. "Knowing that we have five people from Fire Emblem here, you have to agree that makes us the best, right?"

"Numbers have nothing to do with it," Mark assured him. Off to the side, Zelda had gotten a hold of Isaac's scarf and he was trying to get it back. She only giggled and wrapped it around both their necks. Mark's mental profile of both of them grew. He was snapped back to Marth.

"Man, who cares about numbers? The only numbers that matter are how many times you score in a party," Marth assured. "I mean, snap, even that don't matter. Numbers suck worse than Ike refusing to get his nails done with me. You know what, boy? We going to go get you a girl."

"That's not necessary," Mark asserted. "That you would attempt to school me in that way is pointless."

"B#^%! What you mean?" Marth asked. He leaned against the fridge for support. Lyn rested her head against Ike, waiting to hear Mark burn him. Mark might not be socially skilled, but he was good at pointing out hypocrisy.

"You don't have a girl. You float around and 'score,' as you termed," Mark explained. Ike grunted, his version of a laugh. Mark one, Marth zero.

Marth shrugged. "Okay, you right," he agreed, flipping his hand at Mark. "But that just makes me free. And no girl can keep up with this hair." Marth pointed at his hair for emphasis. The women in the room had to agree; Marth kept great care of his hair. The guys just thought it sounded gay. Marth went on. "Tell you what, when you get a girl, I settle down, too."

"I already have a girlfriend," Mark replied.

Lyn and Ike froze. Isaac and Zelda looked over. Pikachu dropped the pencil he was using to outline his next domination plan. Marth's jaw dropped. ROB's plating fell open. A nearby jock combusted.

"Say what?" Marth shouted. "He's got one and I don't? Son of a b$%!"

Mark two, Marth zero.

X

Link woke up and opened his eyes, feeling like he'd been punched in the head. After feeling around, he learned he was lying in bed. He frowned when he realized that his vision was still black. A blindfold was tied over his eyes; it was also tight, explaining his headache. He went to remove it.

"Don't even think about it," Samus warned.

The hero's fear level rose. He'd been expecting this after the Mary Sue he'd pulled. Samus wasn't the type to take something without doing something about it. Briefly he considered stabbing himself and smearing the blood to save himself more pain.

"Seriously, Link," Samus continued. "You thought I would be upset about you being insanely strong? You thought I couldn't handle it?"

Crap, he'd guessed wrong. Maybe he should cut his heart out while he was at it before she killed him in a fit of rage. When Samus got angry, Samus got angry. There was a reason they were afraid of her in the first Smash.

Tentatively Link sat up, swinging his feet over the sides. He heard strumming. Odd; he didn't recall strumming a second ago. "Next time, think about what you're saying in your head," Samus warned. "I can handle anything you throw at me. It's you who loses track of everything."

"That's not true," Link defended. In hindsight, he should have just nodded.

"Really? What about when someone hid your hat."

"…Okay," Link admitted.

"I just want you to trust me," Samus finished. There was silence for a while as Link's headache continued due to the blindfold. The strumming was the only noise. "You know," Samus started up again. "I never knew you played guitar. Or horns. Or woodwinds. Or drums. Or strings. You really need to clean out your closet."

So that was his Zora guitar Samus had? Link didn't know she played either. Come to think of it, he had lost that. And why was Samus going through his closet? The strumming stopped as Link pulled the blindfold off.

Samus was sitting across from Link in a chair. She had a seductive smirk on her face and was setting the guitar aside. But then something really caught Link's eye.

Samus was wearing one of Link's spare tunics. He had never expected his own tunic would look so good. The bounty hunter stood up and walked the small distance to Link, putting extra swing in her step. But Link was too busy with another detail.

She was wearing only his tunic.

Link had no idea what happened next, but he knew what happened afterward. Samus still a smirk half an hour later. Who couldn't handle what now?

X

A/N: Well, on that tantalizing note, I should inform you of something. First, there are semi-plans for a third story. They involve Congress, how Pikachu became world dictator, and still more cracks. BUT, I will not be writing it during October and November. In November I will be focusing on NaNoWriMo, and in October I have a pre NaNoWriMo bet going. So I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait until December. I might throw out some one-shots now and then to keep creative juice flowing at all times, but for now, yellow.