Total Drama Action Redux

a Total Drama fan fiction story

by Lord Akiyama

Author's Note: This is an alternate universe story based around my idea of how the series would have gone. It begins from the episode Alien Resurr-eggtion onward. Some elements are the same as in the show, but the rest is taken in a different direction.

Total Drama and its characters are copyright © of Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network. This story was created purely out of sheer enjoyment so please don't sue. Or throw me off a thousand-foot high cliff into a shark-infested lake. That would so smarts.

Chapter One

Alien Resurr-eggtion

(Narrated by Chris McLean)

Last time on Total Drama Action...

Fourteen teenagers. One engaging host. A dilapidated film lot. And a whole lotta coin. KA-CHING! Oh, and did I mention a remote controlled monster? Heh-ha-ha-heh! I love this show!

So any way, Beth, Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Geoff, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Justin, LeShawna, Lindsay, Owen, and Trent are all looking to extend their fifteen minutes of fame two days after leaving the island. Hey, they have a million reasons to subject themselves to even more pain and suffering no one else would be stupid enough to. Why shouldn't I have a little fun torturing the hell outta them if they're willing to endure them?

Beth arrived with her braces removed while Heather has to wear a wig to conceal the fact that she's a bald freak. There's plenty of hormones raging as couples Gwen and Trent, Bridgette and Geoff, and the highly disturbing Izzy and Owen put their love on the line for individual glory. Harold and LeShawna would have been counted in the mix, but LeShawna pulled the plug on their so-called romance before it could even sprout any legs. Or has she...

By the way, Izzy seems to have changed her name to Kaleidoscope. E-Scope for short. Why, I don't know. And frankly, I don't wanna. This is the same psycho who went out on a date with the remote controlled monster.

Long story short, Owen ate a buffet of fake food props to score victory for the guys and get first dibs on the cast trailers. He chose the one destroyed by the monster, much to the shock and disappointment of his fellow male companions. Unfortunately for the girls, their sigh of relief was short lived when the monster returned to crush their trailer as well. Oh well.

We're about to get this show on the road and it's only gonna get more dramatic every step of the way.

Who will survive to claim the one million dollar reward?

Find out on another thrilling episode of...

TOTAL... DRAMA... ACTION!

(Cue Theme Song)

It was early morning and the cast gathered at the Craft Services Tent for breakfast. Breakfast cooked by Chef Hatchet. Eggs and bacon, according to the chalkboard out front. But they were highly suspicious that there were additional ingredients added to the meal. Still, they did not have much of a choice as there was no chance in hell they were going to get to eat quality food. Not while they were still on the show.

As they lined up to be served their poisonous dish, Duncan was groaning. He was forced to wake up a lot earlier than usual. He was about to subject himself to another batch of hideous food. But what really irked him was that right in front of him Geoff and Bridgette were engaged in another session of tonsil hockey. To him, it was getting very tedious and very annoying.

"Keep the line moving, lovebirds," Duncan muttered aloud. There was no form of response from the kissing couple. In fact, it seemed like they did not hear him at all. Duncan rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well, this is going to be a joyous run."

"Ah, come on," Trent said. "Let them enjoy it while they can."

"Doesn't mean I have to enjoy it," Duncan responded. "Don't get me wrong, them being in a relationship is cool and all. But they've been sucking face more times than they've been breathing air. Frankly, I'm getting tired of seeing it."

"Aww, what's the matter?" Gwen asked in a teasing voice. "Is someone grumpy because he can't do the same thing they're doing since his Princess isn't here?" She started to laugh along with Trent.

"Bite me," Duncan growled. This only caused Trent and Gwen to laugh some more. Duncan let out a defeated sigh before moving up in line. "God, I hate mornings..."

Over in the front of the line, Izzy had skipped on the eggs and bacon. Instead, she managed to get a hold of some pancakes. Lindsay and Beth watched in horror as Izzy squeezed ketchup all over her breakfast.

"That's... so... wrong..." Lindsay gasped.

"So wrong..." Beth agreed.

Izzy merely giggled. "In battle, we put ketchup on everything," she proclaimed. Then she spoke in a very low voice. "Covering the taste of mortar." With a smile on her face, she left to find a table to sit at.

Lindsay quickly attempted to salvage the situation by changing the subject. Only not that well. "My new nail polish is mortar," she stated, holding the back of her hand up for Beth to see. "Isn't it hot?"

"Grey is so totally your color," Beth said in compliment. The two friends made their way to the other table to sit at. As far away from Izzy as they possibly could.

Tired and exhausted, Owen made his way to the front of the line. Chef placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him, the sight of which causing the big guy to moan.

"Oh..." Owen uttered. "No eggs and bacon for me, Chef. I'll just have this-" He gagged slightly, almost as though he was about to puke. When the feeling subsided, he continued. "- Nice bowl of prunes."

Everyone in the Craft Services Tent gasped in shock. Even Izzy could not believe what she was witnessing. Owen was actually choosing a specific dish over another. What's more, he was taking prunes.

Owen looked around at everyone with a confused look on his face. "What?" he asked.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Owen - "My, uh... plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure build up's killing me!" /Constipates./ "C'mon colon! Don't fail me now!" /Slight fart is heard./ "Oh! I hear bells!"

Soon after everyone had a plate of breakfast, Chris entered. He wore sunglasses, a red scarf with a matching hat, and carried a backpack in one hand with a clapper board in the other. "Welcome to day two of... TOTAL... DRAMA... ACTION!" he announced, clapping the clapper board.

"Are you gonna do that every time?" Duncan asked in annoyance.

"Yes," Chris answered proudly. "Yes, I will."

Duncan rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Alright then," he said.

"Today's movie genre... aliens," Chris continued. "Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef."

"You got three basic rules," Chef stated while cooking something rather unpleasant. "Aliens wanna take over the world and start makin' lotta baby aliens. People fight back. Then the military's called in." He waved his spoon, during which a chunk of disgusting food flung out and nailed Owen in one eye. "Yo, Chris! Where's my paycheck at?"

"It's... in the mail," Chris managed to say after some thought. Chef frowned, a sight that went ignored. The host dug into his backpack and pulled out a map. "Today's challenge... find an alien egg and return to home base before mama alien finds you. The two fastest get to pick the teams this season."

"Sorry, losers," Duncan announced with a chuckle. "But no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better." His statement was immediately challenged.

"Oh yeah?" Gwen questioned with a raised brow. Then she pointed her fingers at the punk and imitated a masculine male voice. "'I'm gonna blend up those no good aliens and have them for breakfast!'"

"No way," Duncan said. "Dude, Alien Chunks is my favorite alien movie of all-time."

"Seen it twenty-seven times," Gwen stated proudly.

"Only twenty-seven?" Duncan questioned with a laugh. He thumped his chest with his thumb. "Fifty-three."

"Oh, you'll surely be tough to beat," Gwen mocked. "All I have is a lucky charm." As the conversation was going on, Trent watched silently with a look of concern on his face.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Gwen - "I love the scene in Alien Chunks where they turn the aliens into fruity-blended drinks. I even have the necklace." /Shows necklace to the camera./

Trent - /Sighs./ "I dunno. I get this feeling that maybe there's some kinda connection Gwen has with Duncan. I keep trying to remind myself that Gwen likes me and Duncan likes Courtney. But then they start talking to each other, even if they're ribbing one another... It's when they're all 'friendly' that I start to get worried..."

"Hey, Chris?" DJ asked, raising a hand nervously. "You got some laser shootin' monster playin' mama alien?"

"Not quite," Chris replied with a sly grin.

It was then that Chef reappeared, no one having paid any sort of attention that he had ducked out from the kitchen in the first place. The big man stood before them wearing a badly made alien suit that just barely managed to cover every part of his back except for his face. He didn't look too happy to be wearing it at all.

"You call that slime?" Chris questioned, unimpressed with what he saw. "Make-Up! More slime over here!"

Everyone watched as a bucket's worth of slime slowly drenched Chef. "I hate my life," he muttered.

Chris reached back into his backpack and pulled out numerous handheld objects. "Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot," he stated as he threw each one out to the contestants. "Find the alien eggs. But be careful. Cause today, you're all on Chef's menu."

Chef gave out a sinister chuckle.

The GPS devices led everyone into a building to the western end of the film lot. It was very cold, very dark, and very gloomy. Steel metal made every inch on what they saw. Somewhere in here they would find the alien eggs they were to bring back to the Craft Service Tent, or for this occasion home base.

"Hey, follow me!" Izzy proclaimed. "I know aliens. Uh-huh. I've been abducted loads of times. There's a tracking device in my neck. See?" She pointed to a specific spot on the back of her neck.

"Does it hurt?" Harold asked curiously.

"Only when I hiccup," Izzy answered. She then hiccuped, resulting in her receiving a minor shock. "Ow." Seeing this worried some of the others. Concerned that she might actually be telling the truth.

"Can you feel that?" LeShawna asked. "It's like there's somethin' in there cold as ice. With no soul."

Unbeknownst to everyone, their handsome host was in the editing room. Sitting back in a relaxed position and watching their every move on numerous monitors. "Thanks," Chris laughed. Every word he said could not be heard by the others in the building. He then leaned forward and pressed a button. "Now take that!"

Quite suddenly, cold smoke was sprayed upon the teenagers. Many reacted by flinching in terror. Others gasped or screamed. Harold, on the other hand, immediately jumped into LeShawna's arms. When the sense of danger had passed, the two looked at one another. Harold smiled bashfully. LeShawna merely glared at him.

(Make-Up Confessional)

LeShawna - "I've already told that skinny lil' tadpole that things between us aren't meant to be. Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is LeShawna."

Harold - "I'm pretty sure LeShawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me. Like she's unpantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. Like chocolate almon-"

"How come we're the only dots on the screen?" Heather complained. Everyone had proceeded onward toward their destination. During which, Heather started tapping on the monitor of the GPS device she held. "Where's Chef?"

"How did you get in our group?" Justin asked curiously.

"There are no groups yet," Heather noted. "Plus, there's only one way we can go."

(Make-Up Confessional)

Beth - /Sits in the chair, Lindsay stands next to her./ "Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn't mean we should be mean back, right. Buddha says, 'You can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice.'"
Lindsay - "That is so deep!"

The teenagers came to a halt upon hearing strange noises. They could not quite make out what it was exactly that they heard. All that they knew was that it was barely audible and it sounded rather squishy.

"Shhh..." Gwen whispered.

As if on cue, Owen let out a rather impressive fart. "Ah, yes!" he cheered in relief. "First one! Smell it!" He chuckled with joy. Until he saw the faces of practically everyone else glaring at him. "Sorry."

The strange sound was still being heard. So it was obviously not coming from Owen.

"What is that?" Trent asked.

After a moment, everyone turned to Beth. Most recalled that she used to make similar quiet sounds back on the island. She looked back at them with a confused brow raised. Then she realized why and showed off her teeth.

"Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound any more," Beth explained.

LeShawna sighed with frustration and looked up to where she figured a camera was. "Chris?" she demanded. "Is that you?"

"I get blamed for everything," Chris muttered with a shrug from the editing room.

"It must be Chef," Duncan stated. He then formed a determined grin, cracked his knuckles, and chuckled. "Do you wanna run? Or do you wanna kick some alien butt?"

"Let's kick some alien butt!" Gwen responded with a determined grin of her own.

"Ahem..." Trent coughed.

Gwen looked over to see her boyfriend his with arms crossed and tapping his right foot lightly. She smiled and laughed lightly. "Trent, any thoughts?" she asked.

"You have to ask?" Trent chuckled in response. "Kick some alien butt, of course." Gwen nodded her head approvingly. Duncan, on the other hand, merely rolled his eyes.

"So..." Harold began to say, looking around at everyone else. "Who wants to go first?"

"Uh-uh, please, please," LeShawna replied, patting Harold on the shoulder and shaking her head. "After you."

"After you," DJ said to Izzy and Owen. "I insist."

"Don't worry, Izzy," Owen proclaimed. "I'll protect you." He tried to wrap his arm around the crazy redhead. Instead, he found himself getting flipped over and slammed onto the ground by said crazy redhead.

"Ahem," Izzy stated. "It's 'Kaleidoscope'. 'E-Scope' for short."

"Yes sir, 'E-Scope' sir!" Owen saluted.

"Okay!" DJ stated with a deep breath. "Let's do this!" Just before he could display any sort of sudden bravado, he frantically turned toward where he thought a camera was. "Mama, if yer listenin' to this, you can have my limited edition Raptors cards! They're worth some serious coin!" Most of the others face palmed themselves after witnessing this.

"I didn't suffer through eight years of braces, headgears, saliva spittle, and the ridicule of my parents so I could hide from life!" Beth proclaimed as she marched past everyone.

"You go girl!" LeShawna cheered.

"Watch out, Alien Chef!" Beth cried. "'Cause here comes Beth!" She turned the corner, ready to throw herself into action. Then she came to a stop and looked rather surprised. "Oh..." She took her attention away just long enough to inform the others what the source of the noise actually was. "It's just Bridgette and Geoff!"

Confused, the others looked over to see for themselves. Sure enough, they found the surfer girl and the party dude engage in a seemingly never ending game of tonsil hockey. The wet kissing and moaning that emitted from their mouths were the result of the strange sounds everyone had heard.

"Geez," Duncan groaned. "Don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?"

There was no response. In fact, it appeared that they were oblivious to the fact that someone was speaking to them. They were too busy making out to even pay attention to their surroundings.

"I'm thinking that's a no," Owen said, replying to Duncan's question.

"I dunno about y'all, but I'm wondering how they got so far in front of us," DJ stated. Some of the others began murmuring to themselves, thinking aloud about the same thing themselves.

"I didn't even know they had passed us, actually," Harold noted, scratching his head.

"Enough messing around," Gwen announced in a manner that even to somehow manage to capture the attention of the kissing couple. "We've got alien eggs to capture."

(Make-Up Confessional)

Gwen - "I wasn't worried about Chef, alien costume or not. I mean, I did place second last season. I think I have a very good idea of what I'm doing."

Gwen took one good look at the group. Then she looked at her GPS device. A realization dawned on her and she sighed. "Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?" she pointed out sarcastically.

"Sh'yeah," Trent said after looking at his GPS device. "Ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time."

"We've really gotta work on our strategizing," Gwen muttered.

"DANGER!" a computer voice sounded. It was followed by red warning lights flashing on and off and emergency bells whistling. "DANGER! DANGER!" It did not take long for most of the group to panic.

"Let's get out of here!" Heather cried.

"Which way do we go?" Justin asked.

"North is nice, but east is least," Lindsay started blurting out aloud. "West is best!"

"Can't argue with that," LeShawna said with a shrug. "Wouldn't even know how to." Before anything else could be said, Lindsay led Justin, LeShawna, and Beth down a ramp through the western path visible.

Remaining calm, Gwen took another look at her GPS device. "Map says the boiler room is east of here," she noted.

"Alien eggs are always in the boiler room," Duncan pointed out proudly.

"Why is that?" Trent asked curiously.

"Most movies make aliens out to be similar to warm blooded mammals," Gwen answered. "If they were cold blooded, we would be knee deep in alien eggs."

"And that would've been too easy for you freaks," Chris noted aloud from the editing room.

Gwen, Duncan, Trent, and DJ started making their way toward the eastern path. Bridgette and Geoff began to follow when they were stopped rather suddenly by the punk.

"Where do you think you're going?" Duncan asked.

"With you," Bridgette answered. "To the boiler room."

"Whew," DJ sighed in relief. "That's great, y'all. The more, the merrier."

"Sorry," Duncan said, shaking his head. "But the lovebirds are on their own." Hearing this caused the surfer girl and the party dude to gasp in horror.

"Dude, that's harsh," Geoff said.

"In any alien flick, the kissing couple's always the first to go," Duncan stated.

"True," Gwen said. "But I seem to recall alien survival rule number thirteen. If you need to complete a particular objective before evacuating, it's ideal to be in a large group than in a small one. Six is better than four."

"They're gonna slow us down, doing nothing but suck face like they've been doing all day," Duncan attempted to reason.

"They managed to get ahead of us when we weren't looking," Trent noted.

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with them around then without them, man," DJ said.

Duncan looked in disbelief at the others. DJ appeared rather adamant that Bridgette and Geoff were included. Trent did not seem to mind the idea. Gwen merely crossed her arms over her chest and raised a brow at him. The punk sighed in defeat. "Fine," he muttered. "Let them tag along." He then turned to Bridgette and Geoff. "Just don't be sucking any more face, alright?"

(Make-Up Confessional)

Duncan - "Look, at the end of the day, they're my competition. If they don't wanna play the game, then they're just getting in the way, I'd say. There's no way Romeo and Juliet are going to ruin my chances at a million big ones. Uh-uh."

Geoff - "Duncan's a cool dude and all. But what does he have against me and Bridge, man? It's not like our making out is getting in his way or something, right?"

Bridgette - "At this point, I'm not all that surprised that Duncan dislikes my relationship with Geoff. This is the same guy who convinced my Schmoopy-Boo to vote me off the island. However, I think all of his vent-up frustration really steams from the fact that he doesn't have Courtney around to make out with."

Without realizing it, Harold, Heather, Izzy, and Owen found themselves alone in their own little group. Moving in a direction that was randomly selected. Thereby leaving them ahead toward who knew where. A fact that made Owen whimper.

"Everyone, snap out of it!" Heather stated, snapping her fingers for effect. "If we don't play it together, we are going to lose this challenge. Now who is with me?"

In-spite of the location they were in, cricket sounds were heard for a brief period.

"Uh..." Owen uttered. "It's hard to say. Um... Does being 'with you' imply some sort of alliance?"

"'Cause we don't like you," Izzy noted.

Heather was about to say something nasty in retort. She thought better of it and instead chose her words more carefully. "Okay, okay," she began to say in response. "Forget being with me. Who's willing to walk beside me, in mutual pursuit of our goals with no commitment of any kind?"

"I can agree to that," Owen answered. Izzy nodded in agreement.

"Count me in," Harold added.

Unbeknownst to Harold, Chef slowly descended from the ceiling. He was about to make his move when the rope he was hanging from snapped rather suddenly and he fell to the ground. None the wiser, Harold did not bother to look around as he reacted to something that was clearly behind him.

"Did any one else hear that?" Harold asked.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Harold - "I may not be the best looking guy. Or the best dressed. Or the most buff. But I get my butt kicked a lot. So my senses are totally heightened. I can sense when something's coming. Nothing gets by me."

Seeing that the others had their eyes shot wide open in horror, Harold positioned himself to be ready fro an attack. Unfortunately, he did not have the sense to notice that they were all staring behind him. It wasn't until he felt something tap his shoulders that he finally turned and came face to face with a giant man in a green alien suit.

"Say hello to eternity," Chef chuckled. He then pulled the trigger.

The impact of the green paintball pellet sent Harold flying a good few feet, past the others, until he finally crashed onto the floor. "I'm hit, I'm hit!" he screamed.

Owen looked at the other in fear until he heard something. It was accompanied by a particular feeling. One that was in his stomach. And the sound he had heard was one that usually came as a warning. On this occasion, he found it to be relief.

"Ah, it's time!" Owen announced. He then immediately ran over to Chef. "Take me out, I beg you! It's an emergency!" Chef glared at the husky boy for a moment before obliging and shooting him in the stomach. "Oh, thank you! Ha-ho! Thank you!" Owen grabbed Chef's hand to shake it and then immediately began running past the others. "Make way! Coming through!"

Every step he made in running, he let out a series of farts. Each one also releasing green mist in his wake. Izzy and Heather jumped to one side to avoid getting in the way. Harold, however, had been lying on the floor. And when Owen past him, the stench was left behind for the fallen nerd to get more than a good whiff.

"Help!" Harold cried. "I'm choking and I can't get up!"

(Make-Up Confessional)

Owen - /Looks relieved./ "Aww, man. I didn't think I was gonna make it!" /Chuckles./ "But these bowels never let me down. Great job, guys!" /Farts and chuckles in embarrassment./ "Oh. I think there's more. Coming through!" /Swiftly exits the confessional while stage-hand sprays air freshener./

Heather and Izzy watched as Chef slowly began to approach them, letting out a sinister chuckle along the way. With a sense of determination, Heather immediately grabbed Izzy shoulders and held her in front as a shield.

"I am not going down without a fight, you glorified dung-beetle!" Heather proclaimed. "... Lizard! ... Whatever!" Chef merely smirked. However, neither one could of guessed what Izzy would do. Then again, this was Izzy they were involved with.

"One of us... isn't getting out of here... clean," Izzy laughed. Without warning, which whipped out a paintball gun of her own and aimed it at Chef. The sight catching Heather completely by surprise, resulting in her running off immediately.

"Ya call that a paint-ball gun?" Chef questioned. He threw his paintball gun to one side and made a dramatic backflip. As he landed, he had withdrawn an even bigger paintball gun. One that looked like a machine gun. "This is a paint-ball gun!"

"Ha-ha, fun!" Izzy cheered. She threw her paintball gun to one side, reached behind, and pulled out another one that was very much like the one Chef had. "I love this game!"

Heather watched all of this with a mixture of fear and confusion. "Okay..." she managed to utter, darting her eyes in various directions. "I'll just let you two have at it." She backed away before making a full sprinting get away.

"If I can handle hand-to-paw combat with a polar bear, ha-ha, I can handle a bald, emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume!" Izzy stated.

"Who you callin' a cook?" Chef questioned.

The two immediately began firing upon one another. Engaged in an epic shootout. Chef fired multiple shots that Izzy managed to avoid with a backflip. Izzy would return fire, with pellets that Chef barely managed to dodge. They continued to fire until Chef managed to finally hit the gun out of Izzy's hands. He followed by nailing her in the chest. She was sent flying to the floor and did not move for a short time afterward.

"Uh-oh," Chef uttered. "Not again!"

Chef immediately ran over to Izzy. The crazy redhead looked to be dead. At least, until she made a goofy face. This followed by blowing a raspberry at him and cackling before getting to her feet.

"I thought you were dead," Chef stated in relief.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Izzy laughed.

"What was that?" Chris complained. "Where are the guts? The gore! I'll fix it!" Chris reached down and replaced his beret by putting on a camo military cap. He looked at himself in a hand-held mirror and admired the reflection that he was seeing. "I really should wear camo more often."

Believing that she had managed to get as far away as possible from Chef, Heather slowed her pace and began nervously searching for the alien eggs. The quiet atmosphere, combined with how cold it was, sent chills up and down her spine. The only sounds she could hear were her footsteps and the occasional drops of water escaping from a faucet. Heather turned a corner and found herself encountering that last thing she wanted to encounter.

Screaming, Heather immediately bolted away from Chef. However, the big man was giving chase. And he was armed. "This is for last season when you put laxatives in my brownies!" he hollered. "The only thing that should give people the runs is my undercooked meat!" He fired, nailing Heather square in the back.

The impact of the hit was enough to launch her wig to fly off of her head and land on the floor. A floor that had holes. Holes that were just open enough for a wig to slip down. Which Heather immediately recognized was starting to happen.

"My wig!" Heather screamed in horror. She threw herself as quickly as she could to grab her wig. But it was too late. The wig fell through the hole. Never to be seen again. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" Heather stood up and was about to cry when she gasped. She remembered that she was on a reality show. And the cameras were rolling. Looking over to where she thought a camera was, she threw her arms out in a desperate attempt to cover the view of the lens. "Don't look at me!"

(Make-Up Confessional)

Heather - "Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything! Lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine." /Drinks Burmese medicine in disgust, gags in disgust./ "BAH! Loser shaman!" /Throws away mug in disgust./

As quietly as possible, Beth, Justin, LeShawna, and Lindsay walked in the direction suggested by Lindsay. All seemed to be going smooth. Or rather as smooth as possible given that they were being hunted by a large man in a stupid alien costume and were in a very cold and damp environment that sent shivers up and down their spines. But smooth nonetheless. Until they found themselves coming to a dead end.

"Um... how did we get here?" Lindsay asked, scratching her head as she examined her GPS device.

"Ah-heh," Justin began to say sarcastically. "If we knew, we wouldn't be lost."

"You are so smart, Justin," Lindsay cooed. The sarcasm having flown completely over her head. "And gorgeous!"

"What a knock-out!" LeShawna mused along.

"Totally gorgeous!" Beth swooned as well.

A creaking sound caught their attention. They watched in horror as a door suddenly slammed down from behind them. Trapping them in a contained space with no chance of escape.

"I hate to be the barer of big bad alien news, but I think this may be a trap," LeShawna stated.

Instinctively, all three girls immediately clung onto Justin.

"We gotta hire an effects crew," Chef mumbled to the camera as he attached a hose into an open faucet. Once they were tightly fastened, he turned the handle. Chuckling in a sinister manner.

Without warning, the sprinkler system above activates. But it's not water that was raining down upon Beth, Justin, LeShawna, and Lindsay. It was green slime. The girls screamed in horror at being drenched in the sticky substance until the down pour finally comes to a stop. That was when the whining began.

"Gross!" Beth cried.

"Grodie!" Lindsay added.

"Ooo..." Justin moaned, rubbing the slime upon his chest. "Feels so good." This did not go unnoticed by the girls. All three immediately beginning to fawn over him in love-struck admiration.

"Looks even better!" Beth proclaimed in enchantment.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Beth - "You know what, models are people too! We stare at them, but they've got feelings. just like the rest of us. They've got hopes and dreams." /Gets all girly./ "My dream is to marry Justin! My mom says if I concentrate really hard, one day all of my dreams will come true!"

Opening the door slowly, Trent was the first to peek into the room. He was followed by DJ, Duncan, and Gwen. Then Bridgette and Geoff. They had a good look around to find that there was no danger. For now. What they did find was a room that was warm as a result of a furnace being used. In a lower platform below the furnace was a large collection of what appeared to be alien eggs. The six slipped into the room and closed the door shut before examining the eggs below.

"Wow," Trent said with a whistle. "I gotta admit. They look so real."

"Woo-hoo!" DJ cheered. "We won! Yeah!"

"Not so fast, big guy," Duncan said. "We still have to get the eggs to home base."

Upon hearing this, DJ was crestfallen. Then their GPS devices began to beep rapidly. They looked to see that an unidentified dot was within range. And it was heading in their direction.

"Quick," Gwen stated. "Lower me down."

Trent nodded and grabbed hold of the goth girl's waist as he lowered her upside down. Bridgette offered to join up and Geoff was more than willing to help his surfer girl.

"I gotcha, babe," Geoff said as he lowered her upside down.

The girls slowly descended until they were within arm's reach of the eggs. Gwen was the first to make a grab at one of them. Carefully, she picked one up. Until it suddenly burst at the pressure of her apparently tight grip. She fortunately did not have so much as a drop spill onto her.

"Ever heard of plastic props?" Gwen questioned aloud.

Gwen and Bridgette went about grabbing one egg for everyone. Trent had pulled Gwen up and Bridgette had just gotten hold of the last egg when they heard a high-pitched squeal. They all looked over to see that DJ had been hit with a paintball, dropping his egg to crash onto the ground and falling to his knees. Knowing full well what happened and not wanting to see for themselves that Chef was upon them, Duncan, Gwen, and Trent immediately made a run for it.

"Save yourselves!" DJ cried.

"Geoff!" Bridgette cried.

Geoff immediately pulled Bridgette up as quickly as he could. They scooped up their eggs and immediately ran in the direction they thought they saw the others go. They had turned a few corners when a door suddenly slammed before them.

"No, no, no!" Geoff yelled, banging on the door with all his might. "We're trapped!"

"Help!" Bridgette screamed. "Gwen! Trent! Duncan!"

They stopped and froze in silence when they started hearing footsteps approaching. Both dropped their eggs, not caring any more about them, and threw themselves into each other's arms.

"This is it, baby," Geoff whimpered. "Better make it good."

"That is the most romantic thing I have ever heard," Bridgette said in awe.

The two immediately begin to make out, no longer caring about the danger that approached. Chef turned the corner and appeared before them. He aimed his gun at them, but then stopped. He looked on at the making out with a rather slight sense of admiration as he lowered his weapon.

"I once knew a love like that," Chef muttered.

Then he turned his game face back on, aimed, and fired.

Duncan, Gwen, and Trent pushed their way out of the last door and were making a mad dash away through the film lot. Alien eggs in tow. They had just gotten several yards when they suddenly heard the sound of a helicopter. The stopped and looked up to see just exactly that flying overhead. Armed with bombs.

"Attention, civilians!" Chris announced through a megaphone from the helicopter. "The military is here to protect you now! Unfortunately, we can't let you leave with any alien eggs!"

"But we're supposed to take the alien eggs!" Trent responded is frustration. "That's what you said!"

"Right!" Chris stated. "I did!"

"Should have seen it coming," Gwen cursed under her breath. "Military and government arrive only so they can cover up the whole thing with no evidence and no survivors."

"Okay, when this is all over, we need to watch movies together," Trent stated. Gwen blushed slightly at hearing this.

A crash from behind caught their attention. They looked over to see a snickering Chef appear, cocking his paintball gun. He had just begun to move toward them when a whistling sound was heard. Duncan looked up to find the source. A chuckling Chris and released the bombs and was dropping them onto everyone below.

"Incoming!" Duncan yelled.

Everyone immediately jumped in whichever direction instinct led them to. The bombs exploded on impact, resulting in a giant mass of slime covering everything within a mile radius. All while Chris laughed gleefully at the mess he made.

"Woo!" Chris chuckled. "Glad I don't have to clean that up."

Gwen and Trent emerged from behind a pair of barrels they had managed to jump to. They looked at themselves to find that they were free of any drop of slime. Then they looked over to see that Duncan has been covered from head to toe, having unable to jump into someplace to hide behind.

"Does this mean I'm out?" Duncan asked as he got up from the ground.

"Too bad, so sad," Gwen laughed. "More money for me."

"Ooo, down for the count," Duncan responded sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Trent - "Duncan is always acting like such a touch guy. 'Ooo, you got a Mohawk.' 'Oh, you're so tough, bud.' Yeah, hairspray's really manly. I love seeing Gwen stick it to Duncan. She's so awesome, I'd do anything for her."

Gwen continued laughing until she gasped in sudden horror. "Oh no!" she cried. "Our alien eggs!"

The three looked around, realizing that the alien eggs had been dropped when they all jumped about in panic. Duncan managed to spy the location of one of the eggs. Resting a top a plank of wood that was upon a slime covered and unconscious Chef.

"I'm on it!" Duncan announced. But before he could even show the others where he found the egg, Trent made an immediate dash past him and towards the direction.

"Dude, you're out," Trent pointed out. "Which means I'm on it."

Instinctively, Gwen placed a hand over her chest. Where her necklace hung over. Which she suddenly discovered was not there. "My necklace!" she gasped. "It's gone!"

Trent heard this and immediately came to a stop. As he was turning to face Gwen, he caught sight of the necklace. It was slowly beginning to slip into a drainage. He then heard the grunting sound of Chef, catching sight of the big man beginning to stir. Which in turn moved the plank the alien egg was on. Any more movement and the egg will sure crash onto the ground. But the necklace would sure fall into the drainage at any second. Costing Gwen her prized possession.

Gwen gasped in horror when she saw the necklace fall right into the drainage. Only for a second later Trent reach in and grab it just in the nick of time.

"Gotcha!" Trent proclaimed to a smiling Gwen.

(Make-Up Confessional)

Gwen - "I know this is going to sound really girly, but I was seriously touched when Trent chose my necklace over the egg. Most guys would've gone for the win."

"Personally, I would've picked the win," Duncan muttered to Trent as he watched the other pass by to give Gwen her necklace.

They all then watched as Chef began to push himself off of the ground. Doing so caused the plank to tip the alien egg. It dropped and crashed onto Chef's head, covering him some more in the sticky green slime. He merely groaned at his misfortune.

"Sorry about losing the egg," Trent stated as he gave Gwen her necklace back.

"Thanks for saving my necklace," Gwen said. The two gazed into each other's eyes for a moment. Then Gwen suddenly placed the necklace around his neck with a smile. "I want you to have it. For luck. It suits you."

"Girl," Duncan coughed. He received a stern glare from Trent in response.

"You three gave it a valiant effort," Chris announced. The three contestants looked up to see him descending down upon them with a parachute. After his feet touched the ground, he started laughing. "But you're still losers! Guess we'll have to do this all over again from the very beginning."

The three started to groan in disbelief. But then something caught Trent's eyes. He squinted for a bit to make sure what he saw was real. Satisfied, he smiled and immediately began running for it.

"Not so fast, Chris," Trent said. "Looks like my good luck charm is working already." He reached down near where Chef was sitting and picked up two alien eggs. Leaving Chris in a bit of shock and Gwen in a state of joy. "Gwen, meet you at home base!" He immediately began running toward her, just avoiding getting swiped at by Chef.

"I'll get you next time!" Chef threatened with a growl.

"Can't you do anything right?" Chris questioned as he walked over to the big man.

"Where's my money?" Chef demanded in response. "Hmmm? Give me my money!"

"Talking to the wrong person, dude," Chris stated, examining his nails in a nonchalant manner. "It's the producers you gotta ask. Oh, but you won't get to see them until after the show is over. Tough break, man."

Chef growled some more.

Still drenched in slime, the remaining contestants waited in anticipation to see if one of the others had completed the challenge. Well, everyone except Bridgette and Geoff. They were in the middle of a game of tonsil hockey. They then saw Gwen and Trent arrive. Panting as they slowed their run down to a walk and each holding an alien egg. They also saw Chris and Duncan approach from behind. Duncan covered in slime.

"We have our two winners!" Chris announced. "Our only two winners! The rest of you really stink!" He gleefully ignored the glares he was receiving from everyone else. Rather those who were paying attention. "Well done, Gwen and Trent. You two successfully completed the challenge. For your reward, I bare both good news and bad news. The good news is that you will both be immune from elimination for an indefinite period of time."

Everyone gasped. Even Bridgette and Geoff managed to stop kissing and look over in shock. Gwen and Trent looked at one another and smiled. Everyone else looked flabbergasted.

"They're immune for an indefinite period?" Heather shrieked in rage. "What the hell? You're giving them a free pass to the finals because they won some stupid challenge!"

"Don't you think that's a little unfair to the rest of us?" Beth questioned in a whimpering tone.

"Maybe," Chris replied. "But now I get to reveal the bad news. I seem to recall telling you kiddies that the winners of this challenge would be picking teams. They'll be doing more than that. They're the captains of the individual teams. Which means Gwen and Trent will be competing against each other this season."

Everyone gasped again. Only this time, it was in horror. Gwen and Trent were very much shocked while most everyone else could not believe what they had just heard. Though Heather seemed rather amused at the sudden turn of events.

"What?" Trent cried. "Dude, you can't be serious!"

"Bet you didn't see that one coming," Chris chuckled. "It'll be Team Trent versus Team Gwen. Isn't that awesome?"

Everyone slowly turned their attention to Gwen. She had not said a word when the revelation was made. She trembled slightly until a spark of rage appeared upon her face. With great fury, she smashed the alien egg over Chris' head and then stormed off. Trent watched Gwen leave for a moment before he set his alien egg and quickly followed her.

"Well..." Chris mused, seemingly unphased by what just happened. "That went better than I expected. So any way, you guys have a good night sleep tonight. Because you're all waking up bright and early tomorrow morning at four on the dot."

Trent looked about the area, looking for Gwen. He considered calling out to her until he spotted her sitting near a low cliff. It gave off a rather neat view of the film lot so that the rest of the cast could just exit their trailers and look out to see all that was happening. It was also giving off a rather nice view of the sun setting. Only he knew that Gwen was far from a pleasant mood to take in what she was looking at. With a sigh, Trent walked over to his goth girlfriend.

"Gwen?" he asked.

"Don't ask the question," she immediately grumbled.

"I won't," he responded gently, throwing his hands up lightly as if he were defending himself. "I just wanted to know if you minded me sitting with you."

"Oh," Gwen nearly cried, as though she had just realized Trent was speaking to her. This also shifted her mood a bit, going from angry to embarrassed. "Oh, no. Go right ahead."

"Thanks," Trent said, sitting himself down next to her.

There was nothing but silence for a moment. Trent admiring the view of the sunset while stealing glances at the goth girl next to him. Gwen sheepishly looking down while on a occasion having the courage to look over at the music man next to her. This went on for some time before some one finally broke the silence.

"You really aren't gonna ask that question, aren't you," Gwen asked.

"Not unless you want me to," Trent replied.

Gwen looked him. He could see that there was a sense of sorrow in her eyes. She then let out a heavy sigh. "I feel so, so stupid," she uttered. "I let a million dollars get the best of my judgment. Now I'm here having to endure this crap all over again. This show, that man, Heather. Now..." She paused, taking in quick, yet deep breaths. He could see that she was breakdown and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Now I have to compete against you and they're gonna rub it in our faces the whole time." What happened only once before happened again. Gwen immediately buried her face in Trent's chest and let everything out. "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Trent."

Trent pulled Gwen in for a tight, yet gentle embrace. He said nothing, not really sure how to even calm her down when he himself felt upset at what was going to happen. The fun they thought they might have taken away completely with the inevitable prospects of pain, suffering, and humiliation. All he could do was hold her for as long as they could. Uncertainty setting in on what would take place over the course of the next several weeks.

(Narrated by Chris McLean)

Who will Gwen and Trent pick for their teams?

Will Izzy answer to her actual name?

Will Owen finally get some lunch?

(Owen - "Thank you!")

Tune in next time for another exciting episode of...

TOTAL... DRAMA... ACTION!

So, here we go. My version of TDA as how I would have liked to have seen it. Notable changes:

- The whole captains idea in the original show I liked. Then they both end up getting the boot a few episodes in. Kills the concept, don't you think? So it seemed natural to me that the captains get immunity until, at the very least, the merger.

- No elimination in this round, so Bridgette and Geoff last longer in the game. For one, I'd have imagine that Heather would've been eliminated since this was an opportunity for everyone to do so given how much they hate her guts. For another, the way the show played out made me all the more curious to see how these guys would've competed.

I'm gonna be rather slow updating this one since I got the others stories, work, and art going on. But keep your eyes open because I'll post when you least expect it.

AND SEND IN THE REVIEWS!

Next Up: Riot On Set