"Break a leg"

"I love you"

Wow. I'd had no idea how hard it would be to say those three words until then. Saying them to anyone else felt… It hurt. And telling Rachel I love her made the pain in my chest that I got when I dumped Quinn come back. Because it just reminded me that it wasn't her I was saying it to. It was Rachel, and it felt wrong. Like that time I ate an egg salad sandwich that Puck found at the back of his locker and puked my way through the next two days while Puck and Azimio laughed at me.

But it's not Rachel's fault I'm not in love with her, and never will be. Rachel's a great friend, she can really sing and she's got nice legs, but… She's not Quinn. I thought it would be easy to love Rachel, but last week when I started singing REO Speedwagon to myself, I looked up when I heard Rachel laughing, and to be honest, I kinda expected her to raise one eyebrow at me and tell me I was a moron, and to keep my voice down. But, instead, she just belted out the chorus so loud my voice was drowned out. I'm not sure whether she wanted the entire lunch room to stare at her like they did, but I think turning the spotlight on her is just instinct to Rachel, like checking his hair is to Kurt. Either way, I miss Quinn calling me names and reminding me how dumb I am. My mom thinks I might have self esteem issues, but I just prefer bending over backwards to help Quinn in her hormonal state to being bombarded by creepy compliments from Rachel. Yesterday, she told me that the blue vest I was wearing matched my skin tone. I freaked out because I thought my skin was blue and I was choking or something, but it turns out she was just trying to be nice in a weird way.

Singing with Rachel was easy, because when Rachel's singing, she's perfect. Mostly because she's not talking. Then again I barely got the chance to sing with Quinn, so I don't really know how that feels. My point is, it should have been easy to get up there at Regionals and sing with Rachel, but all I could think about, like always, was Quinn standing a few feet away, with that baby ready to be born any second. The baby that should've been mine. To be honest, I really wish it was my kid. As relieved as I am to be just a regular teenager again and not a soon-to-be father, I loved that baby girl more than anything. About a week after Quinn told me she was pregnant, I saw this little baby jumpsuit in the window of a shop at the mall and almost cried. And not because I was scared like I had been the previous six days, I was just emotional. It was pretty embarrassing, but thankfully no-one saw. The baby seemed a lot less scary after that, and every time I snuck a glance at Quinn while she was singing or in the middle of a class, I kept thinking about how beautiful that baby would be if it looked even the tiniest bit like her. That baby girl could have inherited my freakish height and big head but it would still be the most perfect baby ever because Quinn was her mother. And having a little Quinn around seemed pretty cool to me.

I'm getting off track again. I should probably stop now, because the song's over and now Rachel's staring at me with that big, slightly frightening smile. And right about now is when I realize that telling her I love her was a pretty bad mistake to make, even if I desperately need to get over Quinn. But I don't want to be over Quinn. I want to be… Under Quinn. Which came out wrong. Although, being under Quinn wouldn't be the worst thing… Uhh, anyway…

The next few weeks seem to go by pretty quickly. Rachel's my girlfriend now, which is… Weird. With Quinn, the relationship was mostly either making out, or me watching her practice cheerleading, or her talking about everything that was wrong with the new Cheerios routine while I play Xbox… But with Rachel it's mostly singing and cuddling. I'm not used to cuddling. It's awkward, too, because she's more than a foot shorter than me, and hugging her alone is hard. And, to be honest, that's about the only thing that is… Not that I ever had a sexual relationship with Quinn. I mean, we never got passed grinding and making out. The only person I've gone further than that with is Santana, and she's not very nice, so I try not to count that. I wish I'd been the one to de-virginise Quinn and get her drunk and pregnant.

Wow, that managed to sound creepy, mean, shallow and weird all at the same time.

So, a few weeks (I lost count of how many exactly… Ask Rachel, I'm sure she knows) of being Rachel's boyfriend have driven me not quite to insanity, but then next closest thing. Cheerios tryouts. I don't even know how I got here. I just saw Quinn outside the gym after her tryout and I was temporarily paralyzed by how hot she looked. It was weird, like an outer body experience. It was like I was watching myself changing into my workout gear in an empty classroom and walking straight into the gym, but I wasn't actually controlling my body.

"I'd like be a Cheerio."

Okay, so I get no points for articulation (Kurt taught me that word), but with the way Becky and Ms. Sylvester are staring me down, that was the only thing that could manage it's way out of my mouth.

"This is embarrassing" Becky comments.

Tell me about it.

My try out was pretty much the most humiliating experience of my life. I can't even manage to sway in the back in glee rehearsal without looking like some kind of physically challenged idiot, so cheerleading, as you can imagine, is not my strong point. I was so embarrassed I've tried to erase most of it from my memory, but I'm pretty sure I attempted a cartwheel and fell on my ass. But on the bright side, at least Ms. Sylvester and Becky were the only ones there.

I wasn't surprised when Ms. Sylvester booed me out of the gym.

I was surprised when I saw Quinn standing outside the door when I left, though. She looked ecstatic, which was an amazing thing to see, because I haven't seen her very happy lately. I think Puck's been hooking up with Santana again. Or Brittany. Or both.

"So, I got in" She smiles up at me, and I feel like I'm back in the gym in front of Becky and Ms. Sylvester again. Paralyzed. Incapable of saying anything smart… Not that I usually am capable. This is the first time Quinn's spoken to me in a while.

"Maybe you and the rest of the team will start winning again now that I'll be back on the sidelines cheering you on" She quirks her eyebrow and I somehow manage to find my grace again.

"Oh, yeah, I quit the team."

"Why?" She looks more concerned than anything, which is more than I got from Rachel. She was over the moon when I told her.

"It was Rachel's idea. She wants me to focus more on my singing so I can keep up with her." Quinn looks away, and I'm not very good at reading people's expressions, but I've seen Quinn annoyed enough times to know that that's how she feels now. "But that's not important… It must feel pretty good to be back on the squad. I know how much it means to you."

"Some things are more important" She's looking at me again now, straight in the eye. She could be trying to tell me something… "But yeah, it feels pretty good. I'm starting to rebuild my life again, you know? I mean, I lost everything. I was knocked up, kicked off the squad, I lost my friends… I lost you… and, I miss all that. I miss how… Happy I used to be."

"But you're different now" I motion for her to start walking with me, and she does. "You're… I dunno, nicer"

"Nicer?" Uh oh… "You mean I wasn't nice before?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant—"

"Don't worry, I know I was a total witch."

"No, you were nice. I didn't just go out with you because you were hot. Are hot. I-I just meant… I dunno, being pregnant and getting kicked off the squad, you made friends with Mercedes and Kurt and Tina, and that's way better than the friends you had in the Cheerios."

"So you're saying… I shouldn't be on the Cheerios?"

"No, I'm saying you should, because I know it makes you happy. Makes you feel popular and wanted and like you mean something. I just want you to know… You'll always mean something. You're always wanted and popular, whether you're on the Cheerios or not."

Quinn's stopped walking. I stop too, and I'm kinda disappointed this is the last time I'll get to see her with her hair like that, wearing modest dresses that her parents make her wear to discourage boys. It doesn't work, not with most guys anyway. They'll never admit it, but even though Quinn's a 'toxic asset' and not 'popular' anymore, they still all want to get in her pants. God, she looks beautiful. Right now, she's Quinn. But tomorrow, she'll be the hottest cheerleader on the squad. It's a lose-lose situation really, because either way it's hard not to stare.

"Just, don't change back into one of them, okay? I like you the way you are."

"U.S History? I forgot I was taking that…"

I pull the book from my locker and sigh. Thinking of having to sit through U.S History makes me want to beat myself in the head with the book. Besides, the teacher has an assigned seating plan, and she makes me sit with Jacob Ben Israel, and all he does is ask me about Rachel. My self loathing groan is interrupted by a familiar girly giggle, and for some reason, I'm now fixing my hair and straightening my shirt. I've forgotten what it felt like to be so nervous around a girl.

"Hey"

The second I look down at Quinn in her cheerleader uniform, I feel my pants tighten a little. Oh man. This could be bad. I've forgotten how hot she looks in it. Judging by the shy smile on her face, I might not be the only one that's nervous. But why Quinn's nervous, I have no idea. In that uniform, I can see at least six guys checking her out. And yet she's looking at me.

"Hey"

Her hand on my arm stops me from turning around and walking away.

"Finn, I'm sorry if you don't want to be friends with me because of Rachel… I understand, but… I dunno, yesterday just felt like old times."

"No it didn't." The hurt look on Quinn's face when she started looking at the floor made me hurry the next part of that sentence along. "Old times was you calling me a moron… Yesterday was exactly what I was talking about when I said you've changed." I let myself smile for the first time and leaned in closer to her. "I like the new you, Quinn."

"Me too." Quinn looked back up at me. "Finn… I'm sorry. I know I've said it before, but I really am."

Prepare yourself for the emotional speech of the century.

"Quinn, do you remember that one football game, where we actually won? We were down six to nothing the whole game because we were too scared of being losers to do the dance that might actually win us the game. It wasn't until it was almost too late that we did the dance, but we did, and we won." I couldn't smile now. I could tell I had my serious face on, the one I get when I talk about my real feelings. "My point is, we won that game. Sometimes… You have to do what you're the most nervous and afraid of, and put yourself out there 100 per cent to get what you want. I don't trust you Quinn." I lean in closer towards her and lower my voice to a whisper. "You slept with my best friend. You lied to me, you told me the baby was mine when it wasn't. You really hurt me, Quinn." I stopped pouring my heart out long enough to let out a deep sigh. "I can't help that I… I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you."

She smiles a trademark Quinn cocky smile, but I know I'm not just a notch on her belt to her by the look in her eyes. It's not the death stare she used to give me when we were together, it's a lot more pleasant.

"But, I need to know I can trust you… If I can trust you."

"You can trust me." Her eyes, her voice, her face… She looks genuine. It's a side of her I haven't seen since in a long time.

"How am I supposed to believe you?"

"You can't. You probably shouldn't." She broke my gaze and looked down the hallway. "I mean, you have Rachel now. That's what you wanted the whole time we were together."

"Quinn… I didn't want Rachel. I wanted somebody to care about me. Rachel cares about me. But, caring about someone and being so in love with them that it makes you do really stupid things like fight with each other… That's different. That's real."

Quinn closes her eyes, and takes my hand. I think it might've been an instinctive thing, because she looks like she's trying not to cry. The long pause I'm taking now is probably for dramatic purposes more than anything else. Rachel's made me start watching The OC with her, so I can't really help it.

"I still don't trust you. You broke my heart, Quinn. And that's not gonna go away overnight. But one day…"

She opens her eyes and locks them with mine.

"One day, we'll be together again. Me and you, that's the end game. Just, not now. Right now, I think I need to be with Rachel."

I let her hand drop from mine and pull her close into a quick, but meaningful, hug before letting her go. As I walk away, I hear her call from behind me, so softly that only I can hear,

"You're worth the wait… I never stopped loving you, Finn."

I don't even have time to freak out with happiness over what she just said, because I've just noticed Rachel's standing at the other end of the corridor, looking pretty hurt, and it kills me to see her that upset. I may not be in love with her, but she is my friend and I do care about her. So, as I walk towards my girlfriend to reassure her that nothing's going on with Quinn and that I love her, I use my pro stealth-ness to unlock my cell phone while still in my pocket and open a new message.

To: Quinn
Msg: I love you too, Q.

Send.