It's CHRISTMAS YOU GUYSSS! Oh my gosh.. I'm so excited! You? Wait, What are you getting for Christmas? Three-What? In a Tuba? Oh My three dogs in a tuba, that is great! I think I'm getting a shirt…. SO! As a Christmas Present to you, I'm going to give you an excerpt from my original story! Hope you enjoy! (Also, it has come to my attention that this story is depressing…. Oh well….)

A World Away: Based On a True Story.

May 2006:

As I stood there, looking at the face of my dead father, it was a rather odd sense of déjà vu. It was as if he was sleeping, but he was so painfully still.

It was heartbreaking to look at my father's perfect face, knowing that this would be the last time I saw his face in the flesh for the rest of my life.

I stared for a long time, hardly acknowledging my cousins, family, and friends surrounding me. My cousins and siblings touched his face, I stood there still and painfully quiet, hesitant to mirror their actions

. I wished I could stare into his hazel eyes as I did when I was small. I adored him, and I saw my admiration mirrored in his eyes, always. Even when he was angry, I knew he loved me, somewhere deep inside I knew that. I stood there, trying to remember good things, happy thoughts, but I couldn't. It was so dim and quiet, as if time and space were standing still, my thoughts stagnant also.

I reached hesitantly into the casket quickly touching my father for the last time, before pulling my hand out quickly. I recalled the cool, waxy feeling of his skin under my fingers. It was an odd and sad gesture. I remember vividly wanting to leave more than anything, to get away from that dreaded room in which time stood still.

I remember the watchful eyes of the people there, expecting me to cry, and be sad. I was solemn, merely solemn, wanting to be a child once more. I'd lost that opportunity, and my life would never be the same. I'd known things would change from the moment He'd been diagnosed with that god awful disease, but being naïve, I'd never thought this would happen.

It was all so hard to wrap my nine year old head around. He was here, yet he wasn't, it was all so odd. I didn't understand why this had to happen to my dad….. Why now… It was impossible, yet it was oh so real….

My life didn't get any simpler after the first few months, if anything it got worse. For a while it seemed as though he was simply on one of those long business trips we were so accustomed to him taking for work.

But soon we all realized, in the depths of our hearts, he wasn't coming back. It'd been six months when it truly hit. It was Christmas time and we were putting flowers on his grave. I watched my six year old brother stare at the photo of our father on the tomb stone.

He watched it carefully staring at the name, the face, the inscription, like he was unsure. It was a cold California night, I almost wanted to hug him, almost. He was still my gross little brother after all. It was still shocking to all of us that he was really gone. It felt like just yesterday he was here, laughing with me. It hurt, to not get to do all the things normal girls could.

Go to daddy daughter Dances, Go on daddy daughter dates, it was hard

My favorite instance I can remember with my father, it being hard to remember much, was when we were at Disney world, just before he was diagnosed. I was learning how to swim. I'd been able to swim when I was younger, but had a drowning scare, and wouldn't swim for years afterward.

I was eight and a half now, and I was trying to learn, but I was still afraid. I cowered by the edge of the pool. "Daddy, I'm scared. I can't do it." Tears threatened to spill, but I held them back. I had to be a big girl.

I was eight, I'd been baptized, I'd been to Italy, I could swim. He looked at me reassuringly. "I'll catch you, I promise." His smile was so sincere… I dipped my toe in hesitantly. I stared at the water, and then my eyes drifted to my father, the water, Dad, the water, before I finally screamed, and jumped in.

He caught me, just like he'd promised. I smiled widely. He'd caught me. My daddy would never lie to me. He wouldn't. He smiled back at me a true and happy smile.

...

Five Years later

Why was the world out to get Me? I really didn't know what I'd done.. it was hard and frustrating, All I'd ever wanted to be was normal. I'd had renewed hope when I was told that I didn't have to change, But when I showed my true self I was ground into the ground like dog Shit. It was not a pleasant feeling. I wanted to die, to be brutally honest. Not that that feeling was new to me…

It seemed to me that just as I was able to gain a glimmer of happiness in my over difficult and depressing life, it was taken away from me as I was sucked into a whole new world of despair. Well, maybe despair was a bit of an exaggeration, but I sure was depressed.

I wasn't sure exactly why this was happening to me, perhaps I was just not meant to have any type of relationship with my cousin. It hurt to know she wouldn't stand up for me, and may even participate in the gossip that brought me into this depression.

I hated being depressed. I'd had more than enough suicidal thoughts for my 14 years.. or possibly for the next 20 after that….. I whished I could get them to stop, and I could to an extent, but I couldn't stop them completely. And in moments like this one, it seemed like I would never be rid of them, and that all my past attempts at my life would come flooding back to me.

I kept thinking of ways to get around my fears that held my life and remote sanity intact. I sighed and began running the suicide I'd been assigned in basketball. I choked back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.

My feet slapped the court as I ran, the vibrations ringing through my body. "Noel, Run Faster." "Noel, make sure you're crossing the line." It seemed as though her voice was mocking me. I choked back my tears as I continued running. Would God ever give me a break. I didn't know.

But the impending break brought me a glimmer of hope. Perhaps i could get away for a while. It was Christmas Time. Everything would be all right. The drama couldn't possibly follow me.

Oh boy was i wrong about that... The drama could indeed continue, just not in the same way...

So What did you guys think... It's a sad story i know, but it's the complexity of the main charachter's life and personality that make her so interesting... I wonder if i should continue. Like i said based on a true story, hope you all liked it!