A/n: Heyyy everyone! Sorry about not being on schedule with updates. I got some weird bug that kept me in bed for a week. I couldn't open my eyes for an hour without feeling exhausted LOLOL. It's ok, I self medicated after the first week and have been slowly recovering. Not that it really matters. Anyhow, please enjoy the next chapter of Mel's crazy adventure! Oh and I try to respond to the reviews that are signed so feel free to ask questions or whatever! For those reviews that aren't signed...thank you! I enjoy them just as much (8 but I don't know how to respond to them ):
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Chapter Five: Senile Solutions
The following morning I found myself in a small room staring at an old geezer named Gandalf. I can't say I didn't expect him to be ancient looking, even his name sounds kind of old. I'm sure he was sizing me up to see if he could beat me down or not. He didn't say anything for the longest time. Legolas nudged me to tell my story to the old man but I just stared because he just stared. Weird.
After a while Legolas got irritated or bored or something because he threw his hands in the air, said something exasperatedly in elvish and left the room. At this old Gandalf started to chuckle about the impatience of some elves which really made him more like a old grandpa than an evil old wizard.
"So Melda now that we are in better company, tell me what brings you here."
How do I tell him that I went to sleep in a park in a different world and woke up here to be chased by orcs and grungy men?
"I went to sleep in a park in a different world and woke up here to be chased by orcs and grungy men," I said, keeping my face straight so he would know I wasn't joking. Gandalf stroked his beard, I'm guessing that's his pondering pose, and then stood up from his chair.
"Unfortunately, Melda I cannot help you here."
Forced laughter erupted from my mouth, "Gandalf you are so funny."
And then he left the room.
What the eff, man.
He didn't even give me some cryptic crap to figure out to find some answer to get back home. Basically all he said was tough luck and now I'm on my own. I seriously wanted to start crying at that moment.
After a while Legolas entered the room again. He had a really pitying look on his face. Damn it. It's not a joke. threw myself into one of the plush chairs in the room and screamed into the material out of frustration. When I looked up Legolas had taken a seat near me and was now studying my insanity.
"You are welcome to stay as long as you wish, provided you somehow contribute…" trailed off Legolas. Not the perfect thing to say right now dbag.
I shot him a glare, "I think I'll be one of your archers." So I can contribute to your society by shooting arrows in your ass whenever you annoy me or anyone else. Legolas paled at the thought of me running around with a weapon in close proximity to him.
"Perhaps the kitchens?"
Oh hell no. I decided to leave the room before I decided on introducing Legolas's crotch to my knee. When I exited the room, Alyan was there. He pulled me into a tight embrace.
I choked as he smothered me into his chest.
"You poor thing. Do not worry young one I will take you under my wing until we figure out how to get you back to your place. I am certain the young prince was merely jesting when he suggested you work in the kitchens. We could never allow a guest to do that."
"Thanks Al, that's really helpful of you," I sighed as I pulled my hair into a ponytail, tying it up with a weak piece of cloth. I brushed myself off and managed a smile as he stroke a few stray hairs into place and said something in elvish.
"You know I can't understand you right?" I frowned.
Alyan merely laughed and led me away, saying something about how breakfast is always better with good company.
In the dining hall…
I sat at the dining table, head propped up with one elbow while the other crammed butter rolls into my mouth. What? I'm allowed to stress eat, especially since I'm stuck in a world that my best friend Daryl is in love with and I have no way to get home. Even the smartest old man here couldn't help me. My life is average…not.
Alyan watched me somewhat concernedly as I reached for my fourteenth serving of bread. He should be concerned, considering I have been at the table for the past five hours. Lunch passed, as did supper, and now the room was filled with elves chatting about their day and how wonderful it was. I settled for scowling at the liveliness around me and another bread roll. The other elves began to whisper as they watched me half heartedly tuck the thing into my mouth and hold it there.
Legolas walked into the dining hall and grimaced at my state of puffed out cheeks and sullen eyes. He smacked me on the back, forcing me to painfully swallow the bite. I coughed miserably before he slid a goblet into my view. It was filled with some grape juice.
"I have found the solution to your misery. We will be leaving tomorrow morning for Imladris. We shall seek the counsel of Elrond," he stated proudly. My he looks pleased with himself. I would be more impressed if I knew where Imawhatever was and whether or not the Elrond council would really be able to help me. They said Gandalf would be helpful and he clearly wasn't.
Speaking of which…where the hell is Strider anyways.
Alyan smiled kindly at me, "See Mel? Everything will turn out for the better. Elrond will know how to help you."
What's this? Pass around the crazy strange girl's problems day?
I opted to not respond and enjoy my grape juice.
A couple hours later…
It turned out that grape juice was really red wine. It tasted so much like the dessert wine that Daryl and I used to sneak during the holidays that I mistook it for special elf grape juice. Well I guess technically it was. Oh and I can't really hold my liquor.
After my third glass, Alyan snapped at some of the elves that were serving the wine to me. They took the bottle and left.
"Heyyyyy whheerreee's the guyyyy with the graapee juice?"
My slurred speech must have tipped Alyan off to something because he snatched my glass away from me.
"What is the prince thinking? Giving such potent wine to a young girl like yourself," Alyan sighed as he watched me bat my eyelashes at the nearest elf, who in turn gave me an encouraging leer, only to be deterred by Alyan's flashing eyes. Ooh yeah they were flashin!
"Mel! Melda get a hold of yourself!" Alyan was gripping my shoulders firmly so that I wouldn't fall over. He looked around the room before sighing and muttering something that sounded like 'wait right here'. Don't worry Alliecakes. I don't think I'm going anywhere soon. Except maybe…is there dancing tonight?
Alyan returned shortly, pulling Legolas by the forearm and shoving him to the table where I had been previously sitting. Keyword being previously. He looked around helplessly at my now vacant seat before spotting me dancing provocatively with a few other elves. Legolas rolled his eyes amusedly as he watched me grind up on a pillar. What can I say? The only way I know how to dance is unfortunately…like a whore. Some of the younger elven men were eagerly rooting me on as I dipped it low.
Alyan went over to intercede on my behalf except someone else got there first.
"Young one I suggest you stop this madness now. You are humiliating yourself and your own race," came a gruff voice.
"King Teeeee! What's up dawwwg?"
It became painfully obvious that I am an extremely stupid drunk.
The Elven King spluttered as I grabbed him by the arms and pressed up against him. His face was so red with anger/embarrassment/joy? Probably not joy. Most likely anger. Luckily Legolas was there to save the day.
"Melda, Melda!" Legolas laughed as he pulled me away from his father. I wrapped my arms around his neck and proceeded to grind against him. He swallowed hard as I latched my lips onto his neck, completely forgetting that A) I'm in a dining hall full of citizens of his kingdom, B) His dad is there, and C) Is it hot in here or what? Somehow in my drunken state I managed to tear my dress so that the skirt only came down midthigh. Don't worry I have fantastic legs. Used to do track and field remember?
Legolas flushed as I pressed up harder against him, leaving a trail of hickeys in my wake. Alyan sometime finally got into the fray and tugged me away from Legolas, who seemed reluctant to let me go. I just remember I was really really drunk. The rest was a blur.
The next morning…
I woke up with a headache that made me want to amputate my head. Or is that called decapitation? It hurts to think. I moaned weakly at the invading sunshine, sliding under the covers to let the darkness heal my poor head.
Unfortunately someone did not get the memo that I was recovering from a hangover today. The blankets were rudely pulled off and I was exposed into the sun once more. I hissed furiously at the intruder.
"Get up. We are to leave for Imladris shortly," Legolas said. He was looking at me with this strange look that made me feel instantly more uncomfortable than I have ever been in my entire life. I cursed him under my breath but proceeded to sit up, only to wail in pain and flop back down.
"You! You get me drunk and then make me wake up frickin early?"
"I gave you one glass; you helped yourself to the rest."
"I only helped myself because I was DRUNK off of YOUR first glass."
"You seemed so miserable I felt that the occasion called for it."
"I can't get back home and your answer is to drown me in alcohol?" This is not a healthy environment to be growing up in kiddies! I try to retreat under my pillows but warm hands pull me out.
"At the very least you can go rest in your room until we leave," suggested Legolas.
Wait…my room? This is my…oh no.
I didn't recognize this room. This regal looking, princely looking room. No. No. Nononononono. I shot up and clumsily fell out of the bed in the process, all the while clutching my head. I gave Legolas an incredulous look before staring blankly at the wall while I processed last night's activities.
Get drunk.
Black out.
Wake up in another man's bed.
What could possibly make things worse? I look down. Great these are not my clothes or any form of female clothes for that matter. Legolas has this extremely smug look on his face that I just want to rip off. As if to make my life even more insignificantly embarrassing, Legolas pulls down the collar of his shirt to reveal a pattern of bruises along his neckline.
Shiitttttt. Shhiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt.
"Melda?"
I look up at him from the floor before pointing an accusing finger, "You took advantage of a drunk girl!"
Legolas smirked, "I believe the correct statement is, I let a drunk maiden take advantage of me."
I groaned as I buried my head in my hands. This is so not happening. What happened last night? What happened?
"You made a pass at my father. I thought you would like to know. Unfortunately he is not around for you to make an apology today. It will have to wait until we get back from Imladris."
I hit on Legolas' dad? Great. Just stinkin…just oh my head. Legolas wrapped an arm around my waist as he pulled me up from the ground and steadied me. He pressed his lips shyly against my cheek and in my state of pain, confusement, and surprise, I screamed.
He dropped me.
Well I slapped him and he dropped me.
"Melda I…" he seemed to be at a loss for words as unexpected tears began to fall down my face.
"What the hell man? You and me, we aren't! I mean there IS NO WE," I rambled on as I scooted away from him. A very hurt look crossed over his handsome face for a moment before he sucked it up.
"I see. Last night was a mistake then," I shivered at the coldness that seeped into his voice.
Did he usually think drunken nights were not mistakes? I wanted to slam my pounded head into the ground right about then. Alyan, on time as ever, burst into the room, having heard my scream from across the hall. He took one look at a miserable looking Legolas and then one at me sprawled on the floor looking like a deer in headlights, not that he would know what headlights are, and walked over to me. He gathered me in his arms and took me away from the shameful scene.
In Alyan's room...
He had some of the elven maidens pack some things for me for the trip. I sat on his bed, watching as he packed his own things. I felt 100 times better knowing that Alyan would be coming on this trip with me. Especially since he told me that Legolas would also be accompanying us, but he had other business in Imladris as well. The pain in my head ebbed away but the memories of last night remained lost. I sighed as I sipped on some tea. This was going to be a long, long trip.
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A/n: Next time! Off to Imladris and Elrond! Ooh and more insight into what really happened during Melda's drunken state ;)! Feedback is appreciated 3