I own none of the characters in this story and have no intentions of profiting from it.

With a loud clang, the door to Maximum Security Cell Block Number 9 slammed shut behind the two guards. They didn't flinch; in this place noises like that were nearly constant. It wasn't only the guards patrolling the cell blocks; the prisoners made plenty of noise themselves by banging at the bars of their cells. Some did it for attention; some did it out of insanity. However, most did it out of boredom and a desire to combat the monotony of everyday life. In prison, boredom was the enemy. It could sneak up and drive a person mad without the person ever even knowing.

The two guards proceeded slowly down the block, each idly twirling his night stick. The inmates in each cell watched them as they passed, wary of their presence. This wasn't a scheduled patrol, and it was far too early in the morning for an inspection. Breakfast wasn't for at least another hour. Despite the noise that echoed off the walls, most of the inmates in the block were still asleep. In prison, just about anything could become mundane after a while.

The two guards finally came to a stop before Cell #17D. The young woman lying on the bottom bunk, cigarette hanging idly from her mouth, glanced at them impassively before rolling onto her back and staring at the top bunk. She wasn't particularly impressed by the guards. They, in turn, were not particularly impressed by her. In fact, she barely even registered on their radar. She wasn't the one that they were here for.

They both stared at the young woman in the top bunk for a moment. "She slept in her clothes," the taller of the two guards observed.

The shorter and more experienced of the two shrugged, "Yeah. A lot of them do the night before."

"Well, the Deputy Warden told me to get this one out of the block early. He wants to get it over with fast," Said the first.

"Alright, let's do it." His partner replied.

The first guard without a second thought reached in with his night stick and gave the head on the pillow in the upper bunk a solid tap. "Wake up! Come on! It's time!"

The woman mumbled quietly for a moment, before rolling over and covering her head with her blanket. Needless to say, neither of the guards was particularly amused. After waiting a moment to see if she would actually stir, the guard once again reached in with his night stick and tapped the woman on the head. "Up. Now. The warden wants you out. Sooner, rather than later."

That seemed to have gotten her attention. Rising from her bed, the woman yawned and turned and glanced at the two guards, before she threw off the blanket and hopped down from the bed. She stood behind the yellow line as the first guard gestured to the block monitor to open the cell door. Her cellmate gave up pretending that she wasn't interested and turned to watch. The woman patiently stood still as the shorter of the two guards patted her down just in case she was carrying a weapon. She didn't even blink an eye when the man copped a feel.

"Alright, let's go."

The walk through the block was uneventful. No jeers greeted the inmate as she passed just quiet looks from the other inhabitants of the block. The two guards found it almost spooky. Almost everyone in prison had friends or enemies who were happy or jealous when they got out. It was almost a tradition for the blocks to explode into a near riot when a popular or infamous inmate was escorted out. Apparently this one was neither. The silence was still unnerving.

Exiting through the same door that they had entered, the two guards escorted the prisoner across the prison yard, which was already crowded with inmates exercising, despite the early hour. Once again, the other inmates ignored their prisoner, and the prisoner returned the favor. This time the guards were thankful, rather than unnerved. More than one fight had broken out when a group of exercisers tried to take a last opportunity to redress old grudges with departing inmates. In both guards' minds, no trouble was always the best outcome.

Reaching the far side of the yard, the two guards escorted the prisoner through several more check points before finally arriving at their first destination, the property room. The first guard held the prisoner firmly by the arm as the second walked up and hammered loudly on the wall. A quiet curse was heard from the other side of the wall and after a moment, another corrections officer appeared. He stared at all three of them, before reluctantly raising the chicken wire gate that covered his window.

"Well? Who do we have here?" the grumpy corrections officer asked.

"7474505-B," said the shorter and more senior guard, reading from a notepad he had pulled from his pocket.

"What wing?" the officer asked, scratching his nose.

"Maximum wing, Block 9," the guard answered, beginning to sound testy. The officer's attitude wasn't endearing, even to the guards.

"Standard release?"

"Parole. Sixty days out of 90. Good behavior."

"Okay. Give me a minute," the officer disappeared into the large shelves that filled the room behind the gate. Just about every item a person could carry on them could be found on those shelves. Clothing, bags, briefcases, money, toys, cigarettes, keys, and many other far stranger things could be seen stacked nearly ceiling high. It was either a dump, or a treasure trove, depending on who was asked. To the prisoners, it was the first stop on the way in and the last stop on their way out.

The officer returned carrying a small box. He carefully removed the items and stacked them beside him. Most of the pile was various pieces of a black suit, complete with a (once) white shirt, tie, and not-so-shiny black dress shoes. The remainder of the items was contained in a smaller box that the officer picked up shortly after finishing with some paperwork.

"One Timex digital watch, broken. One hair comb. Two gold plated finger rings. One unused prophylactic," The man reached in for the next item, but seemed to think better of it. Instead he reached for one of the pens in his jacket pocket. He reluctantly reached in with the pen instead. "One soile-"

"They're not mine! I swear! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" Screamed Mio Akiyama, from the corner of the room she had managed to hide herself in.

Universal Studios Presents

A Naoko Yamada Film

Staring

'Joliet' Mio Akiyama

Ritsu Tainaka

Cab Calloway

Yui Hirasawa

Ray Charles

Tsumugi Kotobuki

Azusa Nakano

And

Lou Marini

Written By Macavity the Mystery Cat

Mission From God

The ride all the way from Tokyo was long and boring, and if it had been for anyone else, Ritsu Tainaka would have told them to take a bus. Or a train. Or even walk or hitchhike. But it was for Mio, and as such she had found herself out in the country trying to locate the prison her unfortunate friend had managed to get herself sent to. Why they had sent Mio all the way out her for the relatively minor charges of public intoxication and public indecency, Ritsu had never figured out. But after hours of driving, two stops for directions, and three turnarounds, she arrived at Tochigi Prison.

The first thing she saw when she pulled up her newly purchased 1974 Dodge Monaco was the large sign posted by the prison's massive gate.

"Welcome to Tochigi Prison, the Japanese Joliet? What the hell's that supposed to mean?" she muttered quietly as she climbed out of the car and adjusted her suit. It was a little warm out for the suit, but to be frank, she was broke and the suit was all that she had. With Mio in jail, she hadn't been able to make rent and the unhappy landlord had kicked her out without an opportunity to grab either her or Mio's belongings. Mio had been wearing hers… well, she'd been wearing most of it, considering the public indecency charge, when she'd been arrested. So if nothing else, she'd be showing solidarity with her. At least that's what she would tell her.

She spent almost ten excruciatingly boring minutes sitting on the hood of her car and being studied by the guards patrolling the perimeter. Doubtlessly they were wondering what a woman in a suit and driving an old, beat-up police car was doing on their doorstep. Ritsu didn't feel like offering any information. Her waiting was finally rewarded when the gates of the prison finally cranked open and she saw a figure step out into the morning sunlight. Within a few steps, she'd recognized her longtime friend and roommate, Mio Akiyama. She hopped off the car and walked up to meet her in the middle of the road. They paused a few feet from each other, and Ritsu carefully looked her over.

Mio, as always, looked good in her suit, despite the fact it looked like the white shirt had yellowed a bit. Ritsu wasn't quite sure how she pulled it off. She knew she looked far less impressive in her own. It clung to Mio in all the right ways that made men line up to get in whatever bars they were performing in. Enough of them lined up, that Ritsu was, on some occasions, able to steal at least one for herself. Which was, of course, fine with Mio, who didn't have the slightest clue what to do with one man, and certainly couldn't deal with a room full of them.

Mio seemed to be having trouble finding words, so Ritsu solved the problem. She didn't quite know what to say either, to be completely honest, so she simply leaned forward and gave her best friend a tight hug. Mio accepted it stiffly, but after a few moments she relaxed into it and returned the gesture. At that moment, Ritsu realized just how much she had missed her roommate. It'd only been sixty days or so, give or take the trial time, but it had probably been the longest time the two had been separated since they had met.

And then Mio ruined that wonderful moment of realization by smacking her in the head. It wasn't a light tap either. Ritsu could feel her ears ringing a bit as she clutched it in pain. "Hey, I drive all the way out here to pick you up, and this is the response I get? What the hell was that for?"

Surprisingly, Mio didn't look the least bit apologetic. Which of course meant that she felt entirely justified about hitting her, which made Ritsu worry a little. She could usually guilt Mio into just about anything considering the girl's moderately violent tendency towards her. If she didn't feel guilty, she probably had proof of something or other…

"Why were there condoms in my suit jacket? More importantly, why were there USED condoms in my suit jacket? I didn't puts th-th-those… things in my pockets!" Mio demanded.

"S'not my fault you don't ever get laid," muttered Ritsu quietly, but a look at Mio stern face and upraised fist made her back up and wave her hands frantically in front of herself, laughing nervously to herself, "It was a joke, hehehe, yeah, a joke! Something to make you laugh after you got out of jail! Isn't it funny? Me and Mitsuko thought it up! Yeah, that's what that was about. We stuck 'em in there right after the trial ended!"

Mio didn't look like she believe a word of it, but neither did she seem to want to question it any further. Ritsu wasn't exactly keen to actually explain the situation, either. It involved a rather cute Mio-fanboy, a suit fetish, and Mio being out of their apartment for the night. It had been a good night, all things considered, but she supposed that it had been right before Mio had gotten locked up. She mustn't have cleaned up as well as she thought she had.

Ritsu ended the awkward moment by ignoring it and walking to the car and getting in. Mio stood in the middle of the road for a second, seething, but eventually followed and got in the passenger seat. That meant she wasn't too angry. However, the lack of conversation from her once Ritsu started the car and drove away from the prison was a sign that she was still far from happy. Justifiably, of course. But Ritsu still would have preferred their tearful reunion bit to go on a bit longer, if just to save her aching head.

After about twenty minutes of driving, Mio was the one who broke the silence, to Ritsu's great relief. "What's up with this car?"

"What? I got my license while you were in the slammer. I figured it would help us get to gigs." Not to mention being able to drive expanded her possible part-time job market. She'd been almost down to begging on the street. She'd jumped at an offer for a job that included getting her license.

"I mean, the day I get out of prison, my best friend comes to pick me up in a cop car. It doesn't feel right," Mio grumbled.

"Hey, it was a bargain. I picked it up at the Shinjuku Area Police Auction. They were practically giving them away!" Ritsu replied. They had, in fact, been giving them away. They had run out of buyers, and at the end Ritsu had just asked if she could have one. The man had been more than willing to do so, just to get rid of it. "It's got a cop engine! Cop tires, cop breaks, searchlight, the works! You don't like it?"

Mio was still frowning, "No, Ritsu, I don't. Where the hell are we going to keep a car in Tokyo? You know how expensive that is?"

Ritsu was more than a little irritated by Mio's attitude about the car. She certainly had the right to be angry about the condom thing, Ritsu was willing to admit that, but this car was an amazing windfall. It had let her eat and, on occasion, shower while Mio had been in prison. Why the hell should Mio care about what it looked like and how she was storing it? It could perform, and that was all that matter.

Ritsu spotted a set of cars waiting in line in front of a small bascule lift bridge. As she took her place in the line and watched the two parts of the bridge begin to separate and rise, an idea came to her. Even by her own standard, it wasn't a particularly good idea, but Mio certainly deserved it. Due to the bridge being closed, there was no incoming traffic, so Ritsu pulled into the opposing lane and hit the accelerator.

"Ritsu, w-what are you doing?" Mio asked, looking worriedly between Ritsu and the steadily rising bridge.

Ritsu ignored her and pushed the pedal all the way to the floor. As she knew it would, the car responded beautifully by leaping forward onto the rising bridge, heading towards the slowly increasing gap. She could hear Mio began to hyperventilate next to here, and couldn't help but giggle to herself. This was going to be so awesome!

"The car's fine, the car's great, Ritsu. Awesome even! P-p-please stop the c-!" Mio was stopped mid plea as the car ramped off the bridge and into the abyss. Ritsu enjoyed the brief moment of weightlessness, until Mio began screaming hysterically in her ear. The moment ended all too quickly, and the car hit the pavement on the other side of the bridge and Ritsu allowed the car to coast to a stop.

"So what do you think of it now?" Ritsu asked, turning towards Mio.

Except that she wasn't there. Thankfully, the door was also closed, which at least reduced the likelihood that Mio had tried to bail mid-flight. That would be bad. She turned to the back seat, and saw Mio curled up in a fetal position against the passenger's side rear door. Her face was completely white, and her eyes had rolled almost completely inside her head. Dead faint, like normal.

Ritsu smiled, and hit the accelerator. There would be no more complaints about the car for the rest of the drive.

She spoke, mostly to herself, "I think we should give the car a name… Excelsior maybe? Or how about Yamato? Or Home One? Those don't sound right… hmm… the Bluesmobile… I mean we don't really play any blues… but it does have a certain ring to it. The Bluesmobile it is."

Finally it's out of my head. A picture from one of my friends inspired this little story. It was stuck in my head for about two or three weeks before I finally gave in and started to write it. What do you think? Could this not become the most epic of crossovers ever? Well, Blues Brothers/Anything at All would be epic, but this even more so.

Anyway. Don't expect more of this anytime soon, unfortunately. I have most of this story planned out in my head, but honestly, I'm not sure if I'm going to write it. I have too many other stories and too much on my plate in real life to want to add more. But this is a cool idea, and I wanted to see if I could at least make it work.

See ya next time!

Macavity