Title: Wait… God is a what? !

A.K.A.: "In Which God is, Apparently, of the Female Gender.

Ex-Title: Wait… God is a GIRL? !

Summary: At a World Meeting: A certain someone cusses and brings 'God' into the picture, but... wait, God is a what? !

Pairings: None

WARNING!: CRACK!, INSANITY!, BLASPHEMY! (to those who may be religious), and… well, you'll see.

Genre(s): Humor, Parody, CRACK!... minor hurt/comfort? Who knows.

Rating: T+ for Language or M if anyone feels it should be moved up.

DISCLAIMER: The original's down there… somewhere… Well, I think ;P

Notes: Original/Edit Notes below. Now what ya still doin' here? Go on, get! The story's down there, not up here!

Wait... God is a What? !
also known as:

"In Which God is, Apparently, of the Female Gender"

a Crack!(-ish) Hetalia Fic by

Murasaki Argenteria

Another day, another world meeting...

Dear Lord! He was getting tired of this...

The Blonde brit swore that if France tried to feel him up one more time, he would call down all the might and fury of the gods (if they existed) unto the blonde French-man...

This was exactly the reason why people nowadays claimed that being 'blonde' meant being an idiot! He was Blonde! But he wasn't stupid in any way! Considered crazy, perhaps (not that he knew that) but most definitely not stupid!

Veneziano -yes, Italy was git... Francis, or France, he was a git... And even America! (Alfred) was a bumbling fool of a git! But he? Arthur Kirkland? Was. No. Stinkin'. Git!

Arthur Kirkland was a perfectly sane {pft, most would beg to differ dear Artie} perfectly rational Nation!

Ye Gods!

"...FRANCIS BONNEFOY IF THAT IS YOUR HAND FEELING UP MY ARSE I SWEAR TO THE BLOODY GODS IN HIGH HEAVEN THAT THE FURY OF HELL SHALL REIGN DOWN UPON YOU, YOU DAMNED PERVERTED GIT!" exclaimed the Blonde furiously, when he felt something touch his Bottom.

"Uh... Arthur...? Francis is over there..." said Alfred, poking the elder blonde nation.

"Then who the bloody-" he started, before turning, and seeing...

"What the hell...?" did not begin to describe his speechless, shocked expression when he saw...

"...Does that girl have wings...?" he asked, causing the other nations to stare at him (who weren't already staring at him) as he blurted the sentence out.

"England, what the hell are you talking about?" asked Alfred, AKA America, as he stared at his previous caretaker, "There's no one there -you're imagining things, old man!" he said with a grin.

Britain just sputtered angrily at his previous charge spitting out incoherent sentences, though he was pretty sure he heard the words 'git', 'buffoon' 'not see' 'girl' 'wings' and a few other cusses that he was not sure would be appreciated to be repeated -even in his own mind.

Said 'girl with wings' just squealed, as if she had just hit a land mine (or not) or was high on sugar.

"OhmygawdOhmygawdOhmygawd! I did it!" exclaimed the blonde, her blue eyes sparkling with shininess {Yes, that is a word} as she danced around, invisible to all, though her large angelic-looking wings seemed to create a slight breeze that they could all feel.

Most of them just thought it was Ivan, as he laughed his creepy little 'kolkolkol' laugh {no offense to Russia -I wanna become one with yew~! XD and so does my friend!} as the others stared on...

A chill went down many of their spines...

"I-Is it me or did it just get chilly in here, aru?" asked a not-quite-but-almost-effeminate male with his long hair tied in a ponytail, as he shivered, looking around -but not at Ivan -hell no!

"YOU CAN'T SERIOUSLY SAY YOU CAN'T SEE THAT BLONDE GIRL WITH THE WINGS!" exploded England when he, at last, found his voice.

They all winced -ah, the once-pirate could be quite loud at times.

"Non, non, mon cherie!" said a certain {and I think you can guess this one} Frenchman, as he practically twirled over, a rose on hand, "We do not see this phantom of your imagination, though I am quite flatter that you think-g-fuh-!"

France was immediately down for the count.

"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING WANKER!" he exclaimed, incapacitating the blonde, and making a few of the other countries cringe...

Ouch...

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THAT IF YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN I WILL-" he started, before a bright light flashed from the centre of the large table where they held their meetings, "What the bloody hell-?"

"A-Ow-ow-ow-ow~!" whined a girl that appeared on the table, wincing, as she rubbed her sore bottom, "Damnit! That liar! He said it wouldn't hurt!" she pouted, her long onyx hair slipping, and falling over her eyes as she did.

"What..."

"-the..."

"-fuck/hell...?"

"(LIKE) WHO THE HELL/BLOODY HELL/HECK IS THAT/ARE YOU?" pretty much all of them exclaimed -except for France, who was out for the count; N. Italy, or Veneziano/Feliciano, who was totally confused (Ve?); Ivan (Russia, of course); and... Maybe Mathew/Canada, but most of the others couldn't see him, and thus couldn't tell.

"Hmn?" The onyx haired girl blinked through her hair, and looked up at them all from her spot on the table -the blonde 'girl with wings' as Arthur had so aptly described her, was nowhere to be seen -in fact, she was hiding, but no one noticed her missing presence except Arthur, but seeing as he was currently rather pre-occupied (gaping)...

"Ah... This is... I'm not interrupting anything important am I?" she asked rather pleasantly -as if a whole bunch of people (the most powerful world powers, by the way) had not just pretty much yelled at/about her. "Which meeting is this, anyways? Judging from everyone here... World powers... Darnit! History is hard to remember," she muttered, wracking her head, "And being in charge of so many worlds doesn't help either," she grumbled, finally getting up and slipping off the side of the table -conveniently (might I add) stepping onto Francis.

Squish...

Needless to say, she was rather confused at the squishy sound, "Uh... 'Squish'...?" she blinked, confused, before looking down and jumping to the side, "Wah! Oh my gosh! {would've of used god, but that's moot point here} I just stepped on Francis! Ew, ew, ew~! I've got French germs on my shoes now!" she exclaimed, pulling her black shoes -satin-y slippers really- off and flinging them across the room... {no offence to the French/France –but this is crack remember}

At poor Arthur's head.

"Thank goodness!" she sighed, pretty much conjuring a new pair of shoes out of thin air as if it were an everyday thing -while the others stared...

("Wai~! It's a magic show! Germany, Germany, it's a magic show!" exclaimed Veneziano. Germany just sighed, while Romano 'tch-ed' unable to believe that he and his air-headed brother were sibling, while Germany explained that it was not, in fact, a magic show.)

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL D'YOU DO THAT FOR?" exclaimed a raging England.

"Eh?" she looked over, and gasped, almost paling a bit when she saw the angry red shoe-mark on his face, "Oh my gosh, Arthur! I didn't mean to hit you in the face! But... Francis-germs..." she shuddered. {and just to be clear, I don't hate France –this is just funny}

Well, Arthur could quite understand her sentiments, but...

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, ANYWAYS?" he exclaimed (well, yelled, but again, moot point).

"And how did you know their names?" asked Kiku, silent until now, "I-If you don't mind my asking," he apologized afterwards.

"Eh? Aw, it's alright Kiku-chan~" she grinned, "I suppose it was rude of me not to explain anyways... So... I guess introductions are in order, ne?" she asked, beaming.

"Yeah, that'd be bloody nice," muttered Arthur, tossing the shoes to the side (no way he wanted to hold onto them) as he rubbed the red marks on his poor face, forcing himself to calm down -he was scaring the faeries and his unicorn away, though a few faeries tried to cheer him up.

"Right!" she grinned -almost like Veneziano, thought a certain haggard looking, thick-browed blonde. "Nice ta meet ya Nations! I'm god! But you can call me Megami/Mikami Rei! Or just Rei~" she grinned sort of saluting as she waved rather like Veneziano.

Silence met her answer, before chaos erupted.

Laughter, rude accusations, and a few incredulous -not to mention imbecilic- revelations and the like. Well, to give one a better picture...

Here's what it sounded like:

"WHAT?" "YOU'RE JOKING!" "VE~!" "..." "WHAT THE HELL?" "Zzz..." "H-HOW CAN THIS BE, ARU?" "G-GOD?"

But most importantly...

"GOD IS A GIRL? !" came from a certain ash-blonde imbecile -yup, America {no offense, I lurves you, and I is part of you, so there! ^w^}

They all turned to stare at her, who had been rolling her eyes, and pouted, "Yeah, I'm God, what about it?"

"B-But... But... Wha...?" was all England could say, he was so shocked.

"...B-Blasphemer!" exclaimed someone from the crowd, "How dare you take the name of our God!" he exclaimed, as the blonde winged-girl from before sniggered behind a pillar.

Oooh this was sweet. This was just too sweet! She thought.

She pouted, "I am too, God!" she grumbled -gods! Did they have to be so rude?

"Th-Then how come you're called God? I thought Females were 'Goddesses', aru?" asked China, or Wang Yao.

"Y-Yeah! Why are you 'God' if you're a girl! Girls are Goddesses!" exclaimed Alfred.

She puffed her cheeks at that, "Goddess! That just came from God! And I was always a girl, how rude!" she grumbled rather crossly.

England sighed, trying to pull himself together, "Okay..." he said, his tone rather strained, "So, say you are God... What in all the bloody hells would you be doing here?" he asked.

"Good point," said someone, as other murmured agreements.

She sighed, rolling her eyes, "Because, sir Sherlock, I was chasing after that little miscreant over there!" she exclaimed, pointing to the blonde girl who 'tch'-ed, and hid, pulling her wings in. "And yes, I can see you, you little imbecile -your left wing is still sticking out," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Wha- You mean that girl from before!" exclaimed England, noticing at last, while the others were confused.

"Huh?" "What the hell is she talking about" "I-I'm confused, aru..." "As am I, Megami-san, would you please explain?" "Ve?" "B-But there's no one there!"

Rei sighed, "Well duh, that's cuz she using a glamour!" she exclaimed, rolling her eyes, "I mean, I still have no idea how Arthur can see through it, but she's there! Look!" she exclaimed, waving her hand a bit at the girl, who suddenly seemed to be visible to the others.

"Wh-What?" "H-How is this possible!" "Interesting, da?" the others all paused, when Ivan talked at last.

"Ah, Ivan-chan~" she exclaimed, glomping the frigid nation -who, needless to say, was rather surprised, but did nothing, "Ah~ You're so cute!" she exclaimed, causing the others to wonder what the state of her mentality was, to claim she was 'God' {most of them still didn't (want to) believe or were skeptical}.

"Tche, I get it, you got me!" pouted the blonde, making the others turn, as self-titled 'God' continued to cling from the large Russian's shoulders.

"Mah, you didn't really think you'd get away with that, did you~?" she asked rather sing-songishly, but smiling, which made the others (except Ivan, of course) shiver for some inane reason.

The blonde shivered as well, "You can't keep me there forever, damnit!" she exclaimed, as Rei gasped.

"Luna!" she snapped.

The girl grumbled, "Oh fudge it all..." she sulked, crossing her arms, "I just wanted to have a little fun! Geez!" she pouted.

A voice sighed, "Kaoru..." Another girl appeared, this time with brunette hair, and, though her wings were white, unlike the blonde's greyish-white. "I was wondering why you were taking so long!" she said rather disapprovingly.

"Hikaru!" the girl seemed about to jumped the other who just stepped out of the way, "B-But... I was so boooorreeed!" she pouted.

The girl called 'Hikaru' rolled her eyes, "You idiot! Of course you were bored, you were just sitting there staring at the wall!" she said.

"But... it's a shiny wall..." she pouted, quite close to (if not already) whining.

Rei pouted, not liking being ignored, "Hey~! God here! Still have to talk corporal punishment!" she said, waving a hand at the other two as if this happened every day.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" both exclaimed.

Rei gasped, feigning hurt, as tears sprung to your eyes, "I-I knew it! You don't love me~!" she wailed, crying worse than Veneziano, who was, by now, cowering behind Germany, hands over ears, with miniature white flags in either hand, mumbling to himself.

Germany sighed, but ignored this.

"Hey, that's not nice!" said Alfred to the girls, who just turned and glared at him -causing said man -I mean nation! - to cower behind Arthur, tears in his eyes.

"WE WEREN'T TALKING TO YOU, EITHER! BUTT OUT!" they exclaimed rather rudely, before sharing a looking.

"Should we...?" asked Kaoru, as the brunette sighed.

"Well, yeah... I guess... Remember the last time she started crying a river?" she reminded the other girl.

"Oh yeah... Noah, right? I felt kind of bad for him..." she said, "I mean, we saved him cuz he was such a nice guy, but seriously! She really did cry that entire time!" she exclaimed.

The nations sweat -just what the heck kind of god was she...? they thought as one, as they glanced rather awkwardly at the female crying her eyes out in the corner -she really was crying rivers, too -the room was already starting to flood, though not too badly, thankfully, since the door was open. But the floor was still pretty wet (correction, soaked) by now...

"Hey, we didn't mean it, ok?" said Hikaru gently as they went over.

"Yeah... We're sorry... Hug?" asked Kaoru.

"..." She stopped crying, staring up at them with big, grey eyes, as she sniffled, "...Really?" she asked.

"...Yeah," they said, holding that the sigh -god she could be troublesome at times...

"Hey! I heard that!" she pouted.

Oh, right, they thought, rolling their eyes -she could hear their thoughts if the word 'god' or if anything related to her was thought of -if she was listening, anyways.

"Hey, you want that hug or not?" asked Kaoru.

"...Kaoru!" Hikaru gave her a look.

"What? Angel-hugs aren't free, y'know!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but you're a fallen angel, big diff!" retorted the brunette. The blonde just grumbled.

"Whatever... Anyways, hug?" she asked their 'God'.

"Duh!" she laughed, glomping them both. Apparently 'god' was bipolar as well.

"What the-" "-Hey!" they exclaimed at once, startled by the sudden attack.

The other just laughed, but then turned serious, "Oh, and you're still getting punished for this," she said to the blonde.

"Whaaaat! Why is it always me! How come Hikaru doesn't get in trouble!" she whined.

"Hey!" exclaimed said brunette, as the blonde shrugged.

"Because she doesn't break the rules! You're the only one who does that!" she retorted.

"What! What about-"

"Alright, enough!" exclaimed the brunette 'angel', as she apparently was, "We still have to sort everything out -and she's right you know! You really shouldn't have broken the rules or made such a big mess! Then Kyouya wouldn't have to come down here!" she said.

"Argh! It's God right now, damnit!" said 'God'.

The two angels just rolled their eyes, "Yeah, yeah..."

"Seriously! I'm working, so it's God! God! Stupid ungrateful brats..." she mumbled, pouting.

"We heard that~!" they sang.

She just mumbled again, but continued to pout, glaring this time.

Again, cue eye rolling.

"In any case! Sorry for bothering you all! In return, we'll answer a few questions~" she said.

"What! You can't-" started Hikaru.

"YesICan! Now shut up so I can answer these nice Nation's questions!" she said, giving a slight glare at the girl.

"Yes, mother," said angel grumbled crossly, tone laced with scathing sarcasm.

M-Mother...? The others thought, still rather in shock.

"So... You...?" started Alfred, pointing at Rei in shock.

"Yup! I'm God!" she grinned.

Alfred gasped, "You read my mind!" he exclaimed, grabbing his cranium and running around, "Noooo! M-My mind! My most secret thoughts!" he exclaimed frantically, "A hero's thoughts can't be exposed!" he wailed.

Rei rolled her eyes, "Next question!" she said, ignoring the blathering nation.

"Why can I see through the Glamour?" asked Arthur, "And why can't the others see?" he asked.

"Well... cuz you're special!" she blurted out after some thought, "And the others can't see cuz they can't see through the glamour -oh, hey~ Winny~~ Come by for tea again, sometimes, ne?" she asked, the unicorn that nodded its head a few times in response, much to Arthur's surprise.

Who knew his unicorn had connections with God...?

"Okay, I have a question, aru!" said China, raising his hand.

"Yes! Go ahead!" she exclaimed, pointing to his raised hand –er, sleeve- as if she were an enthusiastic teacher, and they were all students -which, in a way, they might be.

"Why do you use so many Japanese terms? I thought God was-"

"Yes, that's cuz Japan's my favorite country of course! No offense, but Japanese anime is awesome!" she exclaimed, "It's where 'Hikaru', 'Kaoru', and 'Kyouya' come from!" she exclaimed, grinning, "Kiku-chan knows, right?" she grinned.

Kiku just nodded silently, while Yao was a bit depressed about being interrupted.

"Uhm, I have a question if I may," said Japan, raising his hand timidly after a moment's thought.

"Yes! Go ahead, Kiku-chan!" she grinned, "Fire away!"

"Uhm, okay... But, Megami-san... By 'mother' did they mean...?" he asked rather shyly.

"Nope! But... I suppose I could be considered their mothers..." she thought about it -not noticing the two planning (plotting) Angels off to the side, ignored for now- before shrugging, "Well, I suppose that depends on how you look at if -yes!" she exclaimed, pointing to Gilbert.

"Oooh! Is it possible for the awesome me to get any awesomer!" exclaimed Prussia.

"Er... I guess... But that depends on you, Gilbert, otherwise, no! You can't! And next! Romano!" she exclaimed, pointing to the Italian, before smirking.

"In answer to your unsaid question, Yes, he likes him better~" she grinned -knowing what his reaction was going to be.

"W-What! How- I-IDIOT! DON'T READ MY THOUGHTS! I wasn't thinking about that anyways!" exclaimed the hotheaded Italian, causing the others to wonder just what his question had been.

"Next! Feliciano!" she grinned, "Yes, he's alive and fine~ and he's closer than you think!" she said, winking at him -and Germany, whose expression was rather odd in that moment, clearly he knew what she was talking about.

"Ve~ Wow! Really? Yaho~!" Veneziano cheered, "But where-"

"Ah-ah~ One question per person!" she said, before looking apologetic, "Sorry!" she told him, "But, since I like you -and this is one of Ludwig's questions too! Yes, he's fine too. He's been having fun in Heaven~" she grinned.

Both looked surprised, while the others looked on, confused.

"S-So... Grandpa Rome is...?" Veneziano's eyes glittered with unshed -but happy- tears, "Ve! I'm so happy!" he exclaimed, as Germany pat his pat awkwardly.

Well, this wasn't awkward...

"Oh, and Germany~ before I forget~ your other question -yes, you should!" she grinned, winking, as Germany blushed.

Again, the others stared -but they would find out soon enough~! she thought, smirking.

"As for Lichtenstein and Sweden..." she grinned, seeing their surprised faces -what, they thought God would forget about them?

"Vash~ Stop over-thinking things, ok?" she advised him, "And Lili-chan~ Don't be so shy!" she smiled, "He really does love you~" she said, winking, as said girl blushed, Vash looked flabbergasted -then angry.

Who would-

"Vash~!" she warned, catching his attention again, as she saw the murderous look, "What did I say?" she chided, "Stop over thinking things! You'll find out soon enough~" she winked.

"Su-san~" she said, turning to the green eyed Norwegian, "Don't over think things either -but more importantly -you have to say what you think! It's hard for others to know what you're thinking if you're silent!" she scolded, making the blondish Finland-ian look at her, surprised.

"As for you, Tino-kun~ Don't be so nervous! Relax, ok?" she said, "Besides, Sweden really likes and cares about you!" she whispered, making sure none of the others heard.

"W-What?" he blushed rather brightly, "W-What are you-!"

She giggled, and grinned, ignoring the curious looks, "Next~ Ivan!" she called.

"Da?" The Russian looked over.

"She doesn't really hate you," she said, as the Russian's eyes widened slightly, "Just be patient, okay? She'll come back eventually! Just watch over her until then, okay? But let her be free," she advised, "As for... her...I'm sorry," she said, sweating, "I really can't help you with that now, but..." she whispered something into his ear, and his eyes lit up, before turning to Toris, then back to Rei, who grinned, and winked.

"Tori-chan~" she said, causing the Lithuanian to jump.

"Y-Yes?"

"Try harder, okay? She'll come around eventually~" she said beaming brightly at the green-eyed nation -maybe... she thought, sweating slightly.

"R-Really?" he asked, a painful sort of hope in his bluish-green eyes, as the others sweat (she was clearly lying to him).

"O-Of course!" she said. Definitely not! Thought the others -or rather, the ones who were smart enough to catch the undertone.

"A-Anyways! Next question's for... Spain-chan!" she said, rather wanting to get this over with now, "And for your question, Antonio, just be patient~ That's all I can say," she said with a wink, giving him the same answer as she had given Russia. "He doesn't really hate you y'know!" she whispered, winking to him, as he blushed slightly.

"Y-You can really...?" his eyes widened, as she raised her brow, and shook his head again, "No, I guess that was a stupid question -muchas gracias, senora Dios!" he grinned, while Romano fumed -what the heck had they been talking about!

"Okay, anymore questions?"

"Like, yeah!" said Poland, "Which dress would I, like, look better in?" he asked.

"Er... Well, I guess... The... pale shimmery gold one!" she said, "You'd definitely look better in that one, Feliks!" she asked said nation cheered.

"Alright! Like, thanks so much!" he grinned.

"Okay!" she said, "Last two!" she told them, "And I choose... Roderich and Elizabeta!" she grinned.

"For you, Roderich, stop being so stiff!" she chided, "You need to learn to relax a bit more! And no, playing the piano doesn't count!" she said, before he could even open his mouth, and sighed; "Really now! Piano is just a talent, and possibly a hobby, and yes, if can be relaxing, but you need to spread your wings!" she told the Austrian.

He thought about this, and nodded, looking thoughtful, until. "Sewing doesn't count either," she added, causing most of them to sweat.

What… the fuck/heck/hell…?

"Okay, Elizabeta~ Your turn!" she grinned, and said Hungarian's eyes sparkled, "Yes! Just be patient! And go about it slowly!" she said, "Too fast and you'll crash and burn!" she said, "Oh, and I totally support you~" she whispered with a wink.

"Okay! Enough, mother! You're going to completely Alter History like this!" chided 'Hikaru'.

"Yeah, mother, besides -there's still work! We can visit later~" she grinned, earning a grin and a light slap from the brunette, "Ow! What was that for~?" she asked.

"Idiot," she rolled her eyes, before they both each took an arm.

"Well, guess that's all -see ya round!" said Rei, not even bothering to complain this time. She knew what she had done anyways -but gosh darnit! She was god! She could do whatever she wanted! …within reason anyways…

What? Even Gods had rules y'know!

"Yeah, yeah -let's go!" said Hikaru.

"Bye~s!" said Kaoru, "Oh, and I would totally become one with you, Russia! But I can't! Really, I'd love to! Sorry~!" she exclaimed, waving ecstatically, before a bright light flashed, and they were gone.

"Well... That was... bloody weird," said Arthur at last, knocking Alfred upside the head as he passed by -again.

"Ow! That was that for!" the American pouted.

"Because you were being stupid –now, someone wake Francis up, we have a meeting to get on with!" he snapped.

The others nodded, agreeing, and all of them (well, most) swearing (mentally) to never bring this up again...

None of them forgot the advice, though, and before they knew it -life as itself would change...

And though it was a secret, most would now start believing that God was, indeed, a woman...

Although a crazy one at that...

~Finito! ...Or is it?

A/N: Oh my god! O.o 4,292 Words! That's a new record! XD (for me anyways)

I actually finished this last night, but didn't have the time to put it up til this morning -sorry!

Originally I was going to make it multi-chaptered, but this worked out just as well~ XD Of course, if anyone asks, (3 people at least) I will continue it =D

And yes, sorry to any religions that this makes blasphemy out of -I do apologize, but this was necessary! Besides, I always thought that if God existed, she would be a girl! ^^ So that's just my opinion...

Anyways, Ciao! And Review please!

And no, I do not own Hetalia -that's just impossible for me... I mean, if I owned Hetalia...-coughs-yaoi!-coughs-

Edit: Okay, so… I edited this, and I think I like it a little better now. As stated before, this is CRACK. Also, for those of you that wish a sequel –please be patient! I'm… sorta… working on it. I've got an idea in mind, but what with all the editing I'm doing… Well, let's just say this was the easiest though it took me til now to take care of this… Sorry ^^;;; As before, the important stuff it up top, etc. You can check out my profile/other stories, etc., etc., etc…

Also, I like the original summary-thing so it stays. Don't like it? Too late/bad. It's already there xP

And if I ever am able to get the sequel to this up, then I'll put a note here. Promise! ^w^- so look forward to it~~~

I wouldn't wait forever though. ;P

~~Murasaki Argenteria; Note End [12/17/2011]