(AN: I own nothing. Except for the Character Meg. This story has been bouncing around my head for awhile now. I decided to see if it worth letting others read...)
Chapter 1
I pulled my car in to the drive way of a small town home.
I pressed my head to the steering wheel and let out a sigh. I had just drove about 14 hours straight to get here.
I got out of my car, my feet crunching in the snow as I made my way up the door. It looked slightly empty but it wouldn't hurt to try.
I rang the door bell. I heard the sound of the dog barking. It made my heart jump into my throat choking me up. My emotions were teetering on the edge and I knew I was insane for driving here with out warning.
"coming!" I heard his voice yell. He opened the door. I heard him inhale sharply.
"Meg?"
I nodded
"what's going on? What happened?" he said suddenly grabbing my arm and pulled me into the hug.
That was the final straw that broke me. I sobbed hard into him.
"here, drink some tea" Ryan said coming and sitting next to me on his couch. Xander sat at my feet.
"start at the beginning" he said
"well you knew I left to go live with him" I couldn't say his name
Ryan nodded
"things were great. I tried to keep you up to date but I knew you were busy"
"He was working. I was looking for a job and just enjoying my new life" I continued
"then a few months ago, he started to change. He grew distant and he was out a lot. I tried not to jump to conclusions or get paranoid. I really tried but he never answered calls or texts when he was out. Sometimes he wouldn't come home till the next day. Sometimes he would show up drunk…"
"he never beat you did he?"
"no. nothing like that. He was just disrespectful and even when he wasn't drunk, it always felt like I was always working so hard to please him."
"so anyways. I called him out on his behavior and he told me he needed time to think" I say starting to get choked up.
I felt Ryan rub my back.
"I didn't see him at home for a whole week. I tried not to call or text in case it made him leave me" I said crying.
"he comes home and tells me he can't do it anymore. He just doesn't feel like being in a relationship anymore" I sobbed.
I felt Ryan pull me into his arms.
"2 years Ryan. Almost 3 actually. He promised to marry me and so many other things. Then he just changes his mind" I cried
"I'm so sorry" he said he whispered rubbing my back.
"so I packed up as much stuff as I could fit in my car and drove. I had no reason to stay there" I said sighing
I felt him sigh.
"has he contacted you since?"
"no. I texted him saying I would get the rest of my stuff back"
"I am sorry to just barge into your life Ryan, I know how busy you are. I should have at least called first."
"Nonsense, you are one of my best friends. I would never just abandon you"
I smiled pulling out of his embrace.
He laughed and handed me a box of tissues.
"thanks" I said wiping my face
"are you hungry? Is there anything I can get you?" he said
"I am tired. I haven't slept yet"
"of course. You can go and sleep in my room"
"where is everyone else?"
"Sergey, Katrina and heather are out eating dinner. Not sure where Josh is. And Eilfie is probably home"
He followed me up the stairs to his room. It looked almost the same the last time I saw it. Some posters had changed some but it still was his room.
"I have some extra blankets in the hallway closet if you get to cold and some towels too incase you want to take a shower" Ryan said.
I unzipped my winter coat. I felt Ryan help me off with it.
"I am just going to be downstairs doing some homework if you need anything"
I nodded. I felt him wrap his arms around me. I hugged back
"Thank you" I said pressing my face into his chest.
"no problem, sleep well" he said pulling away. He shut the door behind him.
I felt exhausted I collapsed on his bed. I wrapped the blanket around me.
It smelled like him which was comforting. It made me feel like home. I fell asleep with in minuets.
I opened my eyes to sun streaming in through the close blinds. I had probably fallen asleep around 9pm. I sat up straining to hear anything else in the house.
I heard foot steps downstairs and the faint sound of talking.
I slid out of bed. I went over to Ryan's mirror. My dark brown hair was all over the place. My makeup was smudged and I felt dirty.
I decided I would take a shower before venturing down stairs.
I wrapped the towel around me as I got out of the shower. I realized all my clothes were down stairs in my car.
I threw on my jeans and wrapped the towel around my top and went back into Ryan's room. I picked a shirt out of his dresser and slipped it on. I hung my dirty clothes in the bathroom. I would offer to do laundry later. It was the least I could do after showing up on his doorstep unexpectedly.
I heard several voice downstairs, which meant that the other occupants of the home were here.
I saw them all seated around the dining room table. Katrina, and Sergey and Heather. Josh was on the couch hacking away at a computer.
Ryan was in the kitchen.
"Meg!" I heard Katrina say loudly.
She got up and came over to me hugging me tight.
"hey" I smiled
"Ryan told us you got in last night. How are you doing?"
"Better now that I slept." I laughed lightly.
I went and sat down next to Sergey.
"it's so weird having you back, you were gone so long" Heather said
I nodded my head trying not to cry. I had abandoned these wonderful people. They were like family to me and I abandoned them for a guy I thought truly loved me.
"stealing my clothes already huh?" Ryan laughed coming to sit down at the table next to me
"yeah sorry, all my stuff is in my car still"
"it's ok"
An awkward silence began.
I decided to break it.
"I feel like I should apologize" I said
"I know I kind of abandoned you all to go and live with him. I thought I was making the right choice, obviously I was wrong" I sighed
"honey from what it sounded like through the emails and such to us. You sounded happy. You don't need to apologize. I feel like giving him a piece of my mind though" Katrina said
I laughed
"has he tried to contact you at all. I mean, you deserve some other explanation other then him not wanting a relationship anymore" Heather said
I nodded
"I honestly think he might have been cheating. He was gone a lot and would ignore my calls. He also stopped sleeping at the house a lot" I said taking in a shaking breath
"I wouldn't worry about it. Honestly, you are better off with out him. Some one that treats you that way obviously has issues" Sergey said piping in.
"we're all here for you Meg. You'll make it through this" Ryan said taking my hand in his and squeezing it.
"part of me still loves him. It makes me feel sick and twisted for loving him"
"you're not. It will take time. You'll feel angry and confused. You'll feel like disappearing" Katrina said
"we've all been through it at one point in time. I feel things like this ultimately help us in the long run" Heather added
"I'm sorry for not calling in advance. I feel bad"
They laughed.
"we haven't been doing much. Taking a break from the show and getting ready for winter break" Katrina said
"Yeah and preparing for finals" Ryan added.
We abandoned the topic of my break up and I got caught up on their lives.
They were all busy with their lives. School, working with PRS, organizing events. Ryan had even put out a book.
I suddenly felt very lost. I was 25, I dropped out of college to go and live with "him". I still didn't want to think his name.
What was I suppose to do now?
Katrina and Heather left to go and do some studying. Sergey and Josh were talking tech stuff.
Ryan was sitting at the dining room table reading.
I got up from the table.
"I think I am going to go and take a drive" I said
"want some company?"
"nah, you're busy"
"not really. I can tag along. We can go and get some lunch" he smiled
I looked at my watch. It was already 1pm.
"Alright"
We got to a small diner the gang used to frequent back in the early days.
"So what are you going to do now?"
"Now that I have all this free time?" I asked sipping my coke
He laughed and nodded
"try and go back to school. Hopefully pick up where I left off. I just want my old life back now."
"well you are welcome to stay as long as you like. We have an extra bedroom. Heather actually lives in her own place"
"plus since we are gone so often it will be nice to have someone to look after Xander." He smiled
"now I am just your dog watcher huh?"
He laughed. I had missed this.
"I've missed you Ryan. I feel bad for leaving how I did. I remember you had warned me not to leave. That it felt like I was making a mistake"
"yeah. I still think it was. But it was your life, I was just being the jealous best friend. It was the first guy to be in your life who wasn't me. He was suddenly taking you away from me and I got jealous."
"I just hope I haven't completely ruined things" I said
"You haven't. I got over it though. You're still my best friend." he smiled
I took his hand from across the table
"I still hurt you though. I am so sorry that I did."
"it's ok really." he said. I had a feeling this wasn't resolved just yet though.
We chatted and finished our lunch.
"where to next?" Ryan asked as we got into my car.
"not sure. Do you have anything you need to do?"
"I should get some groceries and dog food" He said buckling in.
"To the market we go"
He laughed as I sped away from the curb.
I was in leaning against the cart as Ryan picked out veggies. He was currently bagging some tomatoes when a female voice called his name.
I turned around to see a small blonde girl in about her early 20's come walking over to us. Her basket hung on her arm.
"Tanya. Hey" Ryan smiled
"I haven't talked to you since our date"
"Yeah I have been busy with things" he smiled politely
I saw the girls eyes dart over to me. Her eyes turned hard looking at me.
"Tanya this is Meg my best friend" he said
Her eyes didn't soften. "Nice to meet you" she said curtly
"like wise" I said
"so Ryan just give me a call when you aren't busy" she said walking away
"I'll do that. See you Tanya" he said
I choked back a laugh
"a groupie?" I grinned
He rolled his eyes
"she's a nice girl. It was just one date."
"hope she knows that. She is probably planning your wedding as we speak"
"I hope not"
"any other relationship developments since I have been gone?"
"beside me coming out Bi?" he said
"I already knew that though. You never had to say anything. I always knew"
"Oh really? How oh physic one?"
"you used to watch American Psycho almost every day! Come on!" I laughed
"Christian Bale is my soul mate ok?" He smiled
I leaned into him. I enjoyed our silly banter, it took my mind off of things.
"want to know how I know you're gay?" I giggled
He rolled his eyes
"because I listen to Cold play" he finished dully
I stuck my tongue out at him
"you are so childish. I still like boobies" he said seriously
I bit my lip to try to keep from laughing.
"oh god Ryan" I said laughing loudly not being able to hold it in.
He laughed too, getting strange looks from other shoppers.
We got back to the house and stowed the groceries away.
I appreciated the familiarity of it all.
"why don't we go bring some of yours things in from the car" Ryan said
"don't you have school or something?" I laughed
"day off. Tomorrow I have a final. I will study after I am done helping with the boxes"
"Good boy" I said patting his head.
Once everything was in the room I began sorting through and organizing things while Ryan sat in his room working hard. I walked past his door occasionally. He was focused on a book in front of him. His hand was rested on his face. He had his reading glasses on. He had on some black sweat pants and a blue t-shirt that looked very soft and inviting.
I wasn't about tell him any of this. It would just inflate his ego.
He looked up when he noticed I was standing in the doorway.
"I was wondering. I am doing laundry, do you have anything you want clean?"
He pointed to his hamper and grinned.
"good to know. My load is in there right now. Yours will be next. I was going to make dinner also. What would you like?"
"well aren't you the domestic little house wife" he laughed
I suddenly felt a weight in my stomach. Jason had once said that I was his little house wife.
Ryan must have noticed the change in my mood.
"something wrong?"
I blinked and put on a smile
"it's fine. Just had a memory. It's gone now" I said sighing
"about Jason?"
I nodded. I was allowing my self to think his name and even say it. I figured it would help me heal quicker.
"he used to call me his little house wife, it's a stupid thing to remember but now I just feel a heavy weight in my stomach"
"I'm sorry"
"don't be. It's fine" I sighed
"I'll eat whatever you make" he smiled
I laughed.
"Of course you will. I honestly don't know where you put all that food" I said leaving the room.
I heard him chuckle quietly.
I finished the laundry, including his laundry.
I decided just to make pasta. It was quick.
I heard Ryan coming downstairs.
"anyone else joining us?"
"Doubtful. Everyone is off studying"
"well there will be some left over's then" I said closing the oven.
We ate in silence. He was reading a text book of his. I got that lost feeling again. It popped up sometimes when I would be watching everyone else.
It was so overwhelming. I got up and started about cleaning the kitchen.
When I was done. I started making my way upstairs when Ryan turned around
"where you going?"
"you're studying so I am just going up to do some reading and lay down"
"you sure?" he said "we could sit on the couch and I could read you my text book" he smiled
I laughed
"it's ok. I just need some alone time"
He nodded and I went upstairs to my room closing the door behind me.
I let out a shaky breath. Tears I had been holding in poured down my face.
I looked around the room. I hadn't bothered to unpack much because I figured I shouldn't become a burden on Ryan. That I should leave as soon as possible. As soon as I could find a job so I could fend for my self. I only had a little bit of money saved up, but not enough so that I could rent my own place. I laid on my bed and buried my face into the pillow. I let out sobs that shook my entire frame. My heart ached and I felt like I just wanted to die. That maybe death would make the pain cease. I felt so lost and hopeless. Like life had no more point anymore. Everything I worked towards for almost 3 years was gone. Everything. What was I suppose to do now?
Just carry on like I was ok? I felt my self fall into a restless sleep.
"I'm sorry really, I just can't be in a relationship anymore"
"why?"
"I can't, I'm sorry, truly"
"You tell me why you bastard" I screamed as he got in his car.
"I won't be back for a couple of days so you will be alone to pack up your stuff. Just leave the key under the mat when you are done" he said backing out.
"Fuck you. Come back here and talk to me about this!" I yelled.
He drove away.
I screamed hard until my lungs hurt. I slammed the door going inside. I looked around our living room. Pictures of us littering the book shelf. I grabbed one and threw it hard at the wall. I sobbed falling to the floor.
Why was he doing this to me?
I heard my name being said. It sounded faraway. I opened my eyes to see Ryan sitting behind me on the bed.
"you were screaming and crying" he said. He look scared and worried.
I sobbed. Ryan pulled me into his arms, rocking me slightly.
"I feel so lost Ryan. I feel like I just want to die. Like there is no point in life anymore. Everything I worked for is gone" I said hiccupping. "I feel worthless. Like I didn't matter enough to him. Like it was so easy for him to toss me aside" I said crying against his shoulder.
"you aren't worthless" he said against my head. "these feelings with pass. I promise. It will take a lot of time to heal but all those feelings will fade"
"He is just a stupid guy who couldn't see what he was just throwing away. It's his loss. Not yours. Yes you spent so much time with him. You will feel lost"
I listened to his voice. It was soothing and comforting.
"you will find yourself again. He doesn't define who you are. You do" he said rubbing my back.
"I will be with you every step of the way. I will help you find your way back again" he said pressing a kiss to my the top of my head.
I breathed in a shaky breath. I untangled my self from his embrace.
He laughed. Taking the sleeve of his shirt and wiping my face.
"better?"
"for now" I sighed.
"want me to stay?"
I nodded laying back down. I felt him lay down behind me. He draped the blanket over him and slipped his arm to rest around the front of me.
"want to tell me about the dream?" he whispered
"It was just replaying the day he told me he didn't want a relationship anymore. I had screamed and cried. I even took a picture frame and smashed it against the wall. I actually destroyed a lot of stuff. I am surprised he hasn't called"
"well it's only been a couple of days"
I nodded feeling drowsy.
"go to sleep" he whispered.
I nodded again and fell into a thankfully dreamless sleep.
I heard the sound of music and a shower. My eyes snapped open.
I felt a heavy weight pressing into me. I looked over and Ryan was sleeping deeply behind me. His arm draped over my waist.
I smiled. We used to fall asleep in each others beds all the time. Even when I first started dating Jason. I'd end up in Ryan's bed in the middle of the night.
He never protested. When Jason found out he flipped his lid. Accusing me of cheating. I laughed hard at the accusation. What Ryan and I had was strictly friendship. We became best friends his freshman year of college. He was a kind of geeky kid back then. He grew into him self though. I was attending the college and taking classes while finishing up High school early. So when I finally started going to college full time. We were both sophomores. Even though he was 2 years older then me.
I heard him groan. He yawned and pulled me into him.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I looked at the clock. It was 10am. He had a test at noon.
"Ryan" I said poking him in the stomach.
He whined
"more sleepy" he said, his voice rough with sleep.
I laughed
"it's 10am. You need to get up"
"but it's so warm and you are nice and soft" he smiled burying his face into my shoulder.
I heard the knock on my bedroom door.
"meg?" it was Katrina. She opened the door lightly
"have you seen-…never mind" she laughed
"I was wondering where Ryan had got to" she smiled
"morning Katrina" he said
"morning Ry. I was making breakfast. Did you guys want any?"
"yeah. We'll be right down" I said.
She closed the door. She was blushing.
"she thinks she caught us sleeping together" I laughed
"but we are" he said suggestively
I laughed
I got up and grabbed a sweatshirt.
"no more sleepy. Time to wakey" I said grabbing his arm trying to pull him up.
He laughed. "good luck with that"
I sighed.
"Fine I'll be downstairs. Eating all your bacon."
He was up in 2 seconds flat. racing me down the stairs.
Sergey was already half way done eating.
"morning" he mumbled.
"morning Serg" Ryan said sitting down.
I saw Katrina blush as I went into the kitchen to get orange juice
"Katrina. Ryan and I weren't sleeping together. Well we slept in the same bed together. We didn't sleep together." I laughed
"you didn't catch us doing anything, I swear" I added
"oh. I was worried. I thought maybe it was some big secret"
"nope. Ryan and I sleep in the same bed often. Well we used to" I said
We finished breakfast and I watched everyone get ready and leave for class.
"come down to the campus and eat lunch with me" Ryan said
"is that a demand?" I laughed
He stuck out his tongue.
"yes. You need to get out of the house. Speaking of which. Since it is Friday. We are going out tonight. The whole gang" he smiled
I rolled my eyes
"alright. I will be on campus in an hour" I said as he got in his car.
I closed the door.
I quickly got ready for the day and headed down to the school a little early.
Review! I try my best to edit and do double checks as much as possible. I also try not to be terribly cliche in any story I write. I am not sure where this story is head. I have 3 chapters finished, if you like it so far let me know if you want me to continue posting!