Den of Iniquity

"We have rudiments of reverence for the human body, but we consider as nothing the rape of the human mind." ~Eric Hoffer

Another Peregrine disrupted their trek to Djose Temple, hovering above the travel party's heads, hungry, setting its sights on prey much bigger than its stomach, and apparently its will to live. One or two quick swipes from his staff, and Baralai trusted his accomplice to deal the death blow, until Yuna chose to dazzle him with a completely unconventional means of combat. More than capable of holding her own against any fiend imaginable, he couldn't critique Yuna on her half-graceful form and the ever frequent opening. But this? Damn near treachery!

Half-skirt and hooded camisole gave way to spotlight, overshadowed by a violet-magenta exotic dress. It covered everything significant and left the rest exposed, clinging to her body like a second skin of gift wrap. Curious from the moment Yuna had commenced the sphere-change, he wondered what did she plan for a feeble monster in that lascivious, ravishing, irresistible outfit?

Her hips swayed in fluid motion, inviting the eyes of anything with a pulse to fill in the blanks using carnal imaginations. Baralai just so happened to possess a pulse, and a dangerously rising one, though his mind strove to maintain his composure. 'Fine. So she's displaying her prowess in psychological warfare. Or maybe she's trying to impress me? I can't fathom why. A conversation piece? That can't be it; our walk down the highroad has been rather quiet.'

A ravenous beak tore off his bandana from his head, interrupting his musings and demanding attention. "Darn it..." Baralai chastised himself for losing focus over such a petty thing. This confrontation should have been finished several minutes ago... 'I seriously have to stop ogling Yuna– wait, is she looking in my direction?' Or the fiend flapping directly behind him, yet the Praetor blushed, blessed with a full frontal view of her sultry attire.

The spotlight returned, reflecting alluring light off every bare inch of her slender legs and flat belly. Yuna reclined sideways, wearing the most innocent little grin, shrugging her shoulders, eying Baralai (the fiend, actually) as though she were about to eat him, 'Yevon, does she realize what she's doing to me?' and not the other way around. Yuna blew a flirtatious kiss, giggling, the airborne kiss slamming his heart at merciless force. 'Treachery indeed! How am I supposed to kill it when I can't even keep my eyes on it? Just whose side is she on!' Considering the thought Yuna wouldn't wear it for long, faced with the imminent tragedy of her changing back...

'I won't let that happen.' And then, the razor rod clattered to the ground.

Yuna stood on her feet, mentally whooping in triumph, glad to have succeeded in turning the aerial fiend to complete mush– yet, even more could be said for Baralai. Motionless, his eyes glazed, leering down at her lithe form, traveling low. Yuna folded her arms over her breasts, suddenly self-conscious, 'Why is he staring at me like that?', turning slightly away to obstruct his view; unintentional, coy vulnerability provoked him further. The light twist of her hips and restless fidgeting, and her clamped legs, and the frightened look in her eyes–

"Baralai?"

It stirred the predator in him.

He approached, silent and entranced, mindless like a zombie. Only one thing he needed, only one thing he cared to taste: Yuna, all of Yuna, wrapped up like gourmet candy. So shy and innocent, 'But I am a willing teacher, for both of us', and although she turned away, despite the fear in her eyes, almost spurning his advancement, he had seen what lurked just beneath the surface. A willing temptress, a woman in full bloom, heeding nature's dictate. 'And who am I to argue, or refuse her? But where can we...? Of course, in the woods! Where better to answer her disguised mating call?

Mouth upturned in a bestial smirk, he gripped her shoulders, and slowly pushed her back into the cover of trees and brush.

"Baralai? Wh-what are we doing? Are you feeling okay?" Yuna stammered, nearly stumbling backwards, and he prevented her fall by embracing her. Once shielded behind brushes and their leafy canopies, his arms settled on her waist and squeezed her hips fast to his. Yuna stumbled into him out of surprise, gripping his shoulders for balance and wishing to backhand him for manhandling her, 'Where does he think he's groping? Wait a... is he licking me? That's disg– ooh... quite... nice, actually... mm...' blushing darker, biting her tongue to stifle her moan.

"I understand, Yuna. Don't worry, I'll help you..."

Baralai kissed her without permission, slow and seductive, tongue slipping inside when she gasped out of surprise. Hands suspended without touching him, she didn't what to do or how to react, feeling the beginnings of violation prickle her heart, yet deep down oddly flattered that he'd consider her desirable. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, and deliberating how to let him down gently, Yuna endured the affection less than she enjoyed it, nearly neglecting her common sense when his fervor steadily increased.

"What are you saying?" Her inquiry breezed the air, falling like a sigh, reluctance to speak defined by heavy breathing. "We're in the middle of a battle. What about the fiend?"

"I have a feeling it will take care of itself..."

He nuzzled her face cheek-to-cheek, her right wrist cradled in his grasp and falling limp at the tingles, sending the white cards flitting to the ground, 'Oh no, I'm unarmed,'; the least of her worries, really, when a civil man gone horny proved more dangerous than a fiend still alive and whipped out of its mind. His other hand roamed her backside, stroking her spine, lingering only at the bare skin, and Yuna gulped at the unbidden caresses behind her neck, tilting her face up without conscious thought, eyes half-lidded and crinkling in lust, reflecting his own. Pleasurable, hypnotic sensations trapped her willpower in startling submission.

"Milady, why do you tease me so? That's not very nice of you." A shuddering breath, melancholic frustration, sexual frustration, "Pleasure me, or else face the consequences," and Yuna gasped, startled by the hot undercurrent in his whisper, torso arching into him in spite of her pushing him away, drawn to the flame of his brazen affection like a lonely moth.

'This isn't how it's supposed to be! We were on our way to... Djose Temple, yes, and, um, a fiend, several fiends in fact, had ambushed us along the way, and... we're friends! Just friends! Nothing more.'

Regaining her wit, Yuna jerked out of his hold, folding her arms protectively over her chest, panting and wary of his silence. Baralai tossed aside his robe in a moment's haste, annoyed by its weight and unnecessary thickness, insulating body heat for the worse, and Yuna blushed out of furious embarrassment. Anxious of his nonchalant, brisk approach, Yuna turned, sprinting to weave past the trees and Baralai gave chase, spurred on by her act to play hard-to-get. Daring to look behind her shoulder, Yuna barely ducked a collision from a trunk just in time, intimidated and impressed of his speed. Leaping over grooves, feet lightly skidding over dry leaves, gaining fast by closing the distance in wider strides, Baralai eventually caught her. Yuna squealed, captured in the amorous embrace of her would-be attacker, her very own ally, locked tight in his arms and reddening at the random proximity.

"W-why are you acting this way? It's not like you. Stop. Stop it!"

A reflexive elbow jab to his stomach and he grunted, barely heeding the injury while his grip stood strong and unrelenting. Yuna continued to thrash around, jostling for him to let go, "Stop, wait, you're not of clear mind–!" until they both collapsed on the ground by force of incidental gravity. Attempting to crawl out of his reach, he tackled her before she could get far, arms clamped around her torso and anchoring her on his lap. Yuna panted, tired, overwhelmed by his obstinate assertiveness, 'What does he want from me?', too anxious to ask him in case of an unpleasant answer.

Yuna could hear his breathing, could feel it breeze down her collarbone, hotter than Kilika's tropical winds. "Ahh... please let go..." Fingers traced up her naked mid-section, hovering above her throat in poignant pressure, and his free hand caressed her cleavage, rubbing the spades tattoo. Flustered, Yuna reclined into him, passivity unbidden, panting faster, yet no sound could escape, 'Did he use a silence spell on me?' and Yuna blamed her molester for forgetting how to speak, putting forth little effort to resist.

Warm, probing pressure suddenly migrated to her leg, pulling aside the open slit of her dress, sidling up to her inner thigh, flushed skin quivering, and Yuna shut her eyes, overwhelmed by the heat, gasping. She gathered enough willpower to grab his wandering hand, gripping it hard, but Baralai mistook her idle resistance for impatient encouragement. Moist lips pursed her earlobe, and Yuna tilted her face, aroused and upset, wriggling in lazy attempt to pry him off. His breath hitched, followed by a moan, and her heart skipped three beats, having heard the sensual sound explode in her eardrum.

Yuna slapped his outstretched knee to snap him out of it, pinching his pant leg, hissing, "Stop touching me there..." writhing when he fondled her most private area, stroking on moist, thin cloth, 'Oooh... why does this Dressphere come with a thong?'

"You're so wet." Naughty glee; an impudent remark murmured through husky chuckles.

Yuna shivered at the liquid spasms dampening her underwear, her hand no longer pulling, but pushing him to stroke her harder. 'How dare you, body. Make up your mind already.' Toes curling, Yuna held her breath, eyes squeezed shut, holding Baralai's invasive arm in a death grip. 'What, what is he doing to me?' This sensation, throbbing and straining, making her feel trapped in her own skin, begging for release. No, it's not enough. More, just a little more, she needed it, just a little faster. And then, maybe– she didn't know what. Yuna only knew she needed it, climax, whatever it was supposed to be.

"Oh, please, please, please..." she chanted in a breathless whisper.

A single finger sunk inside, probing and massaging her trembling tightness, while his thumb continued stroking in rapid circles. The feeling felt so intense, too intense, she consciously began to fight against the growing urge to move with him. No one had ever touched her this way before– 'Is this really how it's supposed to be, just out of nowhere, uncertain about what I think or even feel about Baralai? But, maybe it is alright to let myself forget about all of that, and simply give in, enjoy the thoughtless ecstasy.' Her conscience rang clear during the brink of her submission. 'And then what? It's impossible to forget...'

Suddenly half-numb to his uninvited ministrations, and fully aware of their surroundings, Yuna lunged forward, ripping away from his clutches and sprinting aimlessly into the woods. If she could get far away enough, she could change over to her White Mage sphere. She could remind him of things good and pure when he caught up, chastise him for losing control so easily. 'But, what was so bad about that?' First she'd have to remind herself. Yes, yes– it was too hasty, too much at once. Not that it could never happen, but patience seemed always best, right? Still, her dampened inner thigh seemed to contend.

Stopping, Yuna found herself alone. Now, to sphere-change, or perhaps not yet? Silence. No one present and looking, no one would see or hear anything. The persistent ache between her legs convinced her that she could surely finish what he'd started, and be changed in time to give him a well-deserved lecture on chastity and proper manners. Leaning back against a tree, Yuna closed her eyes, blushing lightly at the thought of satisfying herself. It seemed a rather desperate thing to do, but letting Baralai continue? What insanity! They weren't even seeing each other, for goodness sake! Slipping her hand beneath an opening along her hip, she found the spot Baralai had been violating, and began rubbing in quick, light circles. Instantly, her breath hitched as the itchiness and tension returned in full. So close now, so very close, and then–

"There's no need to run, Yuna. I can see that you need it..." Baralai's face appeared half an inch from her own, his arms trapping her against the tree trunk. She kneed him in the crotch, the first thing that came to mind in terms of self-defense, courtesy of Paine, and Baralai deadpanned, stepping back, knees slightly bent while holding the wounded area in speechless agony. Although remorseful for harming him directly in the unspeakable place, Yuna took the chance to maneuver around the tree. A sharp tug on the end of her ponytail, however, sent her reeling right back into the arms of her assaulter.

"There's no point in stalling the inevitable," he said, grunting, still smarting from her low blow, "You need me to satisfy you. Allow me to finish–."

"No! Stop. Unhand me, you... you..." In the midst of half-hearted struggling on Yuna's end and Baralai's 'polite' patience rapidly diminishing, he soon managed to pin her between himself and a very hard place. His hand slipped through the gap in her dress, slithering down her back, reaching near her anus and massaging the keenly sensitive skin there. Immediate, sporadic tingles erupted in that pinpoint spot, shocking Yuna beyond coherency and her sane, sane mind.

'Oh no, not there!'

"Oooh! Please... don't... don't stop... aah..." Pressing her face into the curve of his neck to muffle her moans, Yuna shivered, embarrassed and self-mortified. 'Are these sounds coming from my own mouth? Why did I say that?' To quell the unbearable itchiness, ease the nauseous heat in her wobbly legs, she thrust her hips up to meet his, her thigh dry-humping his erection, a momentary, hollow satisfaction. It proved useless; she couldn't fight him anymore. Whatever lay ahead would have to wait, because right now, there remained only sheer, unadulterated need, and it refused to go anywhere without Baralai's 'assistance'.

"Now you see..."

Molesting her neck in oral pleasure, nipping and licking and sucking on sensitive skin, Baralai squeezed her buttocks, holding her firm against his sharp arousal. Adding fervor and more excitement, the purple cloth riding higher and higher, fingers lingering slow on smooth skin, he pulled one weakened leg up around his waist, and Yuna sighed, quickly lifting the other as he pinned her harder against the rough tree bark. Clutching his head, still in denial of her own submission, mussing his shaggy hair, she paid no mind to the thin cloth of her thong parting to the side.

Long, teasing finger strokes and a chilly breeze brushed her moist nether lips, and Yuna groaned, the pulsing ache flaring to engulf her entire body. Much to her dismay, Baralai paused, only occupying her with light kisses, lips clinging to his own, if only to distract herself, disregarding the rustle of his clothes. What had to be so important that he decided to stop? Couldn't he feel her burning? There had to be more, she wanted more–

"Aaaahh... do something!" Hearing her beg, Baralai felt pleased to retaliate, letting her feel the unveiled, hard tip of his full arousal flirting with her entrance. Yuna gave him no warning, no plea for gentility; only a slight nudge of her hips, and Baralai eagerly burrowed forward into her taut, untouched channel, ripping passed the unforeseen maiden barrier. Throwing her head back, she yelped from the tearing, searing pain, digging her nails into his scalp for relief.

Fully enveloped in heavenly, throbbing, blood-moist flesh, Baralai pushed and pulled, slow, short and deep, teaching her body the feel of his length and girth, easing the pain with continuous, slick movement. Tightly grasping at her rear, kissing her deeper, he urged Yuna to move with him, reminding her of her reward with sensuous touches along the edge of the sensitive opening.

Blistering pain soon ebbed into jolts of resonant bliss, bursting through Yuna's lower belly, up through her spine, tingling in her neck. Hardly with any presence of mind to speak of, she could only pant and moan in time with each thrust, impatiently bearing down on him, wanting more, more, too much, not enough–

For the third time in less than an hour, Yuna quivered inside, teetering on the very edge of something fathomless, but something so much worse this time. But, oh, she wanted it, needed it, longed for it, this mysterious, ever-building sensation– it might ruin her for all she knew, but she had to have it. If he would move just a little faster...

And Baralai acquiesced to her silent demand, stroking and pounding harder and harder, shock-waves of pure pleasure crashing one after another. Just a minute more of this, and surely she could– they would– share in sublime climax, screaming each other's names into the empty woods–

"Aghh... Yuna..." Baralai's voice caught on the intensity of his sudden release, more a strangled plea than an impassioned declaration. His mind swam in illusory colors and sensations, unaware of the shocked, mortified, and disappointed woman before him.

If only he had lasted just a minute more...

Together they collapsed on the grass, speechless, recollecting their sluggish thoughts. Scolding herself for giving in to sinful sensations, Yuna blanched, suddenly remembering where they were, stranded in the middle of the highroad, exposed to public; albeit not a soul in sight, of course, concerning the fiend and bandit infestation, but she felt utterly ashamed. Baralai attempted to cuddle with her, hold her close, touch her cheek, nuzzle her face, kiss her, and finally confess his feelings after many, many months of hopeless pining, but she wouldn't give him a chance. He panicked when Yuna slipped trying to stand, face slamming on overgrown grass, and he knelt beside her, reaching out to assist Yuna on her feet, but she scrambled away, rising and hugging a tree for dear life when it intercepted her escape.

"Stop! Don't come near me..." Pulling the slit down as low as she could to cover her legs, patting her torso, trying to smooth out the dress and wipe away his touch, her heart throbbed, unsatisfied by her touch, craving for more of his instead. Suddenly self-conscious and in disbelief, Baralai straightened his pants before approaching, holding her arms, leaning on her, and silently cajoling her stress to dissipate by stroking her biceps. 'Now that I'm this close, this is the best chance to confess.'

"I want you, Yuna..." Upset at her traitorous body, her tense muscles already unwinding under his ministrations, ribcage about to burst from his wanton confession, Yuna's mind didn't want to accept a man audacious enough to believe he could take whatever he wanted whenever he felt like it. "Please, tell me you want me, too."

Yuna shook her head, frustrated for some reason; they– him and her– it hadn't even crossed her mind, until today, "No! You took advantage of me!" but her mouth betrayed her. Yuna ripped away from his embrace like white lightning, enraged, yelling accusations in his face, each one a slap to his dignity. "You had your way with me, and yet you won't find it within yourself to satisfy me? You stole my virginity, and you expect me to want you? You think your feelings gives you the right to take what you want? You– I– We shouldn't have done this in the first place! You're my friend. We're friends! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Anything? Does my trust mean nothing to you? You... you... how dare you? What were you thinking?"

Pain sharper than shell shock, denial hazier than morphine, Baralai couldn't think straight, couldn't understand why she rejected him when he belonged to her now. His heart, his body, his currently chaotic mind trying to wrap around this nightmarish notion. Yuna spurned any and every attempt at physical contact and coaxing words after their sexual encounter, 'But... why...?' unable to comprehend her detachment, lamenting her touch, how she's slipping through his fingers, farther and farther away...

"You can't mean that... You wanted it, didn't you?" Fearful of her silence, blind to see the obvious message there, "Didn't you... feel the same, at least for one moment? Didn't your heart beat for me? Not even once?" Desperate to cling onto some truth, some sugar-coated lie, Baralai approached her, heart splitting crack by crack for every step backwards she took. Reaching out to touch her, Yuna couldn't evade in time when her torso hit a trunk, and he cradled her cheek, smile meek and almost tearful. "Didn't you feel it?" Did she even sense it, how much he needed her?

Harsh infatuation possessed him, to the point its torment left him unsatisfied to see women, to hear their voices, or even touch them without thinking, 'Why can't she be Yuna?'

He cherished the pleasant surprises in his memory, when Yuna visited him sometimes, or when they indulged in intellectual intimacy and he learned the unexpected things they disagreed on, or when he discovered Yuna and Tidus were no longer an item. He couldn't remember a day where his thoughts wouldn't stray to inappropriate things, silly fantasies of embarrassing wishes. Always entertaining himself with his favorite what-ifs, 'What would it be like, if she ever reciprocated? What would it be like, if we married and had children? What would it be like, growing old together?', now heartache threatened to evaporate those positive feelings.

"Do you not want me?" Feeling her stomach flutter at his tenderness, Yuna averted her eyes, unsure what to feel towards someone she believed so tame he'd never do her wrong, yet he aroused many unimaginable sensations; a man equally as, if not more holy than her, who taught her how to sin and enjoy it.

"What made you believe otherwise?" Heartbreak; the second time she witnessed it, inflicted it on a man she cared about, but held no romantic feelings for. Yuna pulled away again, folding her arms, and turning away from him, unwilling to subject to the guilt again. 'Why do I have to keep turning down men? They never walk away unhurt,' and feminine frustration nagged at her to think, 'but they obviously never wanted me enough to come back.' Her fear of his unpredictable actions dominated her anger, however, daring her to glance at his motionless self. Fists clenched tight, forehead resting on the bark, his long bangs overshadowing his watery eyes, Yuna watched him wallow in self-pity, morbidly curious the depth of his emotions.

"How silly of me," he said, mumbling; a knife sliced his face to make him smile, humorless chuckles meant to mock his humility. "To think I deserve having anyone, let alone the High Summoner. I'm foolish"– 'and hopeless'– "So please, excuse my insolence."

Why wouldn't her heart stop throbbing in guilt, seeing his rigid back receding beyond the trees?

They traversed the final mile to Djose Temple in utter silence. Yuna and Baralai marched forward on opposite sides of the road, eyes glued to the dusty ground. Even the fiends and bandits seemed to sense the angry tension, choosing to leave them to their walk. How they were all supposed to work on Gippal's latest project together, he hadn't a clue. The delicate inner workings of machina were still mostly a mystery to him, but to be expected to crawl underneath one in close proximity to Yuna, to work shoulder to shoulder with the woman he had violated— 'how much more am I supposed to tolerate before I break?'

The issue of survival, in Baralai's case, seemed inevitable at worst, for just at the end of the road, Yuna's cousin, Yuna's ex, and their mutual best friend awaited their arrival. A fatal kick to the spleen from Rikku surely would discipline him, or being sliced and diced by Paine and Tidus into tiny bits and be fed to the monkeys might serve as more sufficient punishment. There wouldn't be a point to struggling; why stand in the way of getting his own just deserts? There could be no doubt: Baralai had forced himself upon her, desecrated her innocence. What if the emotional scars he had inflicted turned out to be more than she could bear? And why couldn't he remember clearly exactly how it had all happened…?

"There they are!"

One foreboding step at a time, they grew closer and closer to the temple. In huge bounds and leaps, Rikku dashed toward the solemn duo, choosing Baralai's side of the road at the last minute, practically tackling him in a suffocating bear hug, as Yuna nonchalantly continued on.

"What took you guys so long? Come on!" Rikku proceeded to drag the guilty man down the remainder of the path, blissfully ignorant of his horrible, evil crime against Yuna.

Karma's first backlash against him was apparently to torture him with the cousins' likeness. Yuna and Rikku had the same smile, each adorably childish in mirth, and both were clumsy in their own right. But it only got worse, as Baralai considered that the two women were about the same height and build, and even smelled similar. Blinking rapidly, he fought back against the sudden stinging in his eyes.

Tidus was nowhere in sight, as luck would have it, and as Yuna and Paine talked, the taller woman glared down the road in his direction, apparent disgust and disbelief mixing together at the sight of him.

"He did what now?"

At this rate, he'd be fortunate to make it to Djose's door.

"Ohmigosh! Have you been mauled by a Coeurl or something? There are scratch marks all over your neck!" Self-conscious of her concern and panicking about his crime being exposed, Baralai slapped a palm over the incriminating proof of Yuna's resistance, hoping against hope Rikku would stop talking so loud. His paranoia believed she attracted too much unwanted attention to himself, feeling unsafe in such a scattered crowd.

"I need to see Gippal. Now." Perceiving Rikku's suspicion at his snappy demand, he cleared his throat, imitating his best calm in the form of genuine weariness. "That is, I... I am tired. Today was a long day. I want to rest in my room."

"Oh. Sorry. Gotcha! No wonder you and Yunie are so mopey. Too many fiends, huh? Or did ya run into some oversouls? I hate them, too, they're super annoying!" Tuning out Rikku's babbling (no offense to the girl), Baralai hurried to the entrance, jogging inside, seeking the Machine Faction leader, before somebody would mind-read him and discover the worst deed he ever committed.

Hot water poured from the nozzle, dribbling heat searing his dark skin until it flushed like mahogany. Snatching a sponge, and fluffing it with soap, Baralai ferociously scrubbed his body, determined to cleanse himself. Her touch marked his memory, her scent mingled with his own, tantalizing him even in her absence. The sponge paled in comparison in texture, a coarse softness, unlike his restless hands chafing his neck, unlike her sharp nails scraping his scalp. Everything about Yuna invaded his mind, permeating his senses, like how his whimpers of dejection echoed, mimicking her whimpers of desperation, his bated breaths as heavy as hers during the heat of the moment, a time when he once had her in his arms, mewling, moaning, masturbating–

Alone in the shower, imprisoned in a small space where those sensual sounds he reminisced were actually echoing from his throat, he longed for Yuna still, despite the pain. Poignant depression clogged his throat and he struggled to breathe in the moist, steamy air. A persistent, lonely ache swelled in his loins, pulsating and quivering in disappointment when his hands were the only form of relief. 'It's not the same...' The only feeling that could rival his self-depreciation of nearly destroying the world– inadequacy from the woman he gave his entire body to, offering everything that made him a man, only for her to jilt him on the spot.

Since their arrival, even long before then, Yuna wouldn't let him touch her. He couldn't bring himself to even acknowledge her. Recalling the warm afternoon, after he jumped her in the middle of the highroad, everything fell apart so fast and the heartbreak refused to cease flowing.

To think they actually made love, Baralai couldn't believe it. Yuna felt so soft, softer with solid substance in contrast to his dreams, and short-lived happiness bloomed in his heart. Her moans, her screams, her ecstasy had empowered him, inflating his confidence, amplifying his desire. The reality it actually happened felt far sweeter than their perfect relationship in his lucid world, 'And I may never experience it again.' Bittersweet satisfaction reminded him of the sole jarring difference; Yuna hadn't even cried out his name, and he remembered why.

"What were you thinking?"

'Yes, what was I thinking...?'

He lost control, he took advantage of a defenseless woman without any true regards to her feelings. 'I raped her. I don't deserve to speak to her, let alone look at her. She has to live with what I did for the rest of her life—I don't deserve to exist.'

Baralai's heart throbbed, plunging deeper into black emotions. And when they finally arrived at Djose Temple, Yuna fled as soon as she laid eyes on Tidus, hugging him, using him as the ultimate means to avoid her rapist entirely. She'd been with Baralai hours ago, trapped in the blissful throes of passion, yet it's Tidus who made her smile, made her laugh, could always cheer her up, and Baralai only served as the doom and gloom over her spirits. The lovely light in her eyes existed out of his reach, in the clutches of another man. Jealousy couldn't have torched his heart worse than resentment and anguish. They had committed the most sacred, intimate sexual act, yet she returned to Tidus, seeking protection and comfort, in which Baralai would have happily provided, yet Yuna outright rejected.

Frustrated at himself, feeling betrayed and unwanted, Baralai quickly reminded himself that he got severely carried away. 'I was delusional to believe she wanted sex with me, when in reality it hadn't been consensual.'

Baralai wanted to hit something, break it into millions of pieces, rip it to microscopic shreds, pound it into dust, incinerate it beyond recognition, destroy the entire holy structure of this damn temple using pure, raw gravity, but most of all–

'I want to cry.'

Hours of quiet brooding and meditation proved fruitless in calming his nerves. A long, nearly scalding-hot shower couldn't wash away her scent; convicting evidence of what he'd done. Baralai suddenly wished that Djose was still a place of Yevon, because the only thing left was to confess, and pay the price. And what a steep price that would have to be, to atone for abusing the High Summoner. If the same deed had been possible under the old way, he'd have no doubt been sentenced to wander the catacombs of the Via Purifico for the rest of his short and miserable days. Of course, no one would grant him that service now.

Even confession seemed like a long-shot. Who could possibly measure his crime objectively? Not even Paine could be expected to hear; besides, Yuna had already told her all she needed to know. Gippal? 'It would take only hours for all of Spira find out…' But, that left only one person. It just so happened that he wasn't close to Yuna, and mostly kept a safe distance from Baralai as well. Tensions still lingered between him and the Meyvn, but Karma would proffer him no kinder a judge. Again, why should it? Nooj could always be counted on for cold, hard, unforgiving honesty.

Seated at a workbench behind the temple, the stone-hearted ex-Crusader eyed a series of rusted-out, tossed gears. Boredom and vague curiosity deepened the lines between his eyebrows as he peered ever closer, completely ignoring the nervous wreck of a Praetor that shuffled his way. 'Maybe he's finally come to grips with the fact that I didn't— no, too much to expect. I wonder what he wants.'

"Nooj," Baralai announced, desperately trying to contain his heart from ripping out of his chest cavity, "It seems… no, I have committed the worst sin. I have raped a virgin woman, the woman everyone on Spira adores."

Nooj deadpanned, glaring up awkwardly at the younger man. Of all things, he didn't expect this—Baralai using him as a surrogate confessional? 'Bevelle's sacramental wine must be aging rather fast these days.' Or, something really had happened, and the enduring fragments of Baralai's adolescence were now crying out for attention. "Hmm… I don't believe you. Did she scream for help?"

Baralai wracked his brain for several seconds. She had run from him more than once, of that much he was sure. 'Why didn't she? Even the bandits would have jumped at the opportunity to help Yuna, even if only for the reward…'

"…no."

"For mercy?" Nooj persisted.

"I don't… I'm not sure. No."

"Did she fight back? Resist you in every possible way?"

"Initially… She didn't seem to put up a very strong effort." Come to think of it, Yuna had seemed more fickle than anything else. A little panicked, but mostly just indecisive. One minute she ran from him, the next, she begged for more. Wasn't she? Or did he just imagine it to soothe his burning conscience? 'What really happened out there…?'

The older man abruptly laughed, sardonic and quiet, recalling with amusement Paine's generous, descriptive tale of Baralai's defeat back during the Vegnagun conflict. "Frankly, considering your last confrontation, I do not see you overpowering her–" Nooj grunted, interrupted by Baralai's sharp glare for a heartbeat, "Ahem, what I meant to say is: Yuna definitely wanted it."

Although still horrendously confused, Baralai could feel a massive weight being stubbornly pried from his shoulders. Maybe what they'd done hadn't been 'right', but maybe there still remained a slight glimmer of hope. "R… really? What makes you think so?"

To start, he had seen Paine and Yuna enter the temple, talking and laughing. Rape victims don't generally carry on with friends only hours after the attack. Nooj had the misfortune of dismissing more than one Youth League soldier for such atrocities, and the victims were never of sound mind. Never. Yuna, on the other hand, seemed skittish at worst. The difference should have been obvious, but— "She allowed you to screw her senseless? It's self explanatory."

Baralai blushed, face heating from the crude reference to their act. "That doesn't explain why she's avoiding me as if I'm a criminal."

"Maybe you're the one doing most of the avoiding. Besides, she's simply in denial. Yuna will come around eventually."

"And then what will happen?"

'This man is more naïve than I'd first thought.' "Don't worry. She'll jump you before you know it."

"…that's not very reassuring." Baralai trailed off, mind wandering to all manner of uncertain possibilities. If not full-fledged rape, he had still stolen her innocence. And she, jump him? Impossible. Nooj ceased to be helpful; in fact, if Baralai didn't know any better, he'd think Nooj enjoyed watching him squirm. 'I come to confess, and I get bullied? Why did I expect any different?'

"Desire is a jackass. It doesn't need to explain itself. I thought Gippal told you this already," Nooj said, peering up over the top of his glasses, incredulity at Baralai's supposed ignorance in the ways of women. 'And he's supposed to be the gentleman.'

"So it is…" Baralai grumbled to himself.

He turned to leave, hoping to walk down the Djose shore and ponder. Not that he'd reach any conclusions; this was getting foggier and more twisted by the second. But then, two men blocked his way. Gippal, head cocked to the side, amused and beaming mischievously at his friend, and Tidus, scowling, fists clenched, and eyes narrowed, practically ready to shoot a blue laser right through Baralai's skull.

"How could you do that to her? Didn't she save your life?" Tidus rushed at Baralai with flailing fists, but Gippal quickly intercepted.

"Chillax, man. B didn't rape her– he doesn't have it in him. My guess is she probably just needed some Praetorial service." Baralai silently observed, bringing a hand up to his chin, confused as to whether he should feel insulted or congratulated. Tidus pried himself from Gippal's headlock soon enough, absolutely furious and seething.

"I don't believe you!"

"Guys. Before we get ahead of ourselves, let me check to be sure." All three men arched eyebrows, slightly disinterested of his method, whatever it may be; Nooj twitched, Tidus grimaced, and Baralai blanched when the brazen teen hugged his friend, inhaling his scent, smiling proud at his discovery. "Yep. He smells different. I don't remember this citrus-y smell..." Uncomfortable of Gippal's familiar proximity, body instinctively protesting of this foreign contact compared to Yuna's, Baralai punched his nose out of habit, scowling.

"OW! Damn you, B-man! Will you stop punching me? You're gonna break my handsome nose sooner or later."

"Not until you stop violating my personal space." Just because they shared a tent back in the Crimson days, shared blankets, and sometimes body heat to survive the cold, desert nights did not give Gippal permission to be overtly affectionate.

"Then, what do you call those times in Bikanel Dessert?"

"Camaraderie and necessary measures."

Exaggerated sniffles and fake tears, equipped with one puppy eye, the Al Bhed rounded on his 'brother', hiccuping. "You're breaking my heart, man."

Baralai flinched at the sadface, already feeling Gippal's superb power of manipulation to enforce guilt. 'I will NOT be fooled by this again.' The last time this happened, the Praetor mistook Gippal's diabolical mischief for 'promiscuous' advances. "Stop embarrassing me!" he said, his hushed protest reluctant and downright exasperated, and politely shoved his sly smile into an annoyed frown before the weasel could say 'yay!'.

Tidus watched, speechless, half-mortified and half-disgusted, anger digressing from the main conflict entirely. No doubt Gippal had counted on theatricals to diffuse a fight before it even began. Nooj sighed, wondering why he's even playing a part in this soap opera. "Before you declare Baralai a criminal to the world, maybe you should go ask her yourself."