"Ugh!" Arthur groaned as the sunlight poured into his eyes.

Merlin sniggered.

"What the hell happened last night?"

"You don't remember anything?"

"I think I had too much to drink."

"Nope, too much happened at nine pm. Far too much, happened at ten. And by eleven you were singing that song about the happy goblin and the unicorn's horn."

"Oh dear. Embarrassment scale?"

"How high can I go?"

"Ten."

"On a scale of one to ten…about fifty."

"Was I really that bad?"

"Bad doesn't even begin to cover it."

"All right. Let me have it."

"Well for starters you'll be lucky if Gwen ever decides to speak to you again. I took Morgana some flowers this morning as an apology, but you need to apologise in person. The king will most likely send you on some terrifying mission soon, just to warn you. And you'll be very lucky if Gaius doesn't poison you."

"And the knights?"

"I wouldn't worry about that too much. They're all fairly ashamed of what they got up to last night."

"Dare I ask?"

"Let's just say there's a lot fewer virgins in Camelot this morning."

"Ah. But what exactly did I do to offend everyone?"

"Well for one thing you clearly got too hot so you decided to remove all your clothes…in the packed great hall. There's the goblin song, and there were a few more which got steadily ruder as the night wore on. I believe there was also a dance that went with each. Gwen is unlikely to talk to you again since you tried to force her to go to bed with you. Morgana is furious because you spilled wine on her and were sick down her favourite dress. You cheeked your father very badly, which, although hilarious to watch, has put him on the warpath, so apologise and then stay out of his way if you know what's good for you."

"What did I say?"

"You said magic might not be so bad after all and Uther was silly to fear it so much."

"Oh god."

"That and more. I have never seen the king that angry."

"What about Gaius?"

"Well that has more to do with your many attempts to molest me."

"But I thought…Gwen…"

"No, Arthur. After I bodily removed you from Gwen and sent her home for safety, you latched onto me and tried to make me kiss you. Repeatedly."

"I did?"

"Yes. Clearly your libido will not be quenched easily. And we both know how little you like to be thwarted in anything."

"That's true. I take it you managed to prevent me doing something I'd regret in the morning?"

"Well…"

"Merlin?"

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Sort of. Weren't you wearing that to the feast?"

"Um, yes."

"So why haven't you changed?"

"I haven't really had a chance. I haven't exactly been back to my room."

"Why not?"

"Well, that's another matter entirely…"