Chapter One

"Mmm, sandwich." Nyamo mumbled to herself as she wandered through the parking lot.

She wasn't going to eat lunch in the parking lot today because the other teenagers threw things at her. While that was usually the reason for other days, today she had something important to do.

Namely, sit in her car.

Because she had recently bought a car. A cheap Yugo (Not that there is any other kind) which smelled slightly of dead mice and had dark red stains in the trunk. It was the first important thing she had ever really purchased, and she was looking forward to enjoying her first day of crying in the backseat so that no one could hear her.

She would have been surprised to find her old friend/stalker Yukari on top of the car with a can of gasoline, but she had ceased being surprised by anything Yukari said or did around the same time that her friend had stabbed the principal in the crotch with a pencil after being brought in for detention.

"Yo, Yukari."

"WHAT!" Yukari had never really 'got' that other people had indoor voices and outdoor voices.

"Something smells like cheap moonshine. Is it eleven O'clock already?"

Yukari wiped the smudge of white from her mouth with a bong water-stained hankerchief and picked broken glass out of her hair. "We are on Eastern Yukari Time, and it is Drunk O'Clock."

"I hope that that doesn't mean you're going to hijack the speaker system to give your speech about your personal theory about how white people are descended from cats again."

Yukari laughed, absentmindedly writing obscenities on her ether-soaked hello kitty t-shirt with lipstick.

"No, no. I've learned my lessons since then, namely that coke is a hell of a drug. Why would you ask?"

Nyamo quickly finished her sandwich, remembering her best friend's habit of stealing food to feed her collection of rabid dogs. "It's just that you seem less… together than usual. Did something happen?"

"Don la Fontaine died." Yukari choked.

"Who?" Nyamo asked, though it was muffled through her mouthful of bread and ham.

"The guy who does the background voice in American movie trailers. Now, the world shall know vengeance for its terrible sin." Yukari brought in air, after heaving up something that looked like it still had a skeleton. "If such a thing as god exists, I shall make him notice his misjudgment by so perverting his creations that he must take notice of his horrible misdeed. And it is for this honorable crusade that I shall require your motor vehicle, because 'the man' thinks that such a minor offense as driving a stolen car through the wall of a kindergarten requires the removal of a driver's permit."

"It kind of does."

"Silence, my favorite piece of ass. If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it out of you." Yukari began pouring gasoline onto the car. "Get in and drive, drive like Kimura that creepy guy from Spanish class is behind you."

"Why are you pouring gasoline on-"

"I said shut up, bitch! Now drive!" Yukari tied herself to both rear view windows with belts and lit a zippo lighter.

Nyamo, who was already feeling slightly drunk from the Yukari-fumes, buckled in and started the car.

Then, fire happened. And Nyamo couldn't tell if the sounds Yukari was making were screams or laughter.