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[Simon 'Ghost' Riley's POV]

(Death in the Family)

I stagger out of the helo, feeling depressed and dizzy. Mactavish hurries by, supporting Roach who's gone into a bit of shock. I shake my head, trying to clear it. We lost two men today. Two brave men who were willing to give up everything.

Needing to get away from everyone and write this down in my notebook, I slip off to the barracks, still in all of my gear. I walk silently into my room. Royce and I used to share it, but after today he won't be coming back.

Quit thinking like that, I remind myself sharply. They wouldn't want you to be moping. I pull off my vest and other gear, dumping it on my bunk. Yanking off my gloves and pulling on a black t-shirt I run through the information we got out of Alejandro…or Alex the Red or whoever he really was. Frankly, I don't give a bloody rat's rear about who we just tortured; all I know is that this 627 could change everything.

I glance in the mirror. My balaclava stays firmly in place, though I'm now dressed in civilian attire. I sigh. As silly as it may sound, I don't feel natural in my civvies. After one gets used to wearing gear all the time, THAT becomes natural. I feel too light. Like something's missing.

I shake off the empty feeling, scribble the notes into the book, and head out to find Gadget. On my way I pass several men from other squads, who snap off stiff salutes. It's weird, being saluted. Even though it happens all through day to day life I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of having all of these men in my charge. Those two men who lost their lives were partially in my charge. Therefore, it's partially my fault their dead.

I check the workout room first, expecting to see her on the treadmill. The place is deserted so I don't waste any more time in there. Instead, I head down to the kitchen, my mind still on the previous mission.

We were just supposed to get in there, find Rojas, and get out. Instead we found Rojas's assistant, hunted Rojas down during an extreme firefight, caught Rojas, got our answers, and had to call in one of Mactavish's old buddies to pick us up since our own men were far too busy. Roach fell offa building and we had to circle around until the kid can get back on.

One would say that's a crazy day.

Around here we call it Tuesday.

Gadgets leaning against the counter, humming softly as she scrubs a dish in soapy water. I don't recognice the song, but right now I don't care. She wasn't on the mission and I missed her while we were gone.

I creep up behind her silently (I AM Ghost for a reason), "Hey."

She flinches, sloshing water down her sleeves. "CRIPES! Ghost give me a warning or something or I'm going to tie a bell on you."

"A bell?"

"So I can hear you coming."

"Well, that just defeats the whole purpose."

She glances at me over her shoulder. I know that look on her face; she's read my mind again. "You okay?"

"Yeah…I'm fine…a little shaken."

She nods in understanding, "The long trip will do that."

We prattle on for a while longer, just about training and what Gadget's making for dinner.

"I promised Meat I'd make grilled cheese this week, but I don't think we have any cheese in the fridge. If he gives me crap about that I swear—"

Whatever threats Gadget was making against Meat fall on deaf ears. Didn't she know? Hadn't anyone told her what had happened?

"Gadget," I murmer, catching her wrist as she reaches up to get a pan out of one of the upper cabinets.

"What is it?" She asks, examining my masked face in confusion. "Ghost, what's wrong?"

"Meat's not coming back."

"What?"

"Meat's…Meat's dead."

Gadget looks mortified for a moment, but then that serene look takes over her eyes again. "Oh…" She mutters, looking away. "Oh…"

"Royce is gone too."

Just saying it hurts. Meat and Royce were close friends with Gadget and I know she's probably going through an emotional hell right now just thinking about them being gone forever. She doesn't show it. Calm eyes occupy her face and her hands are steady as she grabs the pan and pulls it down.

I hop onto the counter and rub my temples. "They both died fighting…like they wanted."

A silent nod.

"Roach is taking it hard, he was with them when they…" I blink back tears, blocking my emotions quickly. No more of that, I reming myself. "When they died."

She nods again, equally stoic.

"Please say something, Gadget; I hate it when you're like this."

This time she shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

"C'mon," I urge again. "They wouldn't want you to be—"

Gadget interupts me, "Just give a second…I just need to…" She gestures wildly. "I just can't…"

I grasp her wrist again. "It's okay." I re-assure her. "It's all right. You don't have to keep a poker face around me. I won't judge you if you cry."

She smiles weakly, still holding up those walls. "It's fine…Really I just need to get it through my head that I can't finally break out that garden weasel…" The corners of her mouth twitch as she fights to keep from crying.

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Gadget please don't do—"

"I'll stop you right there," She playfully smacks me with a plastic spatula. "Help me with dinner."

%%%%%%%^%%%%%%%

We all eat in relative silence until Archer dares to break it, "Who knew I'd miss Meat's obnoxious chewing so much?"

There's a collective laugh, though it's quiet and hesitant.

"Or Royce's constant paranoia?" Toad adds, cheekily.

Another soft chuckle passes through us, still a little awkward.

"Screw Meat," Gadget said malaciously. "I ordered that garden weasel for nothing now."

This breaks the barrier and sends us all into hysteric laughter. We all share stories about our departed friends, bringing up how Meat never actually called Gadget by her name and how Royce was always finding ways to annoy us.

I look around the table as this all takes place, looking at each individual soldier. Having two deaths in our little 'family' has reminds me how fragile life really is. At any moment in the battle we could lose a friend…a family member…a great team mate…a brother… all in one moment. All of this is so delicate that a single piece of metal flying through the air could send us into a down-ward spiral.

My eyes rest on Gadget. She's laughing along with the others about the story Roach is in the process of telling. Our relationship has changed a lot over the last three years. Since I first kissed her when she stole my mask we shared little moments here and there. That eventually turned into a type of relationship. When I asked Gadget about it, she said she'd consider us an 'item' as long as it didn't make me treat her any different as far as training and missions went.

It didn't and still doesn't. I'm just glad it hasn't changed too much around here.

"Well, I'm heading off to bed." Scarecrow stretched and took his plate to the still soap filled sink. "Anyone wanna walk with me?"

"What are you, 6?" Archer asked. "Sure, ya nancy, I'll walk with you."

"Ay, wait up!" Toad hopped up and followed them out. Worm did so as well, only silently.

This left Roach, Gadget, Mactavish, and myself at the table. Roach looked up at me, still seeming guilty. "This is kinda my fault."

"Rubbish," I shake my head. "There was nothing you could've done."

"I should've—"

Gadget interuppts, standing. "No matter what you should've done Roach, it won't change what happened." She dumps her plate into the suds. "We all have to understand that. It's an occupational hazard to be at fault sometimes."

This silences the FNG for a moment. Then he nods in agreement, "I guess you're right."

"I think this calls for a toast." Mactavish suggests, grabbing a bottle of stiff whisky and pouring four small half-glassfulls and handing them out. "To Royce and Meat."

"Brothers," I add, lifting my own glass.

"Friends," Roach joins.

I glance at Gadget. The walls are back as she raises her glass. "Great warriors."

We all down the drinks in one go, slamming the glasses onto the counter in perfect unison.

Wow…

Well, that's what you get for now. My brain is dead due to Spanish cramming for the past 2 hours :P

Yep, this is the big project!

Don't worry, oneshots will come every now and then for a loooooooong time. Plenty of ideas now.

**SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER** Be ready for a horridly bitter-sweet ending to this one. Don't judge me if not everyone makes it out alive.**SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER**

Soooooooooooooo, review or no update, it's that simple :D