Disclaimer: do not own hetalia

warnings: fruityness... LOL SEE WUT I DID THERE /shot

REVIEWS ARE REALLY APPRECIATED

Stuck For The Fall

"Gilbert!" Matthew scolded, giving him a light punch on his shoulder. "Behave!"

"I'm not your dog." Gilbert scowled, but shut up anyways. The teenagers who he had been yelling at in rapid-fire German gave Matthew a grateful look before scampering off in a direction, far away from the couple.

"No," Matthew muttered under his breath, pushing his glasses up his nose. "You're my bitch."

"I heard that."

"Heard what?"

Instead of replying, Matthew pulled Gilbert by the ear down the row of apple trees, far away from the clusters of people, some who had yet to be terrorized by the albino.

Earlier this morning, he had suggested that they get away from the city for a while and go apple picking, a pastime that he rather enjoyed during the fall. Gilbert had flat out refused, saying the activity was too lame and domestic and totally not cool enough for his awesome self.

Gilbert was also secretly completely whipped, so two hours after breakfast, they were going down the dirt drive way of Matthew's favourite family farm. Gilbert had given him a hard time throughout the drive, and continued his endeavour when they reached the farm. He tried to bother everyone he could find, from telling the little kids that they had to make sure they didn't pick any of the 'poisonous' apples that were hidden with the 'normal ones', to the teens just now, who he had seen trying to pelt each other with apples. He had taken his own ones and started hurling them at the poor kids, alternating between cackling and screaming at them in German.

Of course, the kids had no idea what he was saying, though if they did, Matthew was sure that he'd have a lawsuit or two heading his way. If the apples that had been thrown at them hadn't done it already.

When they were a good distance away from most of the families, Matthew turned on Gilbert and glared at him.

"Gilbert, could you please behave your age?"

Even though Matthew was used to Gilbert's antics, he was getting slightly annoyed at the man's stubbornness.

"I'm older than everyone here. Combined. I can act however the awesome me feels like."

Matthew gave Gilbert one hard look, and the silver-haired man crossed his arms over his chest, stuck his tongue out, and blew a raspberry.

"Real mature, Gilbert." Matthew sighed, and then turned towards one of the apple trees. "Just bear it for half an hour, then we'll go home. Promise."

He scanned for the fruit, but it seemed as though people had already picked out most of the apples. However, there was one hanging at the very top. It was bright red, and Matthew figured he might as well go for it. He reached for it, going all the way onto the tip of his toes, till it was barely out of his grasp. Matthew felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and hoist him up, so that he could grab the apple.

"Thanks, Gil."

"I still don't see why we have to do such a pansy thing." Gilbert grumbled, gently dropping Matthew to his feet when he had gotten the apple, still keeping his arms around him. "I mean, two days ago I was watching you literally rape Russia on the ice, which was totally hot by the way-"

Matthew winced. "Gil, don't put it like that-"

"-And now I'm here, picking apples with you. Apples. Not even those big badass pumpkins. Apples. "Gilbert rested his head on Matthew's shoulder."So not cool. Even Gilbird didn't come."

"Well, I happen to like this activity, eh?" Matthew sniffed, pulling away from Gilbert. "You don't need to be an ass about it. And the only reason Gilbird didn't come was because he's still sick from that rum cake."

"I'm not being an ass." Gilbert protested, but Matthew had already started to stalk off with his giant, almost-full bag of apples, to find trees with more apples. He followed him, holding his own cloth bag that had only three apples left in it after the assault on the teens. He caught up with the blond, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Ma-att. Don't look at me like that."

Still getting no response from him, Gilbert gave up and left Matthew to his own devices.

"Gil, put that away." Came Matthew's exasperated voice from behind him.

"No, I'm not done." Came Gilbert's insolent reply, as he continued to stand facing the tree.

"Gilbert! You can't just pee anywhere you feel like, eh?" Matthew chided, turning slightly red with annoyance.

"Well, it appears that I am doing so right now." Matthew hit him on the back of his head but Gilbert ignored it.

Gilbert and Matthew had separated ways for a while, Gilbert deciding to just wander around to kill time while Matthew continued picking. Gilbert felt that it was beneath him to do such a "mother fucking pussy" thing such as picking apples, and Matthew had given up on Getting him to try.

Later on, Matthew had found Gilbert fifty feet away, in the neighbouring row of apple trees. He had gone up to him to surprise him with an apple that had a patch that sort of looked like Gilbird, and realized that the albino was relieving himself on one of the trees, while a young couple with a toddler looked on in mortification. To say Matthew was embarrassed was an understatement.

"We're in public! People are watching!"

"Ew, why would they watch?" Gilbert grunted in response, zipping up his pants when he finished.

Matthew rolled his eyes, questioning himself on why he ever brought Gilbert out into the general public.

"Are you done? Will you stop being all pissy now?"

"Kesesese, pissy."

Matthew resisted the urge to face palm at the man's immaturity. Collecting his thoughts, lest he finally break and go hockey-mode on the other, Matthew tried to think of something that would occupy Gilbert and prevent him from getting into trouble.

"Hey, Gil?"

"Mhm?"

"Want to learn something cool?"

"What?"

"The difference between apples."

The fuck? Gilbert turned around, shooting Matthew an incredulous look.

"How the hell can you tell the difference between apples?" Gilbert asked, raising both eyebrows. To him, the idea just sounded stupid and boring. Much like this whole apple-picking thing.

"Just work with me, Gil." Matthew insisted, reaching into his completely-full bag of apples. "It'll be fun."

"No." Gilbert replied firmly, because he was a manly man and the cute blond Canadian that took up both a lot of his time and his thoughts totally did not have him whipped. So he would refuse, and not cave in to Matthew's request like he had earlier this morning. Though, to be fair, in the morning, Matthew had bribed him.

"Gilbert..." Damn it, his voice was nearly a whine now. But Gilbert would steel himself.

"Don't talk to me in that tone, son." Gilbert said, narrowing his eyes.

"Alright, old man, if you're so against it..." Matthew pouted and looked away.

Fuck me and my weakness for cute things.

"What are you, five?"

Matthew did not reply, but pressed his mouth into a thin line. With a little dejected sigh, he slumped his shoulders and looked down at the ground.

Maybe I am whipped, Gilbert thought, as he watched Matthew. Guessing it wouldn't do either of them good if they went home with a grumpy Matthew, he decided to just go along with his idea this time.

"Hey! Don't look like that; I'm too awesome to get that kind of expression from you. I'll learn about your stupid apples." Gilbert grumbled.

"They're not stupid, Gil." But Matthew had a wide smile (Fucker was faking it! screamed Gilbert's inner-voice) on as he started rummaging through his own bag. He brought out three apples, balancing two in his left arm, and holding one in his right hand.

Matthew had been faking it, but Gilbert didn't have to know.

"Okay. This one is called a Granny Smith apple." He held the brightly coloured fruit right up to Gilbert's face. "It's sour, but it's still really tasty. It's also a real bright green."

"You don't say."

"Take a bite."

Gilbert complied, leaning in and giving a small nip along Matthew's jaw line. He leaned back, with a smug smirk on his face and a "Kesesese~"

"Hilarious." Matthew deadpanned, clearly unimpressed with his boyfriend's oddness. "I meant the apple, stupid."

Gilbert frowned, definitely not happy with Matthew's reaction, and complied.

"Damn, this is sour." He grimaced as the taste settled in. Not wanting to finish what he bit off, he spat out the piece, earning a disapproving look from Matthew, who decided to plod on.

"This one matches your eyes." The apple was a deep, almost a dark crimson red. "It's called a Red Delicious. Red Delish"

"Sounds like a porn star." Matthew rolled his eyes again at Gilbert's commentary.

"Shut up. Now, this one's completely different from a Granny Smith, because it's sweet. See, taste it."

Gilbert took a bite out, and found that the taste was in fact, really sweet. He decided not to spit it out.

"Not as shitty as the other one."

Matthew held up the final apple, a vivid red one with a splash of green on the side.

"And this one's a McIntosh, one of my favourites. It was actually discovered in me."

"..."

"Oh God, not in that way!" Matthew blushed, realizing what he said. "I meant it was discovered in Ontario!"

"I'm sure that's what you meant." Gilbert chuckled, taking a sizeable chunk out of the apple. It had a very tart flavour, and Gilbert didn't mind the taste. "Not bad."

"Good." Matthew smiled. "Now close your eyes."

"Why?"

"I want to see if you were paying attention and remember."

"Remember what? It's only three apples! Why would I forget?"

"Knowing you..." Matthew trailed off, not bothering to finish the sentence.

"I still don't see what the point is." Gilbert said grudgingly, but closed his eyes anyways. "Apples are apples are apples."

"But it's one of those things that are good to know."

"I'm too awesome to know these things." Gilbert huffed.

"That's a bad excuse for being stupid." Matthew retorted, and Gilbert snorted.

"Fuck you."

Matthew took out a small pocket knife and flicked out the blade, slicing a bit from the first apple. Gilbert felt two cold fingers press against his lips, and he started to part them. Matthew shoved a small piece of apple into Gilbert's mouth, and Gilbert bit down on his fingers.

"Ow! Gilbert!"

"Mm?" Gilbert raised his eyebrows with a half smile on his face, but kept his eyes closed. Matthew looked at his expression and started laughing.

"You look dopey." He chuckled, prying his fingers out from between Gilbert's teeth, leaving the apple in his mouth. Gilbert opened his eyes and frowned at him, and started to chew the apple.

"Ew. This is the old grandma apple."

"Granny Smith."

"Tastes like a grandmother too."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Whatever." Gilbert swallowed. "Next."

"Close your eyes again."

Gilbert complied, and felt the fingers at his mouth again. This time, he took the piece without biting down on Matthew's fingers, but not before giving them a playful lick. This time Matthew did not laugh, but just grinned. Gilbert didn't open his eyes.

"Porn star."

"Excuse me?"

"The porn star apple."

Matthew sighed. "Yes Gilbert, the porn star apple. Can you remember what it's called?"

"Head delicious?"

"Red Delish."

"Same shit."

"Well...you're doing well so far. There's one more left."

Instead of the smooth slicing sound, Gilbert heard a loud crunch. He was about to crack one eye open to look, when he suddenly found his mouth occupied. Matthew pushed the piece into his mouth using his tongue. Gilbert tried to hook his own tongue around Matthew's and let out a little groan of disappointment when the blond withdrew.

"Open your eyes." Matthew said, pulling back, his hands behind his back to hide the apple. Gilbert did so, and chewed thoughtfully.

Time to pull off a smooth move.

"McIntosh. Your favourite. Red and green. And," Gilbert added for good measure. "was discovered in you."

Matthew gave a bright smile and nodded, glad that Gilbert bothered remembering all that. As pansy as it sounded, Gilbert rather getting smiles that were both large and genuine. It reminded him how awesome he was.

"So do I get a reward?" He asked hopefully.

"Maybe." Matthew leaned in and gave Gilbert a small peck on the cheek.

"Tch. Not good enough. "

Matthew pondered for another moment.

"I'll give you some more apples." He held up the bitten McIntosh. "How about that?"

"Lame." Gilbert scoffed, and swooped down for a proper kiss instead. Matthew let out a small squeak of surprise as Gilbert wasted no time shoving his tongue into the slightly smaller man's mouth. Gilbert tasted every corner of Matthew's mouth that he could, detecting traces of the apples. Matthew finally let him have his way, and placed his hands on his shoulders as he started to return the kiss.

"That was pretty good," Gilbert said, grinning as he broke off and wrapped his arms around Matthew's waist. He always did like kissing him in public, so that everyone could know that the adorable, and slightly reserved man was with him.

"Yeah?" Matthew hummed happily, thoughts of Gilbert stubbornness slowly fading away.

"Yup. Now all you need to do is repay me for being awesome and accompanying you on this stupid apple picking thing."

With that, he scooped Matthew up and flung him over his shoulder, effectively killing the sweet moment, and started walking down the rows of trees towards the parking lot.

"Kesesese~"

"Gilbert! We're sort of in public, eh?" Matthew protested, beating his fists against Gilbert's back to no avail.

"I know. You told me like a million fucking times today."

"You said you'd behave!"

"Oh please, as if I'd ever say something as stupid as that-mother fuck!" Gilbert tripped over a stray apple, but managed not to face plant into the ground. "Look what you made me do. Fuckin' apples!"

"But there are families! There are children here!" Matthew protested in vain, at the same time trying to fight the urge to laugh at the silver haired man holding him up.

"Chill, I'm just taking you to the car. No one will guess anything." Gilbert patted Matthew's backside."Unless you want them to know, because I honestly won't mind just dropping you down and doing you here. "

Matthew sighed in slight defeat and slumped over Gilbert's shoulder.

"I hate you."

"Good. Hate sex is hot sex. "

Matthew aimed a hard kick to Gilbert's chest for the little girl who overheard and the mother who would have to answer her questions.

Fin

abrupt ending is abrupt but its ok this was more fun to write than I thought it would be.

There is a voice in my head slapping my brain and yelling "Sap! Sap!"