A/N: I haven't written any fanfiction in a very long time (like, maybe stoneage long) so I'm all kinds of nervous to post this. This is just something I've been messing around with for a few days. I have no idea if it's any good or if anyone will want me to continue, so let me know if you like it, K?

Fair warning: if I do continue this, things will be getting kinda dirty, if you know what I mean. Also, Puck's potty mouth cannot be contained, so beware the swear!

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. Wish I did...

Puck was bored out of his fucking mind. No, seriously, he felt like stabbing himself in the eye or some shit. He was currently draped across several of the seats in the auditorium doing his best not to hear the horror that was pouring out of Kurt's falsetto. Shuester had given them some lame-ass assignment earlier this week about breaking out of their boxes and trying something new or blah blah blah. Whatever. All Puck knew was that he'd been forced to sit through some pretty shitty renditions of some pretty shittier songs. Maybe Shue should take this as a lesson to not mess with a good thing. Puck knew he could rock out just about anything but it was clear that this didn't apply to everyone in Glee Club.

Usually Puck was pretty down with Glee. He got to exercise his badass music skills and he had to admit most of the girls in it were totally hot. He'd been there, done that with most of them but Puck was always up for watching them twirl in their tiny little skirts. He could probably tell you the cut and color of every pair of panties Rachel Berry owned. Not that, you know, he was obsessed or anything. If there was blatant panty flashage right in front of him, he was going to appreciate, OK? It was his god given right as a red blooded male or something.

Speaking of Rachel, Puck may or may not have been anticipating her performance next. He was just interested to see what she could come up with when she couldn't pull out some lame Broadway standard or something. It wasn't like he was looking forward to it or anything. So when he sat up a little straighter when Kurt finally left the stage (finally! Were his ears bleeding?) it wasn't because he was excited to see her performance. Maybe he could admit that her singing was always something he could be down with listening to, but that was as far as he was going.

Puck got distracted for a second by Mike and Finn in the row in front of him throwing spit balls at each other and Tina shrieking when one got in her hair. Girl was quiet a lot of the time but apparently she had some pipes on her when she was mad. Damn.

Suddenly Puck was aware of the silence that had descended over the auditorium. Finn and Mike had stopped fucking around and were now staring at the stage with their mouths open. Puck turned to see what was so interesting and just about lost his shit. No, seriously. See, he knew Rachel was sneaky hot in that naughty librarian, dirty school girl kind of way, but the Rachel currently adjusting her mic on stage was for sure no school girl. In fact, there was no plaid in sight.

In actuality, there was a whole hell of a lot of leather. She had on these insanely tight, black leather pants that ended below her hipbones and ran into some seriously hot leather boots with buckles up the side and a pretty decent heel. She had some black leather half gloves covering her hands and her (fucking awesome) toned stomach was left bare. Her top was covered in this tiny black shirt…wrap…fabric…thing. Whatever. Puck didn't know fashion, all he knew was he approved. Especially since it looked like all it would take to get it off of her was one tug of the tie in the front. And, hell yes, Puck was thinking of getting it off of her. A quick glance around told him that probably all of the other guys were thinking the same thing; including Mr. Shue…and Brittany and Santana.

Puck had been appreciating her insanely tight body, but he had to give props to her face as well. Her bangs were styled straight and her hair was a little wavy and all shiny like he liked (shut up, he still remebers hot hot it was to get his fingers all tangled up in there while he was making out with her. Shit was sexy as hell). Her makeup was all smokey and dark and seriously, had her eyes always been that huge?

The whole time Puck had been taking a thorough inventory for later use in his Spank Bank (and you'd better believe this shit was going right to the fucking top), Rachel had been setting up her mic and conferring with Artie who looked like he was going to be backing her up on the guitar. But now she looked like she was ready and you'd better believe Puck was ready for whatever she had to offer. Damn, she could sing them Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Puck would probably give her a standing O (hell yes that was a pun).

Suddenly the lights dimmed and Artie started in on some rhythm along with some of the other band in the background. Rachel had some sort of sexy as fuck scowl on her face and her hands were gripping the mic just right waiting for her cue and Puck seriously had to stop thinking how she would look gripping his cock like that or he was gonna embarrass himself. And the Puckerone did NOT embarrass himself.

And then she started singing.

You don't know that I know you watch me every night
And I just can't resist the urge to stand here in the light
Your greedy eyes upon me and then I come undone
And I could close the curtains but this too much fun

I get off on you getting off on me
I give you what you want but nothing is for free
It's a give and take kinda life we make
When your line is crossed I get off, I get off

Puck was seriously worried for a minute that he had enough blood in his brain to watch the rest of her performance, because it fucking couldn't be healthy how hard he was right now. She was singing about masturbating. And not only masturbating, but having someone else watch. Every time the words 'I get off' passed through her lips, Puck felt like he was gonna explode.

He was suddenly really fucking glad he was in the back row.