So, a little about this story. I always wondered how birds knew where to go and why they followed wizards so willingly. My mom suggested they were trained, when I remarked to her, but then I started thinking about the third book when Sirius sends tropical birds. Thus, this was born.

Man vs. Bird

Sirius Black glared at the tropical bird. "You will take this damn letter to my godson, or so help me I will fry your feathers!"

Chirp.

How the hell was he supposed to understand that?

You seem slightly confused. This is understandable, since you have come into the middle of the story. Let's rewind a bit.

It started off as a boring day on the beach. Sirius Black had been on the run from the Dementors ever since he ran off with Buckbeak. He had found this lovely little island, and decided to stay there. It was working out great.

Unfortunately, he realized that he didn't have an owl to send his godson a letter. So, he decided to find one. The only ones for use were the giant, tropical ones.

So, he quickly wrote his letter.

Dear Harry,

How are you? I can't tell you where I am right now, the letter could very well get intercepted. I'm doing fine, so don't worry about me. Contact me soon.

Sirius

Sirius nodded with satisfaction. Now to get the bird to take the letter for him.

"Here little birdie, come on; come on! You know you want to carry a letter. Come on!"

The bird stayed on its tree branch, staring down haughtily.

"Okay." Sirius pondered on what to do for a few seconds. Eventually, he took a stance with both hands on hip. "YOU! YES I AM TALKING TO YOU! YOU WILL COME DOWN HERE AND YOU WILL DELIVER MY LETTER. THIS IS AN ORDER FROM KING SIRIUS, OUTCAST OF OUTCAST, AND RULER OF THIS ISLAND!"

Chirp.

Not the response he was looking for.

Sirius frowned, plopping down on the ground. And so, the war began.

"Pretty, pretty please?"

…

"Okay, how about some nice worms?"

"I am the Bird Emperor! Obey me!"

A coconut dropped on his head.

"Hey!"

"I'll get Voldemort to eat your feathers!"

Two coconuts.

"Owww that hurt."

"Umm… you're pretty? Sort of. Fawkes is still the prettiest, although he likes to peck at my hair when he's bored. That was always rather irritating, I mean, come on! It's my hair, for Moony's sake!"

That apparently didn't even warrant a response.

"I know! We can be like the new Luke and R2-D2! To boldly go where no man has – woops mixing these things up."

Three coconuts? This was just getting ridiculous. He was pretty sure he was going to get the brain damage Remus always swore had been inflicted upon him at an early age.

"Okay that's it!" Sirius glared at the tropical bird. "You will take this damn letter to my godson, or so help me I will fry your feathers!"

Chirp chirp.

How the hell was he supposed to understand that?

"GAAHH!" Glowering at the bird he screamed, "Fine! You WIN!"

And then it floated down smugly. Sirius stared at it, eyes wide when it put out its leg smugly. He tied his letter onto the bird, and watched it fly away.

"I hate birds."