Characters: Nanao, Shunsui
Summary: I stand on my own, remember? Never forget that.
Pairings: Shunsui x Nanao
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for Turn Back the Pendulum arc
Timeline: Pre-manga
Author's Note: I suspect this applies at least somewhat to the manga
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
She's always been in the position of having to stand tall and be strong when the one who should do these things can't or won't. Eventually, it is the only reality Nanao knows and to stray off from it is something she's incapable of doing.
Simply put, she doesn't know how to allow herself to be weak.
Shunsui, as only Shunsui can, blames himself, and knows he should be blaming himself. When Nanao needed someone to lean on (a little girl needed someone to support her when Lisa left and Shunsui shut himself up in his office and drank until he couldn't remember Lisa's name, let alone the little girl sitting, weary and red-eyed outside the old lieutenant's office door) Shunsui was nowhere to be found.
By the time he the haze of sake and plum wine faded enough from his mind to let him think again and he remembered Nanao, Nanao was stiff and proud and when he tried to reach out to her, she sharply slapped his hand away and told him not touch her.
'I've got your number. I know better than to let those hands anywhere near me.'
She rejects him utterly, as only Nanao can.
And Shunsui does feel pain at this, if only because he wants to be a support now.
He would like for her to feel that it's safe to lean on him. He'd like Nanao to be able to take comfort from, not just him, from anyone, but especially from him. It's a nice feeling, to have someone willing to take comfort from him.
More than anything, Shunsui wishes Nanao would open up.
But she won't.
Too busy being bitter and professional and the no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners lieutenant of the Eighth division, Nanao hasn't got any time for that.
She hasn't got any time to be wondering if he's just looking for a replacement for Lisa.
When she needed him, he wasn't there, and Nanao stands tall on her own, feels that she must always be ready to stand alone in case the ground slides out from under her feet again. If the dark days come again, Nanao knows she must be ready to stand tall alone, against the darkness.
Shunsui isn't reliable.
And Nanao will never let him forget it.