A/N: First Grey's Anatomy oneshot I've ever written, and first Grey's fic I've posted in a long time. None of the characters belong to me - I own nothing but box-sets and a craving for Season 7 to air in Australia, although I have watched some episodes online.

This is basically an AU of the season 6 finale, set after Meredith's speech in the OR, about her being the eye for an eye (which was truly moving television that brought me close to tears)

She knows that the shooter – the man who shot her husband – is in the OR. She knows in the same way she knew there was going to be trouble on the day with the bomb. She knows in the same way she knew that it was her destiny to drown in Elliot Bay.

She just knows.

And she's never been one to just sit there and do nothing, because like Izzie and George said so long ago: she and Cristina are doers. They don't sit and do nothing; they can't sit and do nothing. Cristina... she's in there, operating on Derek, and Meredith just knows that the shooter is in there with them.

How can she leave her best friend and husband alone with a mad gunman?

So she walks into the OR, because being dark and twisty (like she has been for so long) doesn't leave you with an intact fear of death.

And he's in there, with a gun pointed at her person's head. And Cristina... she's crying. Like, tears rolling down her cheeks while she struggles to breathe, crying. Cristina doesn't cry. Cristina hasn't cried since Burke left her on their wedding day.

No one gets away with hurting her person.

"You want justice right? Your wife died, I know what happened. Derek told me the story. Lexie Grey is the one that pulled the plug on your wife. She's my sister. Dr. Webber, he was your wife's doctor. I'm the closest thing he has to a daughter. And the man on the table, I'm his wife. If you want to hurt them the way that you hurt, shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye"

It's for Derek and Cristina and every other person whose been shot. It's for Alex, and Lexie, and Chief Webber and Miranda Bailey... it's for her family.

She can hear Cristina shouting and Owen yelling and running and screaming and it hurts, so, so much.

"You can't shoot a pregnant woman", Cristina screams, but it's too late because she's falling, and it's red – red on the floor, red on her scrubs, red on her hands – all she can see, and feel and smell is red.

"Tell Derek I love him. Tell him that I did this for him, for us"

And Cristina is still yelling and there's pressure on her chest and she doesn't know where she's been shot because the pain is everywhere. The bomb, and the drowning, and the overwhelming, all consuming pain she's felt so many times in her life, all dim in comparison to this pain.

It's not just her dying on the operating room's floor, it's her baby. She's dying and Derek's dying and there's so much death. As a doctor, she should be used to it, but there's just too much and she wants it to stop.

Owen's hands are fluttering uselessly on her chest, and she knows it's bad if a trauma surgeon doesn't know what to do next. She wishes Cristina could be down here instead, but she's too busy saving Derek's life.

Maybe that's enough – one of them surviving this. Maybe it should have been her – her and their baby – but Derek's always been the strongest one. Maybe he can do them both proud.

The frantic beeping of machines is the last thing she hears before everything goes dark, and she just hopes that her distraction has got the shooter out of the OR and away from Derek.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

If he had chosen her all that time ago, instead of beautiful, perfect, Addison, life would be different now.

She knows it.

There would be babies – probably two, one already born and one on the way. There would be the house on the hill overlooking the city, and there wouldn't have been Rose, and the house of candles and the drowning and their mess of a relationship.

But then, there wouldn't have been the clinical trial, and her family (Cristina, Alex, Izzie, George). Her mother might still be alive, and she and Lexie might still hate each other – they might not have ever met.

So even though he didn't choose her that day, he did choose her, in the end. She doesn't care that that path led to this, because she can't regret a single thing that led her to her happy ending with Derek, and her family.

Dying on the floor of the OR might suck, but Cristina's there, and Derek's there, and she can feel George in her heart, and she can hear Izzie in her head and only Alex and Lexie are missing.

Where are Lexie and Alex?

"Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom. Blood stops running and people... people fade away. There's more I have to say, so much more, but... I've disappeared"

She wants to tell Derek that she loved him, that she loved their baby and that if it was a boy, she wanted to name him George, and if it was a girl, her name would be Serena (she's always adored that name).

But everything is so, so dark and she doesn't know what's happening. Derek isn't there, and she needs him so badly, but he's not there. He promised, in their post-it note vows, to never walk away, and he's not here now when she needs him the most.

She knows that it's not his fault, but she's still mad at him. Mad at him because he got shot, mad at him because he didn't save himself, mad at him because she's been so incredibly stupid and because of her rash decision, they can't be together.

She's disappeared.

She's died once before, after the ferry accident, and she thought that was permanent. There was Denny and Dylan and her mother and Bonnie and Liz and Doc, and they were all there to convince her to go back to her life.

But this time, it's different.

There's no one there to talk her out of it, and when the light starts to spread, she's all alone. She wants Denny and Dylan and her mum and George and Derek and Cristina, even though they aren't dead.

She doesn't want to be alone now, because it's scary, and even when she pushed people away, she was never truly alone. Not when George and Izzie were sleeping down the hall, and Cristina was sleeping in her bed and Alex was just a phone call away.

But this time, it's different, and she's definitely alone.

The light fades and everything is silver. Shiny, shiny silver. Silver is the colour of scalpels and the kitchen products Cristina traded for surgeries after Burke left her.

She's always liked silver. It's so clean and sterile, and it just seems so untouchable. She can see her reflection in one of the walls. She's wearing scrubs – the dark blue ones that attending wear – and she looks strong and beautiful, like she can conquer the world.

And in her arms, there's a baby. A gorgeous baby with Derek's hair and her eyes and tiny little fingers and toes.

She doesn't understand, because her baby, her Serena (she's convinced that her baby was a girl) is dead.

Maybe she's dead too.

The elevator whirs into action and it goes up and up and up, and her arms feel heavy (it's a good heavy though) because she's holding her daughter.

Her reflection in the silver walls waver and the doors slide open, and she's not sure what's happening because she hasn't been here before.

Reed and Percy are standing in front of her, holding hands, both wearing scrubs – the light blue ones that they had always worn.

Her mother is standing to the side of them, a small smile on her face, and she looks beautiful. She's younger than ever before, but Meredith instinctively knows that it's her mother, despite the lack of wrinkles.

There's Susan Grey, looking slightly out of place, although she's smiling. Her eyes still sparkle like they did all that time ago, and Meredith knows that if she hugs her, she'll still smell like apples.

And behind them all is George. George in his army uniform, with a nearly shaved head, with medals of honour positioned proudly across his chest.

So she and Serena are dead, but they aren't alone. Because there's Percy, who always greeted her with a smile, and Reed, who held the bathroom door open for her on that fateful day. There's her mum, who she's missed so much, and her fake-mummy, who she cried over when no one was looking, and there's George.

George, who was going to leave them for the army. George, who wanted to good in the world. George, who died saving a woman he didn't even know. Her George.

There's no Derek, or Cristina, or Alex, or Lexie, or Chief Webber, or Miranda Bailey, or Jackson or April but she has her own little family standing right in front of her.

And maybe it's a good thing that no one else is in front of her, because that means they're all still alive.

So she steps out of the elevator, fighting the urge to press all of the buttons and go back down to the rest of her family (she has a feeling it wouldn't work anyway – her time is up), and holds Serena tight to her chest.

As soon as the elevator doors slide shut behind her, everyone rushes over to her. Reed pats her back awkwardly, and Percy just smiles reassuringly. Susan gives her a one-armed hug, while her mum whispers soothingly in her ear.

George is the last one to reach her. He doesn't touch her, but their eyes meet, and she feels like crying. "I've missed you Meredith"

She may be dead, and she may never kiss her husband again, or reassure her best friend, but this, right now, feels a lot like coming home.

"I missed you too George"

She doesn't hear Owen announce her time of death, and she doesn't hear Cristina collapse to the floor in hysterical sobs. She doesn't hear Jackson curse and take over the surgery, and she doesn't hear the choking sounds Derek makes when he wakes up after the surgery and finds out she's dead.

She doesn't know that the shooter kills himself when Chief Webber corners him in a patient's room, and she doesn't know that because of her distraction, he left the OR and all of its occupants alone.

She doesn't see her own funeral, and she doesn't hear Derek's moving eulogy, or Cristina's attempt to give a speech. She doesn't see Alex shakily announce that she was the closest thing he had to family, and she doesn't see Izzie in the crowd.

She doesn't know any of this, but she can feel them, her family, when they need her. And for now, that's enough.

Over the years, the elevator door opens again and again, and they all gather to see the new arrival. The first time it opens, Serena's just a toddler (none of them age or change except Meredith's little girl).

Alex stumbles out, looking shocked and confused, and she wants to cry so badly, because another one of them is dead. He's wearing his wedding suit and shakily tells them that he was killed in a mugging gone wrong, although they already know that.

Cristina is killed in a motorcycle accident, Mark and Lexie in a car crash, the Chief dies naturally – just old age, Bailey dies from an inoperable brain tumour and Izzie died when her cancer came back.

By the time Derek joins them, Serena is already a teenager – sixteen years old exactly. The crowd waiting in front of the elevator has grown bigger and bigger (Cristina, Mark, Lexie, Chief Webber, Miranda Bailey and Izzie have joined Alex, George, Ellis, Susan, Reed, Percy, Serena and Meredith), and they're all standing in front of Meredith and Serena.

Derek stumbles out, shell-shocked, just like the rest of them, and his eyes widen when he takes in the crowd.

"But your all dead", he whispers to himself, "which means I'm either crazy or dead too".

Mark breaks the news to him, explains that a heart attack was his cause of death, but they're all here for him.

"If this was my afterlife, Meredith would be here", he whispers.

And the crowd parts and they're both dead, but at the same time, it's a rebirth – for both of them – without the complicated past relationship and the near-death experiences.

It's the life Derek always wanted (a wife and a child) and it's the acceptance Meredith always craved, and this time around, it's perfect.