hello, people i miss so much...i haven't posted in a while...but I'll get to that after this...just read it, lovely little puppies.

After slapping my hands a few times, the gorillas behind me went back where they belonged, leaving me alone in the hallway. Everything was eerie, making me feel like something was going to attack me. My heart ached in my empty chest, a constant reminder that I made a mistake. I missed Rachel and needed things to be right. With this thought, I walked down the hall cautiously and positioned myself to the side of the girl's bathroom door, waiting for Rachel to emerge. My skin prickled as I slid down the wall, settling on the dirty floor. Stubborn, strong hums came from behind the door, finally forming into words. Rachel's voice tearful and powerful, each word hitting me hard.

You treat me just like another stranger

Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.

I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend.

Her voice was mixed with shattering sobs and the soft drip of water on the cold marble counters. Paper ripped and Rachel's singing slowed to a stop. Unstable, gentle hums still came from the room, followed by the clicking of shoes. I stood up quickly, having a mini-heart attack. My eyes darted around the hall, finally landing on the heavy, wooden door, dressed up with a cheesy motivational poster. Rachel poked her head out of the door, hair dripping, forming tiny puddles on the floor. Her expression looked alarm, her eyes bloodshot. The dark brown color stood out on it's pink background. After inspecting her surroundings, Rachel stepped out of the bathroom, finally discovering me.

"Rachel," I whispered, grabbing loosely on her thin arm. Panic spread across her face, trying to fight out of my grip, "Rachel." I repeated as she shook out of my hands, standing in front of me.

"What do you want? Do you want to throw another slushie at me? Why don't you just take my soul and put it into your...your...bag of souls," Rachel stumbled, trying to insult me. Her eyes inspected my expression, trying to compose herself. After a few silent moments, Rachel scoffed at me. She started to turn and spat, "Your pathetic." The venom in her words twisted my heart uncomfortably.

"Rachel, hear me out," I started. Rachel crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot. It was a start, at least, "I'm so sorry. I never meant for anything to get this far. They were going to cut off all of my body hair, including my eyebrows and eyelashes," I stumbled. Rachel rolled her eyes as I continued, "Rachel, look, I really miss when we were little. I miss the days when it was okay to talk to you without getting in trouble by the football monsters. I wish I could go back to 9th grade and change everything I did, including joining the football team. I can't do anything I want. It's like being trapped in my own pastime. Rachel, I want to be friends again, please, give me a chance." I ended, talking animatedly with my hands. I stuttered on most of my words, but I made it through the explanation. Rachel's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head. She grabbed my wrist, studying it carefully.

"The bracelet," She breathed, staring at the friendship bracelet that lay limply on my arm. As quickly as it came, Rachel twisted her face back in disappointment, "Look, Mike. I appreciate you trying to patch things up with me, but I have moved on to bigger and better things that DON'T involve you." Rachel's eyes welled back up, the tears balancing carefully on the rims. She started to walk briskly away, wiping her tears away with a hurt hand. I stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the girl that I just poured my heart out to. My hot breath washed over my dry lips, the air tangling in my lungs. My body burned in embarrassment, blood like lava pulsing under my skin. The words wouldn't form sentences in my scrambled brain, leaving me illiterate at the moment. My feet started to chase Rachel down the hallway, stopping her in her tracks. I glanced into her crazed eyes and did something that I never thought I would do. I leaned over, kissing Rachel awkwardly. I won't lie, it was weird. Rachel was my former best friend, not a girl that I was in love with. It was a nice kiss, but it was kind of like kissing a cousin or a sister.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Rachel shrieked, pulling back her hand. I tried to duck to miss Rachel's swing, but her open hand contacted my face, grinding my teeth together, "DON'T TOUCH ME AND NEVER, EVER KISS ME AGAIN!" Rachel sprinted away from me, too quickly to see where she went. My cheek was on fire, feeling the outline of Rachel's hand. I heard a distant slam down the hallway. Unhooking the frayed ends of my old, dirty friendship bracelet, filled to the top with memories, the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I held my hand, bracelet hanging loosely off of my fingers, above the silver garbage can that was sitting in the hallway. The yarn sat intently on my fingertips, refusing to move. My hand wouldn't let me leave her behind, no matter what I did to mess things up.

That night was awful. My brain screamed all night, not letting me forget my problems for one second. I didn't know why I kissed Rachel. I didn't like her like that. I just felt like I needed to do something drastic, anything to make her be my friend again. All I did was make her never want to lay eyes on me again, and I didn't blame her. I wanted to take back that kiss, never to happen again. It was Thanksgiving break, so it was a bittersweet vacation. I didn't want to face Rachel, but I felt like I had to. One part of me needed her, but the other part never wanted to see her again.

"Mike," My mom whispered to me, handing me a letter. She was silent, like the letter would hear her if she wasn't quiet enough. I examined the letter, a pale pink envelope, decorated with a tiny, glittery flower up the side. My address was written neatly on the front, marked with spots where the pen was pressed on to the envelope just a bit too hard. The "m" in "Mike" was traced over several times, each time making a deeper impact. 2 stamps with sleeping kittens on them were peeling on the edges, sloppily slammed on to the envelope's outside. I opened the paper delicately with my thumb, careful not to rip anything. Staring at the matching pink paper, I read the thoughts that were lingering there.

Dear Mike,

We sure have been through a lot together, haven't we? The good, the bad, the in-between. We sang together, laughed together and were just happy to be together. That's what made...this...so painful. I had always thought I knew what it was like to feel alone, but when you slushied me, I knew I was wrong. Now, I know what it's like to be alone. No friends, no one to love. I did want to be friends with you, I really did, but I think you just made sure that didn't happen. Kissing me was like swiping the idea of being friends again off of the table. I can't forgive you, Mike. I can't forgive you for hurting me so badly, acting like you care, and taking advantage of me. The hardest part about it is that I love you, and no matter how hard my heart is fighting for me to not send this letter and patch things up, my brain simply can't. I can't let my stupid, teenage heart make stupid desicions for me. That's why I am leaving WMHS. I don't know where I am going and how long I will be gone, but I will assure you, you will never have to see me again. Some things are just best left unforgiven. Don't try to chase me, don't try to call me, don't try to find me...don't miss me, because I won't miss you.

~Rachel

Dried tears dotted the letter like punctuation, mixed in with my own, painful and desperate. I couldn't have her gone, but I knew if I fought, she wouldn't want me back anyway.

I won't miss you.

The words were powerful and meaningful. I knew she meant it. Everything in the letter screamed at me to leave her alone. Something inside told me to let her fly. Maybe, when all of the dust is settled, she would come back to this town. Maybe, Rachel would come back to this unforgiving, broken town. I loved her, too, not like she knew, but I knew I did. I loved her, so I'd let her go.

Some things are best left unforgiven.

okay, so, let me explain. on wednesday, i had to study for a geography exam...the kind where it's 5 pages long and over 90 questions. i had too much homework to get to anything. i was buried in homework again on thursday, so by the time i was done, i had to sleep. last night, i had this all written, but the website wasn't working, so that wasn't my fault haha...anyway, i love you guys...i really do. you make my nights...please forgive me? hahaha