A/N: I call this my monster-baby. Five days to write it, three different songs to inspire it, and a hell of a lot of effort to make it into what you see before you.
I wrote this for Spirit Day, which was October 20, 2010. It's a day where everyone in the world was invited to wear purple to bring about awareness of the recent gay teen suicides. But not just the gay teen suicides; it's to bring about awareness to all teen suicides, and all suicides in general. It was a day when people wore purple to show those people who feel like suicide is the only way out of their pain and their depression, that there are people who do care about them out there. We're here. We love you. We want you to survive and become stronger.
This is horrendously late, I am aware. I didn't get started on this until last Saturday, and even then I could not figure out to write until I listened to a few songs. The namesake song, 'So Fortunate' by Adema, was used for irony. The song itself is a very heartwarming, caring family song. Yet I watched a music video done with Non/Disney film clips by czarownicykot on youtube done with this song, or a section with it, for Spirit Day using irony. That is what initially inspired me. As I continued to write, Florence and the Machine's 'Between Two Lungs' gave me a certain flow for the nicer parts of the piece, and then 'Upward Over the Mountain' by Iron and Wine gave me the overall feeling of the entire piece.
This is my attempt to bring about awareness to a horrible occurance in our world. I know some people don't like Spirit Day, and that makes me sad. Since I see it as more than just gay suicide awareness. I see it as a day full of hope and love, and people trying to share that love with everyone, not just a specific group of people. That's my own opinion anyway.
If you don't want to see this for Spirit Day, then just see it for the story that it is. And I hope that you all enjoy my hard work.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII Characters and Places belong to Square Enix.
The drop from the top of the building was an impressive distance.
The young man idly thought this as he looked down, his hands behind his back, fingers wrapped around his wrist, palms sweating. Fair hair fell into his eyes, obscuring his vision, blocking out the sight of the bright lights and busy streets filled with cars below him. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, stepping off of the ledge so he could clear his thoughts.
"Okay…okay, I just need to…to calm down and…and not think about it," he muttered, biting the inside of his bottom lip as he tried to do just that. But it was so hard not to think about it. It was a long drop, after all. And he'd be falling forward, looking at the lights and the cars and people and hearing nothing but the whistle of the wind and the pounding of his own heart and the screaming of the people in the street crying out, 'Look, look at that!'
He shook his head roughly, gently hitting the heel of his hands against his forehead as if to push the thoughts straight out. He couldn't think like that. He definitely couldn't think like that.
He sighed heavily, dropping down to sit on the hard concrete of the roof, falling back to lay on his back and stare up at the sky; so polluted and clogged with smog and dirt and chemicals that the stars had all run away to far off places, leaving him to feel so much more alone than he already did.
He closed his eyes to block the view, draping an arm over his eyes as his other hand clutched the fabric of his shirt; feelings of panic and loneliness and utter depression filling him like a vat.
"Zack…" he whispered softly, pressing his arm a little harder against his eyes. "What should I do…?"
It was the first day, and already he felt like he could throw up his breakfast on the parade square.
Palms sweating in his gloves, fingers wrapped around a wrist to prevent him from fidgeting, the cadet stared straight forward as their commanding officer walked into the parade square, their heavy boots making a strong cadence across the cement of the ground. At that moment, he was very happy for the helmets they were required to wear, as it hid his look of utter terror.
He didn't want his commanding officer to think he was nervous (even if he was).
Suddenly, the footsteps stopped in front of the group of newbies, coarse fabric from the uniform pants scratching against itself as the man before them shifted. He heard the creak of leather straps from armour, the shift of wool against skin and the gentle, almost-unheard sigh of the officer before a voice, smooth as honey and friendly as sunshine in spring spoke up.
"So, you want to be in SOLDIER, eh?"
There was a pause, as everyone internally contemplated answering this question or taking it as rhetorical. The commanding officer made the choice for them.
"Hang in there."
It almost sounded like a warning, but at the same time it sounded like encouragement. He wasn't sure how to take it.
"I'm Lieutenant Zack Fair, but feel free to just call me Fair or Zack—which is what I prefer, but you guys do have a certain order of conduct you have to follow, so it's fine if you don't. I will be your commanding officer for the length of your training. That means that if you need help in something, you come to me; if there's something that needs to be fixed, you come to me. If you need to talk and you don't want others to know and you don't want to talk to the company psychiatrist, you are definitely allowed to come to me." He could hear the smile in the man's voice now, and the tone of it was starting to relax his nerves.
"All right, dismissed." The group of cadets all shifted and walked off of the parade square, talking to new friends and muttering about how they got lucky with commanding officers as they had heard horror stories from older cadets in second or third year. He was about to follow them, content to stick to himself and get his things in order when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Freezing, he looked over his shoulder to see a friendly looking man with a scar on his cheek, long black hair spiked back, and glowing blue eyes. 'SOLDIER,' he thought rapidly, blinking at him from behind his visor. 'Is this the commanding officer? I didn't think he'd be this attractive.'
He stopped his thoughts short on that, scolding himself inwardly as he felt heat creep up the back of his neck in his mortification. However, he was pulled out of his inward rant by the friendly voice he'd heard before, belonging most definitely to this (attractive) young man.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a Cloud Strife," he said, grinning sheepishly. "There have been some changes that have to do with him, so I have to get him to talk about them."
"Uhm…" He shifted uncomfortably, turning around slowly. The SOLDIER—Zack, his name was Zack—let go of him, allowing his arm to drop to his side. "I'm Cloud Strife…Sir."
"…Seriously?" Zack blinked, looking like an adorably confused puppy (stop thinking that stop thinking that), before he grinned brightly. "Great! Guess I got lucky finding you right away. You all look alike with your helmets on." He waved vaguely at the helmet before looking at him with a contemplating expression. He then smiled kindly. "You can take that off now, Strife. No one's going to attack the ShinRa base."
"Ah…Uhm, alright…sir." Cloud shifted nervously before he slowly lifted his hands and removed his helmet, long blonde bangs falling into his eyes almost immediately. His gaze quickly darted to Zack to see how he'd react to seeing the person he'd been looking for before it quickly shot down when he saw surprise on his face.
Cloud knew that he had an androgynous face; he did not look distinctly male, yet he did not look distinctly female either. It was easy to call him 'pretty' or 'handsome', since both worked in his case. This had never bothered him before, as he did not care one bit what he looked like, just as long as he didn't look like some sort of deformed troll. However, lately, he had hated his androgyny, wishing against everything that he looked more masculine than he did and knowing that the likelihood of that ever happening was about as distinct as Chocobos flying.
"Huh. Not what I was expecting. I didn't know people from the north had dark blue eyes." Cloud looked up in shock, his mouth dropping open at Zack's comment. That was it? Nothing about his face or anything? Zack grinned, showing sharp canines as he shrugged. "You learn something new every day, huh? Well then, come on. I got stuff I need to talk about with you."
The SOLDIER started to walk away then, leaving Cloud to quickly follow after him, wondering what was with this guy.
Zack led him to a completely different building, one he had not been near since the initial tour of the grounds four weeks back. He looked around in open curiousity, trying to remember what the building was for. He supposed Zack must have seen his expression since he heard a light laugh, causing him to look over to the dark haired, slightly taller, older male.
"This is just the office for First Class SOLDIERs and some of ShinRa's bigwigs, including Sephiroth," Zack said with a shrug, grinning. "My office is here, and that's where we're going. Stick close though, since cadets aren't really supposed to be in here."
"Ah, right sir," Cloud quickly stepped a touch closer to Zack, making sure he didn't get separated from the man as they sped-walked towards the elevators. Unconsciously, he walked a bit behind the SOLDIER, something that happened naturally with him when he was walking with someone else. He wouldn't have noticed that he did this except that Zack dropped back a bit so that they walked side-by-side, causing him to look at the officer questioningly.
"You don't have to walk behind me. I may be a higher rank, but I'm not a higher person; we're both people."
"Oh," Cloud said softly, looking down at his feet again so he wouldn't feel himself drawn into his glowing eyes (because he couldn't think like that because that was wrong). He felt a familiar hand clasp his shoulder for a moment before Zack leaned forward to press the button for the elevator, pushing the cadet before him when the door opened. He quickly pushed the seventh floor button, mashing on the 'Close Doors' button before he leaned back, allowing Cloud some breathing space.
They reached the floor relatively quickly, and Zack stepped out, leading Cloud to a room near the end of the hall. He allowed the blonde to enter first, closing the door once he was in and Cloud was looking around his office in curiousity.
The office itself was plain, with a potted plant on a shelf near the desk, papers scattered haplessly around the hardwood and a few pens scattered about, reminding Cloud of his desk at home when it came to studying for exams. Zack indicated for him to sit in the chair in front of the desk, moving to his own seat behind the desk; computer chair looking much more comfortable than the hardwood chair before him, but that was usually the case.
He sat down once Zack was seated, folding his hands on his lap and looking at the officer expectantly. Zack was rummaging through the papers on his desk, muttering under his breath until he found what he was looking for. Grinning triumphantly, he pulled out a stack of papers in a folder with Cloud's name printed on the front in neat block letters, before spreading it out in front of him, looking through it. "Your scores from the test we got all of the cadets to take the first week finally came in; there was a bit of trouble with the computer marking the tests, and it had messed up on yours so we had to have it rescan. With your marks, you've been recommended for the Turks." He paused, looking at Cloud with a slight smile. "Do you know what the Turks are?"
"The Turks is a group of individuals who specialize in recon, information gathering, and it's rumoured even assassination. They are under the command of Rufus Shinra, the son to President Shinra, and members of the Turks often specialize in small, hand-held weapons and magic. One of the most famous Turks who disappeared 45 years ago was Vincent Valentine; he was a gun wielder." He paused, his brows knitting together. "It's said your IQ has to be above a certain limit to even be considered for the Turks."
"Yours made the cut," Zack said simply, smiling and leaning his chin on his palm, his elbow on his desk. "You got one of the highest marks out of all of the cadets. When the head Turk, Tseng, saw your marks he was immediately interested and asked us to transfer you as soon as possible."
Cloud's eyes widened, his hands fisting in his lap.
"Becoming a Turk would be a good opportunity. The training isn't like SOLDIER; though don't think there's less of it. Whereas SOLDIER concentrates on developing strength and endurance, Turks concentrate on speed and stamina. You won't be throwing yourself into the front lines, but you'll do things just as important, if not technically more so." He paused, looking at some of the other papers in the file before pulling one out, reading it over with a bland expression. "You'd be higher up than any of the SOLDIERs except for General Sephiroth, as well. I'd call it a good deal, overall, yeah?" He looked over to Cloud then, grinning. His expression shifted, though, when he saw how Cloud looked.
He was sitting in his seat, stiff postured and white knuckled, shoulders hunched up by his ears and eyes lowered to the ground. He had a carefully blank expression on his face, though he knew that his posture itself would give away how he felt about this offer—surprised and non-receiving.
"Cloud?"
He jerked up, looking at him in surprise to see Zack staring at him in concern. He wondered if he had called out 'Strife' many times before resorting to using his given name to grab his attention.
"Is something the matter?"
Slowly, Cloud forced himself to relax, flexing his fingers as he felt stiff joints slowly loosen.
"Uhm…no, sir. Nothing's wrong. It's just…I would rather stay in the SOLDIER program." He lowered his eyes as Zack looked at him curiously, silently asking him to go on. "I know that…being recommended for the Turks is a high honour and…I am grateful that they even took the time to look at me but…I came here to become a SOLDIER. I don't…want to change my plans."
Cloud fell silent then, hoping that that would be a sufficient explanation, not wanting to get into the greater details of the reason why he didn't want to be a Turk. He did not want to have to try and explain something so unnecessarily complicated.
"…Well, that's good to hear, then," Zack said, smiling unsurely. "I guess I'll just tell Tseng that you declined the offer and you'll continue your training as a SOLDIER."
"Thank you, sir," Cloud murmured softly, relaxing his shoulder completely and sighing. A silence fell over them, then, before Cloud decided that perhaps it was best he went. "May I be excused, sir?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure," Zack nodded, standing up as Cloud did and walking him to the door. "If anyone stops you just say you had a meeting with me and are just leaving." Cloud nodded and Zack opened the door. He felt the older man grab his shoulder then, forcing him to look up at him. "…Is there something else behind your reasoning for staying, Strife?"
"…" Cloud bit his lip, before nodding slowly. He didn't say anything else, and after a moment Zack smiled in understanding and let go of him.
"All right, I can tell when someone doesn't want to talk about it," he said, laughing. "But, remember Strife, if you need to talk or want to talk, I'm always available."
"…Right, sir."
He quickly left the office, feeling his ears burn as eyes stared at the back of his head.
After that day, training officially started and Cloud had to wonder why he didn't take the Turk position for the umpteenth time.
Gritting his teeth as he landed awkwardly on his shoulder, he rolled onto his front and shoved himself to his hands and knees, getting to his feet slowly and awkwardly while the Captain in charge of training that day walked over to them to scold his partner for the improper use of the technique.
"Ya gotta be careful how you do that move, cadet! If you do somethin' wrong, you are very likely to damage your partner and put them out of commission! Not only that, though, you're very likely to hurt yourself in the process! Proper execution is really important when it comes to training, because you don't want to hurt your fellow cadets and you don't want to hurt yourself, making yourself useless to the squadron!"
Cloud listened to the impromptu lesson carefully, rubbing his shoulder gingerly and wondering if it was all right. He felt a sudden presence behind him and knew, without even looking, who it was. Their commanding officer was not an easy presence to forget.
"You all right there, Strife?"
He looked over to Zack, staring at him mutely before he shrugged his good shoulder unsurely. "I'm not exactly sure, sir. My shoulder feels sore, but I don't know the extent of the damage, if there is any."
"You landed badly; there's damage. Here," Zack suddenly rummaged through his pockets, pulling out a piece of Materia. He held it out to Cloud then, closing his eyes as he summoned the power to use the magic. Cloud immediately recognized a Scan Materia and held very still so that the results weren't messed up by movement.
"Hmm…It seems like it's dislocated. Nothing a good Cura won't fix. Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary."
"You don't have to, sir. I'm perfectly capable of going by myself; I don't want to be a bother."
"Nah, it's fine. The Captain's got everything under control here. If something really bad happens, they can find me easily. Just hold on a second, though, kay? I need to tell the Captain where I'll be."
Cloud simply nodded as Zack jogged off, going over to the Captain who had moved from his partner to another group who had been doing some sort of move they hadn't even looked at yet. The two spoke for a moment, the Captain looking at him with scrutinizing eyes for a moment before he nodded and the SOLDIER grinned, turning and jogging back over to Cloud.
"All right, let's go then!"
The two left the training room, walking down the always busy with people going from place to place. Cloud carefully skirted around people, being mindful of his shoulder while Zack led the two of them, looking back every once in a while to make sure Cloud was still with them. Once they made it to the infirmary, Cloud entered first, Zack following closely after.
The nurse looked up as they walked in, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at how Cloud held his shoulder before walking over to the two of them. "What seems to be the problem?" she asked calmly, looking at the two of them, waiting for some sort of answer. Zack spoke up before Cloud had a chance to.
"This cadet here got thrown incorrectly, causing him to awkwardly land on his shoulder and dislocate it. The cadet who threw him has been reprimanded, before you go thinking of doing that, Nurse." He grinned as the nurse sniffed, before she turned her attention to Cloud, bringing her hands up to prod his shoulder. He hissed through his teeth, yet did not react in any other way.
"Hmm, you did quite a number to this. Sit down on the table," she waved over to the check-up table all patients were required to sit on, walking over to the cupboard where the Materia was kept. Cloud walked over to the table, using the footstool to help him up and shifting awkwardly, the paper that was laid out crinkling beneath him.
Once he was settled and Zack was seated in the chair reserved for visitors or escorts, the nurse walked over to the blonde and held up a piece of Cure Matiera, levelled up to Cura. Cloud looked at it in interest as she gently placed it on his skin, closing her eyes and calling an inner power to use the magic that slept deep within the small stone. Glowing tendrils of blue and white floated out of the stone and towards Cloud's shoulder, weaving through the coarse wool of the uniform shirt. He could feel something cool hit his skin beneath the shirt, and he realized that must have been the magic at work.
He stared in fascination as, slowly, the blue and white tendrils wrapped completely around his shoulder where the wound was, before sinking into his skin. A sudden feeling of painless relief filled him, and he sighed thankfully, rotating his shoulder slowly and noting that it was completely useable. The nurse stepped back as he rubbed the junction between neck and shoulder.
"Well, I'm glad that healed up so quickly. Now, I know it feels perfectly fine but I want you to stay out of physical training at least for today. If it is a bit sore tomorrow, I want you to take it easy, since even though it's cured now, that doesn't mean it isn't still affected by the damage. It should only be sore for a day or two. Do you have any academic classes today?"
"No, ma'am," Cloud responded, looking at her patiently. She nodded, putting away the Materia and marking down his visit in a clipboard.
"Well then, you might as well just return to your room and get some rest. Some patients find that healings make them tired, so this is a good opportunity to just sleep away the after effects." She looked over at him, smiling kindly. "What's your name, cadet?"
"Cloud Strife, ma'am."
"All right, Cadet Strife. If any sort of complications happens, though very unlikely, please come see me immediately and I'll see what I can do to help." She stood upright, watching as Cloud slipped off of the table and straightened his uniform. She then turned to Zack, looking at him pointedly. "Lt Fair, though I know it is beneath your rank, could you make sure the cadet follows my instructions and returns to his room?"
"I was planning to anyway, Nurse," Zack said with a grin, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. He then dropped them to his sides, looking at Cloud again with a smirk. "Well then, Strife, let's get going. Your room is most likely in A Building, right?"
"Yes, sir," Cloud said, following him out of the infirmary after thanking the nurse. They walked quickly out of the training building and down a pathway before entering a slightly smaller building that was called 'A Building'.
A Building was where most of the first year and second year cadets stayed. When one reached third and fourth year, they were switched to B Building, and when they became SOLDIERs, they went to C Building, which was closer to the office building where the First Class SOLDIERs and ShinRa officials were located. Once on reached First Class SOLDIER, they went to the apartment complex, simply called D Building, though the rooms were much nicer than any of the other quarters buildings.
"What floor?"
"Third."
They walked down the hall and through a door that led to a stairway. There was no elevator in A Building, as first and second year cadets were made to climb all the stairs for some sort of extra training. It was often encouraged for the cadets to run up the stairs, yet Zack took the steps at a leisurely place, allowing Cloud to follow his example.
It didn't take long for them to reach the third floor, and Cloud took the lead once they reached it, walking down the hall until they reached the middle. He stopped at a door that simply said 'Strife' on the front; unlike the other rooms, which had names like, 'Matheson and Abrams' or 'Riley and Baker'.
"No roommate?"
"No, sir," Cloud muttered softly, digging through his pockets for his card key. "There are an odd number of cadets, so I got left with a single room."
"Well, that sounds nice. You don't have to worry about someone snoring or keeping the lights on all night, right?" Zack grinned, and Cloud glanced back to see him standing casually, arms crossed behind his head. The blonde shrugged slightly, taking out the cardkey and placing it in the door. Once the light flashed green he turned the knob and pushed it open, stepping towards the room. He paused, though, before turning around and looking at Zack, saluting him briefly.
"Good day, sir."
"Hm? Ah, right. I'll see you tomorrow, Strife. Sleep well." Cloud nodded, before stepping into his room and closing the door quietly. He listened as Zack seemed to stand out there for a moment before he heard his footsteps—heavy, with a loud cadence just like the first time he met him—walk away from his room down the hallway towards the stairs. He sighed then, leaning his forehead against the door and closing his eyes, wishing he didn't feel so awkward and embarrassed around Zack Fair.
The following weeks of training, both physically and academically, brought more interaction between Cloud and Zack, which was, to say the least, surprising to the blonde.
Whenever Cloud was injured (which happened at a steady rate, causing the other cadets to tease him about being weaker or bird-boned compared to the others. He knew they weren't doing it maliciously, as they always asked how he was after the gentle mocking, but it still made him feel like some sort of failure.), Zack would be there to take him to the infirmary; whenever Cloud was alone in a classroom studying, Zack would keep him company and give him the required supervision that all cadets needed if they wanted to be in a classroom by themselves; whenever Cloud was running late for class, Zack would allow him to use his name to give the excuse to his lateness, even if the real reason was due to sleeping in or not noticing the time while he studied for the class he was late for.
All-in-all, Zack seemed to be integrating himself into Cloud's life, and the blonde was unsure as to why that was. (Though he would admit, Zack was a nice person to have around. He could fill up any awkward silence like it didn't exist, and he was such an easy personality. Once or twice Cloud even laughed at some of the things he'd say, and though he wasn't sure, he could swear Zack looked pleased on both occasions.)
Cloud pulled himself out of his musings as he tried to focus on his tactics class, listening as the professor—a dry, retired military man with a gravel-like voice and short white hair—spoke about battle tactics of the past, pointing out what went wrong and why. He had just started to copy down notes from the board when the door opened, admitting Zack and someone he had never met but knew just from appearance.
Sephiroth, the greatest SOLDIER alive and their General, stood in the door with an imposing, almost threatening disposition to him. He had his arms crossed over his chest, the leather of his jacket creaking as he shifted his arms comfortably, his boots dully shining from the florescent lighting above them. Everyone immediately stood to attention, saluting the General who simply glanced over them all and nodded, giving the silent cue that they could stand at ease.
"Is there something I can assist you with, Lieutenant, General?"
"We're looking for Cadet Strife," Zack said, looking over at Cloud as he said this. The old professor nodded and waved to give permission to Cloud to leave the class. The blonde immediately gathered his things, shoving them into his bag which he slung over his shoulder haphazardly, walking quickly over to the two high ranking officers. He kept his eyes away from Sephiroth, though he could feel the man staring at him in open interest. His shoulders relaxed when he felt Zack place a hand on his shoulder in what seemed to be silent, non-intrusive comfort.
"Thank you, professor," he said to the veteran with a smile. He then led Cloud out of the classroom, blocking him from curious eyes while Sephiroth took up the rear of their little group, closing the door behind him.
"…Permission to speak, sir?"
"'Course, Strife. Don't worry about Sephiroth's presence here. He just wanted an excuse to leave his office, and this was as good as any. Right, Seph?"
"Hm," Sephiroth hummed noncommittally, narrow cat-like green eyes looking over their heads as if seeing something of great importance. "I will admit to being curious about this cadet you are always speaking of."
Cloud felt his neck heat up when he heard that, glancing shyly at Zack to see him grinning unabashedly and shrugging. He then looked down at Cloud, looking at him curiously.
"What did you want to ask, Strife?"
"…I was just wondering why I'm being pulled out of class, sir," he said softly, lowering his eyes again when the weight of the other's gaze got to be too heavy. (He had to stop feeling like this he had to stop feeling like this.)
"Ah, right. Nothing too scary, really. Dr Hojo just wants to take a look at you, to see why you get more hurt than the others." Cloud's shoulders tensed immediately at the sound of the doctor's name and Zack smiled sympathetically. "I see you've already heard about Dr Hojo."
Dr Hojo was a man that no one in the SOLDIER program seemed to be fond of. Often described as 'Dr Creepy' or 'that vile doctor', it was rumoured that he would take certain SOLDIERs and cadets for experiments; these SOLDIERs and cadets disappearing completely off of the map once they come under his care. What people did know, though, was that he was an unpleasant man with very cold hands and a disconcerting smile, and you only needed to see him when it came to mako injections or some strange health anomaly.
Cloud sincerely hoped he didn't have a strange health anomaly and simply had a weaker build that the others.
"Don't worry, Cloud. Seph and I will be there with you the entire time. He's just going to give you a regular check-up, see if there's anything we were unaware of before, and then let you be on your way."
"Will I be removed from the program is there is something found?" Cloud asked, looking at Zack worriedly. The dark haired SOLDIER stared at him for a moment, seemingly analysing him before he looked away. He stared straight ahead as they walked out of the building with classrooms and towards a building Cloud had not been to before, where the Science Department and Dr Hojo's office was located.
"That all depends on what he finds."
Cloud nodded, looking down at the ground again as worry started to gnaw at his stomach. What if Dr Hojo found something that made him unqualified for the SOLDIER program and kicked him out? What if he was sent back home? (What would his fa—)
He was dragged out of his thoughts when they suddenly stopped in front of a door that had 'Doctor Kenta Hojo' written in black font on the fogged glass. Zack knocked once, paused for a moment, and then opened the door, pushing the blonde cadet in before him.
The room was bright and white and sterile, with dark wood shelves lining the wall filled with jars of preserved, embalmed creatures and plants and a few books scattered here and there. There was no decoration on the wall, and there was only a desk, two metal chairs in front of it and a computer. Currently typing on the computer, hunchbacked and muttering, was presumably Dr Hojo.
He wore a long white coat that had a few stains and loose threads, the collar slightly crooked and looking just unkempt enough to look him worn and old. His face was long and pointed, with a slightly crooked nose and a mouth that seem to have been roughly cut into his face. His eyes were narrowed and beetle-like, hidden behind a pair of largely rounded spectacles that slipped down his nose every once in a while, causing him to push them back up as he typed. Cloud thought his hands resembled spiders more than they did human hands.
As if feeling eyes on him, Dr Hojo lifted his head from the screen and turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow as if wondering why they were there before his eyes landed on Cloud. Narrowing his eyes as him, he suddenly smiled slightly, causing Cloud to shiver unconsciously and step closer to Zack. He felt the hand still on his shoulder squeeze slightly, as if reassuring him his commanding officer was still there. Hojo then stood up from his seat, walking over to the small gathering at his door.
"This is the boy then, Fair?" he asked, his voice reminding Cloud very much of some Disney villains. He wondered briefly if that was some sort of sign that Dr Hojo really wasn't meant to be trusted, then pushed it aside; some people couldn't help the way they sounded. The blonde flinched as the doctor's spider hand grabbed onto his chin, turning his head this way and that as if he were a horse for sale and not a cadet come for a medical inspection. "Right, follow me then," he said briskly, turning and opening a door behind the desk Cloud hadn't seen before. Zack nudged him forward, allowing the blonde to lead.
They walked down a dingy hallway that had definitely seen better days, before they were suddenly in a medical room that resembled the infirmary, except this one had a few instruments Cloud did not recognize. He stared at them with wide eyes as he mechanically walked over to the table to sit on, wincing as the paper crinkled loudly as he sat down and shifted to get comfortable.
Suddenly Dr Hojo was before him, flashing a light in his eye and shoving a thermometer in his mouth. He slipped on a cuff over his arm, squeezing the pump to check his blood pressure and marking down what he got, taking the thermometer out of his mouth once it started to beep and marking down the results of that. Finally, he pushed up his sleeve, gave one glance of warning to Cloud, before taking a needle and slipping it into the fold of his elbow, drawing blood. Once he had as much as he needed, just as Cloud felt like he could faint, he removed the needle and dabbed it carelessly with a cotton swab, turning and going towards a table that would give him the results of the blood test.
Cloud clamped his hand over his arm keeping the swab over it and feeling himself start to turn green when Zack was in front of him, removing his hand gently and placing a bandage over the spot where the needle had been. He thought he faintly heard Sephiroth ask the doctor if they were still needed, though he didn't hear the answer. After a moment he found himself being lifted onto Zack's back, his cheek resting against his shoulder blade, his arms wrapped uselessly around his neck as the SOLDIER gripped the underside of his knees tightly but carefully.
"Okay, Cloud, we're going to go to your room so you can lie down, all right?"
He nodded mutely, closing his eyes and breathing through his nose carefully. Cloud had always hated needles, ever since he was young and his doctor had given him a bunch of vaccines at once. He had been sick for a week after that, and ever since he always got light headed and ill after any kind of needle, whether it was to inject medicine or draw out blood.
With a soft sigh and a vague thought that Zack felt very warm and soft for someone who worked out all the time, Cloud fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in his room and under the sheets of his bed, yet he was still in his uniform.
Frowning in sleepy confusion, he tried to remember when he had gotten to his room and why he hadn't bothered to change. The sound of someone's soft breath in the room jerked him out of his thoughts, and he turned his head to see Zack sitting on his desk chair, arms folded over the desk and head resting against the pillow his arms made. He stared at the First Class with befuddlement before he remembered Dr Hojo, the medical, and feeling ill after a needle that took his blood.
Sitting up slowly, he rubbed his head and sighed softly to himself, throwing his legs quietly over the side of his bed. He leaned his elbows on his knees, leaning forward as he stared at his commanding officer for a moment, not caring that it wasn't right.
He really was attractive, he realized as he stared at the peacefully sleeping face. His hair was falling slightly in his face, making him look younger, perhaps his actual age. He could see his eyes under pale eyelids moving in sleep, and his mouth would open and close slightly every once in a while, as if he were talking (or a fish). He didn't look like his normal commanding officer, who demanded respect with his presence but always gave off a friendly, upbeat attitude towards those in his charge. He looked more reachable in this state, as if Cloud could reach out and touch him.
Unbeknownst to him, Cloud's hand had started to reach out towards Zack. He only realized what he was doing when his fingers touched soft black hair, pushing it back from his commanding officer's cheek. His eyes widened as Zack stirred, his eyes opening slowly and slanting over to see him. He blinked, sitting up slowly while Cloud jerked his hand back, shoving it under his leg and hoping Zack didn't say anything about the incident.
"You're up, that's good," Zack said, yawning slightly. "How do you feel?"
"Fine, sir," he muttered quietly, his eyes looking at the carpet. He heard rather than saw Zack shift and stand up from his seat, walking over to him with surprising quiet. Suddenly, he saw the other man stop in front of him and squat down, before he felt a hand lift his chin slightly so that he looked at the Lieutenant's glowing eyes. He felt heat creep up his neck slowly, and he hoped that he wasn't red in the face at all.
"You know, you always seem to avoid looking at me. Why is that?"
Cloud shrugged, trying to look anywhere but at the other man's face. Zack sighed, twitching his chin a bit to force Cloud to look at him again with wide eyes. He then smiled, looking nice and warm and accepting.
"Are you uncomfortable around me?"
"…" Cloud bit his lip, wondering if he should answer truthfully; Zack's honest expression answered for him.
"I'm…awkward around you, sir."
"Awkward?" Zack's hand disappeared from his chin, causing Cloud to sigh in relief until Zack moved to sit next to him on his bed. He stiffened slightly, shifting away from him a bit. Zack, noticing this, frowned. "Why's that?"
"I'm…not really sure," Cloud mumbled incoherently. Zack simply raised an eyebrow, silently calling on his lie, and Cloud sighed. "I'd rather not say, sir."
"Well, I would like to know. I don't think I like the thought of one of my cadets feeling awkward around me for any reason." Zack leaned forward so he could look at Cloud's face somewhat clearly. He raised an eyebrow then, smiling crookedly. "I promise I won't laugh."
"I'm not afraid of you laughing, sir," Cloud said crossly, scowling and looking away. "I'm afraid that you'll be…" He cut himself off short, feeling the burning on his neck crawl up to his ears.
"I'll be what?"
"…Disgusted."
Silence fell over the room then, Cloud hunching his shoulders and Zack saying nothing at all. Just when the young man felt like he could explode from nerves, he felt a hand on his shoulder; familiar, comforting, warm. He flinched in surprise, looking over at Zack.
"I don't think I could be disgusted by anything you say or do, Cloud," he assured softly, smiling kindly. He was vaguely reminded of that first day, when Zack had told him he could talk to him about anything. He wondered if this was something he could talk about with Zack.
Sighing, the blonde hung his head, bringing a hand up to rub his eyes as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Zack's hand didn't leave his shoulder the entire time, warm and comforting and steady; just like Zack was.
"I think I'm gay," he finally stated, his arm dropping back onto his lap, his eyes staring at his hand as it hung over his knee limply. He felt Zack's hand twitch in his surprise, but it didn't leave. He took that as a good sign. "When I told my parents that…my father wasn't pleased. He said 'I ain't raisin' no queer for a son' or something completely redneck like that. He then signed me up for the SOLDIER program, saying that that would get me out of my 'sick fantasies'. When you said I was recommended to join the Turks, I panicked. My father had never said anything good about the Turks. Something about how their sneaking around made them less than men or something. Or maybe it was because there were women in the Turks, while there's none in SOLDIER. All I knew was that he didn't like the Turks for some reason, and I didn't want him to be even more disappointed or mad at me. So I declined the offer and stayed in SOLDIER."
He paused, clasping a hand over his wrist as his palms started to sweat in their nerves, the back of his neck still burning. "When I kept on getting injured in training, I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to stay in SOLDIER, and that would just make my father think less of me. So when you and the General came today to get me so I could take a medical to see if I had some sort of unknown disease or whatever, I got really scared. I don't want to leave SOLDIER, since I don't want my dad to be disappointed in me. And I don't want to feel like I do, because… because it isn't right and it isn't normal and I shouldn't feel like that."
"Feel like what?"
Cloud bit his lip, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on his wrist. "Feel attracted to you."
He paused then, feeling as if the entire world had slowed down to a crawl and wishing that he could take the words back and shove them down his throat where they could be stuck there, never to be said aloud. Too bad that was impossible.
The hand on his shoulder disappeared, and with its disappearance Cloud started to berate himself in his head, calling himself an idiot (what were you thinking WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?) over a hundred times.
And then suddenly he was pulled to Zack's chest, his strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, his chin resting on his head.
The berating stopped.
"Is that why you're so shy around me?" Zack murmured softly then, his voice sounding contemplative, almost curious. Cloud didn't move, almost didn't breathe, afraid that this was all some sort of dream or hallucination or something. "Jeez, and I just thought you were subtly telling me to back off and leave you the heck alone."
Cloud pulled back at that, looking at him with wide eyes filled with confusion. "Excuse me?"
"Heh, it's true! See, ever since I first saw what you looked like, I thought you were the cutest thing since a baby Chocobo. Yet I wasn't sure how you'd react to me coming on to you, as it were, so I decided for the gentler, but much harder, approach. You never really reacted though, so I didn't know whether to back off or keep going." He paused, looking thoughtful before grinning. "It was like a standstill, really." Another pause, "You know, I kind of hate standstills."
Cloud listened to him with wide eyes, not quite believing what he was hearing. After all, wasn't this unnatural? Wasn't this supposed to be wrong and strange and…and disgraceful? He joined SOLDIER because his father wanted him to 'cure' himself or whatever. Yet here he was, listening as one of the top SOLDIERs in the ShinRa military basically told him that he had felt for him the way he felt for other men since they had first met, and had been trying to let him know that the entire time.
He pushed himself back a bit, placing a hand to his head as he tried to clear his muddled thoughts, eyes wide and mouth slack jawed. He felt Zack loosen his hold, allowing him his space, patient as ever (he was so kind like that, so understanding). He then looked back at his commanding officer, staring at him unsurely.
"What you're saying, sir, is that…you…like me?"
Zack looked at him for a moment, searching for something in his face, before he smiled a crooked smile and nodded. "Yeah, basically."
The blonde stared at him for one long moment before he reached forward, grabbed Zack's collar, and dragged him down to his level so that he could press his lips against the older man's. When they separated, Zack was grinning as he pushed aside some of Cloud's flyaway hair, resting his forehead against the younger man's.
"Oh, and one more thing; stop calling me 'sir'."
Though one of the happiest moments in his short life thus far, Cloud knew that life was still going on around him and just because he had found a relationship with his commander (which was kept very, very quiet), that didn't mean that problems couldn't still happen. So while he was enjoying his new status as Zack's (secret) boyfriend, he was still worried about his blood test results which would make or break his SOLDIER career.
He learned the results about a week after he had first gone down to the doctor's office. He had been in the library of the classroom building, reading up on some of the military history of SOLDIER like the Wutai War or the brief war that happened between Midgar and Mideel. Zack was in the library as well, playing 'supervision' because technically he wasn't allowed to use the library unless a higher-up was with him; Zack was perfectly happy to volunteer his services. (Cloud had learned very quickly during that first week that Zack, whenever possible, avoided doing any sort of paper work as he abhorred it.) So when the messenger from Dr Hojo came into the library looking for Cloud, Zack got the message first and, once sending the messenger out, went to get Cloud from his reading.
"Cloud," he said softly, touching his back to warn him where he was. Cloud jumped anyway, closing his book and looking up at Zack curiously. "The results from your blood test are in."
Cloud felt the blood run out of his face before he nodded, putting the book back on the shelf where he had found it. He turned around to face Zack then, breathing in deeply through his nose before he glanced up at Zack timidly.
"…Come with me?" he asked in a small voice. Nodding, Zack, wrapped an arm around the smaller cadet and hugged him to his chest briefly, before letting go and allowing him to walk in front.
The two left the building quietly, walking across the grounds to the science building. He walked the familiar hallways towards Hojo's office, stopping in front of his door and staring at his name, 'Kenta Hojo'. After a moment's hesitation, he knocked once, listened for some sort of response and when Zack nodded minutely, opened the door.
Dr Hojo was sitting behind his desk, once again hunched over his seat. The two soldiers stood awkwardly at his door for a moment until Hojo looked up, slanting his eyes over to him and narrowing them for a moment into mere slits. He then straightened, walking around his desk to stand in front of Cloud.
"So you're here for your results, are you cadet?" he asked then, though it did not sound like a question Cloud was meant to answer. He was right, watching as the doctor turned back to his desk after looking at him, pulling out some papers and reading over them. "Hmm…where did I put it again…I know it's here somewhere…Ah, here it is." He pulled out an individual sheet, looking it over once before nodding and holding it out.
"There's nothing wrong with you. You're just a bit of a weakling."
Cloud sighed in relief, deciding to completely ignore the jib on his physical strength as he reached out to take his paper. Dr Hojo snatched it back momentarily, however.
"Your blood was very interesting though, cadet. I will have to keep your name in mind for anything that comes up in the future."
Feeling a cold sense of dread fill him, Cloud only nodded minutely and took his paper once Dr Hojo held it out to him again. Clutching it to his chest, he watched as the doctor turned away from him and walked back to his desk, waving them off when they didn't move. With a gently tug on his shoulder, Cloud followed Zack out of the office and out of the building, walking slowly across the grounds as he stared down at the paper before him.
"Well, that's a relief then," Zack said, resting an arm on Cloud's shoulder as if he were some sort of walking armrest. "You can stay in the program! We'll just have to train up your body a bit and get you stronger so you don't get hurt so much, then everything will be fine, right Cloud?"
Cloud shook his head, looking up at Zack blankly before he smiled a bit. "Yeah, that sounds good." Zack stared at him for a moment before he smirked and ruffled up his hair, causing Cloud to cry out in surprise.
"Know what I'm gonna call you from now on?" Zack said suddenly, moving to walk in front of Cloud backwards, his arms stretched out behind him.
"What's that?"
"Spiky!"
Cloud raised an eyebrow, a slight smile coming to his face as he waited to hear the explanation behind the nickname.
"'Cause your hair's all spiky and stuff! It's fitting, right?"
Laughter was his response.
Nearing the Winter Solstice, Cloud learned that all soldiers, cadets and SOLDIER alike, got two weeks off to go home and spend time with family.
While everyone else around him was excited for this vacation, Cloud was not. When Zack asked him one night while visiting him in his dorm room, Cloud just shrugged and left it at that. Yet as the time came closer for the break to start and Cloud's feeling of dread and discomfort grew, Zack had decided that Cloud needed to tell him what was wrong before the blonde exploded.
So, after classes and training one day, Zack pulled Cloud to the side and slipped a cardkey into his hand, his voice low as he whispered to him.
"This will get you into my apartment. I live on the ninth floor, room 913. Can you come around 6:30? Don't worry about dinner, I'll make you something. And just come in through the back door if you don't want people to see you coming into the building; it's always left unlocked." He smiled, squeezing his hand briefly before he pulled away and walked off, talking to some of the cadets that ran up to him to ask him something or tell him something. Cloud stared after him for a moment, looking down at the card briefly before pocketing it and glancing at his watch to see how long he would have to wait. Two hours.
That didn't seem like too long.
However, what he did not take into account was that waiting in his room nervously for six o'clock dragged a lot more than originally thought. Cloud sighed heavily for the umpteenth time, falling back against his bed and staring at the roof with a sullen look. He had changed out of his uniform a little while ago, having decided to go in civvie wear as Zack would be off duty and Cloud had no classes in the morning, so if he fell asleep on the couch or something he didn't have to worry about getting into uniform and to class on time. The jeans felt weird on his legs, which were so used to coarse material resistant to rips and tears, the cotton long-sleeved striped shirt he wore very different than the wool shirt he wore day after day.
Finally, at ten to six, he decided he had waited long enough and, pulling on his boots (as they were the only pair of footwear he owned) and grabbing his cardkey as well as Zack's, he left his room and silently went down the stairs and exited the building, walking towards the apartment complex all First Class SOLDIERs lived in. Walking around to the back, he tried the door Zack suggested and found that yes it was open just as he said it would. So, with a sigh of relief, Cloud walked into the building and walked to the elevators that were located near the back, stepping in once the doors opened and pushing the button for the ninth floor.
He leaned against the wall of the elevator as he waited for it to reach his floor, glancing up at the ceiling to see if there were any security cameras and surprised to find that there were none. Perhaps ShinRa wanted to show its SOLDIERs that they trusted them? Maybe the SOLDIERs just took it off and trashed it? He shrugged to himself, closing his eyes and relaxing slightly. Not that he really cared; at least no one would have proof that he had been in the building in case he was ever accused of such a thing.
Cloud pushed himself off of the wall when the doors opened, and he walked out into the hallway, looking around unsurely. With quiet footsteps he was sure SOLDIERs of this calibre could still hear if they wanted to pay attention, he looked at each of the doors before he came to the one Zack had told him to go to. He glanced at his watch then and saw that it was only 6:15.
'Should I even bother going in? He isn't expecting me until 6:30…Will it seem like I'm desperate or something if I come early? Wait, why do I care if I seem desperate? Nothing's going to happen. He just wants to talk.'
With those thoughts in mind, Cloud took a deep breath, grabbed Zack's cardkey, and used it to open the door.
The apartment was small, though larger than his dorm room. It had a simple living room with a comfortable looking couch and a small television set on top of a shelf that had a DVD player, cable box and two somewhat large speakers to give movies and games a bigger sound. Beside the shelving unit was a few gaming consoles that he recognized as being advertised on TV at home, yet they had never had the money to get one.
Looking away from the entertainment setup, he looked around to see a bookshelf stacked with books, a few photographs of smiling people on the walls, both what seemed to be family photos and a few of Zack standing with a slightly older-looking soldier with dark blue eyes and a serious expression. He saw a small island separated the kitchen from the living room, and there were a few stools for people to sit on to eat at the island. He saw that the kitchen was well equipped with what seemed to be a good few pots and pans and a fridge, and he saw that there were a few Post-It notes on the fridge reminding Zack of something important, as well as a calendar on the wall that had important dates scribbled in.
Smiling a bit at the cozy atmosphere the entire place seemed to give him, he didn't notice when Zack walked into the living room until he heard a soft, surprised, 'Huh?' Looking over, he blinked as he saw Zack in civvies for the first time since he had met him.
He had donned on a pair of light blue jeans with bare feet, a belt around his hips to keep his pants from slipping off of his slim hips. A dark blue T-shirt covered his torso where usually rough wool did, and his hair fell in his face, making him look younger than he usually did, closer to Cloud's age than his actual 21 years (Cloud being 17 himself).
Overall, he looked different and strange and absolutely adorable.
"Cloud, what're you doing here so early? I wasn't expecting you for at least another ten minutes," the dark haired soldier said, smiling as he walked over. He placed a hand on Cloud's neck, then, kissing his forehead softly which caused Cloud to close his eyes and bask in the attention. "Not that I mind, of course," he reassured, before pulling back and taking a look at him. "You know, you look absolutely adorable in civvies."
"Funny," Cloud said with a smile, placing his hands to rest on Zack's chest as his boyfriend placed his hands on his waist. "I was thinking the same thing about you."
"Really now?" Zack grinned, resting his forehead against the blonde's before kissing his nose teasingly and stepping back. "Well, I'm flattered. So, how do you feel about a Gongagan-styled meal?"
"What does that entail?" Cloud asked, folding his hands behind his back as he watched Zack go into the kitchen, checking on a pot he hadn't noticed on the stove top before. "Does it involve pasta?"
"Yeah, and some spices. Not nearly as much as Wutainese food, of course, but just enough to be tasteful." He stirred the pot a few times, took a noodle out of the boiling water and bit it in half, checking to see if it was cooked through. "A few more minutes and the noodles'll be done." He glanced over to Cloud then, raising an eyebrow. "But seriously, why are you here so early?"
"I got bored in my room," Cloud said with a shrug, slipping out of his boots and placing them neatly beside Zack's, looking at the slight difference between the two pairs. Zack's were a touch longer and wider than his own. He looked up when he heard Zack laugh lightly.
"You don't have any homework or anything like that?"
"I'm a week ahead on our assignments and readings. And I go down to the gym ever Monday, Wednesday and Friday night with a few of the other cadets for extra training."
"Ah." There was a brief pause, Cloud walking over to look at some of the pictures on Zack's wall when Zack spoke up again. "How long have you been going down for extra training?"
"Hm?" Cloud looked over to the dark haired officer, smiling and shrugging a bit. "A few weeks now, I guess. I know you told me that you'd help me get stronger but I didn't want to bother you from work, so…I've just been going down with a few friends. They went down anyway, and they're good for helping. They tease a lot, but they don't do it meanly."
"You sure?" Zack asked, walking out of the kitchen. He came up behind Cloud and wrapped his arms around the smaller blonde, pulling him to his chest. "Sometimes the harshest taunting comes out of friendly voices."
"I'm pretty sure," he replied, leaning his head back to look at Zack with a soft look. "I don't really make it my goal in life to check every person I meet to make sure they won't talk about me behind my back."
"That's what I'm for," Zack murmured, burying his nose into Cloud's soft spikes, inhaling deeply. He then pulled back a bit, grinning. "C'mon Spiky, dinner's ready."
Zack served up plates of pasta with a sauce on it, watching as Cloud took a bite of the Gongagan pasta, grinning when Cloud smiled and gave a quiet thumbs up to show it was to his tastes. They ate quietly, not really wanting to talk as they fed themselves; every once in a while Cloud would glance over to Zack to see him staring at him with a curious, almost worried expression. It made him wonder why the dark haired soldier had called him up to his apartment. Not that he minded, of course, as he liked to spend time with Zack (and he got to see him out of uniform).
Once the plates were in the sink and the kitchen cleaned up somewhat, the two could be found sitting on the couch, Cloud with his knees drawn up, his arms wrapped around his shins loosely, fingers wrapped around a wrist. Zack sat next to him, legs crossed, elbows leaning against his crossed knee as he stared at the carpet.
"So why'd you ask me to come up?"
Cloud watched as Zack seemed to think for a moment, before looking at him with a serious expression but curious eyes.
"Why don't you seem excited about the break?"
Cloud raised his eyebrows in surprise to the question, before he shrugged slightly and looked towards the entertainment setup, trying to think of the best way to explain his hesitation.
"It's just…the Winter Solstice has always been hard at my house. My family from my father's side comes for a few days, and my father turns into an unbelievable ass during those few days. Mom can usually deal with it, since they like her. But I'm generally disliked by that side of the family."
"Why?" Cloud glanced at him to see he was confused by that. He smiled then, weakly, and rubbed the back of his neck.
"I don't share any of the same interests as my cousins, and I'm smarter than most of my uncles. Mom says my aunts don't like me because they think I'm prettier or something, which is stupid." He sighed, dropping his arm back to grasp his wrist. "Overall, they're all just jealous of me, so they take it out in a way that makes my dad a bit more hateful and my mom sad." He rested his cheek on top of his knees then, looking at nothing. "So I don't really want to go home and face that when I don't really have to."
He fell silent then, closing his eyes as he waited for Zack's response. It was quiet in the apartment with only their breathing and the soft sound of jeans-against-skin when one of them shifted in their seat. After a few minutes, Zack made a soft noise, causing Cloud to open his eyes to see him looking thoughtful.
"Well, I wasn't planning on going home this year, since my parents are busy rebuilding the village after a reactor accident hit. I should go back to help, but they wrote me to tell me specifically not to come and work on my only few weeks off." He looked over at Cloud, smiling slightly. "You could always stay with me, if you wanted."
Cloud stared at him for a moment, surprised that he would make that suggestion (as well as completely thrilled). He then thought about it for a moment, wondering if he could actually do that. He was sure his mother wouldn't mind too much, as she would just be happy that he had a friend (he wouldn't reveal the true relationship between the two of them). It was his father he was more nervous about; he liked to have him around so that he could judge him, or at least that's how it felt most of the time. Scratching his cheek idly, he pondered it for a moment or two more before smiling and nodding.
"I'd like that."
"Great!" Zack suddenly leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the blonde, dragging him to lie down over his stomach as he stretched his legs out over the couch. He placed his hands on the small of his back comfortably, grinning down at the smaller male as he stared at him with wide eyes. "You comfy there, Spiky?"
"Y-yeah…" He stared down at his boyfriend's chest, his fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt for a moment before he smiled shyly. He felt Zack squeeze his hips slightly, causing him to look up at him curiously. He was wearing an oddly serious, though hopeful, expression as he stared down at him.
"Stay the night?"
"E-eh?"
"I don't have to go into work tomorrow, and I know you have the day off," he said softly, pressing his nose to the top of his head, nuzzling his hair. "I want to spend my day with you. We haven't really gotten the chance to spend a whole day together. It'll be…nice." He smiled, Cloud could feel it, before he pulled back and looked at him hopefully. "So…would you spend the night? …Please?"
He looked at him for a long time, from his hopeful little smile to the black hair falling in his face to the brightly glowing eyes he always found himself falling into. He stared at him, watching his expression, thinking about whether this would be a good idea or not (what if something happened would he be able to look at his father again?).
He then smiled and leaned forward, kissing his lips softly.
"I'll stay."
When Cloud had called his mother the next day, she had agreed to let him stay in Midgar for the Winter Solstice. She had promised to send his presents to the address he had given her to write him letters to, and to make up some excuse to his father as to why he wasn't coming home while others from their small village would be.
Once assured that he did not have to go home, Cloud seemed more excited about the break, laughing with the few friends he had made within his division and spending a few evenings a week as well as the weekends at Zack's apartment. Zack would usually cook for him, treating him to some sort of dish he had never tried or heard of before. These of course had varied results (like the time Zack had made a soup from Mideel. It had been too much for Cloud, who had later learned that among the ingredients, was Mideel wine. Zack learned the hard way that Cloud was actually allergic to most, if not all, alcohols. Cloud had seen, the next day, a bunch of beer bottles and a few wine bottles in his recycling. Zack refused to say anything, of course.), but usually they ended up well and Cloud learned of new favourites for his dinner palate.
When the first day of the break started, Zack helped Cloud bring in a suitcase of clothes and some bags filled with presents (that he wasn't allowed to look into, made to swear on his record collection of famous Costa del Sol singers from ten years ago) to his apartment. The clothes had been put into the drawer space and closet space Zack had made for him; the presents had been somehow hidden with the power only a few people had (they were in Zack's closet, just placed so casually that he barely glanced over them). Overall, Cloud had fully settled into Zack's apartment, and he felt like he could easily stay there if it was allowed.
He was sitting in the living room, watching television lazily while Zack was out doing some of his own Winter Solstice shopping. It was only four days into the break, yet somehow Cloud had felt the most relaxed and happy he had ever felt during this certain time of year. Perhaps it was because he wasn't surrounded by aunts and uncles and cousins who hated him; maybe it was because he wasn't under his father's watchful eye. Whatever it was, he enjoyed the feeling fully.
The door opened suddenly, pulling him from his musings and making him turn to see Zack at the door with a bunch of bags filled with things for presents, his face hidden by a scarf, a soft wool hat shoved over his head and ears. He put down his bags, unwrapping his scarf and grinned over at Cloud cheerfully, toeing out of his boots and hanging his coat up with his scarf, tossing his hat into the closet and shoving his gloves into a coat sleeve. "Hey Spiky, how do you feel about a guest for the Midwinter's Eve?"
"A guest?" Cloud got up off of the couch, walking over to help Zack with the bags. Zack handed him a few, grinning and him and kissing him lightly on the lips which caused Cloud to blush; he could feel the back of his neck burning a bit. "Who would that be?"
"A friend of mine from under the plate. She's a real sweetie, and one of the first people I met when I moved to Midgar. Her mom had to go to Coral Village because her sister's sick, so she's all alone for the holidays. I told her she could come here for Midwinter's Eve and have dinner and stuff with us." He paused, looking at him worriedly. "I told her you're my boyfriend. You don't mind, do you?"
Cloud bit his lip, frowning a bit before he shrugged lightly. "Nah," he said, smiling softly. "I mean…she's your friend, right? Meaning she must've known you preferred guys over girls."
"Oh, yeah she's known since we became friends. She thinks it's 'cute' that I have a boyfriend now." Zack wrinkled his nose as he followed Cloud to the hall closet, where they placed the bags. Cloud swore he wouldn't look into the bags at all, which Zack took; after all, Cloud just didn't have it in him to break a promise once he made it. "She's kind of weird like that, though. Don't be surprised if she pinches your cheeks or something when she meets you."
"…You're scaring me, Zack," Cloud said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "Does anyone really even do that?"
"Oh yeah," Zack nodded, grinning devilishly. "Aeris, my friend's mom is infamous for doing that sort of stuff. I went over to her place once and the place smelt of gingerbread and sugar cookies."
"Jeez. I think my world just flipped itself." Zack laughed, ruffling up the cadet's messy spikes before pulling him towards him, kissing him properly. Cloud sighed into the contact, wrapping his arms languidly around the other's neck, closing his eyes.
(What are you doing what are you DOING Dad is going to be so pissed off!)
Cloud broke the kiss quietly, shaking his head a little to get rid of the unnerving thoughts while Zack looked down at him worriedly, hands resting on his hips, thumbs running up and down on his sides.
"You okay?"
"…Yeah," Cloud muttered, sighing softly before looking at him and smiling. "I'm fine, don't worry."
Zack nodded, though he still looked unsure, which made Cloud feel bad. He ran his fingers quietly through his dark hair, which was at the moment tied back into a horsetail to keep out of his face while he was out. Watching Zack's face as it relaxed into a little smile, he pulled the elastic out of his hair carefully, allowing the long black strands to fall free as they wanted. He smiled a bit then, threading his fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp lightly.
Zack groaned softly, closing his eyes and leaning his head back into the contact, encouraging Cloud to continue. He did so, pressing himself closer to his boyfriend, feeling Zack's hands tightening on his hips almost unconsciously. Pausing for a second in his ministrations (earning a whine from Zack that sounded completely adorable), he looked at Zack, playing with a thought in his mind before he shyly leaned up and kissed the other's jaw, just beneath his ear.
He felt Zack stiffen suddenly and he pulled back like he had burnt himself, his neck and ears burning hotly, his eyes aimed at his chest. A moment later Zack tilted his face up with a hand, looking at him gently.
They spoke with their eyes only; Zack's prodding gently, Cloud's reassuringly sure. After a moment the dark haired male smiled and nodded, causing the blonde to smile in return.
They met in the middle with lips, Cloud's hands running through his hair nervously, Zack's wrapping around his waist to press them closer together. They set a slow, languid pace, lips firm but fluid, tongues touching as they opened their mouths simultaneously. Cloud sighed into the contact, feeling his muscles in his back shift and relax as Zack's hands moved to slide up his sides teasingly. His fingers, calloused from working with a sword and leather for so many years, ran up the skin over his ribs then, before pulling off the shirt he was wearing, dropping it soundlessly to the floor.
They parted, Cloud breathing a little heavier, Zack sporting a nice flush across his nose and cheeks. His glowing eyes looked over Cloud's chest, small compared to his yet starting to develop muscle tone and definition. His shoulders were broad, though he'd grow into them, his waist tapered nicely, and the fine blonde hairs around and below his belly button twitched nerves when Zack ran his fingers lightly over them. Without a word, Zack pulled off his own shirt, tossing it aside and letting Cloud stare at him as he had stared at the blonde.
His eyes moved slowly over him, taking in every detail from the pale olive-tone he had to the dark curls that dipped under the hem of his jeans and the muscle tone that was just hard enough to be noticeable but soft enough to look tasteful. He ran his fingers down his chest curiously, fingertips running over lightly raised scars that he had gotten from battling monsters and enemies and sparring partners. A particularly long one that ran from his collar to his side caught his interest, and he looked up at Zack hoping for an explanation.
"I fought someone who had betrayed ShinRa," he said softly, running the backs of his fingers over Cloud's cheek. "He was once a friend."
Cloud nodded, looking back at the scar before he leaned forward and kissed it, closing his eyes as he felt Zack's heart stutter beneath his lips. He then started to kiss his way up Zack's neck, curiously nipping at his chin, causing him to inhale faster than he had intended to. Their lips met again as their hands started to explore each other; Zack learning new terrain, Cloud memorizing every story-telling scar.
They somehow made it to the bedroom, Cloud stumbling over a haplessly tossed shirt, Zack catching him before he could crash to the ground, both laughing. The blonde then reclined over the bed, arching his back and hips off of the bed as Zack pulled his jeans off to throw them on the floor casually. He stared at the roof nervous as he listened to Zack slip out of his own jeans, the zip of the zipper sounding loud and echoing in the room. His breath hitched as Zack got onto the bed, straddling him carefully, keeping more of his weight off of his hips as he looked down at him.
He leaned into the land Zack cupped his cheek and jaw with, pressing his nose into the warm skin before looking up at him with wide eyes. He was looking down at him with that ever-lasting patience he seemed to hold, waiting for him to give some sort of signal that it was okay to go on. With a faint blush, Cloud turned in the hand and kissed his palm softly. Zack took that as the go-ahead.
Leaning down, the elder's lips pressed against the younger's pulse point, feeling the fluttering heartbeat and nervously pumping blood beneath his skin. He nipped it softly, causing Cloud's shoulders to jump in shock of his nerves shivering in delight. He felt hands run smoothly down his sides, resting on his hips as the other's hips shifted before their groins were pressed together, causing Cloud to moan softly at the contact, eyes closed, fingers curling into fists. He felt rather than heard Zack's laugh, before the officer nuzzled his nose under Cloud's chin, kissing his throat lovingly.
Suddenly Zack's fingers slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers, warm fingers pressed against cool skin. Cloud automatically lifted his hips into the touch as it moved curiously and cautiously beneath the unseen skin, before the boxers were dragged down, leaving Cloud open to see.
He bit his lip, staring at the ceiling intently as Zack leaned back to look at him; he could feel a certain part of himself twitch at the examination, which caused a soft chuckle from his boyfriend. The SOLDIER leaned down to press his lips against Cloud's ear then, pressing it and murmuring softly,
"Beautiful."
Cloud blushed darkly at that, looking away from him as he pulled himself up to grin at him. His eyes snapped over to him as he pulled himself off of the bed though, and he sat up slightly to watch him as he stepped back from him, placing his own hands at his waistband.
"You're sure?" was the only thing he asked as he looked at him carefully, wanting to make sure that Cloud was comfortable, that he wouldn't regret this.
Cloud stared at him for a long time, from the pale olive to the glowing blue to the scattering scars, before he nodded and smiled at him reassuringly.
"I'm sure."
Zack grinned in response.
Opening his eyes slowly, Cloud wondered for only a moment where he was and why he was naked and sore.
Upon looking at the slumbering form of his boyfriend, however, the memories of the day before came back and he blushed brightly, burying his face into the pillow and feeling like his head could explode from the blood rushing towards it so quickly. Yet despite all of this, he did not regret a thing.
The way Zack had treated him last night, as if he were a marble status made out of goose feathers; beautiful, valuable, near perfect, yet so fragile and easily damaged. It made him feel as though the officer thought him to be the most precious thing in his world. Yet he could not believe that, not for a moment. After all, Zack had all of these wonderful people and things in his life; he was just a recent addition to a list of amazing faces. How could he be any more important than say his mother, or Aeris, or that man in the pictures he called Angeal?
He turned his face away from his pillow, looking at Zack's profile as the dark haired male breathed deeply, lost in sleep. He smiled softly at the innocent expression on his face, reaching forward to move some of the hair from his face. The other stirred, turning towards his fingers before glowing eyes slowly opened, looking at him blearily. He blinked a few times, rubbing a hand over his face as Cloud watched him patiently, before he glanced over at him again and grinned. "Hey."
"Morning," he murmured, closing his eyes and smiling as he felt Zack press his lips to his forehead. He wrapped his arm loosely around his waist as he was pressed closer to him, laying his ear on top of his chest to listen to his heartbeat quietly. It steadily thump-thumped in his ear as he relaxed enough to close his eyes while Zack ran his hand up and down over his spine. He opened his eyes again when he felt the other shift underneath him.
"How do you feel?"
Cloud bit his lip as he thought over this, shifting again before shrugging a bit. "I'm fine. A bit tired and sore, but overall I feel normal." He felt Zack nod then, before they shifted and he ended up on his back with the officer leaning over him. Zack grinned then, leaning down and kissing him before he slipped out of bed and grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his closet. Cloud frowned, sitting up and pulling the blanket up to cover his waist, looking at him curiously. "Where're you going?"
"I'm going to make you breakfast while you rest your cute little butt till you feel better." He glanced over just in time to see Cloud bright red and he grinned fondly. "Don't worry about trying to help or whatever. You can have a lazy day."
"You sure?"
Zack simply nodded, looking at him with an expression Cloud wasn't entirely sure of, before he turned and left the room to do as he planned. Sighing, Cloud leaned back against the pillows and headboard, picking at the blanket before he grinned slightly.
He didn't know why, but he liked the thought of once in a while being taken care of.
Days passed into weeks until finally it was Midwinter's Eve and Cloud was in the apartment, making half of the night's dinner when Zack came home from his trip under the plate. The blonde turned to greet him, seeing the guest he had gone to pick up standing beside him with curiousity written all over her face.
She was a slight girl, only coming up to Zack's shoulder with a peaches-and-cream complexion and long, light brown hair that she had pulled up and twisted into a braid, a pink ribbon holding it together at the base. She wore a long light brown coat, yet when she slipped out of it he saw that she had donned on a light pink turtleneck sweater and a jean skirt that fell to her knees, with knee-high leather brown boots lined with what he could guess was fur. When she turned to look at him with the same amount of curiousity she had for the apartment, he saw that she had the biggest green eyes he had ever seen.
She was absolutely stunning, and yet Zack had decided to go for him, a boy with not even half of her looks.
She smiled, handing her coat to Zack when he offered to take it and slipping out of her boots, before she walked into the kitchen with her hand out to shake. "Hello! You must be Cloud!"
"You're Aeris?" Cloud asked as response, smiling as he took her hand and shook it lightly. Her hand was much slimmer than his, yet there were calluses there from working hard for a long time. He briefly wondered what she did for a living as he dropped her hand.
"That's me! Zack was telling me all about you on the way up; he made you sound like this completely adorable little boy. I mean, yeah you're young, but you're not at all as young as I thought!" She laughed as Cloud shot an annoyed look at Zack who simply grinned without shame. "Hmm…You are, however, appropriately handsome for my boy. I approve of you!"
"Eh?" Cloud looked at her with surprise, causing her to giggle and shake her head. He looked at Zack for help and he shrugged, walking over to him and kissing his cheek noisily before looking at the food on the stove and in the oven.
"That smells absolutely delicious. I didn't know you could cook!"
"I'd usually cook the Midwinter Eve meal at my house, since my mom was busy playing hostess and Dad was busy being himself with my uncles and cousins," Cloud said softly, moving past Zack to check on a few things before he turned down the heat on the vegetables and squatted to look at the turkey to make sure it was still cooking well.
He stood back up and turned to see Aeris looking at him curiously, Zack looking uncomfortable. He was confused for a moment before he remembered what he said about his father and smiled weakly. "Right, Aeris doesn't know does she?" When the two shook their heads he nodded. "My father's homophobic and very open about it. When I told him I might be gay, which I'm pretty sure of now, he was less than pleased and sent me here in the hopes to make me 'man up'." He laughed, shaking his head as he thought of an irony. "I doubt he thought I'd find myself a boyfriend instead."
Zack pulled the blonde to him in a quick, one-armed embrace after that, squeezing him lightly before he let go and stepped back, grinning. "I'm going to set up the tree and everything for tonight and tomorrow, all right? You can put your gifts under once you're done with dinner."
"That sounds fine," Cloud said, smiling. He looked at Aeris. "Please make sure he doesn't peek!"
"Roger!"
The two left him to his duties in the kitchen, allowing him the time to think to himself and not worry about his facial expressions. As he turned back to the dinner he was preparing, putting platted foods to the side with coverings over them to keep their warmth, he thought about the irony he had just realized talking to Zack and Aeris.
How would his father react if he learned of the relationship he held with Zack? Not that he was ever going to tell him, but someone could find out, or they could come for a surprise visit and see him with the other man acting not-like-friends but something else entirely. His stomach lurched at the thought, and he wondered for a moment if he was going to be stomach sick before the feeling passed him. He sighed, rubbing his forehead and shaking the thoughts from his mind, pulling the vegetables off of the stove and checking on the turkey one last time before he decided they were ready.
He really could not think like that, especially today.
Zack came back into the kitchen after a little while, seeing Cloud setting up the last of the dinner on their plates. "All ready?" he asked, smiling. The blonde turned and nodded, smiling back softly as Zack grabbed a few plates to set on the counter of the island. Once everything was set up, Aeris skipped over and they all sat down and started to eat.
The meal was quiet, with bits and pieces of conversation once in a while; Zack made the two laugh and Aeris told Cloud stories about when Zack was just a cadet, how he caused hell for his mentor Angeal (the man in the photos) every time they went to the slums because he'd ditch the man to see her. He learned that Aeris grew flowers and sold them in Sector Five; she grew them in a church that seemed to have holy abilities to allow life to grow in the dead soil of Midgar. She had a mother who lived in the Sector Five slums, yet the ground around them was overflowing with gardens and life, unlike the rest of the slum. Aeris said they happened to be lucky; Zack said that Aeris had something to do with it.
Once they finished their meal and cleared off the food to be taken care of later, they went to the living room area and Zack put in a movie to watch, sitting in between the two with an arm wrapped around each. While most would probably feel jealous about the way Zack treated Aeris almost like a girlfriend, Cloud knew better; they were close friends, almost family, and he respected that. He liked Aeris, too, so he really didn't care either way.
Near midnight Zack announced that they would each open one present for Midwinter's Eve. Moving to the presents under the tree, he rifled through them before he pulled out two boxes, one for each of them. He grinned, presenting their presents before going back into the pile and grabbing a present from Aeris, sitting on the ground in front of them like some sort of kid.
"Aeris has to open hers first, since she's the lady." Aeris snorted but started to open her present all the same, tearing delicately into the paper to reveal a box from some sort of clothing store. Raising an eyebrow in curiousity, she flipped open the box to reveal a white silken nightgown with flowers sewn in on the left side. She gasped, lifting it to look at it properly before looking at Zack with wide eyes. "You like it? In my family it's tradition to open one present on Midwinter's Eve, and it's always pyjamas."
"This is so lovely…I've never owned anything this soft…"
"When I saw it I immediately thought of you." He grinned, sitting back comfortably. He then looked at Cloud expectantly. "You next."
Having a feeling he already knew what was wrapped in the box, Cloud tore through the paper and opened the box to reveal a pair of dark blue and green flannel pyjama pants and a shirt that had 'I know everything – don't bother saying otherwise'. He laughed at the shirt, knowing that Zack thought him to be a complete genius before he leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend gently. "Thank you, Zack,"
"Mmm, no problem," Zack grinned before he turned to his own present. However, Cloud grabbed it quickly and put it back in the pile, making Zack pout. "What was that for?"
"I have something better."
With a wink to Aeris, who seemed to know exactly what was going on, Cloud got up and went to his hidden stash of presents, pulling out a specific box for Zack (he had a small pile for Aeris after he had learned that she was coming down for the night). He went back to the living room to see Aeris smiling widely and Zack looking curious and confused. The blonde then dropped the box lightly onto his lap, sitting down next to his pyjamas and grinning at him. "Open that."
"Uhm…'kay," Zack said dazedly before tearing the paper like a kid at Christmas, tossing it to the side and opening the box. His eyes widened and he pulled out a set of white pyjama pants made of some thick, warm material with black stripes and a dark blue t-shirt.
"It's tradition in my family as well to open one gift on Midwinter's Eve, usually pyjamas. I wanted to share that with you, but I wasn't sure if you'd want to, so I didn't bother mentioning it." He smiled, shrugging. "I thought it was only right that you get a pair of pyjamas when Aeris and I got a set."
Zack put the pyjamas back in the box, eyes wide with surprise, before he looked at Cloud with a slight smile. "You're really trying to integrate me into your world, aren't you?"
"It seems to me like you're doing the same."
Zack simply smiled wider and leaned forward to kiss him.
Aeris spent Midwinter's Day with the boys, taking pictures of them with the camera she had gotten from Cloud whenever she could. Cloud had asked if he could send a few of the photos to his mother so that she could see that he had a good holiday, and the girl easily agreed. The two spent much of the evening looking through photos while Zack grumbled about being left with the dishes and the cooking.
"How about this one?" Aeris asked, leaning on Cloud's back and pointing over his shoulder. Cloud looked at the one she was indicating to, smiling but shaking his head.
"That won't go over well," he said, pulling it up to enlarge. It was one of he and Zack, with Zack standing behind him, his thumbs looped into Cloud's belt loops, hands resting on his thighs lazily. The dark haired male seemed to be leaning against the blonde, who had his hands resting lightly on top of the other's hands, and Zack had his chin on his shoulder as they both looked out over the camera. Though a nice picture and one Cloud was determined to keep, he could not send it home; his father would throw a fit.
"Hmm…that one?"
"Now you're just being silly, Aeris," Cloud accused, glancing back to see her grinning brightly and innocently. He could just imagine the wires holding up her halo.
The picture was one the two hadn't known she had taken, when Zack had pulled Cloud over to him when he was walking by throwing out wrapping paper. The officer's arm was wrapped around his waist, keeping the cadet close, while Cloud had brought his hands up to thread in his dark hair, pulling his head down so that they could kiss. Aeris had gotten the moment before they had touched lips, Zack grinning fondly and Cloud with his eyes half closed.
"It's a nice picture," she defended, frowning. Cloud laughed, shaking his head.
"A nice picture that would get me killed. Now this is more like it," he said, pulling up a different picture. Aeris sighed, but he knew that was because she thought it was boring and posed. Cloud liked it himself.
The two stood next to each other with their arms around each other's shoulders, yet they stood like friends and not two lovers. Zack had him a near-headlock, with Cloud laughing, being nearly weighed down by the pressure the other put on him. It was a nice picture, it was. It just wasn't to Aeris' tastes, apparently.
"You're one of those weird girls who love it when two guys start making out, aren't you?" Zack said from behind him, placing his hands on Aeris' hips. She smiled back at him, shrugging. "Ahh, I knew it."
"Well, the two guys have got to be ridiculously attractive," Aeris stated primly, looking snobbish for a moment before giggling. "You two fit the criteria. Plus you're adorable together."
"Ya hear that, Cloud? We're ridiculously attractive!"
"Heh, I think Aeris is just stroking your fat ego, Zack," Cloud said, smiling as he took a few more safe pictures and put them in a file to e-mail his mother. Once the e-mail was confirmed as sent, he pushed back his chair and stood up, rubbing his neck. "I think I'm going to check on dinner, seeing as our cook has abandoned his post."
"I missed my Spiky!" Cloud smiled and shook his head as he walked by, kissing Zack's cheek briefly before going into the kitchen section to make sure dinner didn't boil over or whatever.
The three ate dinner a little while later, talking and laughing as they continued to share stories of their histories. Zack helped Aeris pack up her gifts, Cloud putting away the dishes after they had been cleaned off and the food put away. He then saw the two off, which left him alone for a little while; he knew it took about two hours to get to the lower plate and then to the specific slum Aeris lived in.
Looking around the house, he winced at the chaos that it held, walking around and picking up garbage to throw out. He neatened a few things, put movies and games back in their proper places, and put clothes away into drawers, before he went back to the computer and sat down, looking through the photos they had saved onto the computer.
He was just looking at one where Aeris had surprised him with kissing his cheek under the mistletoe when he heard the door open. He didn't bother to look back, tossing back a 'Hey' when he heard Zack call out to him that he was home. After a few shuffles behind him Zack came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and resting his chin on his shoulder.
"Did you enjoy your holiday, Spiky?" he asked. Cloud looked over to him to see that he was looking curiously at him, before he smiled and nodded, leaning back against Zack comfortably.
"I did. I don't think I've ever gotten that many presents. The fairies were good to me this year."
"Fairies?"
Cloud raised his eyebrows, looking back at Zack with surprise. "You've never heard of the story behind the tradition of giving presents on Midwinter's Eve?"
"My parents didn't give me tales for holidays. They'd rather I know the truth of where my presents come from."
"Ahh. Well, I know there're no actual fairies, but I like the story. It's heart warming." He got up from the chair, turning to be completely enveloped in Zack's arms. He rested his head on his chest, listening to the constant thump-thump of his chest.
"Tell it to me?" Cloud smiled and nodded, closing his eyes.
"Well, a long time ago before ShinRa was created and my little town of Nibelheim existed, there was a small village in a snowy country. In the village there was a single poor man with twelve beautiful daughters. Now, the man was so poor that he could not afford a large house, so they lived in a small shack, and because he was so poor, he could not afford to heat the small shack, so instead they all slept in the same room to keep each other warm. One winter's night, there was a horrible storm, causing the air and ground around them to be freezing. The man was old, and as they went to bed that night, he was sure he was going to die. So he went to sleep, hoping that his daughters would be able to take care of themselves when he died.
"Yet in the morning, the old man woke up to see that all of his daughters had died due to the cold. In the middle of the night the daughters had all gathered around their father to keep him warm, sacrificing their own lives for his, as they loved him for all that he had done for them, despite being poor. The man, heartbroken but grateful to his daughters for their sacrifice, went on a journey to find twelve of the most beautiful and unique flowers in the world, as flowers rarely grew in their snowy country. After many weeks, he returned to his small shack where he had buried his daughters, and placed each individual flower on each individual grave. Pleased that he had managed to give them something beautiful for the deed they had done, he went to sleep that night feeling happy.
"When he woke the next morning, there was a pile of gifts before him, and he had a rich, new blanket around his worn frame. When he asked where these gifts had come from, twelve beautiful fairies appeared before him, and they told him because he had done such a wonderful thing for his daughters even after their deaths, that their souls had been transformed into the fairies he saw before him. And because they were so grateful, they had given him all the gifts that they could. Though thankful to the fairies, the poor old man told the fairies that he only had need of the blanket on his shoulders and the knowledge that his daughters were happy; he had no need for the other gifts. Pleased with his answer, as it showed his continued selflessness, the fairies took the remaining gifts and shared them with the village, before they went around the world to share their joy with everyone.
"Now, people give presents to each other on Midwinter every year to represent the giving of gifts to loved ones not because we like giving gifts, but because we want to make our loved ones happy." Cloud opened his eyes, smiling a little bit. "I always liked the thought of my mother being one of the fairies. It would explain her kindness, even to my hard-headed dad."
"It's a nice story," Zack said, rubbing his back softly. "But I don't think your mom's the fairy."
"Oh?" Cloud looked up, raising an eyebrow to see what he was going to say. Zack grinned, being completely predictable and okay with that.
"I think you're the fairy." Cloud snorted and Zack laughed. "Seriously! You have to deal with your dad and your mom's acceptance of such a horrible guy. That pretty much makes you a saint in my eyes." Shaking his head, the blonde buried his face in his chest, causing Zack to laugh again and squeeze him. He felt the other bend down so that his lips touched his ear then. "I have one more present for you, if you want it."
Cloud shivered and nodded.
The holidays ended soon after that, and life as it had been before returned. Cloud moved back into his little dorm room, missing the space Zack's apartment gave him and missing the SOLDIER himself. Yet they continued on as they always had, Cloud visiting on weekdays and staying over on weekends, Zack talking to him during classes and escorting him to the infirmary every time he had to go (which had recently been less and less, pleasing Cloud to no end and making him relax).
Nearing the middle of the spring season, Cloud got a letter from his mother telling him that they would be going down to visit in a few days times; they weren't sure when they were going to arrive, as the trip from Nibelheim to Midgar was an uncertain one.
Cloud sat on his bed in his dorm, reading over the letter for the hundredth time as he felt his heart pound in his chest as if it were going to explode. He jumped when a short knock was heard from his door, before it opened to reveal Zack standing there, looking at him worriedly. "I heard you got a letter from the folks."
"They're coming down to see me in a couple of days," Cloud said, holding up the letter. Zack took it, reading it over quickly; Cloud saw his glowing eyes blur as they scanned the paper in front of him faster than he'd ever seen. He then handed it back to the blonde, sitting next to him on the bed.
"Okay, so…you want to not spend as much time as we have been together for this week?"
Cloud looked at him in surprise, seeing Zack smiling with a look of reassurance and comfort and patience and understanding. How had he ended up so lucky? How had he found the one person to make him feel comfortable in his own skin, not worried about what his father would think or what others would say? He was pretty sure he could die tomorrow without a regret in his life so far.
He was thankful for his father sending him here, since he gave him the greatest thing in the world.
"I love you."
He watched as Zack's draw dropped, before the officer blinked a few times stupidly and rubbed the back of his head. He then grinned, wrapping an arm around the blonde and kissing his temple, squeezing his shoulders.
"I love you, too, Spiky."
Cloud smiled, closing his eyes and reaching a hand up to grip onto his harsh wool uniform shirt, burying gloved fingers into it.
"So I don't want to lose any time with you."
"Shit, Spike, you were doing so well lately, too."
Cloud simply buried his face into Zack's shoulder as the SOLDIER carried him 'over-the-threshold' to his dorm room. He heard Zack laugh and frowned at his seeming amusement at his predicament. He had twisted his ankle, and though the nurse had fixed it up for him easily, it still hurt badly. He didn't think he'd be able to walk on it tomorrow, which caused him to feel dread over missing his classes.
He was listening as Zack was telling him something useless to get his mind off of his sore limb when Zack suddenly stopped, both in walking and in talking. Curious, Cloud pushed himself back and looked up at him to see that he was staring at something with a blank look to his glowing eyes. He turned to see what had caught his attention, and he felt his stomach drop to his feet and then out of his body.
His parents stood there, his mother looking worried for her son, his father looking as if a blood vessel had exploded in his head, leaving it beet red going purple. Scrambling out of Zack's arms, he limped towards them, not hearing Zack walking behind him to make sure he didn't fall over. "Mom! Dad! When did you get here?"
"Just today. Honey, are you all right?" Mrs Strife asked, taking her child's arms. He felt bigger than he had before, and he looked like he had grown a few inches. He was near the dark haired man's height, and she could tell he was at least in his early twenties. "What did you do to yourself?"
"I just hurt my ankle in practice. Someone tripped me up incorrectly and it caused me to land wrong. I'll be fine; the nurse healed it up and it's just a bit sore." She nodded, placing a hand on his cheek in her kind, mothering way. "I've missed you."
"We've missed you too, sweetheart. You've grown so much! You barely look like my little boy anymore." She smiled a little, before hugging him tightly. "Ohh, I wish I could hold you like I used to."
"Mom…" Cloud muttered, embarrassed, though he wrapped his arms around the smaller woman all the same. He then let go of her, looking at his dad. "Dad…"
"Save it," Mr Strife all but growled, frowning and narrowing his eyes. "Who's this?"
"This is my commanding officer, Lieutenant Fair. Sir, this is my parents, Jordan and Melissa Strife." Zack nodded politely, looking at his father with a blank expression. "Uhm…I'm sorry sir, but I think I'll just go in with my parents. Could you tell the nurse I got to my room all right?"
"Hm?" Zack looked over at him, his eyes softening the slightly. Cloud tensed as he felt his father's dispassionate feelings grow, bearing down on him like a physical weight. "Yeah, sure Cadet Strife. Rest your ankle." Cloud nodded, saluting Zack a millisecond too late as the dark haired man turned and marched out of the room, the cadence echoing in the halls as it hadn't for months.
Cloud then turned to his parents, knowing that he was about to go through hell with his father.
"Who was that?" Mr Strife said once the door to his dorm room was closed and locked. Cloud sighed silently, resting his head against the door as he called for patience and wisdom and courage.
"My commanding officer, and the friend I stayed with over the holidays. He's from Gongaga, and he's been very kind to me since I first came here."
"Kind to you how?"
"He's just been a good person, Dad."
"He looked like he thought of you as more than a friend, son."
Cloud gritted his teeth, glancing at his mother. She was looking at him with worried eyes, hoping he wouldn't blow up at his dad like he used to, but wanting him to be completely honest. His shoulders dropped; he could never lie to his mother.
"..He's my boyfriend," he said softly. He winced as he felt the back of his father's hand hit his cheek, but didn't say anything. "We've been together for a few months now." Another hit. He felt all the confidence and joy he had with Zack slipping away with each bit of contact. "I love him."
He flinched, expecting a slap but getting nothing. Opening his eyes, he looked to see his mother holding his father's arm, pleading with her eyes not to hit her son. He wasn't looking at her.
He was looking at Cloud with the most disgust the blonde had ever seen in his life.
The sound a siren startled him, and he removed his arm from his eyes to stare up at the murky, starless sky. Frowning, he sat up again, rubbing the back of his neck before he nodded to himself. Pulling out a piece of paper and a pen he always carried around with him in case he needed it, he scribbled a short note and folded it into a small square. He then dropped the pen to the roof and stood up, walking back to the ledge.
He looked over it for a moment, staring at it with unease, before he stepped back and turned around, carefully stepping onto the ledge so that his back faced the world. He looked over the roof of the tallest ShinRa building—where all the bigwigs and First Class SOLDIERs were located—before he closed his eyes and let his head drop back.
"…I hope he can forgive me," he murmured, before allowing himself to fall back.
The last thing he heard before he was shrouded in black and in the comforting arms of the Goddess, fairies whispering words of reassurance in his ears, was the wind whistling like a scream.
Zack,
Don't blame yourself. I love you.
Cloud