Title: A Soul So Sweet
Rating: Mature
Author: ilikecrystals
Pairing: Sam and Dean
Summary: Sam's soul isn't gone at all, it's just hidden, asleep...

A/N and Warnings: Wincest and Slash. Please point out any errors or crap writing so I can fix. I love constructive criticism and reviews so bring 'em! My first Sam and Dean story in a very long time so I'm kinda rusty and it may suck big time (sorry if it does). Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Song lyrics by Joni Mitchell.

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I remember that time that you told me, you said, 'love is touching souls'
Well, surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time...

#

#

He feels the pull of something at the bottom of his lungs-

It's swift and fleeting, a yearning of something once there but not anymore and he tries to recapture it but it's dreamlike, illusive, like catching at the wind through the leaves of a weeping willow-

The sunrise is stark and cold, crimson orange streaks peak through the heavy clouds, coloring their bottoms purplish pink as the light comes alive, stretches across the sky and wakes up the world.

Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.

Fuck, he never wanted to lie to Dean, had done plenty of that in the last year of his life and he'd sworn, once they'd come back together to fight the Apocalypse, that he'd tell him the truth from then on-

And now-

Well, every time he opens his fucking mouth, another lie pours out of it-

He doesn't know why he's been brought back, no mark on him, certainly not an angel hand like the one 'Castiel, the angel that does no wrong' burned on Dean's arm-

Nope, Sam Winchester isn't that lucky. God doesn't want him, hell spit him back out and now he's just a shell, wandering, soulless and timeless, aching to feel fucking something…

And when he finally tells his brother that he doesn't know what the fuck's wrong with him but he knows something is and begs for Dean to help him, what does Dean do?

He fucking punches him, so goddamn hard and fast that he can't get his hands up, can't defend-

And when he comes to, seconds later, Dean's looming over him, scowling down and won't give away a fucking thing with his narrowed eyes and his pressed in lips, his jaw ground down and the tick in his cheek twitching hard-

The fingers dig into his shoulders painfully and Dean is yanking him up until they're a breath apart, shaking him roughly and snarling out the words in his face, baring his teeth, "What the hell are you, Sam, what the hell are you!"

And he has no answer for that, all he can do is shake his head in the face of Dean's anger-

With a cry of disgust, Dean releases him, throws him backwards and scrambles off, stalks away and after a moment, Sam gets to his feet, uses a hand to work his jaw back and forth making sure it's not busted and follows his brother to the car.

At least Dean didn't drive away and leave him.

#

Back at the motel, Dean stares at him darkly, spins a chair around and sits in it, puts his feet up on the other one and lays his shotgun across his lap, message clear-

He's gonna watch Sam like a hawk tonight and one wrong move, one wrong look and Sam's gonna have some holes in him-

"I won't-" He begins, shaking his head and then stops. He'd been going to say he wouldn't ever hurt Dean and that his brother didn't have to worry.

But they both know that's not true.

Instead he holds up a hand, nods and says, "I'll sleep in the car, ok? That way you can get some rest. Lock the door behind me."

And he doesn't wait for Dean to nod, simply turns, grabs his coat and a pillow off the bed and he's outside in a flash, curled up in the backseat of the car and asleep in an instant, his body trained to sleep when ever it can.

Something wakes him a few hours later and he listens in the dark, instantly on the alert-

He hears the light pad of paws on the roof and lifts his head over the seat in time to see a cat jump down onto the hood of the car. It's a beautiful animal, young, sleek and black as night, the only relief are a white spot over each round green eye.

It sits on the hood, stares in at him and lifts a paw to lick, pink tongue rough and thorough as it cleans itself-

Their eyes lock on each other and the voice in his head is thin, reedy and soft at first-

Remember…

Sam shakes his head, thinking he's still dreaming-

Not gone, just scared, sleeping, hidden…

The cat stands up on all four feet, stretches and leans in, nose almost pressed to the windshield, gaze so intense that Sam feels the shock of it in his spine, in his balls-

Find it. Wake it up.

He's out of the car in a second, the animal watching his every move and when he's near enough to touch, a paw swipes out and slashes across his hand, a red line of blood appearing instantly-

Remember, Sam.

And the cat is streaking away into the coming dawn, Sam staring after it in confusion-

What the hell?

#

The red fire in the sky is spreading, curling around the pink clouds now and turning the whole sky a glorious scarlet, tangerine streaks shining through-

Sam stares at it, knowing it's beautiful but doesn't feel it, in his mind, in his heart.

He lets himself remember how he used to be, remembers his brother's unending love that surrounded him, warmed him-

The only constant in his life since he was a child and he aches for that familiar feeling, the knowing that he belongs somewhere-

Aches for the Sam he was-

He remembers how much he loved Dean…

His mind shuts down suddenly, no, can't go there, that's the dark part of his mind that he can't open, it's locked down, barred and clanked shut-

He's known it was there since he got out of hell, instinctively shying away from that place, the only fear he's ever felt associated with that lump under the shroud that he can see in his mind's eye, he can't ever look under there, knows he can't because he'll be lost again-

The motel room door opens and Dean's there, blinking at him in the morning sunrise, the black circles under his eyes telling their own story and Sam knows he didn't sleep at all-

"Sam? We gotta talk."

He nods and follows Dean back inside.

#

They circle each other like caged animals, Dean rubbing a hand agitatedly across the back of his neck before holding it out in supplication-

"We gotta-gotta figure this out, Sam. It's you, I know it is but it's not, it's like the best part of you is gone and you're just a body now, no conscience, no fucking feelings. We need to find out what the hell happened to you and what's going on inside of you-"

"I know, Dean, I know."

Dean's eyes search his, "When you came back, this is how you were from the start?"

Sam nods, "Yes, I was in the c-cage-" And he stutters on the word because he's not going to let himself remember that either, "And then I was here, right where I went in and there was no hole anymore, the grass was all grown over like I'd been gone for years, no tire tracks on the road, nothing-"

He drops his eyes away from Dean's, can't look into them for very long because he feels that pull again, like he can't get in a deep breath-

"I didn't know how long I'd been gone but I felt empty, used up and almost…broken inside, away from myself, like I didn't belong in my body anymore. I found you right away, and I was outside, watching you and Lisa, watching her take you in and I-"

He lets out a breath, his shoulder jerks uncontrollably and he's snarling out the words, angry at the fucking desert barren world that's his heart now, "I couldn't fucking feel anything! I looked at you and it was like you weren't even my brother anymore, like you were a stranger and I couldn't…couldn't talk to you like that, couldn't let you see me this way, I wanted to be ashamed but I couldn't even feel that!"

And he turns, slams his fist into the wall and growls out his frustration, "I just want to fucking feel something again, anything at all, hunger, fear, hate, love…just want to love something again!"

He buries his face in his arm, crowds into the wall and mumbles out, "Used to love you, you were the only one I ever trusted, the only person I ever loved, my whole life and now I don't even have that anymore!"

Dean's hands are on his shoulders suddenly, gentle and easy, turning him around and pulling him in, hugging him close and not letting go until Sam relaxes into him, hugging back-

Pulls back and their eyes lock and hold-

Something stutters between them, charging the air with tingling volts of heat and everything is vivid, bright-

Like time has stopped and everything is more-

He hears the rustle of Dean's shirt against his, the fabric rough as buttons click together-

The heat of Dean's body seeps into his own and they fit together perfectly, their bellies snugged up tight, their chests hot and close-

The smell of his brother, sweat and leather, aftershave and clean flannel fills his nose-

So familiar, so dear and precious and suddenly the memories slam into him, rock through him and with it comes the fear, rising up so strong and fast, it leaves him gasping, weak-kneed-

Fuck, the first feelings he's had in over a year and it's fucking terror and he can't be here, can't let this out-

Can't touch Dean anymore-

Tries to push Dean away but his brother shakes his head, hangs on tight and pulls him closer, crowds him against the wall, their legs tangling with each other-

He hears Dean's voice, deep and low and it stirs something in his belly, something old and heavy-

"You're not going anywhere, Sam."

Can't drag his eyes away from the green pull of his brother's and before he knows it, before he can turn his head away, something deliciously soft and sensual presses into his mouth-

So fast he barely gets a taste and then it's gone and he blinks, stares down at Dean in shock-

And Dean makes a sound in his throat, like a choked whimper, searching his eyes, looking for rejection-

Sam licks across his lips, the faint taste of his brother sliding on through-

Moans low in his throat and reaches out, yanks Dean forward until their mouths crash together, hot and needy and God, the taste of him, all Sam's ever wanted was this and he's greedy, pushing Dean's lips open and shoving in with his tongue, wanting more-

Dean meets him there eagerly, right in the middle, sliding and tangling together and it's lightening bolts, pinging and twitching up his spine, jolts of fire through his belly and it's too much, too intense and he's shivering with reaction, can't stop his body from jerking, twisting under Dean's-

Dean's thigh pushes his legs apart and grinds up against his dick and Jesus, that's good, so sweet, flicks of pleasure shooting through his skin and he grunts, rocks his hips over the hard leg to increase the sensations-

All the while Dean is still kissing the breath out of him-

They sink to the floor as one, Dean hitting first and pulling Sam down, spreading his thighs apart so he's straddling Dean's crotch and holding him there, nice and tight, hands cupped around his ass-

And Sam can feel Dean's cock against his, hot under the denim, the rough rub of him making him hungry, so fucking hungry for more and with a harsh growl, he rips his mouth away from Dean's, stares down into his brother's lust blown eyes and rolls his hips forward, bucking in hard and making them both groan with the rush of it-

Their eyes lock on each other and suddenly, it's fast and furious, raw need and fierce pleasure, Sam pounding down and Dean pitching up, crashing into each other so hard their breath hisses and stutters harsh in the air-

Sam feels his orgasm building, climbing fast under the punishing rhythm he and Dean are rocking through-

"You feel this, Sammy? You fucking feeling this yet?" Dean's words are punched out on every upward buck into Sam's cock-

He's hanging on tight to Dean's shoulders, fingers digging in so hard he knows there's gonna be bruises but he doesn't care, his fucking dick is on fire, throbbing and alive from the press of Dean's cock on his and he feels the pulse of Dean underneath him, knows he's gonna come soon-

Climbing still, Christ, so fucking good, he swears he can see the stars and just one more rub, one more shove in-

He reaches it, flies off the edge of the world and with a harsh shout, he's coming in his pants, holding on to Dean for dear life, his muscles bunched tight and he keeps going, shooting out his load, shit, can't have much more in there but the spasms are still rocking through him, leaving him breathless, boneless-

Feels Dean's hands clench on his ass cheeks and push down, grinding Sam in hard and shoving up against him and with a whispered, "Fuck, fuck, Sammy-" Dean's own orgasm hits hard, and Sam can feel it, underneath him, the throb when Dean erupts, so fucking hot, Sam feels dizzy with it-

And when Dean huffs against him, gasps out, "Fucking love you, Sammy-" and catches his mouth in a sizzling kiss-

The dungeon in Sam's mind shudders and trembles, the lock kicking up, sliding free-

The lump under the shroud moves-

And Sam's pulling away abruptly, breaking the kiss and he can't breathe suddenly, he's lunging off Dean, head slamming back into the wall and he's hyperventilating, hanging onto the floor with fingers clawed in terror, can feel the wild slide of his eyes as he tries to hang on-

"Sam? Sammy, what is it?"

The clank of metal in his head, bolts coming undone, hinges creaking on the heavy door that holds back the awful, the other, the thing under the cloak, under the veil-

Can't let it out, let it free-

The door swings wide, can't stop it now, too late, all Dean's fucking fault-

He shouldn't have kissed him, shouldn't have done that, made Sam feel-

And the cloak is thrown aside, the figure rising up tall and beautiful and Sam shields his minds' eye, tries not to look-

Can't help it though, has to see-

And it's-it's him-

Soft doe eyes, sweet smile, all warmth and love, shining out so bright, so beautiful-

He feels the wrench as they come back together, the old Sam and new, entwining and molding into each other, the emptiness inside filling back up, becoming complete-

Emotions flood through him, the horror of being in hell, the memories of every single thing that happened to him there, the fear and the pain, the rage and helplessness, screaming for his brother to find him, to save him-

The anger and jealousy he'd never felt watching Lisa kissing Dean now rocks through him and he hates her, more than he's ever hated anybody because she took what he's wanted his whole life-

The disgust and rage he feels at himself because he let Dean get hurt, didn't help him when that vamp took him, turned him-

And the awful, fierce pure love he has for Dean, as a brother, as a man-

It kicks his ass and thuds into his stomach, breaking his heart into little pieces and then mending them, sending shocks into his brain as the taste of Dean curls in his mouth, the heat of Dean's lips on his-

God, he's wanted Dean for so long-

And he can't hold back, the tears come fast and he's sobbing helplessly, bawling like a little kid, the feelings overwhelming him all at once and he can't take it-

Cowers there, arms curled around his knees, crying piteously and Dean's right there with him, wrapping his arms around him, holding on tight-

Rocks with him, whispers soothing words into his ear while Sam breaks down-

#

Dean's got him up off the floor and onto the bed, laying with him, Sam curled up on Dean's chest, arm hugging in close, leg thrown over and he huddles there, breath hitching every once in a while, quieting finally and resting, listening to Dean's heartbeat under his head-

Dean's arm is around his shoulders, caressing lightly and he finally clears his throat, his deep voice rumbling under Sam's head, "You-you want to talk about it?"

Sam sighs and curls in closer, "I think-" and he stops, fuck, this is gonna be a lot harder than he thought-

Takes a deep breath and starts again, "Guess, when I went to hell, I must have…separated or something…in my mind, to protect myself and it was so long ago that I didn't remember, you know how time is in hell, I was down there for fucking years and I just knew there was something locked away in my head but I never let it out. Guess it was me, the real me and I put it away so it wouldn't be touched by whatever happened to me. Hid it away really good, too, seems like. Anyway, when you kissed me, when I felt you come, it was, God, mind-blowing how beautiful it was, feeling you like that and I guess it broke me, made all my walls, all my defenses bust apart and there I was, the me I used to be, just standing there, waiting to come back in…"

Dean's hugs him in closer, voice raw with emotion, "Fuck, I'm glad you're back, man, goddamn missed you-"

Sam blinks back tears, "Missed you, too, Dean, so fucking much and I'm sorry I let you get hurt, sorry I lied to you…just fucking sorry about everything."

Dean tenses underneath him, "Are you, um, sorry that we kissed, that we-" and his voice trails away, leaving the words hanging in the air.

Sam is up on his elbow in an instant, staring down into Dean's face, can't stand the uncertainty in Dean's voice, the question there and he jumps in with both feet, reassures with words, with hands, curves his fingers around Dean's face, gasping out the words because they're true, real and he can't do anything else-"No, could never be sorry about that because I-I loved it, Dean, hell, I love you, man…so fucking much, you just don't know…"

"You-" Dean's voice stutters, fails, "You love me?"

Dean's hand caresses his face and Sam leans into it, loving the fingertips that run along his cheek softly before pushing through his thick hair, Dean's voice wondrous, trembling, "You love me..." he says again, rolling the words around in his mouth-

Sam raises his head, meets his brother's eyes full on, "I-, always, Dean…just fucking always but couldn't tell you-it was sick, not right, and had to hold it back, hold it in-"

With a muffled groan, Dean tugs on his hair, tipping back his head to stare into his eyes, searching for truth and what he sees there has him grinning, his gaze turning possessive, predatory, "You've always been mine, Sammy, ever since I carried you away from that fire. I've loved you more than life."

"Thought you only loved me like a brother, Dean…not like me, not like I love you…"

And he's hauled up suddenly, can feel Dean's breath on his face, lips almost touching and a hand slides down, cups around his half-hard cock and squeezes, making Sam jump back in surprise before he's melting into the touch, groaning with pleasure-

"This feel like brotherly love to you, man?" Dean's words are a soft breath on his mouth and Sam reaches up, slides a hand around and pulls, wanting those lips on his-

And Dean comes willingly, covers Sam's mouth with his own, the kiss soft at first, a mere pressure of lips against lips and it waxes and wanes, nice and sweet, light as air-

Turns sexy, changes, becomes more, heady and tense as Dean nuzzles against him, pushes him open and slides in with his tongue, easy peasy and when the tip of his finds Sam's, he's jolted back, the sparks of fire shooting up fast, slicing through his skin and he's shaking, trembling-

Wants so much fucking more-

Dean feels him open wider, urging him closer and he groans, falls right into it and shoves in further, going deeper, sliding around Sam's tongue with a luscious swirl, making Sam dizzy, light-headed and fuck, he can't think with Dean kissing the breath out of him like this-

This kiss is sweeter, more because Sam's there, right there, feeling every spark of love, every flick of arousal that Dean's expert tongue is pulling out of him and he's whimpering with awareness-

He can feel Dean's kisses right down to his toes-

When his brother pulls back, breaks away, Sam almost whines with disappointment, chasing after Dean's mouth, trying to urge him back in-

Dean's green eyes hold his, frozen in time, lost in each other for a pulsing moment and then-

Hands are on him, ripping off his shirt and fumbling with his belt, frantically clawing at his jeans, and he's right there, helping, wiggling his hips and lifting up so Dean can yank them off, toss them over his shoulder and those green eyes slide over his naked body hungrily-

Sam hears him catch a breath-

He reaches out a finger towards Sam's nipple, the pad of it brushing lightly and Sam gasps, arches forward-

"Christ, Sam, you're so goddamn beautiful-"

And the yearning in Dean's voice has tears springing back up to Sam's eyes because he loves this man so much-

He reaches out, brushes Dean's chest with the knuckles of one hand and manages to stammer out, "Y-you're overdressed…"

The lights in Dean's eyes flare up with lust and he tugs his shirt off, lunging forward-

Pushes Sam backward onto the mattress and he opens his arms, takes him in, doesn't even struggle but just gives it all to Dean, his big brother, his protector-

The one man who will kill anything that threatens, will make sure Sam is safe until his dying day and who right now has his lips glued to Sam's neck, laying hot kisses over his skin-

He throws his head back, giving Dean clear access and whimpers in pleasure at the feel of that mouth nipping and sucking on his flesh, at the brush of Dean's chest against his own, the skin so warm and soft it makes Sam giddy-

Hands are running over his ribs and down, sliding to his hips and thighs, soft caresses that have his legs spreading without thought, and Dean slips in between, a hard thigh snuggled up tight against his balls, pushing up and goddamn, that feels nice-

The denim is rough against his sensitive skin and he wiggles around, grinding himself down, pulling Dean closer-

Just wants Dean to touch him more, touch him everywhere-

That hot mouth moves down his neck to the base of his throat, laying soft licks across his pulse there, beating so loud that Sam can feel it under his skin, sure his heart's gonna explode with pleasure, with love-

Wet trails follow Dean's mouth as he licks and kisses down to Sam's nipples, rolling one bud in his mouth while his talented fingers flick and play with the other one and when they're both pebbled hard, he switches, giving attention to the other side the same way until Sam is writhing underneath him, the fingers of one hand clenched in Dean's hair, the other hand fisting the sheets hard-

His cock is rock-hard, pushed up against Dean's belly as he works his way down Sam's body and he knows Dean feels it, hell, it's gotta be leaving it's own sticky trail on his brother's skin even now but Dean won't touch him, just moves his body over it, letting them touch gently-

Dean licks his way down Sam's belly, over each ridge and cut of muscles, leaving behind goose bumps and twitching nerves, and Sam is shivering under his skin, barely able to lay still anymore-

Realizes he's begging and doesn't know when the hell that happened, "Dean, please, please, Dean, need you, need this, all of you, please-"

Doesn't make much sense but he figures Dean knows what he wants and it's not like he can even stop the pleas from falling out of his mouth, with Dean working his body so good, bringing him higher than he's ever been-

When Dean slides off the bed and stands, Sam almost cries at the loss of warmth-

He watches his brother's fingers unbutton and unzip, slide down his jeans and shorts and kick them off-

And Sam's brain fizzles and dies right then, overwhelmed at the beauty of the man standing before him-

God, his cock is huge, dripping and throbbing, the veins stark against the velvet skin and all Sam wants to do right at this moment is taste him, suck him, fucking feast on him-

Has to-

Before he even realizes he's gonna move, he's off the bed and on his knees, staring up into Dean's startled eyes with a sweet smile before he reaches out, grabs the base of Dean's dick and dives on in-

Feels the satiny skin slide over his tongue slowly and he pauses, letting the taste roll through him and it's salty, a hint of sweat and something else, deep and earthy that's familiar and new at the same time and that feeds a hunger in him he never knew he had-

He pulls off, licks his lips and yes, that sweet taste there, that's what he's wanted his whole life-

Dean's taste-

With a hungry moan, he licks around the head of Dean's cock, letting his tongue dance underneath before opening his mouth and taking in his brother's length in as best he can, trying to get him all in but he can't, Dean's too big and he makes frustrated noises in the back of his throat-

Dean's gasping above him, gives a breathless chuckle and caresses Sam's hair, "S'okay, Sammy, you'll get there…feels freaking awesome, God, your mouth is so hot and your, ahhh, that tongue, holy shit-"

Sam pulls off and looks up at Dean, kisses his dick while Dean watches and hears the catch of breath, the muttered, "Christ, Sam…"

"Need you to help, Dean, want you all in me, in my mouth, my throat, want to suck you down-"

A hand touches his cheek softly and Dean's voice is a husky grunt, "Fuck, yes-"

So Sam slips the head of Dean's cock back in his mouth, opens wide and relaxes his throat, staring up at Dean with an encouraging blink and Dean gives an experimental push-

Sam moans and nods so Dean pulls back and shoves in again, deeper-

Driving in further with each thrust until he's all in and Sam's grunting satisfied noises around him, swallowing and sucking hard, making Dean's legs shake and his hips buck forward of their own accord-

"God, Sammy, gotta, you gotta stop that or I'm gonna come right now-"

And that's exactly what Sam wants so what's the problem here? He swallows again, lets Dean's cock slide out of his mouth and then dives back in, humming softly-

"Sammy, please-" Dean's voice is cracking, breaking, a trembling hand pushing at his head, "Want to touch you, be inside you-"

Fuck, that sounds good-

He pulls off immediately, giving one last swirl with his tongue and earning another moan out of Dean and then he's being tugged to his feet for a hot kiss, the taste of Dean's tongue and his cock mixing together in Sam's mouth and damn, that's the best flavor in the world right there-

He's so hard right now, he could come from just staring at his brother-

When a warm hand wraps around his cock, he nearly jumps out of his skin because Jesus, Dean's palm is rough against him, dragging up and down and this is everything he's ever wanted right here, right now-

His Dean touching him, caressing him so good he knows this must be heaven-

When Dean picks up the pace, his knees finally give and he sags against his brother, feeling the strong arm wrap around his back, holding him up, backing him up until the mattress bumps into his knees and he tumbles down, Dean right on top of him-

Doesn't even have a chance to catch a breath before Dean's mouth is on him, the hot sweet wet of it closing down over his aching cock and he cries out with delight because Dean's tongue is dancing along the underside, feather light, tickling and Sam feels it fucking everywhere, shooting up his spine and down his legs and his hips, shit, can't keep them still, they're bucking up and down with a mind of their own-

Feels so damn good and all Sam can do is fist the sheets with his hands, clenching at them so hard even as his thighs strain up, ass clenched, Dean's mouth and tongue taking him higher than the stars-

He feels his orgasm coming on fast, the fist in his belly starting to unfurl and he mutters out a warning, "God, Dean, gonna, ungghh, gonna-"

And Dean's mouth is gone suddenly, leaving his cock cooling in the air, and Sam is moaning with disappointment but shuts up fast because Dean's moving down, sucking on his balls now and fuck!

He never knew that could feel so good-

When Dean's hands move under his thighs and push up, he goes with it, reaches down and holds his legs up, doesn't quite know what Dean's doing but if it's more of Dean sucking his balls, he's all for it-

There's a quiet moment where Dean just breathes and Sam feels the blood rush to his face because his brother is just looking at him, at his puckered hole and it's embarrassing-

He starts to squirm, ready to drop his legs when he feels it-

Something small and wet, right on his trembling ass hole and his body gives a jerk of surprise-

It rolls around in a circle, leaving a wet trail behind and it's Dean's tongue-

His brother pulls away slightly and Sam can feel the hot breath on him, every nerve ending attuned to what Dean's doing down below-

Dean gives a moan like Sam's the best thing he's ever tasted and settles in, lapping and licking at Sam's hole, pushing up inside and opening him up, running long stripes of wet all along the crack before sucking hard-

And Sam is-

Fucking mewling and whimpering and making noises he didn't even know he could make, never in his life has he felt anything this fucking good and his body is jerking, twitching in ecstasy, so fucking alive he almost can't stand it-

When Dean's finger pushes in alongside his tongue and presses in, hits against something inside of Sam, it almost shoots him off the bed because it's white lightening, silver sparks and red hot flame at the same time and Sam cries out weakly, caught up in the rush of it, "God, Dean, God, feels so…fuck, that's-"

Knows he's babbling but can't help himself-

Another finger joins the first and Dean's licking and sucking around them, pulls off with an obscene pop and mumbles, "Fuck, Sam, you taste so fucking good, can't wait, gotta, gotta have you now, right the fuck now-"

And the fingers disappear as Dean spits in his hand and slicks up his dick, positions himself at Sam's hole and pushes in-

"We'll go slow, Sammy, don't worry, gonna take care of you, always, man-"

Sam tries to relax, staring up at Dean with soft eyes, "Y-you always take care of me."

Dean thrusts in more, feels Sam's muscles clench down on him and hisses out a breath, "Shit, so fucking tight…feels awesome, so hot around me-"

It's burning a little as his hole stretches, opens up and lets Dean in, and Sam's breathing through the pain, the wrenching open because Dean's filling him up and that part is good, so good and he'll get through the rest because Dean's there, kissing him, petting him, telling him how good he feels-

The pulling back and forward shoves starts getting things all nice and slick inside and soon Dean's hitting bottom, Sam's squirming against the fullness and they're both panting with exertion, with passion-

Dean rests and Sam clenches his muscles down, feeling Dean inside, the length of hardness filling him completely, utterly and this is it, right where he belongs, with Dean buried deep, two halves of a whole, Dean's love surrounding him, finishing him-

When his brother starts moving, pulling out and sliding back in, nice and easy, going slow at first and then building, rocking over that spot inside of Sam like he's got radar, it's sweet and dark, soft as silk and it settles over Sam's bones, deep in his belly and he's lifting up his hips, meeting Dean shove for shove, wanting him deeper, harder-

Almost crying with the rush of love that's taking him over, God, Dean feels so good inside of him, so perfect, just right and the shocks up his spine from the hits to his prostate are hissing and sparking, shooting right into the core of him and he's whimpering, "God, Dean, love you, love you so much, you're-you're-"

Can't finish, his heart is too full, his mind is shutting down with it, the sensations in his ass pinging and zipping through him and his orgasm is swift and hard, one second he's still bucking, working towards it and the next, he's shooting his load in between them, coming without touch, the waves of it rocking through him-

And Dean's panting against him, hands sliding under his body, gripping his shoulders and starts pounding into him, hard thrusts that leave Sam's breath gasping out of his body-

Two more shoves in and Dean stiffens above him, shudders and he feels the pulse inside, the hot liquid shooting into him and fuck, that's a freaking awesome feeling right there-

When Dean collapses down, Sam wraps his arms around him, holds on tight and plants small kisses all over his face until Dean's recovered enough to slide out-

He crawls up next to Sam and takes his mouth in a hot, sweet kiss before falling hard onto the bed, throwing an arm and a leg over Sam's front, burying his face in Sam's neck-

Finally huffs out a breath and Sam feels the words hummed into his skin, "What am I, Sammy?"

"W-what?" Sam's voice is hoarse, spent.

"When you were getting close, you said 'You're, you're', but you didn't finish it so I wanted to know what you were gonna say. What am I?"

Sam looks at Dean, at the beautiful, familiar face and smiles at him, letting the love in his heart shine through, "You're everything, Dean. Everything in the world."

And when Dean leans forward, kisses him, Sam knows they can handle anything from now on, as long as they stay together.

#

Later, as they pack the car to go on yet another hunt, Sam throws his duffle bag in the back seat, shuts the door and there's the cat, still black as night, still staring deep into his eyes.

It gives a soft meow and pads forward, rubbing around and in between Sam's feet and the voice in Sam's head returns, a thin whisper-

It's good to be alive, isn't it, Sam?

And as Sam watches, the cat runs away, down the driveway and into the shimmering sun, seeming to disappear before his eyes and Sam shakes his head, rubs his eyes but the cat's gone, just as fast as it appeared.

But hell, yeah, it's fucking great to be alive.

#

#

A/N: The cat is based on the premise of any animal with white spots over their eyes having second sight so it might be a witch's familiar, it might be an angel, or even God itself that finally takes pity on our poor broken Sammy.