...Now comes with free unexpected surprises.

Freddie slammed his locker closed, excitement causing his hands to shake. Most other teenagers weren't happy on the first day of another long school year. They dreaded the end of the sweet liberty of summer days, of the sunny afternoons in the grass, of the fun with friends, and of the extra hours of sleep every day. And to be honest, Freddie knew he would miss those things, too. But he couldn't help his jubilation about the first English class of the year because this year, as a junior, English would be taught by the beautiful Ms. Fairfield. All the guys who had taken her class since she joined the faculty 3 years ago had barely passed. Not that she was a bad teacher (she had full recommendations from her university); it was that they all were too busy staring and drooling to complete any tasks.

Freddie couldn't blame them. Due to years of suffering under Mrs. Briggs' less than pretty face and iron fist, Ms. Fairfield's easy-going manner, along with her youthful good looks, was a warm sunlit day after a dark and dreary night. Her luscious black hair, usually kept in a ponytail, fell just short of the middle of her back. When she walked, it swung to and fro exposing the soft-colored skin of her neck. Her eyes were a mesmerizing combination of green and grey. And though she loved to wear jeans and a dress shirt, her curves were displayed better than those of who wore short skirts and tank tops.

"'Sup, Freddemption?" Sam's greeting broke through his thoughts. "Did your brain slack off as usual or is your locker door just that interesting?"

Freddie turned around, adjusting his backpack strap. "Funny. How long were you waiting to say that one?"

She shrugged. "Oh, about a week. I knew it was inevitable that you'd be staring off into space like a zombie one of these days. Anyways, you excited? First year without Briggs!"

She punched his locker for emphasis, the loud bang drowned out by the clamor in the student filled hallway. As he checked for a dent, Freddie wondered why he didn't just pad his possessions. Sam remained unchanged ever since he met her. She was still short, blonde, loud, and violent. Though she had gotten better at fixing his things after she broke them. She used duct tape instead of scotch tape.

"Yeah, I know," he replied, "I still can't believe it. And to get Ms. Fairfield instead? That's just plain awesome."

Sam smirked at his mention of the pretty teacher. She casually leaned against the locker next to his. "Sooo...what do you think of the fair Ms. Fairfield? Do you think she's hot?

Freddie looked incredulous, as if it were blasphemy to question such a thing. "Hell yeah she's hot!"

Sam glanced evilly over his shoulder.

"Who's hot?" asked an accusatory voice.

Freddie froze in panic. He rapidly searched his brain for an escape route.

"Hey, Wendy-girl," Sam called out, "we're just talking about—"

"You!" He spun around to see his girlfriend holding a stack of books, her eye narrowed with suspicion. "We're just talking about you. No one else. No one. Especially not Ms. Fairfield."

Freddie laughed nervously and elbowed Sam in the stomach. "Right, Sam? Tell her. Go on."

Obviously, Sam had never taken orders from Freddie and she wasn't about to start now.

"Oh no, we were definitely talking about Ms. Fairfield. Freddie here was just concluding that she looks smokin' hot."

"Wha-what? She's lying," he stammered out, "W-we weren't talking about—"

"Ms. Fairfield? She is so hot."

Freddie didn't understand so he decided silence was the best option. Wendy laughed at his confusion, brushing a lock of red hair out of her eyes.

"Calm down, Freddie, I know you like me best," she moved forward and pinched his cheek with her free hand, then gave him a peck on the lips, "And Ms. Fairfield is hot enough that all the girls think so, too. And all the gay guys."

Sam snorted. "Tell me about it. Did you see—hey!" She looked around the crowded hallway. "Wasn't Carly supposed to be with you?"

Wendy shook her head. "No, she had to do a student government thing. I'll meet her at AP English."

Wendy and Carly were taking AP English because they want to become a journalist and a lawyer respectively. Freddie, an engineering major, could care less about English, while Sam, an I-don't-Know major, could care less about school so they were taking the regular English course.

The warning bell rang, signaling the end of the passing period. The hall instantly began to clear up as students drained into their classes.

"Well, see you after school, Freddums," Wendy said. She kissed him again, gave Sam their complicated handshake, and set off for Room 415.

Sam stared as Wendy vanished into the flow of teens. "For someone like you, you sure have an awesome girlfriend," she remarked.

He rolled his eyes, accustomed to her backhanded compliments. "C'mon, I heard she hands out lollipops on the first day."

He grabbed her arm and tugged her towards Room 150.

When they arrived, their classmates were settling in. The teacher wasn't there yet. They spotted Gibby waving cheerily at them from the back row.

"Over here, guys!" He yelled, even though the room was relatively quiet.

Sam and Freddie took their seats next to Gibby with Freddie in the middle and Sam on his right.

"Hey, Gib," said Freddie, "how was your first day?"

"It's been all right," Gibby replied, "Tasha and I have the same classes, so that's good."

Freddie punched him softly on the shoulder. "You lucky bum. Wendy and I only have first period chemistry. We don't see each other for the rest of the day."

"Now if only I were as fortunate," Sam quipped absently, concentrating on her doodle. Giving her an annoyed glance, Freddie leaned over and slid a piece of paper in between her pencil and the desk. He turned back to Gibby.

"Sam and I have four classes together. Carly and I have two," he informed, "It's too bad we don't share any classes."

"Yeah, that sucks," agreed Gibby.

"We can hang out after school if you want," Freddie suggested, "We might do some brain storming for the show."

Gibby shook his head. "I can't. I'm going to Tasha's for dinner. I need to primp to look my best. Can I come over tomorrow?"

"Sure. Whatever curdles your cheese. I just wanted to make sure we all don't drift apart. You know, preparing for our futures and all."

"I don't want that to happen either," Gibby said, clapping Freddie on the back.

Their conversation was ended by the open of the door. The entire class held its breath as Ms. Fairfield floated gracefully into the room.

Followed by a scowling Mrs. Briggs.

The atmosphere deflated as the students watched both teachers stop in front of the black board. Everything was silent before Sam shouted out what everyone was thinking.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" She was out of her seat and into the aisle, her finger pointing menacingly at the older teacher.

"Mrs. Briggs," Ms. Fairfield started pleasantly, "is going to be your teacher for a couple of weeks. I'm going east with my fiancée to visit his family, so Principal Franklin recommended her as a substitute in order for the school to save money. When I get back, I'm sure we'll all get to know each other very well. But in the mean time, you can get the comfort and familiarity of your old teacher."

She walked to her desk and retrieved a bag of lollipops from the bottom drawer. She handed the bag to a still scowling Mrs. Briggs.

"Here, Francine. Hand one out to every student. I always give them lollipops on the first day."

With that, Ms. Fairfield smiled at the class, said good bye, and left, trapping them in a 25 by 30 box with the demon teacher.

Mrs. Briggs swept the class with a hard glare until her eyes landed on the still standing form of Sam.

In an icy voice, she commanded, "Sit down, Puckett."

"No. I'll never listen to you. I hate you."

Sam had reason to dislike Mrs. Briggs. It was just last year that the blonde delinquent nearly broke the detention record set by "Slim" Jimmy Johnson 15 years prior. She came within 3 detentions of the 97 Jimmy received during his Junior year. But Briggs knew Sam would only revel in the glory of beating the hallowed record. So instead of handing her a detention for plastic wrapping every doorway in school, Briggs gave Sam a suspension. Sam's last week of school was spent at home and her chance at smashing the record disappeared before her eyes.

"Likewise Miss Puckett. But I am not fooling around with you anymore. Anything you do that is against the rules will be grounds for an expulsion. One such rule is disobeying a faculty member's direct order. Now will you sit down or shall I go to the office for you paperwork?"

"You're bluffing," Sam retorted, "You can't do that."

Mrs. Briggs smiled cruelly. "It's up to you."

Freddie looked worriedly up at Sam.

"I think she's serious," he whispered. He earned himself a glare, but nevertheless, after another several seconds of tense staring, Sam quietly sat down.

"Thank you. Now," Mrs. Briggs held up the lollipops, "according to Ms. Fairfield, each of you is to get one lollipop."

A few kids nodded eagerly.

She ripped open the top of the bag and held it out. "Come and get it."

Nothing in the universe would have prompted Freddie to go up to Mrs. Briggs and grab a lollipop. His gut told him something bad was going to happen. It didn't feel right. Sam, however, thought differently. She made to jump up, but Freddie grabbed her shoulder and yanked her down forcefully.

Out of the corner of his mouth, he mumbled, "Wait. Don't go yet. Something isn't right."

She nodded, realizing that indeed Briggs being nice was a strange thing. Sam was brave but she wasn't stupid.

The class stayed motionless. The teens were too afraid to move. Then something happened. Jonathan DeCarlo slowly stood and walked up. Mrs. Briggs' grin grew wider. He carefully reached in without losing eye contact and extracted a cherry-red lollipop.

"Go on," urged Mrs. Briggs, "Eat it."

He unwrapped the lollipop and hesitated for a second. In his periphery, Freddie saw Sam suddenly tense up. He slightly turned his head. She stared wide-eyed back at him.

She mouthed, "Sucker."

Jonathan stuck the lollipop in his mouth. And Mrs. Briggs whipped out a yellow slip of paper.

"Detention. Eating in class."

An hour and twenty minutes later, they were in the parking lot. Freddie sat against his car, hyperventilating. He was barely able to breathe the whole period. The air had been so thick and oppressive that he had choked on it.

Gibby projected his views on the matter. "Man, that was intense."

Sam lay on the hood, resting on her elbows. "You guys are wimps. It wasn't that bad."

"You should be thanking me instead of insulting me," Freddie pointed out, "If I hadn't stopped you, you would have been expelled. Would a lollipop be worth an expulsion?"

A moment passed before she answered. "If it was green apple."

Carly and Wendy appeared next to the car.

"Long time no see," Carly greeted. She spoke the truth. Freddie rarely saw Carly during the day anymore. Her ambition drove her to join every club known to man. She took advanced classes. She tutored. She did everything. And it paid off. Carly had already gotten the interest of multiple top colleges and universities across the nation. But she always tried to make time for iCarly and her friends. Sometimes she succeeded, sometimes she didn't.

"Hey, Carls, Wendy-girl," said Sam.

Wendy took in the scene. "What's up with the guys? They look like they've seen a ghost."

Freddie chuckled shakily. "It was worse."

"Worse than a ghost? I don't know...ghosts are pretty freaky," she turned to Carly, "aren't they freaky?"

Carly nodded, smiling. "They are definitely freaky."

"It was Briggs," Gibby stated flatly, "she's teaching our class for two weeks. It's a disaster."

"Aw come on. She's not that...bad." Carly's sentence teetered off. Mrs. Briggs was bad.

"Really? I don't believe that and neither do you," Freddie said, "She totally annihilated a kid in class today. Sam was lucky I saved her. She could've been expelled."

Carly looked alarmed. "Sam," she chastised, "stop doing bad things!"

"I didn't do anything! Briggs has it out for me. She said anything I do wrong, no matter how small the violation, can get me expelled. So unfair."

"Whatever the case, this is the year you stop breaking the rules," Carly said sternly.

Wendy checked her boyfriends watch. "Enough about this stuff. Let's get out of here."

"I'm with Wendy-girl," said Sam as she hopped off the hood.

Freddie stood and brushed the dirt off his pants. "Need a ride Gibby?"

Gibby gestured towards the bike rack at the front of the school. "Naw, I'll just ride my bike."

"Good for you, Gibby" Sam called out from the backseat window, "Freddie, get your lazy butt in here. I don't wanna be at school any longer than I have to."

Freddie didn't want to ask how she was already in his car when he hadn't unlocked the doors yet. It was better these things stayed untouched. He gave Gibby a salute and jumped into the driver's seat. Wendy was next to him while Carly was next to Sam.

Sam snapped her fingers by his ear. "Bushwell Plaza, Jeeves. Make it quick."

Carly's apartment was filled with piles of burlap sacks for no apparent reason (Spencer). The TV was on, but Spencer was asleep on the couch, his snoring filling the room. Sam immediately headed to the kitchen. Wendy and Freddie sat at the island and watched the show that was Carly waking up Spencer.

"Spencer," she slapped him lightly on the cheek, "Wake up, Spencer."

Her brother squirmed and groaned, kicking out with his feet.

"I don't wanna."

Carly took hold of one of his legs and pulled. "Wake up! It's daytime!"

Spencer clung to the couch frame. She grunted and strained, but there was no way Carly was strong enough to pull both Spencer and the couch so she let go. He sighed happily.

Carly growled. "WAKE UP!"

She jumped into the air and body slammed him. Her slim frame did nothing. She fell to the ground with a thump.

"That's it. SAM! GET OVER HERE!"

Spencer shot up and grabbed his sister by the shoulders, cowering behind her.

"No! Sam, don't get over here! I'm up already."

Sam was digging into a bowl of vanilla pudding and didn't seem to hear either of her friends.

Spencer breathed out in relief. "So," he began as though nothing happened, "how was school today?"

Freddie spun around in his chair and hit his head repeatedly on the counter. Wendy stroked his back comfortingly.

"What's the matter with Freddo?"

Wendy answered, "His English teacher Ms. Fairfield went on a trip with her fiancée so Mrs. Briggs is teaching for two weeks."

Spencer knew enough from history that Briggs was the archenemy of the kids at school.

"Wow, that sucks," he paused in thought, "wait—Ms. Fairfield? That's funny. My friend Socko just went to Pennsylvania with his fiancee."

"What's her name?" Freddie asked warily.

"Madison. Madison Fairfield."

A loud crash emanated from the kitchen. Sam was standing and her bowl of pudding was on the ground.

"Tell him to break up with her. Now."

"What? I can't just tell him to do that. Why would he?"

She stomped into the living room and came to a halt in the midst of their group.

"Tell him...she jumps all the boys at school in the janitor's closet."

Freddie sighed from behind her. "That won't work, Sam. Ms. Fairfield is the faculty advisor for the Abstinence Club."

"Tell him she drinks."

"Advisor for the Temperance Club."

"You're not helping, Freddie. I hate that woman. Because of her, I lost out on a record. And I can't beat it now or I'll be expelled. You might be afraid of her, but I just plain despise her."

"Look, we dealt with Briggs before; we'll deal with her again. Just keep your head down and these two weeks will fly by."

"See?" Carly said, "Freddie has the idea."

"Fine," Sam grumbled, "But if I ever meet Socko, he better watch himself."

The start to a multi-chapter extravaganza. I haven't been using iCarly's fantastic list of characters all that well. Mainly, it's just been Freddie (My Mistake) and Sam (One-shots). So this is a way to acknowledge the material that the iCarly universe has provided for fanfiction writers. I'm going to be changing the "main characters" based on whose perspective it is in the chapter.

So tell me what you thought. And please report any mistakes.

Thanks.

PS: I will not include Adam because frankly, the girls of iCarly have a much better selection to choose from.