Jiraiya's Gambit.

Standard Disclaimer.

Tsunade crossed the grass towards her team mate. He stood with his back to her in the middle of the grassy meadow.

"Alright, I'm here, Jiraiya. What do you want?"

Jiraiya spun round to face her, a leery grin plastered across his face. She took a step back, wondering if she should have ignored his message.

"Princess!"

"What do you want, moron?"

"Always, so mean to me." He pouted.

"Jiraiya, I don't have time for this…"

"It's very important." He said, as the grin disappeared to be replaced by a look of determination.

"Fine." She sighed, "What is it?"

"I want to fight you."

Tsunade's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"You what?"

"It's like a bet. I think I can beat you."

"And?"

"And if I win, I want you to do something for me."

Suspicion replaced shock, "Like what?"

That leery grin returned and she turned around.

"Forget it."

"Uh uh. Not so fast." Jiraiya appeared in front of her.

"I don't trust you when you look at me like that. Didn't you learn from the last time?"

"This is different. I'm not peeping."

"Whatever you want isn't going to be innocent." Tsunade stated, crossing her arms and cocking one hip. Jiraiya's eyes gleamed and she quickly dropped her arms, taking a step back. "Don't look at me like that if you don't want to get hurt."

"Fine. Since you obviously believe you can't win. Just forget about it." Jiraiya said airily as he walked passed her. She grabbed his arm.

"I can beat you any day of the week!"

"Really?" He mocked her.

"Really." She growled back. He laughed at her.

"Good, I love it when you're feisty."

"Jiraiya…"

"Now, the rules." He said quickly, cutting her off. He waited until he had her undivided attention.

"Jutsu free for all, but no super strength."

"What? That isn't fair."

"And I won't use sage mode."

"Fine." She grumbled, "Anything else?"

"No, but I do request that you don't hit me below the belt."

"Hmph."

"I mean it, Tsunade. That is an important part of my anatomy. Don't touch it," He stopped as she rolled her eyes, "unless I tell you to."

"Pervert!" She hit him on the head, knocking him to the ground. "As if I'd want to."

"We'll see." He muttered, as he stood up.

"Alright, let's begin."

Tsunade swung at his head as he finished speaking. He jumped backwards, flipping over and landing two meters away.

"No fair! That's cheating!"

She aimed a kick to knock out his feet, "Grow up!"

He jumped over her, sending a kick into her back with both feet. She fell forward, caught her balance and dodged under his next attack, delivering a fist to his stomach. Even without the chakra enhancement, he flew backwards.

"A little close there, Tsunade." He groaned, dodging again as she attacked.

Then she landed a punch right in his face.

She pulled her hand back in surprise, shocked that he'd allowed contact to be made, then he disappeared in a plume of smoke.

She spun round, searching the open expanse of grass for any sign of him.

She lost her footing as the ground became marshy. Soon she was up to mid-calf in swampy water. She gingerly lifted a foot, and grimaced as the mud made a sucking pop. Then two eyes appeared in the water in front of her.

A small red toad popped its head out of the murky water and spat oil at her. Tsunade bent over backwards, avoiding the spray as she directed chakra to her hands and balanced on the surface.

A violent tremor sent waves through the water and she became unbalanced, flipping over onto her feet. She quickly took in her surroundings, racing across the water's surface towards solid ground. She leapt the last two metres, biting her thumb to release the blood required for a summons.

"Katsuyu!"

"My Lady." The giant slug appeared beside her as she continued scanning the area for her opponent.

"Jiraiya thinks he's being smart."

"Ah, but I am smart!" A smug voice came from behind her.

Tsunade spun round as a large red hand fell on Katsuyu.

"Gamabunta?"

"The kid has a point." The toad smirked, "I wouldn't usually participate in such a petty fight, but he's got me this time."

Tsunade stared in disbelief as Jiraiya grinned widely at her.

"Katsuyu, run away!"

"Aww, let the boy have his fun." Gamabunta rasped, still holding the slug who made little attempt to free herself.

Tsunade turned to her team mate, "Talk, Jiraiya!"

"I want a date!"

"NO!"

"Gamabunta, you know what to do."

Gamabunta lifted the slug up and opened his mouth.

"NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? KATSUYU, FLEE!"

Gamabunta held his arm steady, while Jiraiya folded his arms and faced off against the kunoichi. "It's simple, Tsunade. One date, without trying to kill me. You can be nice for one date, right?"

Tsunade looked from the toad to Jiraiya, her mouth opened in shock.

"Jiraiya!" She growled, advancing a step toward him.

"Uh uh uh!" Jiraiya waved his finger at her.

She stopped as Katsuyu dangled helplessly over the toad's opened mouth.

"Fine." She snarled through gritted teeth, "One date."

"You mean it?" Jiraiya was ecstatic. Then he narrowed his eyes. "You can't kill me! No chakra enhanced hits or kicks. You have to be nice."

"Nice? You want me to be nice? Look what you're doing, you jerk!"

Jiraiya glanced over at the two summons and shrugged, "A shinobi attacks his opponent's weakness."

"Don't quote the handbook to me!" Tsunade sputtered, but she was stopped when Gamabunta shook his head.

"He's right, Slug Princess."

"My lady, it may be best to humour him. Just this once."

"This goes against my better judgement. Meet me at seven." She stormed over to him, raising one finger to his face and snarled menacingly, "And if you ever try something like this again, I'm castrating you, without anaesthesia!"

Jiraiya's legs came together, and he covered his groin protectively, as she stormed passed him, still muttering and grumbling to herself.

Jiraiya watched her until she was out of sight, before turning to the two summoned creatures.

"I really appreciate your help." He grinned.

Gamabunta released Katsuyu, laughing raucously, "Just don't waste your opportunity, boy."

"Yes, I would not like to be in this position again." Katsuyu inclined her head and disappeared. Gamabunta gave one last laugh and left as well, while Jiraiya did a dance of victory and excitement.

He jumped backwards in panic, his hooting and shouting fading away, as several kunai were embedded in the grass where he had previously been dancing. Looking up, he found himself facing Tsunade once again.

"You think you're so smart."

Jiraiya gulped, nervously, "Now, Tsunade, you promised you'd be nice."

"That was for our date." Tsunade smirked, "You haven't got that far yet."

Shrieks of terror and cries of 'mercy' were heard, coming from the training field. Tsunade finally let up after two hours. Standing over the beaten and bruised body of her admirer, Tsunade tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm going to get ready. We have a date this evening. Try not to be too late."

She flounced away, a victorious smirk settled on her face. Jiraiya watched her go, admiring the view from the ground.

"Damn, but I love that woman."

This story is written for Jiraiya, for the anniversary of his birth. Dedicated to y-in-flame, for reminding me that I had this gem hidden away.