Disclaimer: Characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

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Sookie wandered back into the living room where Amelia and Pam had their laptops set up. The two friends had been working nonstop for hours, although Sookie had no idea what they were doing. Finally she decided to ask.

"Hey, what're you two working on?"

Pam looked up at Sookie and then glanced at Amelia. Amelia's brow was slightly furrowed in thought. A silent communication passed between the two. Finally Pam nodded and, turning back to Sookie, spoke.

"Amelia and I write fanfiction."

"What?" Sookie had never heard of such a thing. "What's fanfiction?"

"You make up your own stories using an established author's characters."

"Why would you do that?" Sookie looked between her two friends. "Because you love the original book so much and you can't wait for a new one?"

Pam and Amelia exchanged another look. Finally Pam rolled her eyes. Amelia decided to field the question.

"Sookie, we're like FAMOUS fanfic writers. We have tons of fans. They write us thousands of reviews—"

"Yes," Pam interrupted. "They tell us constantly how wonderful we are, how much they enjoy our writing, and they want us to never stop."

"Oh," Sookie found herself speechless. "Can I read it?"

"Certainly."

Sookie went around the card table to look at Pam's laptop. She frowned.

"Spam?"

"Yes. That is my nom de plume." Pam said.

"Amelia? You got a different name, too?"

"Yup! BadAme!"

"Oh! Hey, what else have you got open?"

"That is Twitter," Pam replied. "Our fandom is very active."

Sookie glanced at Amelia's screen.

"Someone named WriterWenchbag is upset that she doesn't have enough reviews."

Pam rolled her eyes, while Amelia nodded.

"I'll calm her down."

Amelia started typing. Sookie, fascinated, leaned over to watch.

'WW-u r brilliant! Spam & I sending revu luv, bb!"

"What's that mean?" Sookie asked.

"I'm letting her know Pam and I are going to her story and write her reviews."

"Are you going to read the story?"

"Perhaps," Pam shrugged. "It does not matter. We need not truly comment on her story. All we need say is 'You are wonderful. More please.' It will satisfy her craving."

"She's been really needy lately," observed Amelia.

"Yes, maybe we should have her win the next contest."

"Yeah, I know," agreed Amelia.

"Contest? What're you talking about?"

"We are having a contest on best story. Maybe we should have WriterWenchbag win since she is so angsty."

"What kind of contest has the winners decided in advance?"

Pam glared at Sookie.

"I do not appreciate your tone. We do it this way so that it is fair. There is never any discord or hurt feelings."

"Yeah, Sook. Someone from our group always wins and this guarantees we all get a shot."

Sookie frowned.

"What about anybody not in your group?"

"Well, if anyone's not in our group, they don't deserve to win."

"I don't understand all this. Pam, how do you have time to do all this?"

"Well, we have formulas."

"What do you mean? 'Formulas'?"

"Well," Pam answered, "I write a love story with two protagonists. Let me call them 'Eric' and 'Sookie' for simplicity. So in one story, Eric is a doctor and Sookie is a nurse. They clash at work. But really it is sexual tension. They get drunk at the holiday party. Have sex. Sookie gets pregnant. Then rather than admit the truth, she moves away to hide from Eric."

"Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea! What an idiot! It's hard raising a kid alone! Why would she do that?"

"The female protagonist must do something stupid in this fashion to cause the angst. It is not always an unplanned pregnancy. Sometimes she walks in and spies the male protagonist innocently hugging a female acquaintance."

"Then what happens?" Sookie asked.

"She moves to another state, of course." Pam responded.

"I still don't get it. Why? Why does the female protagonist have to be batshit crazy?"

"She just has to, Sook," Amelia grumbled. "It's part of the formula."

"I still don't get it, though," Sookie shook her head. "Why can't you just come up with real things for them to fight about? 50% marriages end in divorce. There's plenty of real stuff that couples break up over. Why make them break up over something stupid?"

Pam and Amelia exchanged an exasperated look. Finally Pam responded.

"It is the formula. It must be an easy fix."

"Yeah, Sook! Otherwise, we'd be thinking about this all day and we'd never get our chapters posted."

"Yes, this is how we achieve our review numbers. Our readers can only write one review per chapter."

"Yeah, so if it takes us a long time to write -uh- because we're busy thinking or something like that -we won't publish on time and we won't get our reviews."

Sookie, a puzzled look on her face, was trying to figure out her next question.

"But don't you care about the stories? What about writing? Aren't you trying to come up with original stuff? Or trying to evoke an authentic emotional response from your readers?"

"Geez, Sook!" Amelia sounded disgusted. "What planet are you from?"

"Yes, Sookie," Pam nodded. "We all have our own," Pam stopped, "well, you humans all have your own emotions. Why should I try to give you more?"

Sookie stared dumbfounded at Pam.

"Well, that's kinda what literature is all about."

Pam shrugged.

"This isn't literature, Sookie," Amelia snorted. "It's fluff and angst-"

"Do not forget lemons!" Pam injected.

"and lemons," Amelia added.

"What are lemons?"

Amelia's eyes widened. She shook her head in disbelief that her roommate did not know this already.

"Sex. Nookie. Citrus."

"Yes, lots of it." Pam added.

"Oh!"

"Oh! Yes!" Pam nodded animatedly. "We go into much detail of anatomy."

"Yeah," Amelia nodded. "It's fun thinking of new ways to describe explosive orgasms."

"Yes, it is." Pam agreed.

Biting her lip, Sookie continued to ponder what her friends had told her. "What about the other formulas? You said there were others?"

"Yes, well," Pam started to count off on her fingers. "They clash at work and there is an accidental pregnancy."

"Then there's the anonymous sex and then they wind up working together!"

"Yes," Pam agreed. "That happens a lot."

"Then there's the one where they can't be together because of their jobs," Amelia noted. "Like Eric is a teacher and Sookie is his student."

Sookie frowned.

"Hold on. Is Sookie always the student?"

"No, sometimes she is the teacher," Amelia answered.

"But then Eric will have a child at her school so they are then thwarted by parent-teacher prohibitions and are not permitted to fornicate," Pam added.

"Yeah?" Sookie turned to look at both her friends. "You know this makes no sense, right?"

Pam and Amelia just looked at each other and shrugged.

"Then there's the stories where the two protagonists are lost on a deserted island together and are left with nothing to do but fornicate."

"Deserted island? Are there seriously deserted islands left nowadays? What with resource mining and off-shore drilling?"

"Sookie, why are you looking for holes in our plots?" Amelia asked.

"'Looking for holes in your plots'?" Sookie shook her head. "You're kidding, right? I'm looking for plots in your plots! What else? Are there more?"

"Well, there's the woman is in an abusive relationship and the man saves her."

"Yeah? Really?" Sookie rolled her eyes. "She never saves herself?"

"Well, no. Where is the romance in that?" Pam asked.

"Romance? What's romantic about being stuck in an abusive relationship?"

"Sookie, you have no imagination."

"Yeah, anyway, every story always leads to a HEA with kids and a white picket fence," Amelia injected.

"Wow, always leads to kids, huh? I guess you all think I shouldn't stay with Eric since you think a couple can't have a HEA without having kids or a woman can't be complete without having a baby."

"No, Sookie! It is not about you and Eric! These couples are nothing at all like you! These couples are all human." Pam replied.

"Yeah, Sook," Amelia agreed. "Besides we just grabbed your name to describe it. You're taking it too personally."

Distractedly, Amelia looked back to the screen.

"Oh Pam, the link for this week's Right Under Your Nose Pick just came in."

"What is it?"

"It's 'An Angsty Kind of Love.' It only has 995 reviews."

"Yes, what a shame. No wonder she is craving positive affirmation."

"I spoke to the Right Under Your Nose Pick writer and my "The Angsty Bride" is going to be featured next week. It only has 985 reviews."

"This is very good, Amelia. I am happy for you my witchy friend."

"Hopefully your 'I've Written It All Before' can be the pick the next week. You only have 975 reviews."

"Yes, I know. You need not rub it in."

"You two are insane, you know that?" Sookie shook her head.

"It is the way of addiction," Pam shrugged. "We are obviously experiencing feelings of inadequacy in some aspect of our real lives. Thus we seek the immediate and constant stream of positive feedback demonstrated by reviews."

"Yeah. Don't forget we're cyber celebrities, too."

Sookie rolled her eyes.

"Good-bye," Sookie grabbed her coat from the closet. "I'm going to see my vampire boyfriend who I will never have a baby with and who I've rescued just as many times as he's rescued me."

"Oh, Sookie?" Amelia waggled her eyebrows.

"Yeah?" Sookie was positive she didn't want to hear it whatever it was.

"You think you could write us some reviews before you leave?"

"No!" She huffed. "And stop doing that with your eyebrows!"

AN: Satire.

As always, thank you for reading.