When All The Clans Got Laptops

Chapter One: Firestar Cannot Type!

PoX's Note: Another humour story, once again… I got this idea while I was thinking of my second chapter for 'Left Alone In The Dark', which is pretty odd, as that story is a non-humorous one. Well anyways, I found the idea and thought that it was so awesome, so I started writing it down on a notebook. That only took three quarters of an hour to finish my first chapter, and so, voila! There you go, my newest story: 'When All The Clans Got Laptops'! Well, that was a boring title, but it makes this story sound interesting, no? Also, please note that I made up Cat Communications, but it's kind on like MSN in a way…

…

"Hmm…" Firestar said, annoyed. "I wonder how this thing works…"

Very recently, all leaders and medicine cats received a sign from StarClan, telling them that they must have laptops to communicate with each other instead of having to go every full moon to the Gathering, so instead, they could go to the Gathering every two moons from then on. Firestar, being a goody goody and all, thought of it as a stupid and mad idea, but then, Twolegs suddenly came in and dumped a whole load of laptops in between ThunderClan and ShadowClan territory, and Firestar soon had to accept that they were going to use laptops for practically, the rest of their lives. Every cat in all the Clans (except the kits, of course) got a laptop, so… there it was.

Firestar was still learning how to use the computer. The rest of the Clan had learnt quickly how to use it and type really fast, but Firestar was still stuck on how to even turn the damn thing on. "This thing is god damn useless!" he spat to himself. "How in the world of StarClan am I suppose to use this junk when I don't even know how to turn it on?"

…

"I've logged on to Cat Communications!" Squirrelflight cheered. "I recommend that you all have it!"

"Nah…" Ashfur replied. "I'm going on Facebook."

"You're all stupid!" Brambleclaw snapped. "Go on MSN!"

"I've got all three!" Sandstorm declared proudly, showing proof to her three arguing Clanmates.

While they were arguing and talking about what they were talking about, Toadstep had called Rosepetal over and meowed, "Go on Youtube! It's so cool! We can watch videos of stupid Twolegs and funny things that look like creatures with black outlines on them and have big funny eyes (cartoons)!" Rosepetal smiled and started going on Youtube, typing it up on Google search in just one second.

…

Meanwhile, Firestar had finally found the button to turn the 'god damn useless piece of junk' and was waiting to log on and start doing what the rest of the Clan was doing.

…

Sandstorm checked her Facebook profile. Ashfur had posted on her wall, saying: Has Firestar got on, yet? He's been real quiet…

The ginger she-cat looked at her mate. He was glaring at the laptop, and Sandstorm guessed that he was frustrated at the loading to log in. Sandstorm herself had felt like that when she was waiting for the laptop to load her 'personal settings', but her whole laptop was personal, anyways. She commented on Ashfur's post, saying: Nope. Looks like he's still learning patience and how to use it. We normal Clanmates seem to know more than him. That's just weird.

She got a private message soon after. It was from Mistyfoot. 'Add me, please!' it read, and Sandstorm realised that she got a friend request from her. Angry that she did not notice it before, she accepted the RiverClan deputy's friend request and looked through her friend list. After a while, Sandstorm added many other cats like; Toadstep, Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leopardstar, Dustpelt, Onestar, Ferncloud, Poppyfrost, Blackstar, Berrynose, Tawnypelt and Heathertail (both Toadfoot and Breezepelt denied her friend request)

Sandstorm also liked things like; 'I've got a goody mate', 'COOKIES!', 'Like if you dare', 'Breezepelt won't add me' (Sandstorm soon realised that Berrynose created that like himself), 'ThunderClan is better than all the other Clans!' (Berrynose made that too), 'Eat my dust!', 'Ima cookie lover' and 'SANDSTORM!' (Sandstorm herself added that one).

The pale ginger she-cat smiled. At least she was enjoying her time on the laptop, unlike her mate.

…

After what seemed like centuries, Firestar finally got on and managed, somehow, to make a Cat Communications account. He named himself Firestar Can Use A Laptop because he felt like it and that he didn't want to look like as if he was an idiot because he didn't know how to use a laptop. He soon realised that Squirrelflight (she called herself Squirrelclaw Love) was trying to add him, and he accepted her request. Then his mate Sandstorm (called Ruling Sand Storm) and Ashfoot (called WindClan's Best Deputy Ever) were also trying to add him. He, too, accepted their request and realised that he needed more contacts. He typed to Ashfoot really slowly: 'Hpow many freinds you have on youre contacct list?.?,/'

Ashfoot replied immediately, in an amused way: Many. I can see that you have an issue in spelling. Oh… do you want me to ask some of my contacts to add you?

'I woould aoppreciatte it if youi doo.'

'Okay. Just hold on a moment.'

Very soon, Firestar had many contacts. He was pretty happy and content and then… suddenly, realised that some cat with an email of firestar_sucks_like_ was trying to add him. Angrily, he accepted the friend request and demanded immediately through chat: 'Whop thee helll are you?.!;/.;

'…huh?'

'I psaid who thhe heel arre yoo u?'

'Umm… I don't really get what you are saying…'

'WOHU THEEP HZEPLR UAR!SF YAOUN' Firestar exploded.

'Still don't get it, but anyways. This is your enemy Blackstar speaking.'

'Fspinallley11111'

'CAN YOU MAKE SOME SENSE, YOU STUPID FURBALL?'

Before Firestar even noticed it, Blackstar added Sandstorm and Onestar to the conversation. Blackstar wrote: 'Please give this guy some sense, please!'

'What do you mean?' Sandstorm asked.

'I mean that he won't type properly!'

'…oh. Okay.'

Then Onestar typed: 'I don't get why I'm part of it, though! Just let Sandstorm do all the work herself! Plus, I'm busy enough as it is sending out hunting and border patrols as well as trying to tell the apprentices to stop blackmailing all the warriors.'

'JUST HELP!' Blackstar somehow screeched through the laptop.

'Okay! Okay! So… Firestar, what's with your spelling these days? Should I get a spelling tutor?'

'Myy paw iiss toooooo bbig too puress teh keyy!111!'

'Ohh… so that's the reason? Interesting… I always thought that Blackstar's paw was bigger than yours, but it seems that you've got quite a FAT paw…'

'HOW CAN YOU READ THAT?' Blackstar demanded.

'You must have eye problems,' Sandstorm replied. 'Perhaps I should recommend a good optometrist for you?'

Blackstar ignored her cruel and mean words and asked, 'Then what in the world does it say?'

'It says: My paw is too big to press the key,' Onestar replied. 'At least he's being honest.'

Sandstorm asked after a while: 'Uhh… Firestar? Are you there?'

There was a moment's pause and then Firestar answered, with correct spelling and grammar as well as a perfect capital letter in the beginning: 'Here.'

'Great StarClan, you spelt it correctly!' Sandstorm typed. 'Hooray! Now I can introduce you to Facebook and MSN! Oh! And even Youtube, seeing that Toadstep and Rosepetal advised us to go and have a look at it, so we can look at it together. It would be very fun!'

Silence.

'Umm… is he there?' Onestar asked.

'Well, he's not replying, so… no, I guess,' Blackstar replied.

'And just when he could type, too… sigh…' typed Sandstorm. 'Now that he's gone… To both you two, have you guys added each other on your friend's list in Facebook?'

'Oh yes!' Blackstar wrote in immediately. 'I've got Onestar… wait, no, actually… still pending friend request.'

'Sorry about that,' apologized Onestar. 'I don't really notice the top of the page… I'll add you soon.'

'Okay, that's a good thing…' Blackstar replied.

'It takes a lot of time to type correctly, so please be patient with me while I am doing this,' suddenly typed Firestar.

'But you're too slow!' Sandstorm protested, even though she was pretty proud for her mate to get all the capital letters, grammar, punctuation and spelling correct. 'Blackstar, Onestar and I are just going to have to teach you how to type correctly really quickly, then.' Both Blackstar and Onestar were silent for a moment, but after Sandstorm persuading them and adding that they would get to eat cookies, they finally agreed to help and soon, like, after two whole days non-stop of teaching the great and goody leader of ThunderClan, Firestar managed to learn how to type correctly, and now he's the pro at typing in the whole wide world!

PoX's Note: Funny? Yeah, I thought so… It was plain random, right? Well, next chapter will be even funnier! I guarantee that! Personally, I love the parts when Firestar was doing his lame 'trying-hard-to-though' spelling. And the email of Blackstar =firestar_sucks_like_. Oh yeah, and if you would like to know, Firestar's Cat Communications email is = rusty_the_nownot_. Oh yeah, most of the chapter is going to be about Sandstorm and her Facebook life, and about Firestar and his pro typing life, as well as random cats that would make a funny story out of. And if you have any suggestions, don't be scared to tell them. Feedback will also be welcome, and all those good reviews! Oh! And I almost forgot… this is just a question that I don't know the answer to… Is Gorsetail a she-cat or a tom? Because she/he seems to have two genders. In Dawn, Gorestail is a he, but on some book that I don't know, Gorestail was a she… I think. Well, anyways, tell me what gender Gorsetail is and how you know and I'll give you a cookie! (Well, you don't have to, but I'm just really confused right now…)

I'll Update Soon!