I wish I do. I'm Sorry
A/N:
Ever since I read Heroes of Olympus, I really couldn't stop thinking about Percy's coming back. I hated the fact that he wasn't in action in the first book, but I managed to be cool with it afterwards. However, I really wanted to concentrate on Annabeth's feelings, so...basically, that's the main reason why I wrote this story. I was kind of able to relate to her. haha! Silly me.
This is my first percabeth fanfiction to be uploaded, but not my first percabeth ever. See the difference? lol. Anyway, it's a little fluffy, so...goodluck.
P.S. Thanks for even bothering. Enjoy!
Chapter 1:
She wanted nothing else but to just disappear. She wanted to turn into invincible gas, or something — anything that could numb her from all these demigod issues; to simply melt into a puddle, or explode into dust… 'Cause it shouldn't have been this difficult. She didn't enlist into being a halfblood, so why in the name of Nico's dad had the Fates allowed all these to happen?
Ookay, so...she had no choice — it has always been like that. Halfbloods are not supposed to live a happy life, right? They're not even supposed to live a really long lifetime. She even started to have a theory that their existence was something like a violation to the laws of nature — a law that gods weren't supposed to hook-up with mortals or something like that, or else their children will suffer a lifetime of pain and suffering; Worse, a tragic love life.
But she'd long since accepted that fact — including the tragic love life part — but couldn't it be a little fair? Even just a little? Like, not allowing her boyfriend to be some Great Prophecy's subject (for the second time) and lose his memory for who knows how long? Of course that's selfishness talking; if things were the other way round — if she and Percy had the chance to choose — he might have just accepted the Prophesy for himself anyway, instead of allowing it to destroy any other halfblood's life. But that would be different. She would know what to do if that happened instead.
This was different. The worst part of it all, she was caught off-guard. To think she even believed that her summer with Percy last year would be something peaceful, monster-free, quest-free— just him and her. One moment they were together, the next day he was gone. So Percy Jackson disappeared — apparently with no memory — and a summer had past.
An exchange of leaders, huh? Jason's fine; actually he's really great…but she wanted Percy back. But when he did, finally, arrive — along with the other halfbloods — she had no idea that the Fates still wouldn't give her the stupid happiness she longed for more than six months. So it has been two days now since the Roman halfbloods docked on the Long Island Sound, and not once had she not craved to tackle him onto her arms — or to at least hit him hard in the gut for leaving without a trace.
Stupid enough, though, she refused to stand next to Jason as second-in-command. That was entirely shocking, even to herself; and looking back, it was utterly irresponsible. They were supposed to have a solid front, and since the whole Camp Halfblood had turned to her for leadership with Percy's absence, she was supposed to do her job. But just like that, Annabeth Chase, the daughter of Athena and a Hero of Olympus, cowered to the back of the crowd like a loser. At that moment, she thought she had heard her mother click her tongue and turn her back saying, "Mind over the heart, child. How stupid could you get?"
She could feel the eyes of many boring on her back as she turned her heels and walked to the back of the crowd. Only a few managed to be polite enough not to stare.
It was supposed to be a romantic moment — the reunion of the camp's favorite lovers — and the Aphrodite kids even had those pink tarpaulins for her and Percy. But then nothing happened, to everybody's disappointment. When Percy stepped on the beach of his home, the idiot simply smiled politely, apologizing to everyone that he still hadn't gotten his memories back yet. The eyes that had been stealing glances felt heavier, and she knew her face of indifference and strength was waning already. He was supposed to remember her!
Instinctively, Jason stepped up front and shook Percy's hand. If she had stood beside Jason, she was sure Percy would turn to her and flash her that lopsided smile she had always loved, and she would've broken his ribs in a hug—or with a punch, who knows? But that would have been a lot more embarrassing…and painful. It was more than she could take— too much pain. So this was what they meant when they said, 'too close yet too far'. She watched him smile that friendly smile for the last time, and on the verge of crying, she walked away, hating Aprhodite and Hera even more.
Annabeth sighed, turning another page of the book she's been staring at for a few minutes. This has been her act for two days now, digging in the books of The Big House' library for every fragment of her free time. Because it's supposed to numb her; or to at least establish a territory free from her boyfriend's eyes, his smile, his presence. Losing him was hard enough; having him around not remembering her? That's dreadfully awful.
She grimaced, chiding herself for thinking about it again. She was here to plan for the up-coming voyage, to plan for anything useful, and not to sulk like an Aphrodite girl. Feeling the familiar threat of breaking down, her hand instinctively reached up to wipe away the stubborn tears that had already streaked down her face — an immediate gesture she'd developed ever since Hera's little prank started — just in case someone would see her. She didn't want looking weak. Blame it on the pride, but she hated looking weak. The gesture's quite unnecessary now, 'cause she knew she's alone. But that was what she thought until she heard the door mat scrunch against the floor.
She looked up, ready to explode or to explain some alibi. But as she saw the half-stricken, gorgeous, perfectly tanned teenager reluctantly standing at the door she felt like she got splashed with a bucket of ice cold water.
He tried let out something really smart like, "Um...", and faced her. Mentally slapping his head for being such an idiot, he ran a hand at the back of his neck and stuttered, "I-I was looking for Chiron. I...I didn't mean to, uh..."
Annabeth caught her breath and stared at him for a while, taking him all in as though he was an air bubble that would pop at any moment. She gulped back the slight constriction in her throat, and glanced back down as she answered, "He's...he's at archery lessons."
"Oh. Oh, right." Percy muttered, "I-I'll just...go." He turned his heels, but he couldn't look away from the oh-so-familiar blond girl he had just seen crying. "I guess."
She looked up again, now aware of the flush on her face. "Listen...Percy." She paused as a surge of emotions edged in with his name escaping her lips. Taking a deep breath, she watched him stare at her and said, "Chiron's probably busy. He hates getting disturbed when it's...when it's archery."
"Oh." That seemed enough to dismiss the thought of leaving. But deep down, though he didn't know why, he really didn't need words to make him stay. He would, anyway, he was sure of that, since the moment he noticed the wetness on her face. Deep down, he felt like he's done this a lot of times before — staying with this blond halfblood in the midst of thick, boring books.
"U-unless it's important, of course." She continued right away almost reluctantly, not wanting to sound so bossy to her boyfriend who now looked at her as if she were a stranger.
There was silence for a moment, and only the tick of the grandfather clock could be heard in the house; but her ears were pounding, her temples drumming like crazy. She looked down to her book.
"You're Annabeth."
Ah. The world seemed to stop. Was that recognition? A question? A wild guess? Her back froze and her heart seemed to skip a beat. But then as soon as she believed he could have remembered her, she felt utterly down, convinced that Jason just probably spoke about her.
"Yes." She said and forced back the thought. "Daughter of Athena. That's Minerva for Romans..."
Percy grimaced as if the information smacked him hard at the back of his head, which virtually added to the throbbing pain in his head that kind of doubled the moment he saw Annabeth in the library. He had already gotten used to feeling blank about everything around him and saying 'I don't know' whenever asked about himself. See, he believed that that was the worst thing about having amnesia — admitting that he knows nothing. But those were the times when his head didn't feel like a cracked nut. Now, as it hurt a thousand times more, it somehow felt okay. He knew it was fine, 'cause although he didn't have memories, he felt he was home… Even the smack of information from this pretty daughter of Athena felt familiar, as though she was always like that to him — throwing infos about anything whenever she had the chance — either to impress him, or make him feel like the most idiot person in the world. As he stared at the blond demigod in front of him, he felt a tugging sensation of familiarity. As if the throbbing of his head meant that Annabeth was the most vital memory he's ever had.
"I know that." He said, and Annabeth raised an eyebrow. "I —I mean..." Percy muttered, feeling slightly annoyed and intimidated. "I know who Athena is."
Her lips twitched to a microscopic smile. "Of course you do. You're the Son of Poseidon."
His eyes narrowed. "Are you always like that?"
"Maybe. It depends. I don't know. Oh, Whatever, Percy." She muttered, completely lost in panic. She scowled at herself and shrugged, hating so much not being in control of her emotions. Come to think of it, she knew very well how Percy always makes her feel this way. "You never change."
He was about to ask what she meant about that, but it had caught him off guard in a different way. It was as if a big red button was pushed and triggered something. Something that he knew was vital, if he really wanted to know more about himself…and about her. "You know me."
Her heart skipped a beat. She let out a shaky breath and replied without looking at him. "Everybody does."
"Oh. They do, but..." Percy faltered as he watched her read quietly, her long blond hair flowing against her shoulders, and her eyelashes batting alluringly every time she blinks. His heart was beating fast, but he wasn't nervous at all. A girl this pretty would've made him shy away and shrink—like the Aphrodite kids, maybe —but Annabeth's presence was different. She felt...close—closest to him than anybody or anything else.
"Don't you feel like taking a seat?"
A pause. Then his heart leaped unexpectedly at her subtle offer.
"Really?" She looked up at him from the corner of her eyes. "I-I mean..." he mumbled, "Am I not gonna...you know, invade your privacy or something?"
'Oh, you idiot. When will you ever know when you're wanted, Seaweed Brain?'—"No.", she replied and went back to reading. "No, I don't think I mind if you stay..."
That was totally an understatement, 'cause damn, how she wanted him!
"Uh, thanks..." He smiled sheepishly and walked closer to sit across her. They were both quiet for a while, only until Percy broke it again. "Uh, can I ask you something?"
Annabeth considered, and then looked up. She put a lock of hair behind her ear and switched to Athena mode. "What is it?"
"Why do you think we were set apart?" She blinked, and her mind was like — 'whoah.' — Percy seldom got the correct answers, but he always had that unique way of blurting out questions that could actually mean a whole different thing. Percy seemed to sense the tension brought by his question, and he cleared his throat, feeling the warm blood rushing up to his face. "I—I mean, the Greek and Roman halfbloods."
"Oh." She managed to exhale quietly and started to twiddle with the leaf of her book. "Oh, that."
There was silence as Percy watched Annabeth think for a few seconds before meeting his eyes. At that same instant, he felt like a specimen on a petri dish or under a microscope. Her grey eyes bore on him, and as she spoke, she seemed to be thinking about a thousand things all at the same time. It was okay, but what he found weird was that, he was pretty sure he was one of those things running on her mind. It's not vanity talking, he was just certain; it just occurred to him as naturally as breathing.
"I think..." Annabeth started, trying to ignore Percy's staring. "I think it has something to do with the gods having...multiple personalities."
"Multiple personalities?" Percy cut in, obviously lost.
Annabeth waved off Percy's question as she continued, "The mere fact of it seems...unnatural, unbalanced. I...don't exactly know the differences, but generally, Zeus — that's for us Greeks — and Jupiter— that's for the Romans — are supposed to be the same, yet different. That's what I meant about the multiple personality, Seaweed Brain. So the same thing goes for the other gods, too. As for their children..." She paused and looked at him. "As in us, a mix-up would be a little too complicated."
Percy gawked at her. "I don't see the point."
Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Oh, you seldom do."
"We are all demigods. Couldn't it be just, you know, a little simple?"
She paused and felt the burning on her cheeks, and sighed. "Believe me Percy, I've asked that a thousand times. The Fates just keep on messing up with us."
Percy shrugged, and allowed Annabeth her quiet moment. He casually crossed his arms on the table and did his best to fight off the ADHD that was starting to take over his will to stay with Annabeth. He looked around him — to the books stacked neatly on the shelves, to the abstract patterns on the oak wood table, to the young demigods running about outside the Big House, to the pretty demigod sitting across him, who was perfectly aware of his staring.
He looked over his shoulder and, for some reason, tried to see through the door he had left open. His eyes caught a glimpse of a framed picture hanging on the wall, and there was something about it that he couldn't look away. It was as if he was meant to see it, or maybe it was just his ADHD trying to win his attention… So he squinted, trying his best to see clearly from his seat; and upon recognition, his back tensed, cold sweat ran down his spine, and Annabeth's presence seemed to make a lot of sense.
It was Annabeth, smiling wide and happy — arm in arm with a teenage boy who was looking as happy as she was. The teenage boy had sea green eyes, tanned skin, messy black hair, and a very happy grin that was altogether familiar. The way she had been leaning onto the guy and the obvious tightness of their hooked arms made it was clear as day that he wasn't just some close friend.
A wave of pain surged from the back of his head and throbbed on his temples. His hand shot up to his forehead instinctively, but his eyes still wouldn't let go of the image. Everything seemed to slow down, and the longer he tried to focus on the teenage boy's face, the stronger the pain in his head surged. He wanted to ask Annabeth about it, to at least hear it from another person. But then as the pain doubled, the idea seemed ridiculous. He knew the answer. He didn't need to ask anyone. Hera might've wiped his memory clean, but he wasn't stupid enough not to recognize his own face. And though it was painfully confusing, he was pretty sure that it was Annabeth and him in the picture, smiling.
"What're you looking at?" Annabeth cut in his thought.
Percy winced, the pain worsening at the sound of her voice. Pushing back the pain, he turned to look at Annabeth. "Um, it's—"
"Are you alright?" She cut in, sensing his pain. Oh, how she wanted to reach out for his hand, but she kept it still. "It's your head, isn't it?"
Percy nodded, concentrating for a moment as she stared at him observing her quietly, but the pain didn't go away — just blending in the background. "Sorry. ", he muttered and smiled wearily. "It...It really hurts."
"Yes." She mumbled under her breath. "Yes, it does."
There was silence, and Percy felt that Annabeth was no longer talking about his head; and that her crying a few minutes ago wasn't random at all, which really sucks 'cause making her cry would be the last thing on his mind — with or without his memories.
"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked, genuine worry on her face, her hand reluctantly resting halfway across the table. He watched her hand resting there, only inches away from his, and he felt just as tempted to touch it…to hold it close. If she's the person he thought she is, why didn't she try to at least make him remember her? Or at least she could've introduced herself to him when he arrived? Or —
"Percy?"
He blinked. "Um...yeah. I think so." She eyed him for a moment then nodded — pretty much unconvinced— before looking down half-heartedly, pulling her hand away.
"I—I was just wondering, Annabeth." Her eyes shut, taking in his voice saying her name. "What do you know about me?"
She cursed beautifully under her breath.
"What was that?"
She looked up. "I said why ask now when you'll find out soon enough?"
He shrugged. "That's if we survive."
She'd heard that line from him a thousand times before. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she went back to reading. "But you always survive. You have that undying battery planted somewhere in your body that keeps you alive."
A pause. Then she looked up. Percy was staring at her. "Really?"
"Of course not, Seaweed Brain!" Annabeth chortled, and Percy so loved to hear it. "But, yes, you always survive. You always succeed. That's why you were named Perseus, remember?" Another pause, then she winced and looked back down. "Of course...of course you don't remember."
It was a long, tense, silence this time. Percy sighed and felt guilty for even bringing it up. "I wish I do. I'm sorry."
Annabeth smiled bitterly at her book and flipped a page. "Yeah. I really wish you do, Percy."
It was almost a whisper, but he perfectly had heard it. "Annabeth?"
She sighed. 'He's doing it again...' — the way he said her name made her forget she's supposed to be in control! Feeling utterly defeated, she looked up at him. "Yes?"
His lips twitched into a familiar lopsided smile that has always made the butterflies in her stomach flutter like crazy. "You didn't answer my question."
"What question?"
"Tell me what you know about me."
"That's stupid."
"It's not!"
"You'll find out anyway."
"I want to know."
"Ask somebody else."
"I want to hear it from you."
"Somebody else, Seaweed Brain."
"No. I want it to be you."
"What's the difference?" She snapped irritably. "It's still you."
"Exactly, right?" Percy snapped back excitedly. "So tell me what you know."
Annabeth rolled her eyes at the good-looking yet annoying guy in front of her who was grinning triumphantly like an idiot. Putting up her best look of indifference, she glanced back down to her book and treated his question like a pop quiz; though something simpler, yet tough — something like a spelling quiz.
"Well." She muttered and turned another page of her book, taking her time. "You were..." She narrowed her eyes and snapped impatiently. "You were the most stubborn guy I've ever known. You suck at archery, you've got terrible defense, and you have always been a sore loser. Apart from that—"
"What?"
"—you always get yourself in trouble." She paused as it hit a nerve. When Percy's in trouble, seldom was she not with him. "But everyone likes you. Sometimes your dense, and most of the time stupid, though that's pretty much the same—"
"Hey!"
"...but everyone looks up to you; you were the leader. Some gods like you; others don't even like your existence."
"Uh, really?"
"Athena hates you as much as she hates your dad." She muttered and felt a pang of discomfort for bringing it up.
"Why?"
She shrugged evasively. "That's all I've got, Seaweed Brain."
"No way." Percy leaned closer. "You can't just stop —"
"I already said what I know."
"But you didn't tell me everything!"
It'll take me forever, you idiot. And we don't have that. She closed her book. "Like I said, Percy, you'll find out soon enough. There's no point in—"
"But—"
"Look, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth snapped. "It's not as— it's not as easy as you think. Go ask somebody else if you want."
"Why?"
"Percy."
They stared at each other for a while, and he sighed before looking away from her eyes to their framed picture. It seemed foreign, yet painfully familiar at the same time. "Am I hurting you?"
Silence.
Her heart was about to explode as he said this, and ignoring him didn't seem fair. What was she supposed to say? The truth? What difference would it make? Even then, he still wouldn't remember her. Certainly, The Fates wouldn't allow it just yet. It would just complicate things— make things difficult for both of them. She'd tell him she's his best friend—his girlfriend; and that they've saved Olympus together; that she alone anchored him to mortality; then what? Would things be the way it used to be after that? Or worse, would he even believe her?
"You don't know what you're saying, Seaweed Brain."
A pause. He met her eyes, lingered, and then shook his head, pained expression on his face. "I don't know. I feel like I do. But..." Their eyes locked for a while, and a small smile crept up to his mouth. "But maybe you're right." Then he grimaced, pain attacking him again.
"Seaweed Brain." Her hand reached his arm.
Percy paused, a hand over his forehead as though it could help ease the pain. But he forced a smile, completely aware of the warmth of concern and of her hand that was gentle on his arm. "I'm fine…I-I guess."
She sighed and pulled her hand away, resolving to look at the brighter side of it. "That's a good sign, though. It means that you're close to your memories."
"Maybe." He replied, meeting her eyes for a moment as he spoke. "My head hurts this much when a vital memory's around me."
Silence; and somehow, Annabeth wondered if Percy inherited a few more wits from his dad's Roman side, 'cause he kind of hit it right there.
Then the conch shell sounded.
"That's dinner, right?" Percy asked. "Are you coming?"
Annabeth got to her feet and took the books from the table. "Yes." She replied calmly and turning her back to Percy, placed the books back to their original places on the shelves. "You go ahead. The Romans — I mean, you're...friends might need you around."
He stood up and turned for the door. He wanted to ask her to just come with him — it seemed the right thing to do. It was as if he'd done it a thousand times before anyway. But he didn't dare, knowing that she wouldn't. Though why, he had no idea.
"Um, Annabeth?" He paused at the door. Annabeth turned to him before taking the last book form the Oakwood table. "I don't know why, but I feel like I need to say this..." She waited patiently as Percy's face started turn red. He smiled sheepishly and said. "Whoever's the reason you were crying, I think he's an idiot..."
A smile crept up to her lips as tears finally made their way down to her cheeks. "Yes, Percy." She said and wiped the stubborn wetness. "Thanks for finally figuring that out."
A/N: Done! Please leave a review. :]