Ha, I had a lot of fun writing this. Please be warned, that this is just some simple nonsense and nothing but. For CapriceSquire! I hope it's what you were looking for.

Request:

Please write me a James one shot where he has some weird fetish thing going on with that palm tree :)

That'd be the funniest thing ever!

James slipped the water bottle beneath the fold of his jacket as he crept for 2J's door. He flinched at Kendall's voice echoing from the living room, "Where ya going, James?"

"Um, the…the pool?" James called back hesitantly.

"Here; I'll come with you!" Kendall announced cheerfully, strolling up alongside James.

"NO!" James cried out.

Kendall raised an eyebrow. The brunette attempted to cover his blunder, "I mean, uh, you've got better things to do, right? Besides just going to the pool? With me? When I'm alone? Psshh."

"…not really," Kendall glanced at James strangely, "You okay, James?"

"Of course!" James asserted quickly, "I just need some…um, 'James time.'"

"…oh-kay," Kendall still looked unsure of his friend's mental stability, but James simply smacked him on the back confidently and began to dash out of the door. Logan shouted to him from the kitchen while he was in mid-stride, "Hey James! Who's Lola?"

James released a slightly feminine shriek, sprinting into the kitchen, "She's nobody! NOBODY! Why do you ask?"

Logan shrank back, slightly frightened, "I saw this note on the fridge?"

James snatched the paper defensively, his eyes widening at his own print scrawled across the page. "Date with Lola at 4:00. ;)"

"Why was this on the fridge?" James demanded.

Logan raised his hands, "I don't know! I just saw it there!"

James crumpled the note and shoved it into the garbage. "Well…like I said, Lola's, uh, nobody," James repeated.

Logan arched an eyebrow curiously, "So you have dates with characters who are figments of your own imagination now?"

Not even bothering to attempt to decipher Logan's, er, Logantalk, James smiled confidently, "Sure, let's go with that."

To prevent further questioning, James rushed out of the apartment and down to the pool. He skidded to a stop at the entrance, surveying the crowd. He squinted at the clock in the distance. 4:02. Dang it! He was late!

He hurried over to a secluded table behind some tall floral displays. He casually flicked his homemade "Reserved" sign off of the tabletop. "Hello, Lola," he grinned, his voice deepening to impress his date.

Lola was silent, but James was accustomed to this. She had a way of moving him without even using words. "Here, I brought you some water," James dribbled some water from his bottle delicately into Lola's pot, "hope you like it, babe."

Lola was still unresponsive, but James just knew she enjoyed her drink. James settled back in his chair, propping his head on his elbows, "Now, let's see, where did we leave off? Ah, yes, we were tanning together and talking about me, weren't we?"

A breeze ruffled Lola's fronds a little, which James interpreted as a nod. James smiled, "Well, as I was saying about that one time when I-"

"James?"

James screamed, bolting from his chair. Carlos took a step back, looking utterly confused. "D-Dude, why would you…don't you ever…CAN A MAN AND HIS LOVE EVER GET SOME PRIVACY AROUND HERE?"
James stormed away in a huff, leaving Carlos still baffled. "His love?" Carlos inspected the area, but all he saw was a simple potted palm tree propped in a pool chair.