Vent Your Spleen

"Belief is like a gauss rifle clip. If you run out, you're screwed."

-J. Raynor

"Warp space is like a bad girlfriend. She's unwilling to let you in, and even more unwilling to let you out."

-M. Horner

"You'd think that by the 26th century, we'd have created grime-free starships and sonic cleansers that actually work."

-Abernathy

"Word to the wise-training as a sprinter down a battlecruiser's corridors will inevitably lead to you colliding with someone in CMC armor."

-D. Cavez

"There are many lessons a man must learn to succeed in this life. That people don't 'fear the claw' is one of them."

-R. Swann

"The Koprulu Sector is to the Milky Way what Peru was to Old Earth. You can't get good cake anywhere."

-A. Ruth

"Once I felt at ease with us terrans, the 'rednecks of space.' Now I feel we've become the cowboys of space."

-A. Thatcher

"Beer isn't like wine. Leave it out long enough and it'll stink like the armpits of a CMC-300."

-Earl

"We haven't been paid in three months!"

-M. Kachinsky

"Yes, I do believe in God. And since he's unleashed a species like the zerg on us, I absolutely hate the fucker."

-McMurty

"Sometimes I felt I was surrounded by weak minded fools on this ship. Through telepathy, I discovered this was true."

-G. Tosh

"Superman can travel at the speed of light. Apparently airings of his show don't."

-Tumar

"Foxy ladies love my accent. Problem is, I don't think this rustbucket has any..."

-A. Ybarra

"No-one laughs at my jokes. Why?"

-Belloc

"Well...actually I don't have anything to complain about."

-Bralik

"Warp space navigation is an exact science. Sometimes though, it feels like it's the science of euthanasia."

-M. Cade

"I've started a tab for the commander. Big mistake..."

-Cooper

"Love is said to be a game of chance. If that's true, Matt drew the queen of hearts too early."

-J. Hall

"The protoss must not like money, considering that they've always turned down my contracts. Bastards."

-G. Hill

"Who keeps stealing my red stapler?"

-E. Stetmann

"I like to consider myself informed in the scientific field. So how on Agria did I miss the news that corrective eye surgery made glasses moot decades ago? Damn things keep falling off..."

-A. Hanson

"The glass is always half empty, never half full."

-T. Findlay

"With humans, the development of intelligence is praised. With AIs, one always assumes you're rampant if that happens."

-This ship's adjutant (need to work on your firewalls guys)

"It doesn't matter if you were once the Queen Bitch of the Universe. People will still want to see you butt-naked as you're brought onboard a starship."

-S. Kerrigan

A/N

If this oneshot has an origin, it comes from forums, how people can complain about anything. Not that that's bad...indeed, it can be a force for good sometimes. Still, people often seem to forget that their opinions are just that...opinions.

Meh. Better stop complaining myself.

Update (03/29/11): Corrected spelling, made format more distinct.