Title: It is not the size that matters

Pairing: Smoker X Ace

Rating: M

Warnings: yaoi, AU, humor

Author's note: characters not mine (sadly)

It is not the size that matters

"Ha! Mine is longer than yours!

Tashigi's hand stopped half way to the door; she had been ready to knock but now stopped dead. Was that Portgas-san's voice? It couldn't be, could it? And what was the pirate talking about?

"So what about it brat, mine is thicker."

Her junsho stated matter of fact. What? The female officer could feel heat flooding her face. They couldn't talk about that! Beet red she looked over her shoulder, right into the grinning face of captain Hina. The pink haired woman raised a finger to her lips, indicating for the other woman to keep quiet.

"Ma taisa~aa, you have to spread a larger amount on it!"

The smile on her red painted lips widened. Oh this was promising, Hina was most pleased.

"Cut it out, will you Portgas? If I use anymore of the stuff it will end up everywhere. Or are you offering to clean up for once and not sneak away, leaving me to sort through your mess?"

"But Smoker… it will be sooo much better, if you use more! And mine is still bigger…"

"And how often did I tell you that it isn't the size that matters?"

Ignoring the furious flushing black haired lieutenant, the older female got closer to the door. It would be fun to tease her old friend about this for a while.

"Often… but I still like them longer…"

"Quite your whining and get started already. We don't have the whole day."

She waited for a few more seconds, until she could hear the freckled youth moaning in delight:

"Hhmmm, sooo good! Taisa~aa!"

The door opened with a sudden loud bang, when it hit against the next wall with a forceful impact. Hina stood in the doorframe, gleaming. A mortified Tashigi was standing behind her.

"Hina knew you were rather kinky Smoker! But Hina thinks…"

The magenta clad woman stopped her talk, staring disbelieving at the two men, who were sitting at the commodore's desk. Both looked inquiringly at her. Well Portgas was doing that. The white hunter just looked annoyed. Her old friend was just beginning to bring a piece of meat to his mouth, the fork already raised to his face. Ace on the other hand had one long, mustard covered sausage between his lips, munching happily on it. Dumbfounded the captain looked at them:

"You are only eating?"

The white haired man put his fork back on his plate and lit himself a pair of cigars. With a glare he addressed the other officer:

"Of course we are. Hell woman, what have you been thinking?"

"Ehmm….Hina wasn't thinking anything!"

That earned her a snort from the fiery youth and a quick smirk from Smoker, bastards.

"Hina thinks she'll be going now. But remember to contact Hina later!"

With that she practically fled the scene. Tashigi, who was still blushing, stuttered an apology and closed the door, before she too hurried to leave them alone. Ace looked at the closed door and started laughing. He avoided his lover's fist of justice and wiggled his eyebrows:

"So Smokes… how about letting me have your wiener later?"