Title:: Flying High

Author:: Aislin

Fandom:: Tactics

Pairing:: HaruKan (Haruka x Kantarou)

Length:: twoshot ( approx. 22 000 words)

Rated:: strong R

Genre:: Drama/Romance

Warnings:: UST, bossy!Kantarou

A/N:: To tell you the truth, despite all of my efforts I couldn't find anyone to beta this fanfiction. It's a big problem since English is not my first language and I'm sure there are a bunch of horrible mistakes. But please bear with it – and if any of you, readers, would be willing to correct them, please drop me an email. I would greatly appreciate it. ^_^

Edit 09.12.12.:: After two years,a wonderful reader provided me with helpful edits! Thank you soooo much, *tearsofbreaks! I'm really, really grateful to you! *hugs*Also, I hereby state that all the remaining errors are my own.

Summary::

Kantarou straines his right arm during an exorcism, thus he has to put up with being in plaster cast for two weeks. While it wouldn't be hard to manage with two sla... er, youkai by his side to help, still, there are things that can't be taken care of this easily. Emotions, for example.

Published:: november, 2010.

„Youko-chan! Look out!" Kantarou shouted before pushing the youkai*-girl away. He barely got a glimpse of the dreaded face Youko made, because in the next moment, an incredibly powerful something hit his chest with full force, leaving him gasping for air, and Youko crying out. The attack threw Kantarou straight back to the heavy wall of the building (dangerously close to the balcony's balustrade), causing him another uncomfortably long moment without the highly appreciated presence of oxygen in his lungs. Speaking of which, he wasn't really convinced that said body organs haven't received any serious damage.

My, my, he though while collapsing to the ground, such a tough little thing! Rougher than its looks, so to speak.

He fought his way back to his knees, gripped the beaded necklace tightly, and took a deep breath. That was when the load shouting of his black-winged 'angel' finally hit his ears.

"Kantarou! Kantarou!" Haruka swept through the sky, his slender form lit by the bluish moonlight. His dark eyes searched for Kantarou's, and upon finding them, they locked. "Kantarou, hold on!" With a beat of his wings, he started flying towards the silver-haired man, pointing his magical staff at the tiny creature which was now grinning widely near Youko – it was obviously delighted to see all the mess it made.

Before Haruka could have released his lightning however, the little oni* laughed, and dark mist left its form, surrounding, and then capturing the winged man.

"Yes, I might hold on," Kantarou sighed, scrambling to his feet. He was a little dizzy from the previous hit, but otherwise, felt alright - alright for a little bit of monster-exorcising. He lifted the necklace in his hands, and the beads shone for a second. "But it'll be faster this way. Rin! Byou! Tou! Sha! Kai! Jin! Retsu! Zai! Zen!" The beads sparkled and glowed, and after Kantarou finished the Nine Word Chant, golden light surrounded and bided the oni.

At the same moment, the black tengu* freed himself from the arms of the evil aura, which then turned into thin air. "Haruka!" Kantarou shouted, looking high up the sky. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Haruka answered with his deep voice. "Can I finish this off?"

A sad smile followed the question. "Please." It wasn't a person or a ghost possessed by some bad spirit which required saving. It was an evil – even if tiny – oni, a monster. It had to be gone.

The tengu was not in need of any more words. He lifted the staff high in front of his body, and soon red lightning came out of it, aiming and hitting the now screaming creature. Kantarou saw Youko turning her head away from the dying oni. He did not do the same.

Moments passed, and finally, the scream died out. Heavy silence filled the air, with nothing to be heard, but the gentle sound of Haruka's moving wings.

... Or, at least, it was like this until Youko's cry ripped through it. "Kan-chan, look out!"

The guy blinked, and looked around.

Apparently, not fast enough. "Oh, man!" , he coursed lowly, exactly at the same time Haruka shouted his name, 'Kantarou!'.

The lightning must have loosened the roof, because now it was now creaking, and big parts of it have started to fall down – right at the folklorist's head. Without hesitation, Kantarou did the only thing he could come out with: he grabbed the balustrade, strained his muscles, and jumped.

Judging from the sounds coming from his youkai friends, maybe this wasn't the best decision to make. But, oh well.

It was a strangely intoxicating feeling to dive. Kantarou felt really alive, felt every bit of muscles in his body, every cell screaming for life. Yet his head was completely clear, his mind calm and secured. He even closed his eyes. Yes, only with the loud whiz of air in my ears. So peaceful! Like this. Just like this.

He heard a pair of wings beat, once, twice, and suddenly, but not unexpectedly, two strong arms got a hold of his body. A small smile blossomed on his face.

Yeah. Just like this.

"Have you gone out of your right mind, jumping off like this?!" Haruka snapped angrily as soon as he made sure Kantarou was not in danger anymore. "We were on the third floor, for god's sake! You could have seriously injured yourself!"

Kantarou couldn't help the laugh. It was so rare to see Haruka this worked-up out of mere worry! It just showed him how he really cared for him (or at least for his well-being). The thought warmed Kantarou's heart.

"Wrong," he said playfully, nuzzling close to the man's chest, inhaling the scent, as he did so many times now. He could feel the surprise in the vague tense of muscles, though Haruka's face avoided every emotion. "There was no chance to injure myself even in the slightest. I was safe."

"How come?" Haruka's dark eyes narrowed while looking down at the silver-haired guy, clearly anticipating a fanciful or childish explanation. In a sense, he wasn't really in the wrong.

Kantarou lifted his head up and hold the other's eyes. "Because you're always there to catch me, aren't you," he stated simply with a light shrug of his shoulders. He searched Haruka's face, and was extremely happy to see that the tengu, this time, could not hide his surprise. "There, you have it. Satisfied?" Kantarou asked grinning.

Haruka hardened his face, his lips tightened into a thin line. All in all, he strongly resembled a sulking kid. Kantarou have found this quite charming – and very tempting for more tease. "Not really."

"Good."

Kantarou closed his eyes again, and let his mind go blank for the remaining few seconds till they reached the third-floor balcony. He could hear the fox youkai's voice far from there.

"Kan-chan, you stupid dimwit!" she cried first running towards them, then into Kantarou's white kimono, as soon as the tengu placed him on the ground. "How could you jump off like that?! Idiot! You'd have deserved to break your arm and not having Haru-chan to save you AGAIN! Stupid, stupid Kan-chan!"

"O-oi, Youko-chan," Kantarou nervously chuckled before trying to get away from the girl who seemingly started to turn her shock and fear into violent anger. "You know I didn't mean to make you upset, or..."

"I'm NOT upset!" Youko shouted while yanking at the abused shirt of Kantarou." Or, you know what? I AM! I'm SO terribly upset for having such an airhead like you accepting the dangerous cases again and again, and while I KNOW that you can do your job, in the end, you always make something SO TERRIBLY stupid that Haru-chan has to save your silly ass! Get some sense into your head, will you?! Kan-chan!

"Y-y-youko-cha...n!" Kantarou breathed between the girl's abusive-loving yanks. He caught her hands, and stilled her. "I really am sorry. I know it was stupid of me. I know you worry about me. I know it's not nice of me to always rely on Haruka. I'll try to change, alright? Now, there, stop it."

Youko blinked with her slightly teared eyes, and Kantarou reassuringly smiled at her. A few seconds passed like this, and Kantarou opened his eyes only when he felt Youko abruptly moving away.

"Hah, I can't believe you almost had me there!" She chuckled while wiping her eyes, and then looked at the tengu. "He'll never change, right, Haru-chan? God, he wouldn't even try that!" And to Kantarou's disbelief, she laughed.

"Hey!" he snapped, his smile immediately disappearing. "I was totally serious here!"

"No, he wouldn't try changing," Haruka nodded to Youko, with a barely noticeable smile on his face. With a light glow, his large, black wings disappeared from his back. "He enjoys ordering and manipulating us far too much."

"You're sooo mean! Both of you." The two youkai's delight just growed when Kantarou pouted his lower lip, so he turned his back at them, and started walking away on his own. "Right! I'll never change! And you guys can say thanks to yourselves for this. Youko-chan will do my laundry and cook my meals for the rest of my life, and I'll make sure to give Haruka pleeenty of chances to catch me from fallin... Aargh!

"Kan-chan!" Youko suddenly stopped laughing. "The detritus...!"

She could have warned me sooner.

Way sooner.

The risen sun found them in a pretty grumpy mood next morning. But as far one can tell, it couldn't be seen on Kantarou's face. The idiot guy wore the same silly smile, trying to appear regretful, which Haruka now has become so familiar with. The black-haired man was happy to see, however, that mentioned smile did not have any effect on Youko.

"Really, I can't believe you, Kan-chan," she sighed in a tired voice, while adjusting the folklorist's bright red hakama. "You manage to solve a case without so much as a cut on your finger – though for that, the credit goes to Haru-chan, not you -, and right after the exorcism, you go, and break your arm! Unbelievable."

"Hey, I have not broken my arm," Kantarou said in an instant. "I've just strained it."

"The same for all I care. Your arm is in plaster cast. Now I have to help you with every little thing, not just doing all the housework by myself." The young fox finished tying the hakama's straps, and after moving a step away, he suddenly attacked with words. "How will you work like this, Kan-chan? How will we get money to be able to eat? We were almost good there, Kan-chan! I've already planned on buying takoyaki for tonight, but we had to spend almost all of our money on your treatment!"

"I'm sorry, Youko-chan. But you know, what? I won't be like this for long. The doctor said, two weeks, and..."

"But half a month is fairly long time without money!"

"Oh, we won't be completely without money. I just gotta give up my secondary job, right? My head and mouth are completely okay. I can 'write' articles for Reiko-san."

Youko seemed to smell the upcoming: she looked alarmed. Haruka stopped a sigh from coming out of his mouth. "How? How will you write with your arm in bandages?"

"Oh, it's not me who'll actually write," Kantarou said with the brightest smile of his. The face he just made seemed pretty innocent and cheerful, but the two youkai in the room knew this smile too well. The fox shivered. "You are going to write down everything I say, and then take it to Reiko-san. That's it! Good idea, isn't it?"

"No!" Youko protested loudly. "It isn't! Have you got any idea about how much work do I do here every day? I can't afford, we can't afford to spend my time with this! Why don't you ask Haru-chan instead?"

Hearing his name with the rest of the sentence, Haruka twitched, and pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning to. No-o, no way in hell he will be the scribe-boy for this guy!

Apparently, Kantarou had other ideas as well. "Oh no, I have other things in my mind for Haruka. I'd like you to write down the articles I dictate. I'm not asking much." He smiled, and played out his trump. "Can you do that for me, please? Youko-chan?"

The girl shivered, and bit on her lips. Then she cast a sharp glance at her still smiling master. "Fine", she murmured finally. "Fine. But I won't be doing your daily doings, Kan-chan, nor will I help you with every little thing. My job is to keep the house clean, and our belly full."

Kantarou's smile widened. "I know. You do the most for our family's welfare, and I appreciate it." He laughed a little, then turned his ruby eyes towards the man standing at the edge of the room. "Now then, Haruka, see me to my room," he said with yet another smile.

Haruka said nothing. After all this time together, he knew the folklorist too well - an innocent-looking little devil, he was.

He helped Kantarou to his feet, grabbing his good left arm, then Haruka released him, and started walking towards the room of Kantarou's, expecting the other to follow him. He suddenly felt a light pressure somewhere near his lower arm, and after looking down, he saw the guy gently grabbing his sleeve.

"Can't you walk on your own?" he asked, noting that his words sounded harsher than he intended.

"Can," Kantarou answered nevertheless smiling, "but don't wanna."

"..."

The deep ruby eyes were gentle, yet teasing, as if he was aiming to see Haruka's reactions to particular actions and statements. One would think the tengu grew used to this long time ago, but he really wasn't. Kantarou could always surprise him with his simple, yet daring statements, and unfortunately, he couldn't always hide his wonder.

But again, this was his master. Maybe there wasn't any need to hide things.

"But you do know it wasn't very nice to use the name you gave her, just to get her do what you want, don't you? You made it seem like she had a choice."

"Yeah," Kantarou said, before leaning his head to the taller man's shoulder. He closed his eyes, the smile on his face softening. "I know."

Without anything to be done here, Haruka let Kantarou cling to him while walking.

"You don't expect me to feed you, do you?" Haruka asked with disbelieve in his low voice.

Kantarou could hardly suppress his wide grin at the reaction. "Sure, why not? Look, it's not like I can hold the chopsticks properly with my left hand," he reasoned seriously. "Then how am I supposed to eat the delicious food Youko spent hours with making?"

Big, shiny eyes, soft smile, angel face... Yet he knew that the tengu saw through his innocent mask. Let's admit, Haruka knew him like nobody else did.

"Then why didn't you ask her to do something which you can eat without chopsticks?"

Kantarou decided to be terribly frank. He tilted his head and smiled. " 'Cause it wouldn't be that much fun."

He wanted to laugh out loud. Haruka's face was completely blank, but irritation made his black eyes twitch. "You're horrible."

"Yup," Kantarou nodded shamelessly. "Now come, and feed me. I'm starving."

He could see Haruka almost rolling his eyes, but then he just shrugged, and moved closer to his master. He lifted the bowl and the chopsticks, and gave a mouthful to Kantarou.

"Mmm, delicious!" the silver-haired hummed happily. "Youko-chan sure knows how to cook. I'm quite certain she'd be alright among humans now, even without me."

Haruka said nothing, but he wasn't so sure of that. Kantarou was the reason Youko was so happy and felt safe with people – even he, who only joined them not so very long ago, could see it. Without Kantarou, the fox would probably go back to hers.

The folklorist constantly chatted about something cheerfully, and did not in the least seem embarrassed by the fact that despite his age, he was being fed. His right arm in the plaster cast was now tied up near his chest with a bandage circling his neck. The plaster was – for the present - just as white as the guy's kimono, almost matching his clothes.

Haruka's always found it strange how a guy like this could look so ridiculously good in the white kimono and bright red hakama – a miko's dress, not less! -, and now he had to admit than even the bandages made Kantarou seem small and appealing. That babyface of his didn't help much.

When he moved away the chopsticks to gather the remaining food from the bowl, he looked up, and suddenly got a glimpse of Kantarou's long, red tongue. The folklorist licked his lips, making them shine from saliva for a second, then when he closed his mouth, he caught Haruka's look. "What is it?"

For once, the usual smile couldn't be seen on Kantarou's face. Haruka slowly shook his head, and lowered his gaze to the bowl. "Nothing."

Kantarou lifted his brow.

What could have happened? Up till now Haruka seemed rather indifferent about this whole feeding action, but now he closed his aura even more, leaving his features completely blank. It was so sudden that Kantarou even stopped chatting. He silently finished the last bite Haruka gave him before turning his searching eyes to the man in front of him.

Sometimes even now he wondered: is it really true, is it really him? The powerful Onikui Tengu*, the oni-eating, whom he had been dreaming about since his childhood, who he always admired? And yes, he was there, and Kantarou had given him a name, "Haruka", making him bound to his side. Always with him. Never saying good-bye, unless he wants to.

Yet the more Kantarou liked him, the more far away Haruka seemed. Is it always like this?

He wanted to reach him, but not use the power of the name given by him while doing so. He wanted Haruka to want him reaching his hand.

Sometimes he dreamt of flying high in the sky, surrounded by jet-black feathers.

"Kantarou?"

Said man blinked, and after a moment, a small smile broke out on his face. "Aah, sorry, my bad. I've kinda get lost in my thoughts. What did you say?"

"I said, 'don't forget about what Youko said.'"

"Umm... You mean... What did she say, again?" Kantarou laughed nervously.

Haruka looked ready to choke him with one of those chopsticks. "She said that she'd have enough time to write your article down after she'd finished mopping the floor. I believe she had done so by now."

"Ah, I see. Yeah, I can recall it now," he lied without a blink of an eye. "Right, then I guess I have to get ready. Thanks for the food." He smiled, and started to gather himself up from the floor, but Haruka stilled him with one little move of his hand.

"Stay," the tengu said while collecting the bowls and cups. "I tell her to come here." Then he turned around, and walked out of the room without so much as a glance to his master.

Kantarou dropped the smile. The ruby eyes darkened, and he just stared at the place where Haruka disappeared with a stiff, heavy look on his face.

It was out of mere conscience that Haruka chose the same time to approach the living room as Youko decided to bring the tengu's name in the conversation. "Nee, Kan-chan, what do you think about Haru-chan?"

Haruka nearly choked in the doorway. He stilled his body, and hid in the shadows.

Kantarou also stiffed for a second, but he instantly relaxed his shoulders, and asked in a light voice: "What makes you ask that? And how do you mean it?" He made a little laugh, while continued playing with the pens on the table.

"I mean, doesn't he look more... I'm not sure... moodier to you recently?"

"Dear Youko-chan," Kantarou smiled seeming realived. "I can't use my right arm. Haruka has to babysit me constantly, helping me dress, eat, take bath, and even when I take a leak, he stands outside the toilet. All of these are because I insisted. Now, you can't really blame the poor soul for being moody, right?"

Haruka was honestly surprised. So Kantarou did not only order him to do these things clearly on purpose, but he actually had the nerve to loudly admit it! But it's my own fault, too, for letting him order me around like this.

"But if you know that it's because of you he's like this, why do you still make him do those things for you?" Youko seemed rather worried. "I'm sure he would help you even if you tell him to do otherwise. "

Strangely, Kantarou did not answer immediately. He stilled the pen between his fingers, and stared at the tip of it for a long moment.

When he finally opened his mouth, his voice was soft and quiet. "I know he'd help me, but I don't feel safe unless I make him do it. It's not the same as with you, you know. I feel my bond with Haruka very strong and very fragile at the same time. I feel like losing him some day, but by making him aware of my being his master all the time, I can set my heart at rest. At least, for the time being."

Haruka couldn't have found the words, even if he had wanted to speak. He had no idea Kantarou was troubled by this! Felt like all of the silver-haired's past action made some twisted sense now.

But he shouldn't be bothered by Haruka's leaving or not leaving. He should know.

True, there was a time when he left, when he left Kantarou behind to protect him from his awakening murderous intuitions... but that time passed, and when he returned, he stated that he will not leave Kantarou's side again if the guy understands his feelings, and okay with it.

So I'm here, and although there are quite a few times when I'd like to choke him with my own bare hands for his stupidity, I don't see another 'farewell' coming in the near future.

Suddenly Kantarou laughed out, so loud, that the sound dragged Haruka out of his thoughts.

"Ooh, but you know, there's more to this. I just really love teasing him! He rarely raises his voice, but when he's irritated, I can just see it in his eyes. And when he's upset, he speaks even less. And when he's angry, he makes my bathwater extremely hot, and intentionally tries to choke me with the chopsticks."

"Are you a masochist, Kan-chan?" Youko asked the laughing folklorist with widened eyes.

Kantarou grinned, but the grin soon softened into a bright smile. "And when he's surprised, his brows twitch, and his pupils dilate. And he doesn't say a word, no, he just stares, trying to act cool." Kantarou suddenly threw his head back, and looked directly at the tengu standing in the doorway. "Right? Haruka!"

Haruka was so dumbfounded from the abrupt way Kantarou called out to him that he initially followed the guy's description: he stared, not saying a word.

I should've known better, he thought to himself while slowly entering the room. He always feels my presence.

"Haha, he really does that!" Youko laughed at the staring tengu. "Nee, Haru-chan, why don't you sit down with us? The tea will be ready in a minute."

Haruka wanted to oppose, but the look Kantarou gave him suggested not doing so. And, he thought while making himself comfortable opposite the folklorist, if I were to march off now, it would seem like I'm offended.

"I'm happy you're here, Haru-chan," the youkai girl said smiling. True to her words, even her fox-ears popped out, unmistakably showing her delight. "We haven't spent much time together doing nothing in particular since a certain somebody," she cast a sharp glance at the chuckling Kantarou, "made himself perfectly incapable of doing anything. I mean, anything useful," she added immediately when Kantarou tried to speak up in protest.

"Hey, don't be so cruel, Youko-chan! The accident wasn't my fault."

"It was," Haruka found himself saying, much to his surprise. He previously intended to stay silent. Mah, well.

Youko laughed, so Kantarou's pouted "Harukaa!" could barely be heard. But both of them looked happy and relaxed, not at all embarrassed by the fact that the tengu had heard upon their entire conversation.

"I bring out the tea." Youko stood up, and with a bright smile, she disappeared in a minute.

Kantarou's wide smile slowly narrowed, and when Haruka looked up to glance at the man, it was more of a bittersweet, than a cheerful one. "So, what am I supposed to get ready for? Will the bathwater burn my skin down, or maybe I'll be lucky, and got off cheap with a few scary stares?"

"I'm not angry," Haruka said slowly, "nor am I upset."

"Then what are you? 'Cause you're clearly something."

"I'm..." Good question. What was he? "I suppose I'm... puzzled."

"Puzzled?" Kantarou blinked. Looks like he hadn't anticipated this answer. "By what?"

"I'm not sure. You. Me." He could swear he saw something resembling a faint blush appearing on Kantarou's face for a brief second, but he ignored it. "By what you've just said."

"You mean the thing about me playing the master for you all the time so you won't get fed up with me and leave forever?"

"Er... yeah," Haruka said somehow surprised. He didn't think Kantarou would say this again so frankly, and so out of the blue sky. "By the way, don't you think what you've been doing in the past few days was more than enough to make me get fed up with you?"

"Maybe," Kantarou pulled out a small smile. "But you know me: I'm like this. But look, I don't want you to worry about what I said." He suddenly hit a much more serious tone. "I don't want you to think I'm doubting you. I just have this feeling, and can't get it out of my head, so I'm ordering you around to reassure myself. Can you please forgive me that? I know I'm the worst."

"Kantarou," the tengu sighed. "It's not your ordering around the problem. To be honest, I got used to that ages ago now. I'm more puzzled by the fact you think I'll suddenly leave you. Why think about that now, when no thoughts like this bothered you for the long time we've been together?"

The ruby eyes stayed fixated on the table. "Some things have... changed, Haruka. That's why I feel insecure."

"Changed?" He looked at the man in front of him, but Kantarou stayed silent, as though he didn't want to specify what he'd said. "What do you mean by that, Kantarou?"

The silver-haired remained silent, but after what seemed to be a very long moment, he lifted his chin up, and locked eyes with the tengu.

Haruka felt more questions itching to leave his tongue, yet he could not bring himself to ask when Kantarou was so wordless while looking straight at him, holding his eye, wearing a severe, unfathomable expression on his usually cheerful face. He felt the need to ask again, to get answers, because he just knew that something started to go wrong between them, and if they don't solve it soon, something bad might really happen... But Kantarou didn't speak, and with his thoughts alone, Haruka couldn't make him do so.

He almost felt relieved when Youko stepped into the room, bringing the tea and more cups on a salver in her hands. "I'm sorry it took so long", she said with faint embarrassment in her tone", but at first I accidentally missed pouring the tea into the cup, so I had to clean up the mess. Here you go!" She placed one cup in front of Kantarou, and one in front of Haruka, and then she sat down, putting her own cup to the table. "I hope you'll like it – it's a new type."

However, as Kantarou was still staring at the tengu, it probably wasn't hard for Youko to notice that something odd was going on. She looked worriedly at his master. "Kan-chan... Is there something wrong?"

Finally, finally Kantarou blinked once, and broke the eye-connection with Haruka. The usual smile quickly returned to his face while he turned to face the youkai girl. "No, everything's alright, Youko-chan. What kind of new tea is this?"

Youko didn't seem convinced, but nonetheless answered, sounding as light as she could manage: "Gyokuro Kyoto.* It's quite expensive for us, but when I told the Oba-san* that you broke your arm during the last case, she gave it to me at half the price. She wishes you to get better soon."

"That's very kind! I'll say proper thanks to her next time we meet."

Haruka wasn't fooled by Kantarou's seemingly easy mood, yet he tried to smile a little bit when Youko turned to him: "You too, try it out, Haru-chan."

"Aa. Thank you." He lifted the cup which was warm between his fingers, and the scent of the tea filled his nose: it smelled like cake and grass, and yet was somehow spicy. Before he took a sip, he'd glanced at Kantarou.

The man lowered his cup, and with a faint smile on his face, just gently stared at the light-coloured liquid shining inside the cup. "It's sweet."

Good grief! I shouldn't have said a word. I'm sure I made Haruka even more puzzled then he already was. And what for? It's not like he can do anything to change the situation – neither of us can. I should have closed my stupid mouth, stiffen my body, and just bear with it.

Kantarou cursed low when he tripped over his own legs while trying to take off his hakama*, causing him to nearly collapse to the ground; only at the very last minute did he manage to grab the edge of a wooden shelf with his left hand. He swallowed hard, then straightened, and continued stripping.

Usually he had Haruka help him with dressing and heating his water, but today, Kantarou didn't wait for him. It was an awkward day as it was, and he didn't need any more embarrassing moments to munch on.

After fighting his way with the straps with only one hand, he could finally get out of the hakama, and after that, taking down the kimono* was not a tough issue. However, the god of fortune didn't seem to be with him that day: as soon as he started to loosen the fundoshi* covering his loin, he heard the door open and close, and he barely tied the strings back before The-Man-Who-He-Did-Not-Want-To See-At-The-Moment entered the room.

"Kantarou," Haruka said in a completely calm voice after noting that the folklorist was here. "Youko said she saw you coming to the bathroom alone. Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to," Kantarou replied in the most indifferent tone he could manage. "And I still don't want to. Could you please go away?"

Haruka wasn't surprised now – he seemed more like somehow stern as he knit his brows. "What's gotten into you?"

Alarmed, Kantarou decided it was not the right time to show his grumpy side to Haruka. He tried his best at smiling reassuringly. "Nothing, I just successfully tripped over my own feet a minute ago. Everything is okay now. You can go."

"Do you want me to go away?"

"Yes." He noticed Haruka's expression in an instant, and true fear flashed through his body. "I don't mean I want you to go away anywhere from this house! Just from this room, okay? I want to bath alone."

Despite Kantarou's words, Haruka stepped closer, with a severe expression on his face. "That's again something I don't understand. Ever since you strained your arm, you've been wanting me to help you with everything, not just with reasonable things like bathing. So why do you want to send me away now? You know you can't do this properly on your own."

"Hell I can!" Kantarou protested loudly. "I've already told you the reason for making you help me with everything. You know I'm not helpless. Now..."

"Is it that again?," the tengu asked suddenly, taking another step towards Kantarou. The folklorist suddenly was very aware of their closeness. It was worse than the first time he had Haruka to help him take a bath – back then, he actually quite enjoyed it. But that's just because at that time he was in control, but now... no. "That 'change' you have talked about?"

Why did I talk him about that? Why?!

"If I say yes, will you leave the room?" he asked in a tired voice.

Haruka faced him, looking just as serious as him. Kantarou grabbed the edge of the wooden bathtub with his good hand, and tried placing all of his strength there. He wanted to finish this conversation, take his damned bath, go to sleep, and wake next morning only to find this whole bothersome situation gone.

But he couldn't really hope for that.

"No," Haruka said in a very slow motion, his pitch-black eyes never leaving Kantarou's. "I probably won't."

Kantarou wanted to sigh, but hold it in. Great. Just great. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me what is bothering you."

"Why do you want to know?"

Haruka looked like he didn't really know it himself. Yet he answered: "Because it's bothering me as well."

Kantarou didn't expect this reply. It somehow made his heart jump a bit. "How can something which you know nothing about bother you?

"I... I don't know." Haruka shrugged, and a little bit of flush crossed his face. "It just does."

A small smile appeared on Kantarou's face. He leaned down, and gathered his kimono from the floor, then threw it across his shoulders. Standing in the bathroom only with his underwear on slowly made his body quite cold. The right arm in the cast hanged stiff by his side.

He lifted his head up and smiled at the tengu, but there was no warmness in his eyes. "I could easily make you go away, you know", he said quietly.

Haruka's expression hardened a bit. "Yeah. You have given me a name. You can use it, just like you did so many times now and before."

"Right now, I didn't exactly mean that," Kantarou chuckled in a dry voice, "but you're right. I guess I could use that, too." He stayed still for a second, quietly studying Haruka's face. "But I won't. You know I don't want you to go away." His voice could barely be heard.

The dark-haired man stayed silent for long minutes, searching Kantarou's face for answers, and not finding any. Then after what seem to be a very long time, he spoke in a low voice. "I keep getting the feeling that I don't know what we are talking about anymore."

Kantarou slowly smiled. "That's good."

"No, it isn't. You want me away. You don't want me away. You always use my name to get me do what you want – the same with Youko –, yet you say now that you won't do that." Haruka's face was blank, but in the black pool of his eyes, numerous emotions and questions were whirling. "I don't understand you."

"It doesn't matter. You don't have to understand me."

Haruka cast Kantarou a very long glance, causing something painfully stir up in the folklorist's chest. "From the time you released me, I've always known that you have many faces. But I've not seen this one before."

Well, I haven't, either. "Sorry about that."

A next minute passed without them exchanging any words. Oddly, it was yet again Haruka who broke the silence.

"Kantarou. Back then, you said you wanted to be my friend."

The silver-haired man closed his eyes. He could clearly see Haruka's face in the back of his mind, the expression on his face when he said that to him. "Yeah. I wanted to."

The tengu's brows twitched. "So you feel you didn't succeed?"

"No... I know that for sure."

"Then what are we talking about?" Haruka suddenly snapped, causing Kantarou to wince in his whole body. "If you don't like me being here, then send me away! Cancel the name-contract! If you..."

"No!" Kantarou cried, frightened. No, he didn't want that, not that! "I don't want you to go away! I want you beside me, can't you understand?"

"No, Kantarou, I can't!" Haruka bit his lower lip, and stroked his dark hair back from his eyes. "If it's not about you hating me here, then what is it about? You named me, so as long as the name-contract between us remains active, I'll be with you. And it will be active, unless you chose to release me. So what's the problem?"

"It's exactly the problem!" Kantarou shouted. "I don't want you to be with me just because I named you!"

"I... I don't understand. Why would I be with you if not because you named me?"

Kantarou has already opened his mouth for the next desperate shout, but as soon as his brain comprehended what had been said, the words died unspoken on his tongue. A sudden chill washed through his body, leaving it goose-bumped, and his mind completely blank.

He almost wanted to laugh. So miserable, I am!, he thought to himself bitterly. A strange smile appeared on his face as he stared at Haruka's feet; soft, cold, and pained.

"Yeah," he nodded quietly, avoiding any look to the upper part of the tengu's body, so that he couldn't read his face. "Why in the hell would you be with me if not exactly because I named you..."

"Kantarou?" Haruka probably noticed that something was amiss, because his voice was guarded and tentative.

That's it. I'm so terribly stupid. I don't know myself anymore. I'm not like this. I never was. And I hate it.

He lifted his chin high up, and stiffened his face while catching Haruka's eyes. "You know, Haruka," he started, his voice once again strong and loud, "you're a complete jerk."

"Wha...?" Haruka started shocked, but the question died on his lips when Kantarou was suddenly right in front of him, looking up at his face, leaning closer with a hard, determined expression on his face.

Kantarou saw the black pupils dilate, the thin lips part, and some twisted happiness blossomed inside his chest looking up at Haruka's shocked expression. When he moved even closer, so that there was nothing but a few little centimetres between them, Haruka tried to move away, which caused him to bump to the wall.

Kantarou released a sly smile, and moved his head back just a little. Seconds passed with the two of them silently staring at each other's eyes. "What?," Kantarou finally asked in a low, teasing voice. "What did you think I was up to?" When the tengu didn't answer, just stared at him, he hardened his voice. "Haruka, answer me!"

There. I'm his master, and I used his name, so he has to obey.

"I thought... you were going to..."

"You know, what?" Kantarou interrupted abruptly, not leaving any chance for Haruka to finish the sentence. "You were absolutely right." And he crushed their lips together.

The fact that Haruka was so much in shock from this action that he actually let the alien tongue enter his mouth pleased Kantarou's heart. It was so great, so warm, so right to just cling to the other, savouring the taste of his lips, the texture of the inside of his mouth, feel the humid breath against his own lips, that Kantarou felt dizzy and intoxicated. He grabbed Haruka's shirt tightly with his left hand, not bothering about stopping his own kimono from sliding down his body, and leaned even closer, as if he wanted Haruka to swallow him whole. He closed his own eyes, but felt the tengu's clearly on him, and the look it gave made him feel extremely hot, made him feel being stripped to flesh.

He felt Haruka moving, tearing himself away from Kantarou's eager mouth, but the silver-haired did not - could not - let him go just now. "Haruka!," he breathed, then touched his trembling lips to the other's, first tentatively caressing, then slowly wetting them with his tongue.

He tried to slow himself down, he honestly tried, but could not find the mental strength to do so. Instead, he found himself pushing his tongue back into the warm inside of Haruka's mouth, and what is more, moaning a little while doing so. The tengu's hands grabbed his shoulders, and the forceful touch felt really cool on his burning naked skin. Haruka didn't answer his kiss, yet Kantarou was almost ready to die in the heat of the moment.

And maybe he would have been better dying at that time, because in the next second, Haruka was finally able to overcome his shock and made his wings appear, using their strenght to push Kantarou far away from his body. The folklorist crashed the wooden bathtub, and lukewarm water poured out from somewhere, entirely covering the floor. Black feathers floated in the air everywhere, some of them landing on Kantarou, some in the translucent liquid surrounding the almost completely naked body of said man.

He swallowed hard, and looked up at Haruka: the tengu bowed his head down, the pitch-black locks of his hair hiding his face like a dark curtain. But Kantarou could see his arms – they were rigid and stiff by the side of his body, his fists tightly clenched.

He had done it. Oh, God, he really had done it.

But even Kantarou had pride, so he slowly pulled his legs closer to his body, and covered himself with the kimono which was now totally soaked from lying in the flooded floor. He shivered, but wasn't sure whether it was caused by the cold wetness around his body, or the mixed feeling of shock, regret and fear inside his body.

"That's it", he said quietly, but seeing Haruka so stunned and rejecting made his voice turn into nothing but a whisper. He turned his head away. "If you go, go now."

He know it was a stupid thing to hope, and he hated himself for it, but for a few brief seconds, he dared to dream of Haruka not leaving, and giving him a chance to explain what he'd just did. And maybe, just maybe, he could make Haruka understand the nature of his feelings, and make him – even if not return, but – accept them.

But reality wasn't that nice. He could not move his gaze from the spot it was fixated on, even when he heard the door opening and closing, and in the next moment, he literally felt Haruka in his heart; felt him flying further and further away from this place...

He heard Youko's shocked cry from somewhere near the bathroom, but he couldn't comprehend the words after the 'Kan-chan, what was that big noise just now?!'. He pulled his legs up, not bothering about his aching left arm on his side, and after lifting his right hand up, he briefly touched his twinkling lips with the tip of his fingers.

His eyes were completely dry, so why did he felt like crying?

Heh. I told you I could easily make you go away...

Haruka swiftly crossed the sky with the speed of a bird chased by a hunter's gun. In some way, he really felt like being chased: he felt the fear, felt the danger, felt his blood thumping loudly in his ears. He didn't know where he was going; he just followed his nose, not bothering about looking around at all. It wasn't like he particularly wanted to be anywhere – he just didn't want to be there.

He didn't slow down, not as long as he saw traces of human villages beneath himself, so when he finally stopped to ease his breathing after what felt like hours of flying, he was high up in the mountains with nothing but large trees around him.

But Haruka didn't mind. It was good like this, just like this.

He stepped on the green glass, the scent of the forest immediately filling his nose, and after a few seconds he decided to plank himself down in the nearest log. He pulled his right leg up, placing his arms on his knee, and with a bowed head he tried to think about what in the hell had just happened before he left Kantarou's house.

Kantarou.

The name which never felt odd on his mouth suddenly seemed alien and doubtful even in his mind – like not knowing anymore if it covers the same person you've – with time – got to know, got to like, got to rely on, and got to have faith in. Where was the trust they have both gave the other? Where was the understanding?

Because, as it stood now, Haruka clearly did not understand Kantarou at all.

But he wasn't in fault for that. Meaning... now honestly, what was he to understand? That his master... was attracted to him? Desired him? None of that made any sense.

Yet he couldn't find any other rational reason for Kantarou to... to kiss him like that.

No, no, I shouldn't think about that. I don't want to think about that. He felt his face slowly heat up a little, and his lips twitched from the memory of said kiss. He almost felt Kantarou's ghostly touch on his mouth, and was troubled and embarrassed at the same time by the sensation it brought up in him. I've never heard about a man kissing another man like this, with clear intention. But the world couldn't have changed this much in the thousand years I was sealed. So why did he do it? Did he want me to realize something? Or am I thinking too much, and he really just did it to make me go away?

He dropped the last thought in an instant. No, it just wasn't like Kantarou to joke about something as serious as a kiss. Not to mention the look his master gave before he left the house: it was cold and pained, and now recalling it, Haruka's heart throbbed.

Suppose that my first assumptions were correct. Does that mean that Kantarou was troubled by my unawareness, or by his own feelings? It wouldn't surprise me at all if he would like to ignore, no, get rid of them. Because honestly, how could a man gladly accept his desire for another man?

Maybe it would be for the best if I don't go back. For the both of us.

His mind decided that it wasn't what he and what Kantarou wanted, and the shouting voice of his master appeared in his head. 'No! I don't want you away! I want you beside me, can't you understand?'

True, Kantarou really said that. Then he probably wouldn't be too glad if Haruka never went home. What's more, the contract is still active, so he cannot leave his master – who had given him a name – forever.

He suddenly remembered another thing Kantarou had said before, about not wanting Haruka to stay with him just because he named him. Was this also because of those... supposed feelings? If it was, then it's not so hard to understand why the fact of the name-contract would pain the folklorist. 'Why would I be with you if not because you named me'... it was probably not the nicest thing to ask Kantarou.

So the remaining question for the time being was still deciding what to do now. Haruka didn't want to go back, not yet, when he had so many thoughts in his head. He never was the man of feelings, and this case proved to be something which he had never come across in his long life before. Even if the problem of him being a tengu hadn't been there (but it was, nonetheless), he would have been extremely troubled by the fact that the person triggering this whole situation was a man himself. Men weren't supposed to love men. They were supposed to love women. Like Reiko, for example.

Men aren't supposed to love men. Youkai aren't supposed to love humans and Kantarou isn't supposed to love me.

I'm not supposed to...

*1 – youkai: demon/goblin/monster spirits in Japanese folklore

*2 – oni: large, ogre-like demons who punish sinners in hell. A type of youkai.

*3 – tengu: bird-men. The usual image for them is the protective, yet still dangerous spirits of mountains and forests. A type of youkai.

*4 – Onikui-tengu: "Oni-Eating Tengu"/"Monster-Eating Goblin"

*5 – Gyokuro Kyoto: an excellent, highly distinguished Japanese green tea. One of Japan's most prized products.

*6 – oba-san: Japanese word for one's aunt or any middle-aged woman

*7 – hakama: traditional Japanese clothing originally wore only by men (women's hakama is most known as the mikos' – shrine maidens' – clothing). There are two types of it: umanori which has divided legs, similar to a trouser, and andon bakama which is undivided.

*8 – kimono: traditional Japanese garment worn by men, women, and children, usually made of silk

*9 – fundoshi: a traditional cotton-made Japanese undergarment for adult men. There several types of this loincloth. The most popular are rokushaku, kuroneko, etchuu and mokko.