Chapter 1 Realisations and clarity.

Dave kept running, he ran away from the locker room where he had spent all his high school years trying to be something he never wanted to be in the first place. He ran away from Kurt, those eyes which reflected only horror and pain when he had kissed him, not understand and acceptance as he had hoped. He fled through the halls of McKinley high and not caring he had classes for the rest of the day or practice that afternoon he bundled himself into his beat up sedan and sped out of the car park wanting to get as far away from Kurt, school and life. He drove the 30 minutes drive out of Lima and swung the car into the driveway of his home. Luckily for him that no one else would be home for hours, giving him time to do what he had been avoiding, he broke down. Dave sunk to his knees after walking into the kitchen, pulling his knees up under his chin with his back against the front of the fridge. What did it mean, why did he do it, what will happen now? He was scared but could not decide if he was more scared of his deepest secret getting out or accepting the secret after years of denial. The tears started flowing and as each tear ran down his cheek and over his strong jawbone it was as if it washed away the denial, it acted in a cleansing way, the sobs raked his body, shaking the tall athlete and scattering the last defences. Slowly as the sobs subsided and the realisation getting stronger, yes Dave Karofsky was gay. He was a gay hockey player who had tormented the every boy who had been the subject of his desires and attraction since he could remember. Things became a lot clearer but while accepting his sexuality after all this time, while sitting on his kitchen floor after running away gave Dave a wonderful sense of clarity but it left him in a deep fog with one question being repeated over and over as Dave slowly gave way to sleep and a few hours of peace, 'Now what?'

Dave woke 2 hours later of fine himself curled up on the cold charcoal tiles of his kitchen floor, slowly pushing himself up right and ignoring his bodies protests after becoming stiff and sore from the awkward position, Dave got under a hot shower, washing away the dried tears on his cheeks and neck, he dressed hurried before rushing back out the door. He had places to be and people that rely on him and personal crisis aside he needed to get on with things. Dave sighed loudly, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration, he got back into the car and left the house for the second time that day.

Kurt wasn't sure if he honestly believed it or not, Dave Karofsky had kissed him. Kissed him, Kurt always knew high school was never going to be easy for him, being the only openly gay guy in school but he always had thought the slushie facials, the dumpster tossing and the locker slamming from the other boys in school was because Kurt's sexuality scared them and thought Kurt would force himself upon them when they least expect it and they would catch the homosexual disease. He never thought that there was another gay guy in McKinley. Kurt's eyebrows knitted together; did he really think Karofsky was gay? Well he had kissed him and kissed him with such passion, desperation and need. It was very thing a first kiss was meant to be expect for the fact that Kurt hadn't wanted Karofsky's hands to be the ones gently holding the side of his face so carefully he felt like a little fragile china doll. He hadn't wanted to feel all the raw emotion and desire pour out of Karofsky's soul into his own, He certainly hadn't expected to feel Karofsky's confused and lonely eyes looking back at him when he had finally let go of him. Kurt was outraged Karofsky had kissed him and outrage even more that deep deep down somewhere Kurt had never knew existed Kurt had like it. Kurt liked the passion, the desperation, the need and the desire. Kurt slowly picked himself up from the floor of the locker room, choosing to ignore the sudden thought of all the disgusting things that could be on the floor and running his hands over the hips, smoothing out the lines that crinkled his new shirt Kurt left the locker room and could only think 'Now what?'