Disclaimer: I do not own Jonas or 'Hands Of Time' by Rachel Diggs.

Talking To The Moon: Hands of Time

Life is a carousel,
Dancing 'round the mirrors we go up and down.

"He's back", Stella told me with a sheepish grin and an almost sorry expression. She knew what I've been through. She knew how much I suffered. She knew what had happened between us, between me and Nick.

Nick. I not so long ago refused to mention his name after he left. It was a name that I have loved and hated. It was a name that used to leave a tingling sensation in my stomach but now left a bitter after taste. Just his name was like alcohol.

Our first few months together seemed like a dream come true, it was breathtaking, intoxicating. He made me feel alive and I'm sure he felt the same too. Come to think of it, not only his name but he, himself, was like alcohol. He made me intoxicated with just the thought of having him around, having his arms to hold me, having his lips to kiss. For a while, I was happy. I knew I had to revel in that small amount of happiness and make moments last longer. I knew that someday, he was to realize that there are better girls out there who could give him much more than I did.

It was inevitable. I saw it coming and prepared myself for it. I saw it coming the day he knocked on my door and held him. I knew I was just for the mean time. It was evident by the way he smiles at me and by the way he never says he loves me back. I never complained because I knew where my place was. I was in no position to ask him why, I was in no position for him to love. Who was I anyway but a mere fan who showered him with warmth when he needed it the most. He only chose me because I resembled her the most. He said we had the same smile but I highly doubt that. Hers, I bet, was a smile that made the whole world stop. Actually, just his for that matter. Mine was just a ghost that appeared ever so often to remind him that everything was fine and nothing amiss.

So let the music take away the hurt you've come to know so well
Let it go cause...

The moment I realized my heart has cracked, I understood what that meant. I needed to empty it out. But I couldn't do that. Nick needed someone strong. I had to be strong for him. I knew he was going to leave anyway but I wanted to keep him a little longer. He hasn't realized that he wasn't the only selfish one in this relationship (if there was one for that matter).

I tried my best to make him happy. I shouldered his problems. I never bothered to correct him when he unconsciously calls me "Ally".

I gave him my heart, the heart which he left dangling on a string for its dear life.

I had to sober up.

You can't turn back the hands of time.
Just let it go and you'll be fine.
What's done is done and it's alright,
you can't turn back the hands of time

I had to set myself straight. I'm growing tire of it all. I'm not tired of loving him; I became tired of not being loved. I realized that my heart was not being treated like a heart at all. For the first time, I pitied myself.

I had to end it before it damages me further, but what was left to damage at all? It was too late to end it. I had to go with it until he gets tired of me too. But in the process of going through with it, I began to despise what we have become. We turned into monsters and there's no turning back for either of us.

I'm pretty sure he felt my hatred of what was happening between us. Maybe that was why he left for the tour. I broke down in front of him and I was such a disgusting sight that he had to run away. He had to run away from me. I was suffocating him and he left, cutting that thin string from which my heart dangled in his hurry.

The impact when it hit the rock bottom not only left it in shards, my heart turned into a pile of ashes. Surprisingly, I wasn't surprised.

He abandoned me the moment my light vanished. He needed to find someone to make him happy because I can't do that anymore. He needed a new source of warmth. He left me because I wasn't what he needed anymore. That was all there was to it. As simple as that.

Another day is gone,
washed away with sorrows that you dwelled upon.

He was circling the globe, meeting millions of his fans. I was here in New Jersey, pretending everything was normal. But everyday, I kept on remembering him; his scent, his eyes, his curls.

"Mace, are you listening?" Stella asked me the moment she reappeared from my bathroom. She was talking to Joe, I could tell. How they made their relationship survive was still a mystery to me. Maybe it was because they love each other. I should be happy about that but my stomach scrunches up remembering a curly-haired boy I used to love.

"Yeah. They're back." I answer her. I can't use 'he' this time. That'll only make the realization affect me more than it should. I've gotten over him after weeks of sleepless nights and crying but I don't know how I'll hold up when I finally see him.

"I'm throwing them a party. Are you okay with that?" She bit her lip. Joe was coming back, Stella's ecstatic to see him. I can't spoil that for her. She's been with me through it all. I can't deny her that.

"I'm fine with it, Stell." I flash her my best smile.

And as the moon is rising, you think to yourself
I could be gone, if I go now.

Stella went home already and I'm left all alone in my new apartment. I turned off the lights in hopes of getting sleep but it never came. The moon illuminated half of the room. I got up to close the curtains but the moment I lifted my hands, I stopped. My bracelet glistened against the light. It was a gift from my mom.

Red lines adorned my wrist along with it. No wonder I can't completely forget all the pain I've been through. I just couldn't bring myself to take it off though. The cuts… I don't know how long they'll be there.

The moonlight seemed like it was taunting me, mocking me. It was reminding me of being left behind.

Left behind. Abandoned.

That'll never happen to me ever again. Never again. This time, I'll be the one leaving. I'm not being selfish. I know it's because of me that Stella refused to go on tour with the brothers. It's partly because of me that my mom…

Something on top of my shelf glistens against the moonlight. It was the cutter we used earlier to unpack.

I could leave now if I wanted to, was one of the bitterest thoughts that played in my mind.

You can't turn back the hands of time
Just let it go and you'll be fine (woah)
What's done is done and its alright
You cant turn back the hands of time

"He's coming back." This time I acknowledged him, trying it out. If I'm going to meet him, I don't want to be the one who was lost when he left. Past is past and I can't change that. He's still a member of my favorite band. He's still Kevin and Joe's little brother. Plus, he used to be my friend.

Back to being friends, a good thought but quite silly to me. It's a good way to face him though.

Then, friends it is. It'll be like as if nothing has happened.

This is better; for my sanity and his.

A/N: This is gonna be a two-part sequel. I can't seem to cram up all of Macy's thoughts and feelings in one song. I've had some suggestions on the next song and I've picked out the few that I like but if you have more suggestions I'm open to it. I don't know if I did well on this one. I seriously don't like this. It's all smush when I reread it. I hope you understand. In this one, Stella tells Macy that the guys are back and Macy's reminiscing about the old times (I dare not say 'good). REVIEWS PLEASE? :)