Homestar returned to work the next day for the first time in a week. He pulled at his sweater, the stubborn phone number still refusing to come off. Oh well. The imaginary Strong Bad had a point- when the time came, it'd be decent enough proof. He sat at his desk and boredly started on his work. He was half hoping that he'd have leftover things to do from his impromptu break, but it appeared that everything was taken care of. He had a clean slate, and it bored the hell out of him.

He wasn't the only bored one. Strong Bad had taken to sharpening pencils and flipping them up at the ceiling, attempting to get them to stick. The difference was, he actually had some work to do. His mind though kept wandering back to Hayley and when he'd get that phone call.

When Pom Pom came by, he scrambled to sit up in his chair and look busy. His boss merely rolled his eyes and kept walking, stopping at Homestar's cubicle.

"Hey, good to see you back. How are you feeling?"

"Hmm?" He turned around and grinned up at him. "Much better, thanks."

"You know, this time I actually believe you. You look a lot better," Pom Pom grinned. "Hey, do you think you can pick up a side project for me? Certain people have been slacking lately and we're a little behind on a spreadsheet. One from... last quarter."

"Awesome, I've been looking for something to do," he sighed, getting up. "I'll just need to read up on some things. There's the files from the last quarter in your office, right?"

"Yep," Pom Pom nodded. "I'm actually on my way out for lunch, but you can help yourself to them. Second filing cabinet to the left of my desk."

"Ooh, wait up for me, I'm freakin' starving," he said quickly. "Be right back." He passed by Strong Bad on his way to the office and flashed him a grin. "Hey Strong Bad," he waved. It was about a million times easier dealing with him on a day-to-day basis thanks to Hayley. He was grateful for her, even if she was ... well, a lie.

"Get lost, dork, I'm working." Strong Bad waved him off, preparing to sharpen another pencil.

He rolled his eyes. "Uh huh," he muttered, dashing into the office. He found the files within a few moments and dashed back to join Pom Pom. "Ready to roll."

Pom Pom pulled on his driving sunglasses and they headed for the door. The nice thing about hanging around with Pom Pom was that he actually had a car. This meant getting to leave the office for lunch instead of dashing out to the diner next door and trying to get back within your time limit... or eating what was in the machines in the employee lounge.

"I'm glad you figured things out for yourself, buddy. I was really worried about you for a while," Pom Pom noted on the drive back. "So, were you able to get back together with Marzipan?"

Homestar blinked. "Ah, no. She called me last week and we talked but..." He trailed off a bit sadly. "We decided it was best if we're just friends, yanno?"

Pom Pom stared at him for a second. "Are you serious, man? You two have been dating for so long... you've always pulled through rough times before. This doesn't have to do with anything- well, you know." He cleared his throat. "You coming out of the closet or whatever...?"

"I'm not gay," he sighed angrily.

"Right, I'm sorry," Pom Pom didn't sound quite convinced but he changed the topic. "So now you're on your own again. You know what that means, huh?" He elbowed Homestar lightly. "You should start hanging out at the club on weekends again. It'll be like old times. It's a good way to meet people."

He looked away and tapped his fingers together. "...I didn't say I was single."

"Oh?" Pom Pom peered over his sunglasses at him. "What's she like?"

He hesitated. "Oh, you know..." He twirled his hand before muttering as quietly as possible, "...sh.. ... ...h...he's...nice."

Pom Pom rolled his eyes. "Homestar, you know I don't care at all if you're into dating guys so long as you're happy."

"I know," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's just ...w...weird, is all. But I'm really into him, so ..." He trailed off again. Can't tell him too much.

"Cool, I'm glad it worked out for you." Pom Pom parked the car and tucked his sunglasses in his pocket. He felt he shouldn't pry too much, anyway. "And hey, if all goes well, I want to meet this guy sometime. Maybe you can recruit him for the bowling team."

He snorted. "Uh, trust me. You don't want him on your team. Maybe on someone else's team..." he mused, chuckling.

"That bad, huh?" Pom Pom smiled and shook his head. "Ah well, I'm not completely above guerilla tactics. Bowling's a highly competitive sport."

Homestar laughed and followed him inside. "You'll meet him..." His eyes flicked towards Strong Bad as he walked past. "You'll meet him soon enough."

"I had better. Take care, man." With that, Pom Pom returned to his office.

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly. Strong Bad got several sentences typed and made a graph. He had also succeeded in embedding four pencils in the ceiling- all of them above Homestar's desk. As he'd discovered during his annoying co-worker's lunch excursion, the pencils didn't stay in the ceiling forever. His first success had come back and hit him in the head, giving him the idea in the first place.

So he whittled his time away, waiting for the trap to spring and trying to get as little done as possible.

Homestar was typing away when a pencil bapped him on the head. He blinked, confused. "...what the crap?" He looked around left and right for the source, confused. He eventually shrugged it off and got back to work, only to be hit again.

Strong Bad peered briefly over the wall of his cubicle and then ducked down again, snickering. Man, Homestar was dumb. If only he'd had time to get a dozen or so up there.

The third pencil fell, this one hitting the brim of his hat, helping Homestar identify the source. He looked up, eyes narrowed, and then glared at Strong Bad just as the last pencil fell. He caught this one before it hit his keyboard. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Not anymore. You're doing most of it," Strong Bad snorted.

He sighed and shook his head. He leaned against his palm, eyebrow raised. He liked Strong Bad better when he was polite and flirty, but he couldn't do much about that. "You still have the third quarter annual reports to type up, you know."

"I'll get to it when I get to it," Strong Bad replied flatly. "I'm sure if I wait long enough, Pom Pom will probably pass that off to his favorite employee, too."

"I'm not his favorite," he frowned. "I just work hard. Maybe you should do the same."

Strong Bad pretended to consider it briefly. "No way, I wouldn't want to end up like you. I don't do the whole 'teacher's pet' thing."

"I am not a teacher's pet," he huffed.

"Uh huh. The record begs to differ. Miss Nelson in seventh grade loved you so much she probably would have married you if it wasn't illegal," Strong Bad rolled his eyes.

He rolled his eyes. "She didn't like you because you regularly tried killing her guinea pig."

He pointed at him angrily. "Hey, I wasn't trying to kill that thing. Feeding it crayons would not have killed it. But I'll admit, letting it loose in the girl's locker room might have resulted in serious injury... but probably not death."

He smirked. "That was actually pretty funny," he chuckled. "You were such a bad kid, man."

"Four hundred and fifty two," Strong Bad replied with a bit of a proud smirk. "That's how many stripes there were on the wallpaper in the principal's office. I counted them enough times while having to listen to all those dumb lectures. But I'd way rather have been a bad kid than a dumb teacher's pet."

He shook his head, amused. "You are so freakin' cute," he chuckled, getting back to work.

Strong Bad frowned and threw an eraser at his head. "I said cut it out with the creepiness, man. Ugh." With that, he sat back down and got back to... mostly not working.

Homestar rubbed the side of his head. "Well, you are..." he muttered, blushing a bit. Frick. He had to stop making slips like that. It was really really hard not to flirt with him, though, especially now that he and 'Hayley' were dating.

He got back to work quietly, wrapping up half of his side project before five o'clock rolled around.

Strong Bad had eventually decided to try to finish his report. He glared at the few pages he'd written up on his screen. He could be at home right now... just in case Hayley called. But no. This report was inhibiting his ability to leave. It was supposed to be done tomorrow, technically. He sighed in frustration, leaning his elbow against the desk- and accidentally bumping several keys in the process. His screen went blue with an error message.
"No, don't do that," Strong Bad ordered. "You are not allowed to do that when I haven't saved." He hit the side of the monitor, but obviously to no use. "Ah, crap," he muttered, smacking his head to the desk.

Homestar blinked as he was walking past him. "Again?" he muttered. "You know, forcing your computer to glitch out all the time isn't really a good way to avoid working."

"I didn't do it on purpose this time, moron," Strong Bad growled, hitting the escape key repeatedly in the hopes of not having to restart. "There needs to be a system recovery... button thing somewhere." He tried a few other key combinations, but the screen stubbornly stayed blue. It was so easy to get an error when he needed one, but to undo them was a different story.

"Here, lemme help," Homestar sighed, rolling his eyes. He leaned over him and started typing. "If you hadn't slept through the last meeting, you'd know how to do this."

"I knew how to do it already, I just forgot," he snorted. "Personal space- you mind?"

"You want to keep this file?" Homestar asked, annoyed.

"That depends on how long I have to have you hovering over me. I would've figured it out eventually."

Homestar rolled his eyes and kept typing. "I'm almost done, relax. I'm not going to molest you, you know," he smirked. A few more keystrokes and Strong Bad's screen returned to normal. "There. All done."

"Finally." He pushed Homestar away and immediately saved his work. "And for the record you better not molest me. My girlfriend would so kick your butt, right after I got done kicking it."

"Oh?" He raised a cautious eyebrow. "G-girlfriend, huh? You're really into her?"

"Oh yeah. So don't even get your twisted hopes up," Strong Bad replied. "You know, last night she totally beat one of your high scores on my game, too. She's pretty much awesome at everything and thinks I'm amazing."

He giggled and put his arms behind his back. "I'm happy for you. I started seeing someone, too, so you can relax. My 'twisted' hopes aren't up at all," he snorted.

"Yeah you and Marzi always get back together," Strong Bad rolled his eyes. Seemed like they broke up at least once a month. "Whatever. Marzi can have you. Especially if it keeps you from getting all weird around me like last week."

"If I was back with Marzipan, I woulda said Marzipan," he said, chuckling. "I met someone new. He's ... amazing." He smirked.

Strong Bad raised an eyebrow at him before turning back to his computer screen. "I should've seen that coming from space."

He huffed and glared at him. He wasn't exactly getting the shocked, 'oh-my-god-seriously?' reactions from people that he had been hoping for. "I'm just trying something out," he muttered angrily. "I'm not gay, I'm just open-minded."

"That's what gay people say right before they come out of the closet," Strong Bad snorted.

"I'm not gay," he insisted stubbornly. "I"ve only ever liked on... two guys ever and now all of a sudden people think I'm queer. Jeez." he crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. He even called to tell his mom, and she didn't seem the least bit surprised. This was so frustrating.

"So what I hear you saying is that's two more guy crushes than any straight person. And it's not 'all of a sudden.' Who seriously wears tight jeans and a dorky hat all the time, man? Think about it."

He reached for his hat protectively. "How does my hat make me gay?"

"It has a propeller on it?" Strong Bad offered with a smirk.

"Says the guy in a wrestling mask, biker gloves and way tighter pants than mine," he huffed. "Propeller hats aren't gay."

Strong Bad growled. "I've got a girlfriend, whereas you have some... fairy boy who is probably just as gay as you to want to date you. I think that should speak for itself."

He laughed and clapped his hand over his mouth to stop it. "U-u-uh-huh, right. F-fairy boy," he managed, biting his lip. Imagining Strong Bad as a totally femme, stereotypically gay man was a mental image that was too hysterical to bear. "Well, I hope you and ... your ne...new girlfriend..." He paused to let out another snicker. "H-have fun. I gotta get going. See ya, Strong Bad."

"Yeah, bye. And I will!" He huffed and turned back to his computer again, making a mental note to save more often as he went this time. "Black pants are allowed to be tight," he muttered to himself.

Homestar hopped down the front steps and whipped out the cheap, pay-by-minute phone he picked up to be 'Hayley's phone. He cleared his throat as he walked before dialing the only number listed- Strong Bad's.

The recipient of the call jumped at the sound of his cell in the now nearly empty office. He fumbled for it and flipped it open hastily. The fact that the caller ID showed up as unknown was hopeful. "Hello?"

He smirked. "Hey," he said casually, using his Hayley voice. he glanced down at his nails as he walked. "What are you doing tonight?"

Strong Bad glanced at the half finished quarter report on his screen before leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up. "Oh, uh... nothing important."

"Mmm. You sure?" He pulled out his real cellphone to check his messages while he was bored. "Because I was thinking me, you and the Last Lament of Sally tonight at 8."

The making-out movie! "Sure! You wanna meet up right at the theater?"

"Yuh-huh." He paused and smirked. "Oh, and honey? Don't wear those black pants again. They make you look like such a fag. See ya~!" He snapped his phone shut and laughed. That'll show him for making fun of his hat.

Strong Bad blinked, still holding the cell to his ear. "...what." His face went very hot and he stuffed his cell in his pocket. These were his favorite pants. What the crap did that stupid girl know? Obviously nothing.

'Hayley' showed up at the theater by quarter to 8, complete with a new outfit, an even shorter skirt this time. He was pretty sure he bought the longest one they had the first time, but oh well. The thigh high socks helped, slightly. He sighed and leaned against the wall and as soon as he spotted the familiar red of Strong Bad's mask he pretended not to notice him and stretched, lifting his leg up to pose against the wall in more feminine and show-offy manner.

Which Strong Bad noticed immediately, and didn't even bother pretending not to. "Wow, you look... nice tonight, Hayley," he noted with a grin as he walked over.

Homestar giggling and looked away. If by 'nice' he meant 'slutty', then sure. Man, Strong Bad was easy to please. "Thanks. You too. See you took my advice," he mused, wiggling his fingers at his pants. "Not that I don't love your ass, but come on, who really wears pants that tight?" He made a dismissive 'pfft' sound.

Strong Bad forced a laugh, jamming his hands in his pockets. "Hehe yeah... only rock stars and cool people." He cleared his throat. That had come out kind of bitter. "So anyway, I guess we should get tickets so all the good seats aren't taken."

He smirked. "I'm not looking for good seats. I'm looking for terrible, back of the darkest part of the theater ones," he giggled, blushing a bit. He held out his hand to him. "Come on."

"Now those are exactly the kind of good seats I'm talking about." Strong Bad took 'her' hand and followed eagerly.

After pretending to pay attention to Sally's many laments for a few minutes so that no stragglers would catch them, the date went as both of them expected. Homestar had to pull Strong Bad's hands away from his thigh once or twice- it wasn't that he minded it there, it was just that he was getting dangerously up the already miniscule article of clothing. The last thing he needed was Strong Bad finding out he wasn't a girl in a hands-on manner.

Besides, he reasoned- he promised he wouldn't do anything until he told Strong Bad he was Hayley. So despite the overpowering desire to pull Strong Bad's not-as-tight pants down and try out what he and dream-him had been doing for the past two weeks with slutty enthusiasm, he managed to keep his hands to himself. Plus, going down on someone in the theater on the third date? Probably the most whoreish thing he could think of. Marzipan waited until they were at least nine dates in.

The lights brightened and he pulled away from Strong Bad slightly. "Aw, crap. I wanted to know what her last lament was," he pouted.

"Guess we'll just have to come back sometime... " Strong Bad mused.

Homestar giggled. "It's a date then," he said, standing up. He smoothed out his skirt. "It's a bit late. Want me to walk you home?"

Strong Bad started to try to turn the offer around, but then stopped himself. Right- no treating her too girly. They'd been through the walking home thing. "Sounds good to me."

He had already started down the aisle and looked over his shoulder at him expectantly. "Well, hurry up, then," he ordered.

The walk home was rather uneventful, and he stopped at the front steps. He grinned at him. "Call me if you wanna hang out, okay?"

"You can count on it," Strong Bad grinned back. "I'll need your phone number, though. It came up as 'unknown' on my caller ID."

"Oh, uh..." He shrugged. "I don't have any paper. How about I just call you?"

"No, it's no problem," Strong Bad insisted. "I gotta add you to my phone sometime. If you got a pen you can just write it on my hand."

"Hmm. Okay, take off your glove," he said, pointing after he pulled out a pink sharpie marker. He took his hand and scribbled the number on ... followed by a star. "There." He leaned close and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Well, see ya!" He turned and left, giving Strong Bad a little wave over his shoulder.

Strong Bad waved back, too thrilled to have finally gotten Hayley's phone number to worry about having to wash it off later. "Night, Hayley." He pulled out his phone as he went up the front steps and started adding the number to his contact list.

'Hayley' practically dashed home- all that touching kissing and mild groping left him horny as hell. It was hard focusing much on the boring chitchat post date because of this fact.

He got home, quickly remedied that problem and crashed on his bed with a sigh. He giggled and hugged his pillow. As much fun as Strong Bad was on their dates, he had to admit that hearing Strong Bad talk about how crazy he was about his new girlfriend was totally the best part. "He even brags about me."

"Not you- Hayley." What was it with his head voice liking to pop in and ruin the moment all the time? "And my guess is he'll be bragging a little less tomorrow when he finds out that pink marker is permanent."

He smirked. "It was only fair."

The voice chuckled. "As an official imaginary representation of him, I am bound by my existence to disagree. But I am impressed at your ability to exact revenge in a cleverly ironic manner... I guess. You're getting makeup on that pillow again, by the way."

He pulled it away, annoyed. "Augh. Not again, I just washed this." He flipped it over and headed for the bathroom to wipe his make-up off. He figured he'd brush his teeth while he was there. After he spit into the sink, he glanced at his reflection. "When do you think I should tell him?"

"You need to do it before the weekend. And you'd better not wait much longer, especially if you want to be the one delivering the news. You guys are off to a good start. Each date you push it, you risk him finding out before you can tell him."

"Before the weekend?" he repeated, frowning. "...that doesn't give him a whole lot of time to fall for me."

"Look at it this way, Homestar- do you remember when you broke his 8 track player and didn't tell him for a month? Remember how pissed off he was when he found out you'd been lying about it? This is a little like that, but... times a billion. Do not draw it out any longer than you have to, man," the voice explained. "You totally don't need any more time than that anyhow, he's way into you even now."

He sighed. "You're right," he muttered. "I'll tell him this weekend. We're probably going out Friday, since he has off Saturday." He started undoing his hair. "Hope you know what you're talking about."

Friday came, and just as expect Strong Bad had called to arrange them to hang out in his basement. Homestar rolled his eyes. Strong Mad's usual play date night with The Cheat, and Strong Sad's poetry club. The house to themselves. Strong Bad was such a pervert.

But ... a fun one. Homestar looked himself over in the window by Strong Bad's door. He'd decided against going in as Hayley- he was starting to hate her for getting all of Strong Bad's attention. Still, he kept her phone in his pocket just in case Strong Bad needed further proof.

He mussed up his hair and rang the bell nervously. "You better be right about this," he warned the ever-present voice in his head.

His head voice didn't get the chance to respond, as the real Strong Bad yanked the door open. "Hey th-" He blinked at Homestar, expression switching to a glare of annoyance. "Agh, what the crap are you doing here at this time of night? Shoo! Whatever you want, the answer is no."

Homestar grinned weakly. "I need to talk to you."

"Then talk to me tomorrow when I'm not waiting for my girlfriend to show up. Whatever it is, I guarantee it's not more important than my date." He started to close the door.

He grabbed the door and kept it open. "Trust me, it's important," he insisted.

"Uh, no. It's not," Strong Bad snorted, pushing harder against the door.

Homestar huffed angrily and with a little effort forced the door open enough so he could enter. "It is. It'll only take a second, I swear." He suddenly got very nervous. Sure, he'd practice what'd he say, but now that he was here his heart had dropped into his stomach.

"...it's about Hayley," he said slowly.

Strong Bad folded his arms over his chest. Dropping Hayley's name into the conversation had temporarily earned his attention. "What about her?"

"Well ... you know I'm crazy about you, right?" he asked tentatively.

"Unfortunately, yes. You've got thirty seconds to steer this back to being about Hayley before I'm throwing you out the door, man."

"I have a point," he insisted. He rubbed his arm and looked away. "W-well, sometimes people in love do stupid things like..."

He swallowed nervously. "...l...like dressing up like a uh. Like a girl and tricking people into g-going out with them."

Strong Bad tapped his fingers on his arm, apparently not getting the hint. "Ten seconds left."

He stared at him. Was he really that stupid? "I'm Hayley."

Strong Bad was very quiet for a moment. By all appearances, Homestar was being serious. That was ridiculous. Hayley was-

Hayley was what, a girl? She didn't like being treated like one. He shook his head, not liking where his train of thought was leading, but his mind didn't stop there. She was the same height, had the same color of hair, the same build, the same aggravating ability to beat him at video games, a mildly dorky personality, liked drinking beer with him and hanging out-

"No, y- no you're not."

Homestar frowned and pulled up his sleeve, where the smeared but still half legible phone number remained. "Strong Bad, I'm serious. I'm Hayley."

He grabbed his arm, pulling Homestar forward with it. Permanent ink. Not easily smeared off except after days of wearing it around. He should know after that stupid pink ink on his own arm. "That's... b-but I made out with- I d- what. Just... just what?" He slapped his forehead and kept staring at his own handwriting on Homestar's arm.

"I'm sorry I lied to you, but you wouldn't even give me a chance," he said. He tried tugging his arm back, but Strong Bad gripped it fairly firmly. Oh well. He frowned. "I really like you you, and you really like Hayley so ..." He trailed off. "..I...I mean, if you still wanna g-go out ... I doubt you do, but ... if you w-wanted to, we could."

Strong Bad kept his grip on Homestar's arm and his gaze locked in place, not responding right away. He was still very hung up on the the whole making-out idea. That had been Homestar?

It took a while for the offer to sink in past his shock. When it finally did, he managed to glance up at his... well, ex-girlfriend again. Never had he felt so utterly stupid. "I... can't... date you. Y-you're a guy." He finally seemed to be getting his powers of speech back following the mental meltdown. "I don't... do that. No. That Hayley stuff? That was totally different. Totally and completely different." He looked away, falling silent for a second.

He cleared his throat. "'Sorry' does not even begin to cover this," he blurted with a dry, bitter laugh. "Nice try. I think you need to just... go home now."

Homestar pulled his arm back, not exactly surprised. "Right," he said quietly, not looking at him. He pulled his sleeve down and left without another word.

He walked home slowly- he was sure the inner Strong Bad was talking to him, but he was somehow tuning it out. As soon as he stepped through his front door, he closed it behind him and collapsed to the floor, sobbing hysterically.

"I told you!" he screamed after a minute. "I told you he wouldn't like me! You kept forcing me, supporting me when I never had a chance!" He wiped his eyes and choked on a sob. "I told you! I told you!"

"Give him some time," the voice pleaded. "You had a chance. You still might have one. Just give him some time to think."

"You saw the way he looked at me!" he shouted, trembling. He buried his face in his knees. "He hates me! I'll be lucky if I don't get a restraining order after this!" He hugged his knees tighter and hiccuped.

"Doubtful. He would have done it by now considering all the times you've let yourself into his house," the voice pointed out. It was weirdly calm in comparison to the rest of Homestar's brain. "Hang in there, man. It's not the end of the world."

"Not the end of the world?" he repeated angrily, hiccuping again. He got to his feet, fists clenched tightly.

"Not the end of the world? Strong Bad totally hates me, he thinks I'm some crossdressing stalker freak, and he's never ever gonna talk to me again, much less trust me! He hates me! I love him and he hates me!"

"It's a chance you had to take. Would you rather be back in the office, freaking out every time he walked by and driving yourself crazy?"

He slid down the wall and back to the floor. "W-well, no."

"Then suck it up. Take it easy and lay low for a bit until he has a chance to settle. That's all you can do right now anyway," the voice advised.

He sniffed and shakily got to his feet. "I guess," he muttered. He headed for his bed and promptly crashed down on it, not bothering to get changed or even take off his shoes. He buried his face in his pillow before he pulled away from it. "Hey, c...can you hold off on the dreams tonight?"

"I'm way ahead of you, man," it replied. "You go ahead and get some rest."

Homestar tried, and eventually sleep found him. Just as promised, he was completely dreamless that night. That didn't keep him from waking up periodically, clutching at his chest. He winced. The total look of disgust in Strong Bad's eyes ran through him like an arrow, slow and rough, with no hope of pulling it out alone. The voice in his head urged him to go back to sleep, and he eventually listened.

A few hours later, Strong Sad walked into his house, dropping his backpack by the door. He had his weekly poetry club meeting at Marzipan's house this week, and he was happy to report that the melonade was completely gone.

"Strong Bad?" he called up the stairs. No answer. He peaked into his bedroom- nope.

He hopped down the steps and spotted him on the couch. "Strong Bad?"

He was lying with his arm dangling off the edge, staring at the TV. It had been turned off until he heard Strong Sad's arrival. "Go away," he grunted.

Strong Sad gave him a curious look. "What's wrong? Hayley dump you?"

"Hah," he snorted. "I wish."

"I'm a little confused. You were bragging to mom last night on the phone that she was 'the one'. What the heck happened?" he asked, sitting on the other end of the couch.

"There is no Hayley, that's what happened," he muttered, boredly flipping channels with one finger. "There's no girlfriend, there's no 'the one', and there was no... date."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, frowning. Even if it wasn't making much sense, Strong Bad seemed pretty upset. "Want some good news?"

"You never have good news," he replied flatly. "Fine, what."

"I was at Marzi's tonight- all the melonade is gone," he reported cheerfully- well, cheerfully for Strong Sad. "Three full days before the full moon, too."

"Oh." He flipped another few channels. "Yeah that's good I guess."

"What's the matter with you?" he sighed. "I've never seen you like this before." He motioned to him. "People are going to mistake you for me, man. You're being a downer. What happened?"

Strong Bad huffed. As far as he was concerned, he had every right to be a downer right now if he felt like it. "Where do you want me to start? As of tonight's utter destruction of my life, it turns out all the best dates of said ruined life have been a lie, and my perfect girlfriend isn't a girlfriend. Or real. And... you know what, I changed my mind. I don't think I want to talk about this with you."

"What do you mean a lie?" he urged. "You're not giving me a whole lot of information here."

"It was all fake. I'm pretty sure all he wanted was to get close to me for his stupid... creepy fantasies," he muttered. At least, that's what he'd kept telling himself over the last hour and a half.

"He?" he repeated, blinking. "Who's he?"

Strong Bad blinked. "H- he? I didn't say he. I meant 'she'."

"No, you said he," Strong Sad said slowly. "...Hayley was a boy?"

Crap, he hadn't wanted that particular detail getting out. "...if you tell anyone else, I'm locking you in a crate and shipping you to Istanbul."

He put an X over his heart. "Hey, he was pretty convincing," he laughed nervously. "Oh well. But just think, Marzipan will be all over you soon enough."

Strong Bad frowned. Somehow, the prospect wasn't as appealing now that they had that shared experience of making out with Homestar. More like disturbing. Plus, Homestar was probably better than her anyw-

"Ugh, no." He rubbed his forehead, trying to exorcise the thought from his brain. "I think we need to call this thing off. I really- I... it's just weird."

"But ..." Strong Sad frowned. "Oh, fine. I'll give her the antidote." He sighed. "You know what's weird, though? She wasn't showing any of the signs of the potion when I saw her tonight. I guess it varies from person to person, but ..." He didn't like admitting that the potion might not have worked. "It's supposed to make the person like ... downright obsessed. But I mentioned you today and she seemed disgusted. Go figure. Maybe she's just one of those people that lies when they're interested..."

Strong Bad sighed, somewhat relieved. "No, she's been acting that same way for years. If she was obsessed, she should be friggen stalking me or... at the very least, calling me up to try t-... to ... date me." It was then that something clicked.

"Oh my god- I think your potion did work." He sat up suddenly and grabbed Strong Sad's shoulder. "You said there's an antidote, right?"

"Well, yeah. It's upstairs. I can give it to Marzipan next time I see her," he said, squirming out of his grasp.

Strong Bad rubbed the back of his neck. "It's, um... not for Marzipan. It's for Homestar."

Strong Sad didn't respond right away.

"Oooooh... so that's why he was being such a spazz around you," he mused, raising an eyebrow. "He must have drank the melonade, not Marzi. That explains a wh..." He paused, making some connections. "...Homestar was Hayley?"

Strong Bad cleared his throat awkwardly. "Er, yes. But I'm going to fix this," he insisted. "He just needs that antidote, and then we'll all be able to totally forget this ever happened. And never mention it again. Not even think about it."

"Agreed. We should get it to him right away," he grinned, obviously a bit giddy. "Oh man I'm just so glad the potion worked. I was beginning to doubt for a second there. It sucks that it was used on the wrong target, but it's really effective, right? He was totally in love with you, right? Oh man. That seller is totally getting a 'will buy again' from me."

Strong Bad glared at him. "'Buy again' over my dead body. I will not have any more obsessed, horny neighbors in drag chasing me around, man. Not fun." Actually, it had all been pretty fun until he'd found out about it...

Strong Sad rolled his eyes. "It's not Homestar's fault. It's the spell."

"Your spell that you were supposed to get to the right target," Strong Bad pointed out.

"He drank the melonade! How was I supposed to know he'd drink it?" he frowned.

"I don't know, that was your job! And it's Homestar, I mean come on. He's like a sugary drink addict." He smirked. "It's actually sorta funny. When he was Hayl..." he blinked and stopped himself, choking on his words a bit. "U-uh nevermind. Let's get this over with."

Strong Sad nodded and dashed upstairs for the antidote.

A little while later, there was a knock on Homestar's door. Homestar, having found it impossible to sleep anymore even though he desperately wanted to, shuffled to the door to answer it. Waiting for him was Strong Sad. He blinked.

"What do you want?" he asked snidely, already half closing the door. "I'm not in the mood."

"Wait," Strong Sad shifted uneasily. Naturally his brother would make him be the messenger in this. "I'm here to help you. Strong Bad told me what's been going on, and we figured out there's been... sort of a mix-up."

Homestar reddened slightly and tried closing the door. "Make fun of me tomorrow, I'm tired," he huffed.

Strong Sad blocked it with his foot. "I'm not here to make fun of you, Homestar. I'm here to give you an antidote for the love potion you accidentally drank a while ago. It's why you've been so obsessed with Strong Bad lately."

His eyes widened. "Love potion?" He blinked and looked away angrily. "This isn't a fairy tale, Strong Sad. There's no such thing."

"But there is!" He insisted, slightly insulted. "Many cultures have their own versions of aphrodesiacs, which are only a weak form of the real thing. Supposedly, a full-fledged love potion is strong enough to alter a person's mind. They can also go so far as to drive people to having hallucinations or mental breakdowns simply from trying to ignore it..."

Homestar looked away again. He's talking about you, you know, he thought to his imaginary tormentor.

"S-so ..." He hesitated slightly, opening the door a crack. "...all of this is ... it's fake?"

"Not... exactly. I'd think of it more as a spell-induced state," Strong Sad replied. "What I'm trying to say is it's not your fault you suddenly started obsessing over him. It's the potion."

He didn't respond for a few seconds. "And you can make it go away?"

"Well, considering the potion worked, there's a good chance the antidote will work as well. So yeah." He pulled a little red bottle out of his jacket and held it up. "Drink all of it and you should be back to normal in no time."

Homestar took it from him, inspecting it. He looked it over sadly.

To be free of these sudden overpowering feelings would be a blessing. He'd be able to get on with his life, maybe Marzipan would even take him back.

On the other hand, as far as he was concerned ... he loved Strong Bad. Sure, these feelings weren't generated in the standard manner, and he wasn't entirely fond of having them, but he still loved him. He gripped the bottle sadly. To just take them away as quickly as he got them seemed the easy way out. He'd done so much to get Strong Bad to like him. It was such a waste.

"Thanks," he muttered quietly.

"No problem. Just make sure you drink it right away," Strong Sad advised as he turned to leave. "I'm not sure how long it takes to kick in."

"Uh huh," he nodded, watching him go. He closed he door and leaned against it, still staring at the shiny red bottle in his hand. He sighed.

"You're going to tell me not to take it, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

"I'm gonna tell you to do what you want," his imaginary advisor replied. "But whatever you choose, better make sure it's really what you want. That potion might've brought me here, man, but I'm still part of your brain. I'm not sabotaging ya. Well, I mean, not much, and only for the right reasons. I've been trying to help you be happy again."

He rolled the bottle from one hand to the other for a moment, brow furrowed in thought. He popped off the cap and sniffed at it- odorless. Probably tasteless. Wouldn't be a huge deal to just chug it right here, right now.

He popped the cap back on and frowned, sliding to the floor. "Happy, huh..." he mused quietly. "Happy would be nice."

"Think about what it is that makes you happy. Maybe that'll help you decide."

He rested his chin on his hand, quiet for a long time. What made him happy?

After a few minutes, he shakily got to his feet, and entered the bathroom, bottle in hand. When he exited a moment later, the bottle was empty and he rubbed his neck, sighing. "I hope I know what I'm doing."

He crashed back down on the couch and curled up to try and go back to sleep.

Strong Bad never imagined he'd be looking forward to working the following Monday. With the relieving news that the antidote had been delivered, he'd been able to unwind over the weekend. He was able to get back to his usual activities- gluing his whiny brother's sketchbook pages together, hanging out at Bubs's with The Cheat and Strong Mad, buying Strong Sad a new sketchbook after getting an angry call from his mom...

There was just one thing still bugging him. Despite the fact that Hayley had been a total lie, he couldn't get 'her' out of his head. It was especially hard to play video games without thinking back to them hanging out- and to an equal extent, making out- on the couch. He blocked the thoughts out as best as he could, but it was frustrating. Hayley had been... wonderful.

Several times he even wondered if maybe dating Homestar wouldn't have been so bad considering how much he'd cared about his alter ego- much to his swiftly following horror.

Whatever. It was over now. That potion had been taken care of once and for all. He hoped as he walked in the door of the office Monday morning that being forced to work around Homestar again and giving his imagination a proper reality check would help him get over it. He was really getting tired of all the weird dreams this situation had stirred up.

Unfortunately, Homestar's desk was empty upon his arrival- the pictures were gone, post-it notes missing, the computer off. Strong Sad brought over a box of his belongings and set them down at the desk.

"Hey, neighbor," he sighed, glancing at Strong Bad. "I got moved over here. Oh well, at least it's not right next to the bathrooms again..."

Strong Bad frowned. "Why did they move you here? Where's Homestar?"

"He usually has off today, but I saw him in Pom Pom's office," he said, shrugging. "Dunno why he's here, though. Kinda weird to show up on your day off."

"Yeah... weird." Strong Bad resumed walking to his own cubicle and turned on his computer. That was as far as he got before curiosity got the better of him. He grabbed a folder so as not to arrive without an excuse and headed over to Pom Pom's office.

He walked in on a rather heated discussion.

"Homestar, you can't just ... move across the country!" Pom Pom snapped. "You're being unreasonable."

Homestar looked away dismissively, arms crossed over his chest. "I made up my mind. Mom and dad are gonna let me rent out the garage until I find my own place. Los Angeles is a fresh start." He snapped his head up when the door opened and he tensed up. "H-hey Strong Bad." He quickly looked the other way.

"Leave the files on my desk," Pom Pom ordered, still glaring at Homestar. "I'm not approving this transfer. This is stupid. You can't just leave."

"You're leaving?" Strong Bad blurted, skipping a greeting altogether. "Why?"

Homestar glanced over at him, smiling sadly. "It's complicated. I just need to do this."

"No you don't." Strong Bad tossed his folder onto Pom Pom's desk and folded his arms. "All of your friends are here, man. You've got your own place, you- you got a job."

"I've been trying to tell him that for the past ten minutes," Pom Pom muttered.

"There are other jobs, other houses and other friends," Homestar shrugged. He turned back to Pom Pom. "Look, if you won't transfer me, I'll just quit."

Pom Pom leaned against his desk and put his head in his hand. "Homestar..."

"Don't do it," Strong Bad snapped.

Pom Pom was quiet for a moment before grabbing a pen. "You're really set on this aren't you," he sighed angrily. He wasn't about to disadvantage his friend, even if he didn't agree with the choice. "If it doesn't work out over there, you can always transfer back. Remember that."

Strong Bad's eyes shot from the paper Pom Pom had started to fill out to Homestar. "But..." he searched desperately for a solid excuse. "You can't do this. Y- you still have all that stuff you borrowed from me at your place. And you owe me money, I know it!"

"I dropped off all your stuff on your doorstop this morning, and you actually owe me money but don't sweat it," Homestar shrugged, leaning against the desk. "Thanks, Pom Pom. I'll call you when I land tonight."

"Jeezus, you've already booked a flight?" Strong Bad stood there in stunned silence as Pom Pom's pen scratched away at the transfer form. "This is because of me, isn't it," he said finally.

Homestar looked away. "Of course not. Don't be stupid. I just want a new start."

Strong Bad glared at him, fighting back the urge to say what was really on his mind. Instead, he blurted out his frustration. "Fine. I hope you're happy living in your parents garage like a friggen loser. Just when I thought you couldn't get any more lame you pull this crap." He stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him. He didn't stop at his cubicle. He kept going for the front door. This whole returning to work so he could solve his problems thing was not going at all how he'd planned. Fresh air. Maybe that'd help. Anything to get out of that office.

Strong Sad watched him go, confused. "What the...?"

"Thanks a million, Pom Pom," Homestar sighed, forcing a smile as they left his office. "I'll miss you, buddy. I'm gonna go home and finish packing the essentials, but I'll call you."

"You're leaving?" Strong Sad asked, stunned. Homestar nodded before he reached into his pocket. He tossed the small red bottle to him. "Thanks for this, by the way."

He caught it and looked at it, recognizing the thing immediately and tucking it away. "Oh. Yeah... I hope it worked for you."

He glanced over his shoulder briefly. "I guess we'll never know," he shrugged, and continued forward.

He hopped down the steps of the office and headed home with a sigh. He glanced down at his cellphone- his flight left at three. Plenty of time to pack up some clothes. He could have the rest of his junk sent over later, should the need arise.

And at 2:30 he was sitting in the airport, a single bag beside him as he watched the planes takeoff and land.

He frowned. This was the right thing do, wasn't it? Sure, he was leaving his friends, his house, his job. But he'd get to see his parents after not seeing them in almost five years. He'd get to move to a new place with new experiences.

And new people.

He sighed. Mom offered to set him up with their neighbor's son. Maybe he was cute. Though ... Homestar had a hard time deciding what would be 'cute' qualities in a guy beyond a wrestling mask and biker gloves.

He boredly flipped through his iPod tracklist, hoping the batteries would make it to California. Probably not, but that's what books were for, right? Right.

A shadow suddenly fell across the screen, blocking the glare from the plate glass windows overlooking the tarmac. The new arrival cleared his throat. Homestar blinked and glanced up, jumping to his feet. "S... Strong Bad, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Strong Bad rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah, probably. Listen, I wanted to apologize about earlier. That totally wasn't what I meant."

"It sounded like that's what you meant," he muttered, not looking at him. "You should go. My plane's gonna start boarding any minute."

"No, I swear, man. I screwed up. It's just... I really don't want you to leave." He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor for a moment. The next part had taken him all of the last few hours to come up with. Saying it out loud still seemed surreal. "I know this is really last-minute, but if you want a fresh start I figured maybe we could start over. Like, just us... without the crossdressing." He glanced up again. "When you were Hayley, you were perfect. I really l- ... liked you. And maybe it's not so totally different after all, because I think I still... do."

Homestar blinked a few times. This was ... the opposite of a fresh start without Strong Bad. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't ..." He pulled his hand away at the sound of the speakers announcing his flight. He glanced at the terminal. Now or never, Homestar. He looked back down at Strong Bad and winced. Dammit, he really knew how to tug at his heartstrings with those big green eyes of his.

"I ca..." Another call for his plane and he bit his lip, reaching down to grab his bag. "You liked Hayley," he stated softly. "An...and I hope you find someone who can be her for you, but I ... I can't. I gotta go." He turned away and hurriedly headed for the terminal.

Strong Bad stood rooted to the spot, watching him walk away in numb silence. He didn't want it to end like this. Not after spending all of that freaking time trying to get his thoughts together and throwing almost every notion of what he thought he knew about his own sexual alignment out the window. And now Homestar didn't even believe him. There had to be something he could say.

Somehow he got his legs to move and jogged after him. He caught him by the shoulder, stepping around to face him only to realize he was very much at a loss for words. Oh, what the hell- I've got nothing to lose anyway.

He snagged Homestar's shirt and pulled him down into a kiss.

Homestar let out a muffled squeak in surprise, eyes widening. He jerked away and brought a hand to his mouth, cheeks going from pale to bright red in record time.

Strong Bad kissed him. Not Hayley. Him. Homestar him. In public, even. He broke out into a grin. "Y-you're sure about this?" he asked, trying not to sound nervous. "Positive? Y...you really want this, right, and not because of her, but... you want me, right? Not her?"

Strong Bad rolled his eyes a bit, relieved that he'd finally gotten through. Apparently desperation did sometimes pay off. "Positive. That was all for the guy in the dorky hat and the too-tight pants." He flicked the brim of Homestar's hat and smirked.

Homestar grinned and threw his arms around him, burying his face into his shoulder. "Oh thank god! I th-thought for sure you hated me," he giggled. He pulled away slightly, looking equally as relieved and just a little bit ... shy. He averted his eyes and bit his lip. "I r-really care about you Strong Bad. I know there was the ...potion thing b-but..." He shifted nervously, face flushing. "...b...but I don't care. I really like you."

"Me too. I'm... I'm, uh, still kind of getting used to the idea of all this, but I know that much." He glanced over at the terminal briefly. "So, this means you're staying, right?"

He followed his gaze. "Hmm. On one condition."

Strong Bad raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You start wearing those black pants again. They made your ass look awesome," he giggled.

Strong Bad felt his face go red beneath his mask. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, well, you see? There's a reason they were my favorite."

"Mmhmm. They're my favorite, too," Homestar mused, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Well, I'm about to cash in these roundtrip tickets, so I got a bit of spare cash coming my way. Wanna keep playing hookey from work and catch a movie?"

"Sure." He looked up and smirked a bit. It wouldn't hurt to pick up about where they left off, would it? "We... uh, never did figure out what Sally's last lament was."

Homestar glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "No, we didn't. Hmm. I'm curious. Are you?"

"Very," Strong Bad grinned.

"Guess it's unanimous- Sally's last lament it is," he grinned in return, tilting his chin to give him a quick peck. "...assuming we pay any attention this time, that is."

"Yeah, right. We both know that's not gonna happen if you're as good at making out as you were last week," Strong Bad replied slyly.

Homestar blushed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Heh ... really? I was so nervous I thought I was gonna die," he sighed, shoulders slumping. He brought his hand over his heart. "I thought for sure you'd figure out I wasn't a girl."

"Yeah, that would have been bad," Strong Bad noted. "Lucky for you, you make a pretty convincing chick. And you managed to keep me away from your skirt. That's a commendable feat in itself, man."

He huffed and looked away. "...I wasn't that convincing..." he muttered, frowning.

"It's those legs," Strong Bad mused. "They acted as the ultimate distraction."

He glanced down at his legs, quiet for a few seconds. What had the voice said again? He swallowed and looked away, face completely red. "Y-y-you know, I s...still have my Hayley outfits i-i-if you ever w-wanted to m-m-m-m...mess around o-or something," he muttered, voice getting quiet. He scrunched his eyes closed and went tense. "...y...you know, if yo...you want."

Strong Bad blinked at him before shaking his head and chuckling. "I'll keep that in mind. But I think just for now, I'd like to keep things a little less confusing. And weird. I mean, being that you're the first guy I've ever actually thought about like... um, that." He paused. "Though it wouldn't kill you to wear shorts more often."

"Shorts?" He blinked. "Shorts. I can do shorts. Sure. Way better than a fricken skirt, anyway," he laughed, wrapping an arm around him and grinning at him. "That works for me. Now come on, let's go 'see' our movie." He kissed him on the cheek, grabbed his hand and pulled him along.