Hi! My name's Mary Sue and recently I had a really exciting adventure. It was not long after leaving the adventuring group, the Order of the Stick; which I had to leave as everyone liked me too much, which is a real curse and anyone who says it isn't is a prep. All the male characters kept asking me out and, honestly, it's hard work remembering where you're supposed to be on a given night. I even went out with a vampire once but he can't have been a proper vampire and after your boyfriend has turned to ash there's really no hope for the relationship, is there?

So, a few days after saying my tearful goodbyes, where everyone was really devastated to see me go, I found myself on the island of Berk; a nice enough place where everyone wore these silly helmets. I decided to stay for a while as it was obvious that they needed my help! It seems they kept getting attacked by dragons that burned down their houses and stole their sheep and stuff. Everyone on the island was really good at killing the dragons except from this one skinny boy called Hiccup, but after we slept together he turned into a dragon slayer like the rest and managed to bring down a dragon. When we found the dragon he was going to kill it but I said "No! With my purity I'll be able to tame the wild beast!" and I can speak Dragon anyway.

So I talked with the dragon and he said his name was Toothless and that he was sorry that he burned down the houses and stole stuff and thanked me for showing him the error of his ways and we did it. With my magic I turned him into a human so he could talk to the people of Berk and then we did it again.

When we went back to the village Stoick was going to kill Toothless but I convinced him not to by sleeping with him and he said that I totally have bigger boobs than his wife. Toothless told the village that the dragons stole food because otherwise this other big queen dragon would eat them instead. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember the way back but I knew I would be able to find the way so I turned him back into a dragon and was able to lead him and the rest of the village there.

When we got there Hiccup attacked first but was totally defeated. "Nooooooo!" Astrid sobbed but I was able to bring him back alive by doing it with him and because I'm so compassionate and pure and passionate. But then the big dragon came!

Luckily I was able to convince it that hurting people and other dragons was bad and it agreed not to do it anymore and then we did it because it's actually a King dragon and everyone lived happily ever after.