Author: RowenaR

Rating: T, probably

Category: Romance/Action

Disclaimer: Stargate belongs to Gekko and… all those other people making money with it. Leverage as well. Not Gekko, that is but... whoever owns it. Anyway, I don't. Honestly. So – I don't own, you don't sue. Deal?

Summary: Evan Lorne and Laura Cadman thought their life would be a quiet one, now that Atlantis is back on Earth... little did they know what awaited them.

A/N: This is the very mean bunny named Fred I'd been writing about in my last few Protect and Survive stories, and I really hope I'll ever finish it. So far I'm at 17 chapters or something and I'm not even close to finishing. It's a monster! Seriously, it is and it's not only my new job (well, or kind of job) that's keeping me from continuing *sighs But I will. I swear I will finish this. And if mac will have to get out the wet noodle of DOOM.

Anyway, as always: Not a native speaker, so please excuse any weird grammatical constructions, run-ons and typos. Feedback will earn you a cookie, flames will roast my marshmellows.

Protect and Survive: The Government Conspiracy Job

"Don't believe the church and state
And everything they tell you
Believe in me, I'm with the high command."

Mike & The Mechanics, "Silent Running"

Prologue

So they're back on Earth. A bit unexpectedly at that. And… with a means of transportation no one ever took into account. Essentially, Atlantis is back home… quite literally. She tries to hold back a sigh at the sight out of their living room window. It's the Golden Gate Bridge alright. She can't quite believe it but then again… it's been only three hours since Carson set Atlantis down in the San Francisco Bay, after a more than bumpy ride.

She shakes her head again. This is just… no, this is really not the homecoming they'd imagined. In fact, Evan and she hadn't been scheduled for leave for another four months at least. So, yes, of course she's damn glad that everything went well and no one died… well, not permanently, anyway.

She's also glad that nothing in the departments she has responsibilities for is in too much of a disarray so she got away with about an hour of cleaning up and getting some order into the minor chaos after arriving on Earth. So now she's just waiting for Evan to find a spare moment and come down because they didn't have the opportunity to see each other since she knew better than to interfere with his work because of something as trivial as "Oh my God, you didn't die, don't to this ever again, you hear!"

Oh, okay, so she'd been worried sick about Evan when he'd been on that Wraith cruiser with the rest of the team but what's new about that? She shrugs, as if to reassure herself that her faith in everything ending well never wavered but deep down she knows… "You know it's strange how that sight never gets old."

Jeez. She almost jumped when suddenly strong arms slid around her waist from behind and a velvety voice that has a teasing undertone to it said that very close to her ear. But, yeah, thank God she could keep her reaction in check so she just leans back against Evan's chest and puts her hands on his. "Admit it, you planned to land her here."

The hands are drawn away and she half turns to see him raise them in self-defense. "Hey, I wasn't even here when Carson put her down. It was all his doing."

"Uh-huh, yeah, right," she says as she fully turns around and he's ready to launch into full snark mode but she just pulls him to her for the kiss she'd been meaning to give him ever since knowing he was back in the city again. And just for today… she'll also forget about the scolding she'd had in her head for just as long.

So after taking what he owed her for all the stunts he probably pulled on the Wraith cruiser he didn't tell her about – and knowing him won't ever tell her – she breaks the kiss and looks at him, unable to withstand the bright grin on his face. "So," she says and licks her lips, just a little bit on purpose, "what do we do now, farm boy?"

He grins again and she's sure he will… "First of all… call our parents, I'd say." What… aw, no. He knew what she'd have on her mind when she saw him grinning like that and he just… she considers giving him a slap to the back of his head that's more than just gentle.

But since she knows he's probably anticipating that, she just smirks and says, "With what? Last time I checked, out-bound calls are not free-for-all here."

He shrugs a little nonchalantly. "Yeah, well, after some intervention… McKay beat some of his slave work… I mean, scientists to solve the issue surrounding cloaking and cell phones. We're free to use them."

Of course she knows she should give him a pat on the head or something because she's sure he had his part in that and it is a big advancement… but yeah, it also means having to call her mom… and talk to her the first time after telling her she got married. Tentatively, she says, "But… we don't have to, right?"

He gives her a look. Very pointed and with that raised eyebrow and all. She tries not to be intimidated by it and thinks she's doing pretty fine. "No, Laura, you will not get around talking to your mother. Not any more than I will get around talking to mine." Well, okay, fair enough. Or… not.

"Your mom is a sane human being. Whereas mine… I'm not quite sure what she is but sane is not part of the description." And now he tries very hard not to laugh at that. She can see that. He's really finding it funny, despite not wanting to.

He even has to clear his throat before saying, "Now, young lady, that's not a nice thing to say about your mother."

Okay… she really, really tries to hold back her thought but… well… "Will it get me a spanking at least?" She even does the innocent eyelash batting and the barely there pout.

As much as he tries to show no reaction to that… she can very much feel one, still being so close to him and everything. Maybe she can delay the Call of Doom just a little longer. She just has to move her fingers through his hair… like that… and place a soft kiss on his jaw… like that… "First call. Then reward." She can't help grinning at that. Brain mush much, Major?

But then he manages to disentangle himself from her – at least not after starting to undo her hair – and put her cell phone in her hand. Wha… he must have scooped it up when he came into their quarters. Her first impulse is to make clear to him just how unwilling she is but he just holds up his index finger, pulls out his own cell phone and starts to dial. Muttering something about bullying Zoomie husbands she does the same and wanders over to the couch.

At first no one picks up and she's half-ready to just hang up but unfortunately, just a moment before she actually does it, her call is answered. "Cadman." Oh damn, it's mom.

She clears her throat and then squares her shoulders, preparing herself for this conversation like she prepares for combat. "Oh, hi mom, it's me, Laura."

One, two, three… "Laura. How nice of you to call." Mh. No fireworks… well, yet. Okay, maybe it won't go as terrible as she thought it would.

"Yeah, uh, well… there've been a few changes with work and uh… it looks like for the time being… we'll be stateside again." Behind her she can hear Evan saying something similar to his mother… only sounding much more believable than she must have sounded.

"Oh really?" Right. Here they go. Mom has this undertone in her voice. On the surface she's all nice and mildly surprised – which is the first hint that she's more than mildly pissed – but underneath that there's a certain chill to her mother's voice. She's in so much trouble right now.

She clears her throat. "Yeah, really. Uh, listen mom…"

"Where are you right now, dear? Colorado Springs?" Yep, very, very deep in trouble. Like way in over her head. Oh fuck.

For a moment, she catches Evan's eyes and frowns at him, indicating that whatever happens now is solely his fault. "Uh, no, not… exactly. We're… we're in San Francisco, mom."

Well, more or less but her mother doesn't need to know that. "Ah, so you decided to visit Evan's family first? You could have phoned us at least, you know." Is it just her or did the temperature in the room just drop a few degrees? Oh, and it looks like Evan just told his mother the same thing… and she's kicking his ass because he didn't rush over immediately. So at least she's not alone.

"No, no, it's not like that, mom. Until now we were… we had some work-related stuff we needed to deal with. Evan's just now phoning his family and…" and she's babbling. Ah damn. Every time her mother uses that tone on her, she feels like a 10-year-old who was caught playing with matches in the backyard.

Also, Evan seems to have heard her babbling. Or at least that's what his amused half-grin is telling her. Grrr. "Work-related, mhm." Argh. Come on, she thinks, just say it. Just say you disowned me for marrying secretly and without the whole hullaballoo you wanted for your little girl and all that. "But it's a good thing you're in San Francisco because see… a while ago – well, actually, shortly after we got that video message about you being married all of a sudden – I talked to Eleanor."

"You did what?" Oh, huh, funny, Evan just said the exact same thing to his mother. And now he's looking at her with an expression that does look a little desperate.

"Oh, no, no, it's absolutely okay." Her mother's tone changed to downright cheerful and for some reason that is much more terrifying than the usual cool note she got when her mother is angry with her but doesn't want to shout. "She's really a very nice woman. We actually agreed on a few things."

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. "Mom…"

But no, her mother is finally where she wanted to get right from the beginning. Oh fuck. "For example that we were both a little… put off with you getting married so far from home. And in your uniforms. Both of you at that." From the other side of the room she can hear Evan grumble into his phone and she's pretty sure that his mom just told him about the same thing. Oh God. What if… what if their mothers planned this, using their Mad Mother Skillz and all that?

"Oh, look, mom, we didn't mean to…"

"No, no, it's alright. We accept that you felt the need for a quiet wedding, with only your closest friends and everything." The hell you do, she thinks but is wise enough not to voice it out loud. "However… since we agreed that as your families we do deserve to have a part in this… we decided to suggest to you to have a second wedding." And by 'to suggest you to' she means 'we order you to'. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. "A stateside wedding, you know."

"No, mom, we can't… I mean… look…" She lost the battle the moment she dialed her family's number; she knows that now. There's really no use in putting up a fight and from the looks of it, Evan knows it as well. He's trying not to go down without one, just as much as she is, but it's really futile.

"Don't worry, Eleanor and I will help you with the planning and everything. How does July sound? A summer wedding would be so nice. Would you prefer Chicago or San Francisco? Or maybe Colorado Springs, in the Academy chapel? We weren't sure what you wanted, seeing that it'll sure be a very formal military wedding and that we'll also need a chapel with lots of room because we have been comparing potential guest lists and…"

Oh God. She needs to act. "Sorry, mom, I think I just lost the connection. Maybe one of the cell towers just went down. No, really, I can't hear you. Really, really sorry." With that, she cuts the connection and after a moment of shock she flings the cell phone away, as if being burned by it.

It's very quiet in the room for another moment and then she feels Evan sitting down next to her. Then, after taking another moment, she turns to him right in the moment he turns to her and they open their mouths at the same time… to say the exact same thing with the exact same mixture of bewilderment and dread in their voices. "We are so screwed."