This was inspired by Bissek's The Night the Ministry Shot Itself in the Foot challenge. By that and my own fanfics on Harry raised by Negima!'s characters. May God forgive me.

by lord Martiya

Timeline note: I used Harry Potter's wrecked timeline to do as I pleased with the time setting of this fic. It starts in september 2002, ten years after Sailor Moon's anime first season.

Minako's Crazyest Secret

The Sailor Senshi headquarter had been used very rarely in the past, and for a good reason: somehow, the ONLY entrance had been placed directly under a game machine, later replaced with the Sailor V Game machine as soon as Artemis decided to use it to train Minako. That flaw had been corrected since Minako and Usagi got the mooncats to buy the place when it was about to close and be replaced with a MacDonald's. Now it was being used more often, and it was currently hosting Haruka and Michiru laughing at Luna, Ami, Rei and Makoto freaking out, as Pluto had just admitted the Black Moon thing and Chibiusa herself had been a 'training prank on her part' and Minako pointed out that Usagi and herself had long caught the thing (Minako pretty much since they went in the future, Usagi since she wondered how the Black Moon survived Uranus and Neptune).

"And that's why I can't trust you with my greatest secret."

Minako's statement stopped the Senshi's freakout.

"YOU have a secret?" Rei asked.

"I'm quite good at keeping them." Minako replied while drinking some tea. "My grandfather would have never found out I am Sailor Venus if Artemis stayed away while he was around, and if I can fool the best of ICPO, I think I can keep any secret I want. I even got Artemis faking I had lost my memory too after the Dark Kingdom affair to keep that secret..."

The other Senshi talked to each other, then decided there was a good chance she was holding something on them and had managed not to slip that out even after Galaxia. Then Minako's communicator rang, and after a quick conversation in English much faster than they could understand the Senshi of Love got up, transformed and started running, donning her mask for the first time in years, screaming like a madwoman and wielding an axe in her hands.

"Where did she took that?" Haruka wondered. "Hey, why are you transforming?"

"When she gets violent, she's as bad as Galaxia during her period." was Luna's answer, as Sailor Moon, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Pluto were too busy chasing Venus to stop and answer.

In the years, many people had identified Sailor Venus as their heroine Sailor V, and had wondered why she had changed outfit. Chiba Mamoru too, as early as he got his memory back after the Ail&An affair-long amnesia. Then, as soon as the two aliens left Earth Venus got him for his capers during the search for the Silver Crystal, and then managed to get him sentenced to a particular variant of forced labor that bringed him in the know.

That forced labor had often got him doing a certain thing during the Senshi Girls Only nights like that, and had just got his Tuxedo Kamen persona in his strangest battle so far. Keep in mind, this is the same Tuxedo Kamen who once attacked an ice monster dressed as Santa Claus only because it was Christmas' week...

"Listen, I'm here ta rescue lil' Harry!" his enemy said.

"Kidnapping, you mean." Tuxedo Kamen replied. "SHE rescued him from your boss, I saw the documents."

In all fairness, Tuxedo Kamen had never faced a grammatically-challenged man too big for being a full human who was still walking in spite of getting hit with twenty of his infamous AP roses and insisted his attempted kidnapping was actually a rescue, and believed what he said too.
"OK, I don't have much time, so ya let me pass or I pass over you." the giant threathened.

Bad move. For the first time in about ten years, Tuxedo Kamen used the electroshock roses.

"It stings, ya moron!"

In moments like that, Tuxedo Kamen wished he listened to Minako, That Man (there was no way he would mention his name) and Mio and kept some explosive rose with himself at any time, instead that keeping the stash ready and growing for the day he would meet Usagi's parents as their future son in law... Well, better call the second line of defence. Artemis and Minako's youma should suffice. And if not, well, Venus had no qualms at using her being the only Sailor Senshi that Tomoe Souichi would trust his daugher with after Pluto's stunt, nor to sick That Man on the intruder.

"HAGRID! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

At that point, Tuxedo Kamen ran away, so he wouldn't risk to accidentally get killed by Sailor Venus. Who was finally donning her mask. And stopped her axe (he wasn't even wondering where she got it) at three cm from Hagrid's nose when he produced a white flag. Clearly this Hagrid wasn't stupid, just grammatically challenged.

"What the hell is going on?" was Sailor Moon question when she, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter reached them.

"Nothing, this guy was just trying to kidnap me." an obviously not-Japanese eleven years old boy armed to the theeth said after popping out from nowhere.

"Harry, what's that?" Venus asked.

"I can't just let Tuxy-ojikun defend me if I'm not ready to fight."

"Right. Well, let's go to my office, everyone."

"Yes, mom."

"You know, you WERE right about not telling them." Artemis stated after appearing and taking a look at Mercury and Jupiter.

Not surprisingly, Moon and Pluto had almost no reaction, as she had long learned to expect even the impossible from her fellow blonde. The others had instead learned only to expect everything remotely possible from her, and so Mercury and Jupiter were freaking out. And Mars...

"I told my grandfather you were involved with Harry Potter's disappearance, but he noo, he wouldn't believe..."

Author note

The McDonald's thing is inspired by a real fact: the Game Center Crown was based on the Pachinko Hall Crown actually existing in the very same area that has since been replaced by a McDonald's. Do you think the Sailor Senshi would actually let it happen in their world?

That's my question about Chibiusa and her future: how did the other Senshi prevented Uranus and Neptune from exterminating the exiles who would become the ancestors of the Black Moon Family? Somebody was due to slip that up (most probably Chibiusa), and knowing those two, there was no way that could happen. That part is even fishier than Doctor Tomoe just letting Setsuna taking Hotaru with her.

Simple fact: every single time Minako got violent, be it in the manga, the anime or the live action, the foe should start praying. Ask that youma who pissed her off and was already dead by Sailor V's punch before getting Crescent Beamed, the DD Girl that was blowed up into pieces or the live action version of QUEEN METALLIA... Yes, Venus got Queen Metallia on the run, and she was dying from an unspecified illness (she would in fact die the following episode, just before undergoing the surgery that could have saved her), so I don't even try and imagine what would have happened if she was fine.

As I said, Tomoe letting Setsuna with her just because is quite fishy. My take is with Sailor Chibi Jennifer (check her website, moonsticks DOT org , for what I mean).