Healing Confinement

Yamato is forced into a psych ward when everyone thinks he's suicidal but even though he doesn't want to kill himself he eventually learns that maybe he really does need the help that has been offered. Implied Taito. Deals with self injury. Might be triggering.

Disclaimer: Do I have to? Oh ok I do not own digimon or the characters from digimon so please don't sue me since this is only a fanfic. I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors I have made since I'm still looking for a beta.

Author's Note: This is an A.U. and Matt and Tai are 17 years old and in grade 12 (American school grade wise since I'm not familiar with the way students are set up grade or year wise in Japan. Does that make any sense? Stupid lack of Sleep) I know I have two unfinished stories on here already that I'm still working on but I had to start this one as well since I felt like writing and it just came and I couldn't stop myself from working on it.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

I sat there on the couch looking down at the floor while the therapist, Dr. Gail I believe is what she said her name was, sat behind her desk observing me and waiting for me to say something. I looked up at her with my messy blonde hair in my face. I'm really beginning not to like not being aloud having hair gel here. Here being the hell hole better known as the Odaiba hospital's psych ward. It's a funny story on how I ended up here maybe I should tell this shrink the truth to set her straight since she probably only knows the lie that the doctors told her. The lie that everyone including my family and friends believe.

"You know I really wasn't trying to kill myself so you can just forget about all this and let me go home now." I told her.

"If you weren't trying to then why did you slit your wrist Yamato?" Dr Gail asked.

"It was an accident." I said not really wanting to say anymore than that.

"An accident? I see then. What about all those other cuts and scars were those accidents too?" She asked me. Just keep your mouth shut. Just stare at the wall. It's none of her god damn business. "If you don't talk to me then I can't help you."

"I don't need help. I fine so you're just wasting your breath lady. This all is just a waste of time. I don't belong in here so why don't you people just let me go home?" I said with the annoyance of being trapped in a place like this in my voice.

"I'm sorry you feel that way but you can't leave until you talk to me and I am sure it is safe for you to leave. So why don't we change the subject, tell me a bit about yourself Yamato." Dr. Gail said. Stupid shrink trying to get in my head well I'm not going to let her.

"Ok. I'm seventeen, go to the local high school, and I'm not suicidal. There I talked to you so can I go home now." I said smirking when she sighed but kept a calm face.

"I suppose that will be all for today. I hope when I see you tomorrow you'll be more willing to talk. I'll take you back to your room now." She said standing up. I followed suit not really wanting to go back to 'my room' but at least it was better than being forced to talk and today I was finally allowed to wear my own clothes instead of that stupid hospital gown.

After I was back safely in the dull boring room with only a bed in the middle of it and a window for the doctors and nurses to look in to check on me, Dr. Gail locked the door behind me. So I went to go sit on the bed and stare out the window watching all the people walk by like I have the last three days since I was here. I let my thoughts drift off and I thought of what everyone else at home would be doing right now. Dad would most likely be at work. He was almost always working these days and hardly at home. He probably doesn't even miss me. Takeru would be hanging out with Hikari and Daisuke while trying not to be worried sick about me. Tai would… you know what I don't care about what he is doing right now it's his fault I'm here in the first place. Stupid Tai had to walk in on me during my 'ritual'. He thought I was trying to kill myself and then freaked out and called 9-1-1 before I could even explain anything. Even if I did explain how hurting myself helps relieve and release the emotional pain he wouldn't understand it and I would still of ended up here. Stupid, stupid Tai but I still miss him. I still love him. I can't stay mad at him though. I know deep down he thought he was helping me. He was scared, worried and didn't know what else to do. I wonder if I'm aloud visitors here. I should ask someone about it at dinner. And with that I laid back and let myself dose off until dinner.

I woke to one of the nurses shaking me awake so they could take me to the cafeteria for dinner and I asked her about having visitors.

"Once the doctor feels you've made enough progress you'll be able to." She said sweetly. I thanked her then grabbed a tray of food and sat down to eat. The food was as expected from hospital food horrible and being watched as I ate it made it even worse. It was probably mostly to make sure that the people with eating disorders were eating and that people wouldn't hurt others or people like me, hurt themselves. I ate quickly so I could get out of there as fast as I could I hated being in the cafeteria even more than I hated being in the shrink's office. The nurse that walked me to dinner walked me to the restroom so I could get ready for bed; she waited outside the door, then back to my room locking the door behind me. I'm beginning to hate not having very much freedom but they told me if I make some more progress I'll be able to walk by myself and go where I want as long as I don't leave the ward. It's not like anyone could leave though since the exit is by the front desk where there is always a nurse and there are alarms that go off if you get too close to the door after visiting hours are over.

I lie down in the uncomfortable bed and found I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned for hours while letting my thoughts go wild which was a mistake to do. I thought of school, well the people at school mostly. The names the called me and the friends I lost once I came out of the closet and openly started dating my best friend Tai a year ago. Tai had been openly gay since starting high school so the names and hate didn't seem to bother him. He always had a smile on his face and didn't let things get to him easily. He is so carefree I wish I could be like him sometimes. He's so strong unlike me. I stupid and weak. I deserve every bit of pain I cause myself. If I was strong like Tai I wouldn't have got caught and sent to be in a place like this. If I was strong like Tai I wouldn't have been cutting in the first place so I wouldn't even have had something to be caught for. I'm pathetic. I need to feel pain. No I don't, not here. I can't risk getting into even more trouble. I can wait until I'm out of here and back home they can't keep me for much longer. But what happens once I get out of here do I really want to keep hurting myself? I have no choice it's the only thing that works I'll have to until I find something better but what if Tai and everyone else start watching me closer? Looks like I just got to hide things better and be more careful. I hate hiding things from Tai it hurts and it makes me want to cut even more.

"UGH this is going to be a long night." I said aloud.

After a few more hours passed I was still wide awake and my thoughts hadn't improved but seemed to do the opposite and got worse much worse. I tried to sit on the floor but after a few minutes ended up pacing the floor. My anxiety seems to be shooting threw the roof and I was starting to get the shakes. It never got this bad before which worried me and made my anxiety even worse. I force myself to sit on the floor hitting my back hard on the metal frame of the bed. It sent an almost calming effect threw my body. I did it again hitting the frame a bit harder this time but it still wasn't enough. My wrist felt like it was on fire. I knew the feeling well it was calling out for my blade. I pulled my sleeve up and looked at the ugly scars that covered my arm when an idea hit me. I started to rub my arm across the metal frame. The metal wasn't sharp so it didn't cut into my skin it was more like a burn but it almost had the same calming effect that cutting did.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A male nurse had grabbed me and pulled me away from the bed and stopped me. I must have been too distracted to hear him enter the room. I looked up at him and noticed two other nurses behind him. "Do I need to put you in restraints?" I looked up at him in a daze. I felt numb, calm and suddenly tired.

"No sir. I'm ok." I answered barely recognizing my own voice.

"You don't seem to be ok." He said then looked at the younger blonde female nurse of the two nurses behind him and gave her a nod and she left the room.

"I am fine. You're not going to restrain me are you?" I asked coming slowly back to my senses.

"No but if I come back to check on you and find you doing something like that again I will. Deal?" He said sternly and I nodded. "Now let me look at your wrist." I held my arm up and he looked it over. "Looks like I caught you just in time no broken skin it's just a little red. Now why don't you go back to bed and try to get some sleep. If you need anything just push the buzzer by the door and either I or another nurse will come to help." After he seen me lay down in the bed he closed the door and I was alone once again but I felt better than before after 'my quick fix.' It wasn't long before I fell asleep and dreamed of seeing Tai again.