New story, Angst:fluff. Read it love. It if anybody else has a talking asshole of a reindeer. Tell them I thought of it first lmao.

Disclaimer: I dont' own twilight. Stephanie M does. and you all know Edward's sparkly ass would be running around that meadow if he were mine.

It was beautiful , and chilly night. Even though the conditions were not favorable, a job still had to been done. It wouldn't be the first time bad weather occurred in the region of the North Pole, and it surely wouldn't be the last. Safety precautions were made as Rudolph was once again selected to lead the way of the journey. While take-off precautions were being taken care of, the elves were just about finishing up the Letter Bag, when the familiar cheery chiming could be heard. No one could miss the loud, bellowing jingles of the sleigh and reindeer bells. The excitement in the room, soared as the tiny workers began to work faster at their mending. A new curious elf ,

not sure of why this bag had such importance for it being so early was confused at the turn of events. " It is not Christmas, why are we making the bags so early?" he asked.

A high, tiny voice from the H.E.I.C informed his curiosity, "Well, the letter bag is the bottomless pit of bags used to collect this years Christmas letters from children to adults alike. Whether or not they believed in Santa Claus, does not stop him from spreading the Christmas cheer and happiness," she said, with a toothy grin, as they continue to sew and sing.

Even though the elves and helpers were at work, not everyone was preparing for a journey. This year was different. This year, after 312 years of service, the most recent Santa, Carlisle, had found the one thing most Santa's his age were never able to find. He had finally found his immortal love. When Carlisle found Esme, it was love at first sight and he wanted to spend every waking minute with her. Technically they were still considered newly weds, though they had married 70 years ago in our time.

Carlisle had decided to retire his Santa disguise and pass it on to the next Santa in line. He wanted more time with his wife and was determined to get it. But there was always another side to his happiness. Fear. The next Santa to take over, was his wild, rebellious nephew Edward. Edward didn't follow a rule given to him, and as a Santa, everything has to be planned, or in human words, the shit could hit the fan.

Although, Carlisle was a bit reluctant to let Edward take over, he had no choice, it was either continue to the job himself and leave Esme, or let Edward who was but 109 years old finally take over. He had chosen the latter and prayed to the heavens, that things went without a hitch; but Carlisle couldn't fight the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong tonight, so he decided to make a few calls to ensure things would go as smoothly as possible for the first time Santa….

3 Hours Later:

Edward had begun to put the finishing touches on the Santa disguise. He absolutely detested putting the vile suit on, but it had to be done. The suit was fitted with magic and would bload up into a fat suit as soon as a warm body entered it. He had a hard time wobbling in it , and cursed the elf that brought him his snow boots a size too small. Once he stood up, he grabbed the last remaining piece of the disguise, his hat. He took one last look at his clean shaven face, and sparkling green eyes. He brought a hand through his shaggy, red mane, and finally deemed himself ready. "Here goes nothing," he said as he placed the hat on his head. The transformation was instant. His face was contorted until age lines appeared on his fore-head and indented in his cheeks. His skin lost the vibrant slightly pink flush and paled. His eyes turned into a twinkling grey as did his hair and eyebrows. He touched his fattening cheeks and sighed with disgust, "why am I doing this again?" he asked himself.

"Simply because I said so, not to mention that you love children also," a hearty voice chuckled. Edward swung around to see his uncle standing in the doorway watching him.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked.

"As I'll ever be," he retorted, as an aged smirk crept across his face.

" Well then boy let's get you going," Carlisle bellowed, as he patted Edward on the back, leading him outside towards the sleigh.

Once they were outside, Edward noticed the wide and yearning smile Esme gave his uncle, yet they had only been apart for a few minutes. He even noticed some of the elves coupling together. A tinge of jealousy over came him, but after 109 years, he was good at hiding the emotion. He yearned to have what they had, but he knew that like most immortals in this business, love was hard to find. Carlisle was the first Santa in 2000 years to have found his misses and everyone couldn't be happier, but it made Edward's heart ache to know, that he may never have the chance to finding his one. He sighed and walked towards the sleigh as everyone gathered around to see him off. He petted the heads of each reindeer, but one. Blitzen. The bastard of the group. Neither he nor Edward could stand each other. Their hatred began at his birth and would end at their deaths. Edward knew that the bastard deer would give him a hard time, but he held the reigns, he'd make sure that he had total control whether Blitzen agreed with that or not. He decided to past over Blitzen, not wanting to start a argument before the journey. He passed him up and showered attention on the rest of the group, but instead of being an understanding gesture, it was taken as humiliation. Blitzen was angered beyond belief. Although he couldn't stand Edward, he couldn't believe he would humiliate him that way, especially in front of his brethren. He'd show that prick of a Santa if that was the last thing he did.

When Edward walked by, Blitzen huffed a strong breath of air, dragged his left hoof back and spat, "Good luck bitch," as his brethren began to laugh.

Edward stopped in his tracks. His body went rigid, and his nostrils flared. He knew the voice of that son of a bitch anywhere. He turned around slowly, narrowing his now grey eyes at the beast who he was considering slaughtering for sausage.

"What did you just say?" he said, through his teeth.

"I said…" Blitzen continued, "Good. Luck. Bitch," he said, emphasizing the last word.

Edward roared with anger and shuffled his now, aged and weighty body towards the animal as fast as he could.

"Bring it on lard ass," Blitzen said, as Edward charged towards him.

" Oh no you don't," Carlisle bellowed, as he and a few workers jumped in to hold Edward back.

" Let me at him, let me at him, I swear I'll mount his head on my-"

"Mantle," they all said, before he could finish.

"Yeah , Yeah, Yeah, Edward we get it, now get in and stay in, You two can fight later, we need to get those list A.S.A.P," Alice said, while strapping him in the sleigh. She gave him a quick hug and left as soon as Carlisle came up.

" Don't mess this up."

"I won't. I'll be back before you know it."

" Good luck, son. Have a safe journey. You too Blitzen, I won't have you mess this up either," Carlisle scolded.

Edward smiled a crooked smile when he saw the reindeer lower it's head and cower. " Check mate bitch," he whispered knowing Blitzen could hear him. The reindeer's eyes light up with fury as Edward composed his smugness and snapped the reins of the sleigh , shouting their names to bring them to attention. After the last name was called, the sleigh was lifted off of the ground and floated away mid-air. Their journey was finally underway.….

Many Hours Later,

The journey went without a hitch and Edward had one last house to go. Despite his fears of disappointing his Uncle, he carried on a safe and productive journey. Pride swelled in his chest as he came upon the last house in Forks, Washington. It was a tiny, white, two story

house, that had a wooden fence that was lit up, along with a red rust bucket that had those lit up candy canes attached to it in the drive-way.

He maneuvered the sleigh, so the reindeer would land as soft as they could , without disturbing the inhabitants of the home.

As soon as he stepped out of the sleigh, his boot landed with a loud thud on the roof top. He silently cursed himself for being so careless.

He took a moment to listen for any stirring and was satisfied to hear nothing other than the breaths of sleep.

Tip-toeing to the chimney he leaned in head first, without looking and took a puff of smoke and ash to the face. He closed his eyes and backed away from the chimney, coughing and hacking. His body moved so sporadically the he didn't register that he was falling off the roof of the house. He tumbled and rolled until he caught himself on the edge of the roof. The reindeer couldn't help but laugh as he dangled off the edge of the roof. "Look at that jackass, he couldn't even tell the chimmey was lit," Donna squealed. Edward scowled as he spied a plant siding on the house were he was. If he could reach it, he could use the holes to get down as a latter.

He reached out and almost lost his grip, but managed to get a firm hold on the open-holed siding.

Had Edward not been wearing the suit, his plan would've worked, but as soon as he put his second foot on the siding, his foot crashed through, and he screamed like a stuck pig. He instinctively let go and flew backwards, landing upside down on the side of the house. He was hanging feet above the ground, holding onto the siding by the cuff of his pants. His heart was in his chest and he couldn't get a good view of his surroundings. His vision had blurred as the blood rushed to is head. The hat had fallen off and he knew he was in deep, doo doo. It was impossible for him to get a grip on anything dangling upside down…..

E.P.O.V (1st person).

"Dammit to hell!" I spat as I heard the snickering of those…those… good for nothing deer. I tried to curl up to see if I could reach something, anything, but it was futile. I was destined to dangle here. I heaved a big sigh, and that turned out to be a mistake. The edge of my pants began to tear under the weight of the suit. I wiggled for a split second, when all of a sudden the snow covered ground was rushing towards me. I tried to break my fall with my arms but I only managed to turn myself. My back and ass, broke my fall and the pain was almost blinding. With all the noise I had created I knew I couldn't just lay there. I needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. I rolled over and felt something wet and soggy on my ass. Before I could even figure out what was going on , that bastard Blitzen let me know exactly what kind of a predicament I had found myself in.

" Look at him, He's assed out!" he howled as I stood up trying to shake the pain from my body. I looked down and saw he was right. Though I should've guessed that by the cold draft that was currently whipping my ass.

" What a idiot! Who in their right mind goes commando in 20 below weather," he cackled.

I put up both hands and flipped him off royalty as they all had their good laugh at my sake.

Even though I was on the ground I could see tears rolling down Rudolf's face as he joined in on my humiliation. " I should gut all of them," I whispered, as I searched for my bearings.

I looked around until I found my pants a few feet away from me. The pants leg was torn but it was still in pretty good condition.

I hurriedly put them on and made my way to the front door. It was locked. I knew that, but I had to try. I tried the backdoor and came up fruitless again. I needed to get this letter or this child would have no Christmas. I couldn't let my Uncle or this boy down.

I began to panic as I tried out all the windows of the first level of the house until I reached the last one.

"Bingo!" I shouted, as I found it was unlocked. It was small but big enough for me to fit in. As I hoisted myself up, I clumsily rolled through the window and fell into the tub. My left ankle banged against the sink with a loud ping. My ankle throbbed and I could've sworn I felt a tear or two leave my eye as I bite my tongue to keep from howling out in pain. I was so mad at how this night had turned, that I threw a bar of soap into the wall, watching it dent and land with a low thud on the floor. I got up and let out a slow breath, calming myself. I straighten up the toiletries on the sink and threw the soap away, it was evidence that someone was there and I couldn't let them find any trace of myself. I opened the bathroom door to see if I had woken anyone but nothing was stirring. When I saw the coast was clear, I headed toward the stairs where the kids list said the child would be, but a tantalizing scent wafted through my nostrils and stopped me cold in my tracks. It smelled like sugar and a slight hint of butter. I followed the smell until I reached the coffee table, where a plate of cookies, and not just any cookies, SUGAR COOKIES, were laid out on the small light brown coffee table ready for molestation.

I dropped to my knees and my tongue wagged out of my mouth at the sight of them. There were Christmas designs in red and green sprinkles on top of each and everyone of them. They. Were. Perfect. I ran my hands softly over them as if they were the most precious things in the world. I didn't not care who they were for. For tonight they were….

"Mine!" I growled, as I ripped the saran wrap from the plate and stuffed the first cookie in my mouth. I moaned at the succulent taste as my taste buds tingled with the sweetness of the sprinkles. The cookies were soft and damn near melted on my tongue. I stuffed one after another into my mouth, groaning; I just couldn't get enough. "Oh , God," I moaned, when I tasted the cookies with the green sprinkles. My body had inched closer and closer towards the plate as I ate. I was so lost in the taste of my guilty pleasure, that I forgot where I was, until I heard the distinct click and sharp snap of a gun.

" I …Was...Fucked….."

Next chapter update. TOmmorow. Liked it? Not your average Christmas FIc? review tell me about it!

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thanks to this stories beta, Cullensmother05 *luv her to bits*