Every Time Is Like the First

By TheBucketWoman

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Degrassi or anything else I reference herein. No profit is being made and no infringement intended.

Chapter Five.

10.

Jay was over-stimulated. Manny knew the signs from all the time she and Emma had spent babysitting Emma's little brother Jack. He sat at the little table with her, Max, and an empty pizza box trying to absorb whatever information they threw his way. He rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands as she stifled a yawn and Max shook his head at both of them.

When Jay looked up again, Max looked at his watch and said, "I'd better head out."

"What time is it?" Jay asked, squinting at a clock on the wall.

"It's almost one o'clock," Max said. "I have a meeting at 9:30 that I can't miss." Jay nodded.

"If you need anything after that, call me," Max said. "I can probably take off at around 11:30 or 12:00 if you want."

"I was thinking," Manny began. "That we'd just relax, see some people, but how bout we meet for dinner? What do you think, Jay?"

"Sure," Jay said, sounding like he was too tired to know what he was agreeing to.

"Sounds like a plan," Max said. Before he left, he clasped Manny's hand and patted Jay's shoulder, the most affection he'd shown since she met him. Anyone could see that he'd wanted to do more, though. Someday, he'd get it together, Manny decided. Of course, if he didn't do it on his own, she'd be happy to push him along.

"Are you staying?" Jay asked, once his father left.

"Yeah," Manny said. "I figured you probably didn't want to be alone."

He nodded, which was good, because she had no intention of going anywhere.

"I just might need your help pulling out the sofa bed," she said. What she really wanted was to climb into bed with him, if only so that she could keep him within reach and be nearby if he needed her. But getting too close so soon would probably creep him out. That made the pullout the best thing for her.

He helped her pull the bed out and looked dubiously at the thin mattress, bouncing his knee on one corner and listening to the creaking sound it made.

"Maybe you should take the bed," he said.

"No," she said. "It's your bed and you're staying in it. The sooner you get used to your apartment, the better."

"But, this thing," he said. "Were you there when I bought it?"

"Nope," she said. "The foldout definitely predates me, but it's not that bad." She said that with what sounded like perfect confidence, but the truth was she'd never slept on the foldout before. Sean had and Spinner had, but she'd never thought to ask them. And she doubted that he'd bought it anywhere, unless it had been a garage sale. More likely, he found it on the sidewalk on trash day. To prove it was okay, though, she climbed onto the bare mattress, lying on her stomach, feet in the air. It smelled like cigarettes, and maybe a little spilled beer, but it could have been far worse. He sat down next to her, then lay back, testing it for himself.

"See?" she asked.

"Eh," he said. "Here's the pole, right in the middle of my back."

"No big," Manny said. "Because I'm not gonna lie across it like this, so it won't be an issue."

"Then I guess we should see if I have some sheets for it," he said, getting up. They started to make the bed but the elastic was dead on the sheet so it kept popping off the corners until they gave up and found themselves lying across it again without fitting the thing in place.

"So," he said. "About that story you said you'd tell me…"

She started talking, telling him about the trip to LA, but it seemed like the story grew tentacles and went in twenty different directions. She told him all about Studz and how he'd ended up playing chaperone, making sure that Peter didn't sneak out of the guys' crappy hotel room to climb into bed with Mia in the equally crappy girls' hotel room.

"That was his girlfriend at the time," Manny explained. "She tagged along and neither of them would leave room for the Holy Ghost if you know what I mean."

Somehow she ended up telling him about Paige and what happened to her at the movie premiere.

"You're fucking with me." It was fast becoming his new catchphrase. Manny figured she'd be hearing a lot of it in the weeks to come.

"Nuh-uh," she said. "You can Google it. She wanted to do the quick flash thing, but she fell and broke her leg. Her skirt flew up."

He shook his head in disbelief.

"Meanwhile flashes went off left and right. And you had to ask five people to tell you what the cross streets were so you could tell the dispatcher where to send the ambulance. I am not making this up."

"Okay."

"You totally don't believe me!"

"I didn't say that."

"I'll prove it," she said, getting off the sofa bed with a creak and pulling her laptop out of her bag. A couple of searches and a Facerange page or two later, he shook his head.

"Damn," he said.

"Told you," she said. She pulled up photos and explained who was who, hoping that might jog his memory. It didn't work. He was attentive and managed to keep the names straight, but remembered nothing about any of them.

"Meh," she said. "Doesn't matter."

He snorted. Of course it mattered, the snort said. She put the laptop on an endtable and stretched out, trying to think of what to say to make him feel better. Everything she came up with sounded stupid in her head.

"Jay," she began.

"I know," he said.

She started to push his bangs off his forehead, but it seemed like too much of a Mommy gesture, so she stopped herself.

"So tell me a little more about some of these people," he said, trying to lighten things up. She came up with a couple of quick Spinner and Emma stories and got him laughing, but somehow in the middle of all of this, they both fell asleep.

By the looks of the sunlight coming through the blinds she woke up late the next morning. Jay slept beside her. Guess he was right about that pole, she thought, wedging her hand under her lower back. Then she looked over at him and it hit her.

She was not supposed to be in bed with him. Okay, she was fully clothed and so was he, but still.

But she'd missed him so much.

But she was supposed to be giving him space, so that he could reacclimatize himself or whatever.

Even with all the guilt and the ache that the pole gave her, she didn't want to move from that spot, and if she hadn't needed to go to the bathroom, she wouldn't have. She slithered off the bed reluctantly, taking care not to disturb him. Not that he was the lightest sleeper. He was on his stomach, face half buried in a pillow. What face she could see was scruffy, puffy eyed and, well, cute. He had the kind of blotto sleepy face that begged to be photographed. Or drawn on. She resisted the urge to smooth his hair out of his eyes again.

He was up by the time she came back into the room. She gave him a guilty look.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said. He sounded muzzy and she knew he would be until he had some caffeine in him.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"God yes," he said, making her giggle.

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah," he said. "Except for this bed." He rubbed at his midsection. "Was I right or was I right?"

"Yeah, okay," she admitted. She started the coffeepot going, then poked her head into his little fridge for milk. After a second, she realized that nobody had been in there in weeks, except to put the pizza away. The milk was now cheese, the sides of the plastic bottle ballooning out. There was multicolored fuzz growing on some leftovers in a plastic-wrapped bowl. Besides some chipotle sauce, browning mustard, and some ketchup packets, there was the leftover pizza from the night before, a few cans of iffy beer and probably still good soda, but that was all.

"Hmm," she said, taking the nasty stuff out and disposing of it, trying not to gag or ew out loud. She closed the fridge door and turned to open some cabinets, finding some powdered coffee lightener. "Jackpot!" She shook the little canister and he nodded.

"So how would you feel about visitors today?" Manny asked as she set the coffee and some pizza in front of him.

"Okay," he said. "Who?"

"I was thinking just Spin and Emma," she said. "But only if you're sure."

He looked at her like she was crazy.

"I mean," she said. "I just want you to be comfortable. If anything gets too weird…"

"If?" he asked. "What do you mean 'if?' What about this hasn't been weird?"

"Yeah, okay," she said. "But weird is still a relative term."

He shrugged.

"You promise to tell me if anything gets to be too much, though, right?"

"Um, okay," he said.

"Seriously," Manny said. "Promise."

"I promise," he said, dutifully, like he hoped she'd shut up.

After they finished eating, Jay got into the shower and Manny had to force herself to stop thinking of joining him in there. She was reminded of this random dream she'd had the night before that had included the two of them singing in the shower with a full orchestra that might or might not have been made up of rubber ducks.

He didn't sing that morning, of course. Manny hadn't really expected him to be in the mood for it, but she missed it all the same.

While she waited for him to get out of there, she checked her phone, finding a couple of texts, including one from Emma that was nothing but question marks. She fired off a text in reply: He's doing okay. Pretty calm. Asks a lot of questions.

That was a problem. He asked way too many questions and it was getting harder to keep the tone positive. Pretty soon they might have to talk about things that she wasn't sure he was ready to hear. It seemed like every story had some element of criminality to it.

She didn't want to lie to him, but she really thought that she should talk to a professional before she started to provide details about who he used to be. Who he'd been in his teens, before he started to really grow up and admit that he cared about other people.

Her phone chimed in her hand so suddenly that she almost dropped it. How about you? Emma wanted to know.

I'm great, Manny lied. Then her phone rang.

"You're so full of it," Emma said.

"Em," Manny said. "I'm fine."

"If you say so," Emma said. "So what are you guys doing today?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you and your lovely husband would maybe come over later."

"Sure," Emma said. "Awesome. I'll bring some groceries."

Manny tried to talk her out of going to any trouble, but…

"Oh please," Emma said. "It's Jay. In the best of circumstances he only keeps beer and instant coffee in the house."

"There was also some furry meat in there," Manny said. "Looks like it might've been Sloppy Joe. But I can take care of it." But Emma seemed to have put her bossy boots on and wouldn't take no for an answer. Truth be told, Manny wasn't exactly looking forward to grocery shopping anyway so she eventually stopped arguing.

"So how's four o' clock sound?" Emma asked.

"Perfect."

When Jay came out of the shower, smelling of steam and soap, he went directly to the bedroom and called out "It's all yours," the same way he would have any other day (or at least, any day she didn't climb in there with him). It probably wasn't a good idea to assign significance to that, as much as she wanted to. It just seemed so familiar.

Her eyes stung, and she blinked them a few times. He's here, she reminded herself. And he's gonna be okay. This didn't stop her from full-out sobbing in the shower. When she got out, she tried to blame her red eyes on shampoo, but he didn't buy it, tried to apologize. This just made her cry some more. It was just so horrible to see him looking at her all big-eyed and worried, like a kid, when the old Jay practically needed to be standing at the gates of Hell before he even thought to cop to any wrongdoing.

And, obviously none of this was even his fault this time.

"No," she squeaked. "No. It's okay. I'm j-j-just…" He put an awkward hand on top of her head and somehow that led to her resting her head on his chest while she cried it out.

Great, Manny, she berated herself. Fuck it all up again. You are supposed to be comforting him, dumbass!

"I'm so sorry," Manny said when she was done. "Gawd, I'm an idiot. I was just so…I dunno…"

"S'okay," he said. His arms were around her, stiffly, like he was afraid to really touch her. She realized much later than she should have that she was only wearing a towel and that this might have contributed to his discomfort.

Sure enough, she looked up at him and saw that his face was red and he was having a hard time knowing where to look. "Oh shit," she said, looking down at herself. "I'm just gonna go put some clothes on and make this all a little less ridiculous, okay?"

"Sure," he said.

Manny thanked God she never even considered nursing as a career option because she was setting a new record for inappropriateness.

Could be worse, she thought as she wiggled into some jeans and one of his t-shirts. At least the towel didn't slip. She took a second to picture that and then tried to imagine what she'd say to Max when he came over later and found his son catatonic on the pullout. Why did anyone trust her enough to leave her alone with him? Surely she was doing more harm than good.

"Okay," she said, coming back into the living room fully dressed. "Please believe that I'm not usually like this."

"Like what?" he said. He was flipping through a magazine from the end table, trying to act natural.

"Like Slutzilla," she said. "From Planet of the Hoes."

"Planet of the Hoes?" he asked. Some Jay-esque comments about that ("How's the weather there this time of year?" "Is it a long trip to the Planet of the Hoes, because I got some vacation time saved…") entered Manny's head, but the Jay in front of her just smiled uncertainly.

"Yeah, well," Manny said.

"It wasn't that bad," he said.

"Yeah, it was," Manny said. "It's like I know a lot more about you than you know about me right now and that means that all this touchy-feely-grabby is not okay."

"But you're usually touchy-feely-grabby, right?" he asked. "Seems like you are."

"Li'l bit," Manny said.

"Uh-huh. And we're close enough that you usually stay here, right?" Jay asked. Manny nodded.

"We've seen each other naked?"

"Yeah," Manny said. "We were engaged at one point."

" Really?" he asked. "And we're not now?"

"We weren't ready. We broke up," Manny said, hoping he didn't ask for details. If he did ask, she guessed she'd have to tell him, but she really didn't want to discuss such unpleasantness just yet. "A few months after that, we got back together. I come back up here whenever I can to be with you and you put up with a lot of long-distance nonsense for me."

"Okay," he said, after a long, awkward pause during which Manny berated herself for weirding him out again.

"Well…um…" he continued. Finally, he said, "How bout I just let you know when it's too much?"

"Sounds fair," she said. "So. About the hugging…"

"The hugging is good," he said.

"I'll just make sure I have clothes on when I feel the urge to glomp."

He chuckled a little. "Glomp. Why do I get the feeling I'm gonna need a Manny-to-English dictionary?"

"Nah," she said. "The immersion method works best."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said. "So what's next?"

"Not clue one," Manny said. Jay seemed to consider this for a second.

"Well, shit," he said. "Good to know someone's in charge." It cracked her up.

11.

After class, Emma went to the Dot. She talked to Spin and between them they decided that she'd go over to Jay's first and he'd join her as soon as his shift ended. She meant to just pop in for five minutes on her way to the store, but she got held up first by Peter then by what felt like everyone else in the world.

Peter didn't do well with suspense. He saw her and came right over, asking if she'd spoken to Manny yet. What did she say? Was Emma going to see them? Did they need anything? He managed to ask all the pertinent questions without mentioning Jay by name. Emma thought that was a little weird once she noticed it, but even with both Peter and Spin taking that precaution, Sav heard Manny's name and asked how things were going with Jay, which made Holly J's ears perk up.

"Oh my God! You saw him?" she yelped. "How is he?" Everybody stared at her.

"What?" Holly J. asked, composing herself. "I used to work here, remember? I've served his hung-over ass more coffee and French fries…" They kept staring until she rolled her eyes. "Maybe I wanna know how he's doing, okay?" she said. "Jeez!"

Emma and Spinner gave a warning look to Peter, who looked like he was just dying to say something that might cause Sinclair style hellfire and damnation to rain down upon them. He kept his mouth shut.

"Thanks, J." Spinner said. "We'll let you know when we know more, okay?" She nodded.

When Chantay Black showed up and started asking questions, Emma groaned. Jay was a hot topic. Apparently word about him had gotten around and a lot of people had streamed the video of him on the 'net, so there would be trouble keeping things under wraps.

It was amazing. A guy could hang around for years, become known to most of the young'uns only as Spinner's friend (or as Emma heard Alli Bhandari refer to him, Scruffy McBackwardhat) but have something happen to him and suddenly everyone's interested. Only a very select few of them really seemed to care about his actual welfare, though. There were Sav, Peter, and Holly J. of course, but there was also this one kid, Eli his name was, who told Emma about how Jay towed his car a couple of times, and had hooked him up with a wholesale dealer so he could buy parts and fix the thing himself to save some money.

"It's not that big of a deal, but he's a pretty cool guy and when I saw him on the news…" he said.

The kid looked like he was at a loss for words. Emma nodded to show she got it.

"Anyway, I'm really glad to know that you guys found him."

"Wait," Sav said. "He's the one who saved Morty?"

"Oh God," Holly J. groaned.

"Morty?" Emma asked.

"That gigantic eyesore of a hearse across the street," she said. "He calls it Morty. The same way some guys name their privates…"

Eli looked at her like she'd just slapped his Mama.

"Don't you have a bus to catch?" Eli asked. Sav snorted, which made Holly J. glare at him. Emma decided to beat it out of there while they were bickering.

After what felt like about ten years, Emma finally climbed Jay's rickety stairway and knocked on his door.

"Who is it?" Manny asked.

"Strippergram," Emma replied.

"Hope you didn't forget the whipped cream this time." Manny said, opening the door. This was a typically Manny thing to say, but the way she grabbed Emma, making her drop the grocery bags, and pulled her into a rib-crushing hug it was pretty clear that she was not feeling all that Mannyish. Emma pulled back and looked her friend in the eye, making her best attempt at the Everything-Is-Going-to-be-Alright look. She wasn't sure she had the skill. It was something she felt she should have picked up, having lived with Archie Simpson and one Gavin Mason, two absolute masters of the look.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Manny said.

"Where is he?"

"In the bedroom," Manny said. "Doing computer stuff."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Manny lied through her teeth.

Emma narrowed her eyes.

"Okay," Manny said. "We had a fight. Like a mini-fight. A tiff, or something. Not that big a deal."

Emma decided she'd get it out of her later.

"So let's do this," Manny said. Then she called out for Jay.

"You decent?" Emma called, almost expecting a "bite your tongue, woman!" in response, but he came into the tiny living room without a word and locked eyes with her for a second, giving her a shaky smile before deciding that the floor was safer to look at.

She made the first move, shruggingly introducing herself and offering her hand, which he took and squeezed just like he was supposed to. And his hands were perfectly steady, thankfully. The one thing Emma got from watching the news video with Manny the twenty-six times they did, besides the relief of seeing him alive of course, was the way his hands shook and his voice cracked on the video. He wasn't a hundred percent yet, but looked so much better than he had on the news.

"I'm gonna go ahead and put this stuff away," Manny said, after watching them stare at each other for a few seconds.

"So," Emma began. "Um…"

"You…" she tried again. "I…"

"Why don't you have a seat?" he asked

"Itsreallygoodtoseeyou," she blurted, at the same time. Then there was a flurry of You go firsts and go aheads.

"Emma, sit down," Manny said over her shoulder. "Jay, say thank you."

"Um…thank you," Jay said, gesturing at the couch again. Emma perched on the end of it and Jay sat on the other side.

"It's usually best to do what she says," Emma said.

"Damn right," Manny said.

"I'm starting to get that idea," Jay said, cracking another shaky smile.

"Took you long enough," Manny sing-songed.

"Manny!" Emma said, but Jay laughed.

"Wait," Manny said, holding up a box of Kraft dinner that she'd been putting into the cabinet. "I take it back. It only took a day for him to catch on this time around. Took months last time, more than a year even."

"What can I say?" Jay said. "I'm a genius."

"Pretty fly for a white guy," Manny said. She brought out cans of soda, putting them out on top of some CD cases that were on the table. Jay wasn't a coaster kind of a guy.

"So what'd you guys do all day?" Emma asked.

Jay shrugged. "Hung out. Did some computer stuff."

"You guys get in touch with the bank?" Emma wanted to know. They never did find his wallet.

"Yeah, we did," Jay said.

"He got lucky, considering" Manny said. "I mean, there was bubkes in the checking, but his savings were untouched." She gestured at Jay with her glass. "Another reason why you should always listen to me. The savings account was a great idea. You'd still be stashing your cash in the closet if you had your way."

He looked at her in disbelief and Manny seemed to realize that she'd crossed the TMI line and probably not for the first time. Emma braced for the yelling to start. If there was one thing the two of them were good at, it was fighting. Their fights turned downright operatic.

Jay took a breath, let it out, and took a sip of his soda. Emma's eyebrows shot to the hairline.

"What?" Jay asked.

"Nothing," Emma said.

"Seriously, what is it?"

"I can't believe I just said all that. I just totally channeled my dad," Manny broke in. "I'm such an asshat. I'm sorry."

Jay wrinkled his nose and flapped his free hand in a no big deal gesture.

"But…" Manny said.

"It's nothing," Jay said, a little sharply.

Emma studied her fingernails.

"Sorry," Jay said.

"No," Manny said. "I'm—"

It was going to be a long night.