Disclaimer: I do not own –man.

Summary: Life is never the same without him. Damn, I was the one who threw him yet I'm the one who's hurting the most.

A/N: I'm just trying to sleep. That's all. But I unfortunately, I couldn't. So, here's the result. A poor excuse for attempting to write a drabble-length fic concerning Kanda's painful experiences. XD Oh, how I love to torture him!

Unbeta'ed.

"If only.

Those must be the two saddest words in the world."

Mercedes Lackey

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Everyday's been the same.

I was always wearing the ring that he gave me in our first anniversary, remembering how brightly he smiled at me while holding my hand and literally beaming with happiness.

It's been like this for almost three years.

All I have now are just goddamn memories.

It has been three years since he left me. Or rather, since I wronged him.

I always tested his patience. His love. Or how many times he could forgive me – or how many heartaches he could abide just to be with me.

I was always testing him.

I always thought he could leave anytime, break up with me and I wouldn't care at all.

But how wrong I was.

How dreadfully wrong I was.

And finally, yesterday, I saw him.

After years of searching, fate has allowed me to see him at last.

Only to find out that he's doing well without a bastard like me.

If you think that was all of it, let me say this; you're fucking wrong.

Because as much as it hurts seeing him happy without me beside him, the fact remained that it was utterly excruciating to see him holding somebody's hand other than mine – interlocking his digits to someone other my rugged and bony ones.

If only Kanda just swallowed his pride as he watched his retreating figure back then.

If only he conveyed his feelings to him as it should be.

If only he could turn back the time.

If only...

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;

it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."

Sydney Smith